The grumpy thread

[cort16]

old cars r shit. I spent the afternoon welding up the big hole in the floor of the sd1 and it rewarded me by conking out about 500 yards from my house. It's not getting fuel so I think the fuel pump's chucked it. I was supposed to be taking it to a show tomorrow. Not anymore!

[andrew e]

To diagnose any problems just connect it to a ‘Charles Babbage analytical engine’ via the local telephone exchange and read off the fault codes. “Hello Caller. The fault code you have requested is ‘P0053’: Loss of British sovereignty in Indiaâ€Â

 

Herr Boll's you BARSTEWARD. I have just had a "or near offer" death experience involving the above post and large toblerone

[retrogeezer]

frigging weather for tomorrow looks awful.

[Mr Lobster]

A minor grump compared to some but I'm still pissed off so what the hell -

 

Wondering if I should sell my R4. Don't want to but I'm fed up of never getting chance to use it. Wanted to go to Chumley / Arley / Northwich today but as youngest child spent the night being ill (and awake) thats a no go now. Half the weekends through summer I'm working at other shows so hardly ever get chance to get to a show that I actually want to go to.

 

Doesn't help that I've just seen one of the neighbours rumbling off somewhere in his Mk2 Escort.

[Mr Lobster]

frigging weather for tomorrow looks awful.

 

Just looked, it does a bit doesn't it.

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/weather/cw9

[Partridge]

I hate children. All they over do is be sick, trash your car and eat.

[vulgalour]

Cars are better than children because... you don't get your cars taken off you if you shut them in a garage for months on end.

[Negative Creep]

Cars are better than children because... you don't get your cars taken off you if you shut them in a garage for months on end.

 

 

Plus you can poke them with a screwdriver when they don't do as they're supposed to

[wuvvum]

Me and engines really do not mix. I bought a scooter yesterday - it was advertised as a non-runner but the price was right. Got it home and been out playing with it this afternoon. It has a spark, compression and fuel - all that should be needed for a two-stroke single to run - but will it fire? Will it bollocks like. I've even tried spraying Easy Start straight into the carb - still not a cough. The starter motor sounds like someone is disembowelling a cat (probably needs stripping and greasing, but it's a PITA to get to) so I've been using the kick start, but even that should be enough to get it at least attempting to start. It's a Honda, too, so no weird Chinese won't-run-for-no-apparent-reason shenanigans should apply here. Arse.

[trigger]

I've had to turn down the chance of being on live TV with my Cortina on BBC breakfast news Tuesday because it's being filmed in Manchester, most annoying (although the thought of me doing a interview on live TV is suicidal.)

[Cavcraft]

Me and engines really do not mix. I bought a scooter yesterday - it was advertised as a non-runner but the price was right. Got it home and been out playing with it this afternoon. It has a spark, compression and fuel - all that should be needed for a two-stroke single to run - but will it fire? Will it bollocks like. I've even tried spraying Easy Start straight into the carb - still not a cough. The starter motor sounds like someone is disembowelling a cat (probably needs stripping and greasing, but it's a PITA to get to) so I've been using the kick start, but even that should be enough to get it at least attempting to start. It's a Honda, too, so no weird Chinese won't-run-for-no-apparent-reason shenanigans should apply here. Arse.

 

 

Please don't take this as a granny/egg sucking interface, but it's not one of those stupid bloody 'peds that need a working brake light bulb to make the engine start is it? I've seen a couple now (albeit Shin Break Dueto Summer Days Glorious Crash Chinese shit) that refused to start because you have to hold the front brake lever in then fire it up and broken bulb=no worky.

[Richard]

I don't think it can be that if it's making a spark.

[tooSavvy]

I've had to turn down the chance of being on live TV with my Cortina on BBC breakfast news Tuesday because it's being filmed in Manchester, most annoying (although the thought of me doing a interview on live TV is suicidal.)

 

Cortinas in News.... because?

 

tooSavvy

[freebird]

I've had to turn down the chance of being on live TV with my Cortina on BBC breakfast news Tuesday because it's being filmed in Manchester, most annoying (although the thought of me doing a interview on live TV is suicidal.)

 

Cortinas in News.... because?

 

tooSavvy

Never mind all that.

Are you saying that you have turned down the possibility that you MIGHT get within range of sniffing Susanna Reids drawers?!?

Holy shit, no!!!!!

[trigger]

I hadn't thought of that, even worse! Keith Adams asked me, he's doing a feature about endangered cars on the BBC breakfast show Tuesday morning and wanted to interview me and have my Cortina there, I've found him another chap now to fill the slot. Imagine waking up and seeing me on the box, that would fuck your whole day up!

[freebird]

I hadn't thought of that, even worse! Keith Adams asked me, he's doing a feature about endangered cars on the BBC breakfast show Tuesday morning and wanted to interview me and have my Cortina there, I've found him another chap now to fill the slot. Imagine waking up and seeing me on the box, that would fuck your whole day up!

No, you are ok by me fella.

Im only sorry I wasnt available to fill her slot.........

[Luxobarges_Are_Us]

The Cortina is 'endangered'? WTF, I bet they've never even heard of the Tagora- or, for that matter, the Denem, the Argenta, the Charmant, the Gamma...

