Certified Nonce modifications

[Dave_Q]

Do you ever see something on a car that makes you think the driver is on a special list? Not allowed near schools, that sort of thing?

Not sure if this is even allowed as a thread in 2024 but let's see how we get on.

My first nomination is the wanky "chameleon" windscreen tint:

I see a lot of these driving around nowadays and the one thing it makes me think is that the driver has a burner Instagram account his wife/girlfriend doesn't know about that he uses to send aubergine emojis to 14 year olds from the local comprehensive school.

Lumped in this category, although perhaps marginally less bad is big stickers with writing up the side or in the middle of the windscreen.

If you have one of these, especially if it brags about being antisocial like "locally hated" or "durty diesel" then your girlfriend is at least 2 years below the legal age of consent.

Any other suggestions?

[hairnet]

pop and bang map

 

[Sham]

Pop bang maps on leased base model BMW, Audi or hot Fords.

[Sham]

2 minutes ago, hairnet said:

pop and bang map

 

 

1 minute ago, Sham said:

Pop bang maps on leased base model BMW, Audi or hot Fords.

Jinx!

[CaptainBoom]

Why the typeface?  Does that make it appear sophisticated to 14 year olds?  And yes, it does attract attention, usually from the police

[egg]

 

[LightBulbFun]

well we know what the forum software thinks at least, Sorry @Kiltox! LOL

[Spiny Norman]

Another vote for these stupid Brappp-app-app-app exhausts. There's one round here on a white Aldi A1, I'm guessing a 1 litre which is driven by the classic wannabe drug dealer twat. It sounds like Ott Tänak braking from 100 into a hairpin as he lifts off for the 30mph limit on his black box.

Question: Do car mods like that attract the opposite sex at all? I've only ever seen other spotty teenage boy oafs show any kind of appreciation for these things in Maccy Ds car parks, the lasses are elsewhere.

[beko1987]

1 hour ago, Dave_Q said:

Do you ever see something on a car that makes you think the driver is on a special list? Not allowed near schools, that sort of thing?

Not sure if this is even allowed as a thread in 2024 but let's see how we get on.

My first nomination is the wanky "chameleon" windscreen tint:

I see a lot of these driving around nowadays and the one thing it makes me think is that the driver has a burner Instagram account his wife/girlfriend doesn't know about that he uses to send aubergine emojis to 14 year olds from the local comprehensive school.

Lumped in this category, although perhaps marginally less bad is big stickers with writing up the side or in the middle of the windscreen.

If you have one of these, especially if it brags about being antisocial like "locally hated" or "durty diesel" then your girlfriend is at least 2 years below the legal age of consent.

Any other suggestions?

The merc in your top image all day long, then when you look closer all the tyres are bald 😂

Currently mine is fucking ev's who pull out into lane 3 keeping to their 67mph speed 😡 fuck off and leave l3 to the people who don't have range anxiety... 

I keep an eye out for them now wafting up lane 3 with the entire world behind them and pull out leaving what I would call a reasonable gap, but one that causes their radar cruise (which is always on as these people don't seem to be able to drive without it) to drop their speed sharply to keep the gap! Then fuck off into the distance merging back into lane 1 leaving them once again looking like a twat in lane 3 with an empty lane 2 and 1

[egg]

2 minutes ago, Spiny Norman said:

Do car mods like that attract the opposite sex at all?

I think they are maybe designed to annoy 'old before their time' neighbours like me when they head off for their shift at 6am.

[Lord Sterling]

Round here where I live, it's either the pop and bang maps or generally the "holes in the exhaust" type mod that can't be doing anything great for engine, they sound utterly loud.

There's some twat around here who keeps driving into town in his utterly wrecked BMW F30 hardtop. He revs his car hard had he drives about and his exhaust sounds like it's half missing/loose/corroded off.

Stuff like this tends to shout out "I'm need of attention" type twerps.

My own car is slightly throaty but not bloody loud.

[Dave_Q]

25 minutes ago, Spiny Norman said:

Another vote for these stupid Brappp-app-app-app exhausts. There's one round here on a white Aldi A1, I'm guessing a 1 litre which is driven by the classic wannabe drug dealer twat. It sounds like Ott Tänak braking from 100 into a hairpin as he lifts off for the 30mph limit on his black box.

Question: Do car mods like that attract the opposite sex at all? I've only ever seen other spotty teenage boy oafs show any kind of appreciation for these things in Maccy Ds car parks, the lasses are elsewhere.

I have a 15 year old daughter and have asked her thoughts on pop and bang remaps before, she's not keen.

I suspect the only thing you can attract with one is other remap nonces and perhaps under age boys if that's your bag.

[DSdriver]

Pop bangs fortunately seem to have become unfashionable around here. My nerves are slowly starting to recover.

Which leaves me wondering if they got fixits from the police , failed their MOTs or maybe just grew up a bit.

