Certified Nonce modifications

[Erebus]

How about these coloured brace bars behind the grille on a lot of chav spec BMWs?  Often paired with the grille stripes and usually dodgy number plates etc....

[sierraman]

Given the number of BMWs I seem to see on the hard shoulder, presumably reflecting on what a brilliant car they have and perhaps taking a moment to think about all the great achievements they’ve accomplished, the strap to tow it away looks like quite a useful mod. 
 

One thing that grates my fucking gears is Performance Ford on things, number plate surrounds, kick plates etc on a base spec car. It’s all obviously tat from Aliexpress. 
 

[worldofceri]

Speaking of which, I’m considering getting a set of these from Ali Express for Mrs_WO’C’s Honda, because the reflectors set into the back bumper have inexplicably* fallen off.

For a tenner delivered, wcpgw?  (Apart from getting ‘labelled’ of course.)

* possibly something to do with twice reversing into the driveway gate.

[JJ0063]

  On 26/07/2024 at 12:53, Erebus said:

How about these coloured brace bars behind the grille on a lot of chav spec BMWs?  Often paired with the grille stripes and usually dodgy number plates etc....

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😂😂

[hairnet]

  On 26/07/2024 at 11:10, Jazoli said:

Have we had wind deflectors yet? 

Utterly pointless things, normally found on VAG shite with illegal wankey 4d plates with a cloud of strawberry vape juice seeping out of the cracked open window.

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  On 26/07/2024 at 11:14, JJ0063 said:

😂

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@Dave_Q all over?

( Joke dave i know you like vag stuff)

[Dave_Q]

My S3 came with wind deflectors and I put them in the bin, your kids are safe from me.

[wuvvum]

My C Class came with wind deflectors and I've left them on there - they're quite useful because they allow me to leave the windows slightly down to help keep the interior temperature within reasonable limits (black leather and broken aircon) without risking it getting soaked by one of the sudden downpours that have become such a feature of this "summer".

[JJ0063]

In my defence it was Mrs JJ asked for the wind deflectors so we can have the windows cracked for the dogs 😂

My front tints are illegal but it’s weirdly when it rains they look way darker. Day to day they don’t look massively blacked out but were certainly darker than id asked for. 
 

The yellow V bars I now feel like I ought to remove, I think I’m too old for it all now!

[hairnet]

  On 26/07/2024 at 14:11, Dave_Q said:

 your kids are safe from me.

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Unless theyd listen to you talk about scooters 

Then they'd fall over asleep

[Supernaut]

I also find wind deflectors useful on the sort of shit I drive which inevitably has broken air conditioning.

I have some on order for the Megane right now...

[sierraman]

  On 27/07/2024 at 08:01, Supernaut said:

I also find wind deflectors useful on the sort of shit I drive which inevitably has broken air conditioning.

I have some on order for the Megane right now...

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I’ve only ever had one car with working air con, I think I’m just used to not having it now! At the money I pay for them it’s the least of your worries. 

[Imhotep]

  On 27/07/2024 at 08:01, Supernaut said:

I also find wind deflectors useful on the sort of shit I drive which inevitably has broken air conditioning.

I have some on order for the Megane right now...

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Came here to say this, they’re great if it’s raining and the windows are starting to fog up a bit and you don’t fancy getting wet. I need some for my BMW until I sort the AC. 

[stuboy]

Tinted plate... diamond cut plate on a porka...

[Dobloseven]

  On 26/07/2024 at 09:41, JJ0063 said:

😂

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That canoe looks well dodgy."C'mon kids,let's get you out those wet clothes!".......

[MantaGTE85]

I use wind deflectors on my Grande Punto. Only over the front glass though. I'm the only person who's ever been in my car, so there is no need to have them over the back windows.

[egg]

  On 26/07/2024 at 14:24, JJ0063 said:

The yellow V bars I now feel like I ought to remove, I think I’m too old for it all now!

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You're fine JJ, AS is a broad church with only two points of doctrine, thou shall worship the Lonsdale YD41, and thou must declare 'all vauxhalls are shit' before each petrol fill-up.

[Timewaster]

Did anyone else just look at this thread to see if they had any of the featured mods?

[Metal Guru]

  On 28/07/2024 at 11:16, Timewaster said:

Did anyone else just look at this thread to see if they had any of the featured mods?

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I’ll admit to a loud exhaust but it doesn’t do pops and bangs.

I also have red brake callipers but that’s rust rather than paint.

[Timewaster]

  On 20/07/2024 at 15:27, Spiny Norman said:

Question: Do car mods like that attract the opposite sex at all? I've only ever seen other spotty teenage boy oafs show any kind of appreciation for these things in Maccy Ds car parks, the lasses are elsewhere.