[retrogeezer]

yeh, I did think that too...

 

There are probably more Mk1 Escorts than Mk3's for instance. There certainly is at car shows!

 

Cool that you got asked Trigger...

[trigger]

This is Keith doing the feature, he knows his cars better than anyone, the thing is everybody knows what a Cortina is but if you ask the average person what a Tagora is they will think it's some kind of shower gel, It's about making it interesting for the masses i would say.

 

Cool that you got asked Trigger...

 

I was very flattered when he messaged me the other day.

[retrogeezer]

very true!!

[beko1987]

Just had a call from the missus, the temp needle shot up almost to the red (it never ever does that) and smelt very hot BOLLOX

 

She got to her destination, and diagnosed no oil. Told her to get a lift over to a shop and buy whatever shit they have around 10w40, and hop it fires.

 

I'm at home, CBA to go out and she's at a friends for the night. Coolant is fine, but I don't trust the waterpump anyway. For all I know it could have dropped just off the needle and be randomly smelling hot, which is does sometimes (it's due a change), but I've had a beer and have OMFG HG KAOS in my head.

 

Must drink more

[wuvvum]

Me and engines really do not mix. I bought a scooter yesterday - it was advertised as a non-runner but the price was right. Got it home and been out playing with it this afternoon. It has a spark, compression and fuel - all that should be needed for a two-stroke single to run - but will it fire? Will it bollocks like. I've even tried spraying Easy Start straight into the carb - still not a cough. The starter motor sounds like someone is disembowelling a cat (probably needs stripping and greasing, but it's a PITA to get to) so I've been using the kick start, but even that should be enough to get it at least attempting to start. It's a Honda, too, so no weird Chinese won't-run-for-no-apparent-reason shenanigans should apply here. Arse.

 

 

Please don't take this as a granny/egg sucking interface, but it's not one of those stupid bloody 'peds that need a working brake light bulb to make the engine start is it? I've seen a couple now (albeit Shin Break Dueto Summer Days Glorious Crash Chinese shit) that refused to start because you have to hold the front brake lever in then fire it up and broken bulb=no worky.

I did wonder that at the time, but as Richard mentioned it's sparking OK on the kick start even without the brake lever held in. The plug is possibly past its prime, but I borrowed the plug out of the Sym (which I know is good because the Sym runs fine) and that didn't work either. I know kick starts on modern(ish) scooters are only meant as a backup, but I'd hoped it'd show at least some signs of life. I've had another look at the starter and removing it looks like an engine out job (and it's partly held in by 15-year-old Philips screws, which are guaranteed to be fcuked) so that's an absolute last resort. I'm going to have to see if I can try something clever* like a socket on the flywheel nut spun by an electric drill or something.

 

The only thing I actually managed to do to the thing today (apart from snap off some of the tabs on the plastics) is to get the back wheel off so I could try and find out where the tyre's losing its air from. Seems to be pretty much everywhere - I don't think it's seated properly. Also some tit has put a straight valve in, which just doesn't work on a 10" wheel - you have to bend it at about 45 degrees just to get the pump on, which is going to bugger it up in the long term.

 

I'm almost beginning to wish I'd spent a bit more and bought a runner...

[Cavcraft]

What make/model is it please, Wuvv? I did have a contact 'in the know' about these things but unsure if I have his details still. If I have I'll ask him, and see if there's a common fault or something.

 

I'm guessing it's a Melody or something like that by the way, as Honda were always better known for their 4 strokes?

[wuvvum]

It's a Bali. Honda model code is SJ100. Any pointers gratefully received...

[hairnet]

http://ebookbrowse.com/honda-sj-100-bal ... d342089252

[Cavcraft]

Gah, my eyes! What have they done to Retro-Rides?

[cort16]

It's a shocker isn't it? I think when they upgraded the site it re-set a lot of the themes. There's a post on there saying he's going to try to fix the look of it at lunchtime so I expect it'll be back to normal tonight.

[trigger]

It's awful trying to view it on a phone, took ages to relog back in then there's a advert at the bottom that keeps getting in the way.

[messerschmitt owner]

Just had a call from the missus, the temp needle shot up almost to the red (it never ever does that) and smelt very hot BOLLOX

 

She got to her destination, and diagnosed no oil. Told her to get a lift over to a shop and buy whatever shit they have around 10w40, and hop it fires.

 

I'm at home, CBA to go out and she's at a friends for the night. Coolant is fine, but I don't trust the waterpump anyway. For all I know it could have dropped just off the needle and be randomly smelling hot, which is does sometimes (it's due a change), but I've had a beer and have OMFG HG KAOS in my head.

 

Must drink more

I had a wife with exactly the same - tappety rattles coming from her Punto - oh, is there something wrong with it, she says!

 

Took 2.5 litres to top it up.

[beko1987]

She got just over 1ltr back in! She said sorry, and that it was just over half way, which is slightly over what it should, but then said she'd been sat in traffic...

 

She then mentioned, once I'd calmed down that the oil light had gone on and off 4 times in the last 2 weeks, but she forgot to tell me. The one thing I've told her to do is tell me, as it burns 1ltr every 1k anyway, so I use that as the top-up reminder.

 

She made me a bacon sandwich to say sorry!