[Sham]

Some people like to be the centre of attention and others like to save the money to spend on their dates.

The girls, even the teenage ones, know this.

The men pulling into bike meets revving the engines are always the ones that arrive on their own and only hang around with other like 'minded' people. The quiet types either bring girls with them, have rings on, or talk to the girls that arrive alone.

I'm convinced the show offs only attract other show offs. And in the case of the opposite sex, they only stay until a bigger show off appears - they all just want to have the most people fawning over them.

[Lord Sterling]

35 minutes ago, Spiny Norman said:

Question: Do car mods like that attract the opposite sex at all? I've only ever seen other spotty teenage boy oafs show any kind of appreciation for these things in Maccy Ds car parks, the lasses are elsewhere.

I suspect not. Looking deeply into it, you'll find it to be like a "peacock" affect; those pluming the biggest and brightest feathers to attract the opposite sex whilst simultaneously not understanding that it's not about having a cheap 1.0 Fiesta/Audi A1 with pop bang mods and stupid Halford wheels but the just the sheer attempt to be differently the same as everyone else.

That in itself is a scream for attention.

[beko1987]

We get the occasional child in a 15 year old golf doing wheelspins and donuts on the bypass. I pulled out behind one once and realised it was such a badly lowered car he had to crawl over the speed bumps and wouldn't go over the broken road surface, but waited u till he could drive around it. He glared at me as I overtook him, finally caught me up 4 miles later when he could go fast without bottoming out. I remember visibly laughing at him and got the finger back, I don't think he liked me showing him up in the Xsara... 

[martc]

A decade ago daughters 1 and 2 used to point out 'Barries' and snigger at them, with very little prompting from me. They (the daughters) were in their mid teens; so natural selection was well and truly at work back then; and now I wager.

 

[egg]

Am I rong, or surely does the unburnt fuel in the exhaust that causes the pops and bangs surely damage the catalyst?

[hairnet]

54 minutes ago, Lord Sterling said:

 

My own car is slightly throaty and fits into this category

*runs

[Dave_Q]

1 minute ago, egg said:

Am I rong, or surely does the unburnt fuel in the exhaust that causes the pops and bangs surely damage the catalyst?

Yes, the majority will be running no cats. If they do still have a cat, they won't have soon.

[SiC]

6 minutes ago, egg said:

Am I rong, or surely does the unburnt fuel in the exhaust that causes the pops and bangs surely damage the catalyst?

Burns the valves out too. If there is a turbo in the exhaust flow, that doesn't particularly like having a shockwave thrown at its turbine either.

[hairnet]

gel and tinted plates

[Dyslexic Viking]

We have some of the Norwegian Redneck community in the area and they make me wonder.

The worst was a  Ford Econoline painted in a terrible camouflage pattern with Tal and US military lettering/emblems all over and of course the obligatory confederate flag.

I often have an old rusty US pickup with a loud exhaust and confederate flag pass my house.

I'll have to start trying to get some pictures taken.

Edit, found images of that Econoline.

 

 

Edited August 7, 2024 by Dyslexic Viking
Deleted photos

[Missy Charm]

'Buckle up kids, we're going to uncle's fun shack!'  

[17-Coffees]

Sticker with personal social media account names on...

Aye, because I'm invested on your 'build' with a factory spec 'AMG-M///-RS' line thats been rebadged, pop-N-bang mapped and has a new set of alloys that's identical to everyone else who's doing it.  

 

'4D' numberplates...

Which almost always have stupidly bright white numberplate bulbs fitted as well. 

 

And chances are the above two are on a car just like the one in the first post. 

[Rust Collector]

4d plates definitely have a ‘I’m in my mid 20’s and my only hope of losing my virginity is by finding an impressionable 15 year old ’ vibe to them.

[Dave_Q]

While we're on plates, the ones with the corners cut off for no reason are absolutely certi noncewear. Double points if also 4D, obvs.

These ones with the colour behind the letters are also on the list.

I'd go as far as to say if you have a 4D carbon effect plate with the colour backed letters and the corners cut off, you should be locked up immediately in the interest of public safety.

[mintwth]

What about modified vans? 

 

[Split_Pin]

I've seen a weirdly high number of cars with those chameleon windscreens and it always reminds me of the Billy Connolly joke about the man with a Reliant Robin and a prescription windscreen 😂

BMWs with electrical tape on the front grille to mimick M Sport* colours.

VAG TDIs with stupidly loud intake and exhaust systems. My A8 seems to make these types try to show off for some reason, even though I'm doing 65 in the slow lane and not responding ....

[sierraman]

Raised 3D plates, proper fucking naff.

Painted brake drums in red

Chrome accessories 

Lexus lights

All signs of chronic boredom, a bit like when people have tattoos that aren’t all in sync if that makes sense, where there’s multiple small ones done seemingly at random. No theme to it at all just a window into the chaotic mind they have.