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Not modified, but I had a Sapphire Cosworth for several years and remained single for most of them.

It did not impress girls one little bit.

It was however a massive wanker magnet.

"My sister's boyfriends uncle had one with 800 horse power and they had to send a police helicopter to catch him" etc etc etc. Yawn.

[Metal Guru]

  On 28/07/2024 at 13:05, Timewaster said:

Not modified, but I had a Sapphire Cosworth for several years and remained single for most of them.

It did not impress girls one little bit.

It was however a massive wanker magnet.

"My sister's boyfriends uncle had one with 800 horse power and they had to send a police helicopter to catch him" etc etc etc. Yawn.

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I think the last paragraph was lifted from the Inbetweeners .

[warren t claim]

  On 28/07/2024 at 13:05, Timewaster said:

Not modified, but I had a Sapphire Cosworth for several years and remained single for most of them.

It did not impress girls one little bit.

It was however a massive wanker magnet.

"My sister's boyfriends uncle had one with 800 horse power and they had to send a police helicopter to catch him" etc etc etc. Yawn.

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[JJ0063]

Fuck sake 

 

[sierraman]

  On 28/07/2024 at 13:05, Timewaster said:

Not modified, but I had a Sapphire Cosworth for several years and remained single for most of them.

It did not impress girls one little bit.

It was however a massive wanker magnet.

"My sister's boyfriends uncle had one with 800 horse power and they had to send a police helicopter to catch him" etc etc etc. Yawn.

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I think that’s specifically Fords. There’s some unwritten rule somewhere that says when you see one at a car show you MUST have on hand an anecdote around them or a little known fact*.
 

The more outlandish and exuberant the better, even if your dad had a crappy 1.6 EMAX you need to tell others that it was a one off Cosworth estate made specifically for your dad who was a milkman at the time. It outran a Police Helicopter on the Chingford bypass and could do 0-60 in sub 5 seconds thanks to a cylinder head that was modified by Bob Carolgees. It had a bronze phallus mounted on the roof that had been posed with by numerous local women and appeared in Max Power three or four times in an unprinted issue that no one can now find. While you are regaling this story you also must be playing about with your scrotum in your pockets. 
 

Another top tip I like was to always, if you anything less than a Ghia/RS/ST ideally loudly and within earshot of the owner decree how wank it is that it’s only an LX. If you can try and explain how you’d fit some 18 inches and some Morettes. 

[New POD]

  On 14/08/2024 at 09:07, JJ0063 said:

Fuck sake 

 

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That's actually quite clever. 

[New POD]

I've just been given a 1 month ban from piston heads for suggesting the owner of it was  living a...mo'ng.st us.  

I know it's not polite to call someone a mong, but hey, look at the screws...

I don't imagine the owner is a nonce.  Just insane. 

[sierraman]

Discreet self tappers. Excellent. 

[Dick Cheeseburger]

 Give the owner some credit. They could have used plasterboard screws to attach the swathes of plastic. However, they clearly want a high quality outcome and appear to have selected stainless fixings. The owner must be a connoisseur of barrying. 

 

[grogee]

  On 14/08/2024 at 09:42, sierraman said:

I think that’s specifically Fords. There’s some unwritten rule somewhere that says when you see one at a car show you MUST have on hand an anecdote around them or a little known fact*.
 

The more outlandish and exuberant the better, even if your dad had a crappy 1.6 EMAX you need to tell others that it was a one off Cosworth estate made specifically for your dad who was a milkman at the time. It outran a Police Helicopter on the Chingford bypass and could do 0-60 in sub 5 seconds thanks to a cylinder head that was modified by Bob Carolgees. It had a bronze phallus mounted on the roof that had been posed with by numerous local women and appeared in Max Power three or four times in an unprinted issue that no one can now find. While you are regaling this story you also must be playing about with your scrotum in your pockets. 
 

Another top tip I like was to always, if you anything less than a Ghia/RS/ST ideally loudly and within earshot of the owner decree how wank it is that it’s only an LX. If you can try and explain how you’d fit some 18 inches and some Morettes. 

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The above is why I went to the Ford Fair once, and once only. 

[sierraman]

  On 14/08/2024 at 10:13, Dick Longbridge said:

 Give the owner some credit. They could have used plasterboard screws to attach the swathes of plastic. However, they clearly want a high quality outcome and appear to have selected stainless fixings. The owner must be a connoisseur of barrying. 

 

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At least 6 tubes of Gripfill will be holding that together. 

[sierraman]

  On 14/08/2024 at 10:18, grogee said:

The above is why I went to the Ford Fair once, and once only. 

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I once went to one at Santa Pod, it made me want to get into something else completely like gardening.