The grumpy thread

[dollywobbler]

What is it with people not being able to drive and not having ANY manners whatsoever? Someone has driven into my Golf AGAIN while it was parked outside my house. It's not wrecked it or anything, but it's buggered the passenger door. No note left, nothing. Why not have the balls to leave a note? Even just to apologise? Seriously?! I'm kind of glad that I didn't see who did it tho, I'd have made a spectacular attempt to tear out their liver right there in the street. I could do without the jail time to be honest, it'd be a bit of an inconvenience.

Sadly, this is increasingly the way of the world. Think yourself lucky - this seems to happen more and more after a person has been hit. Shocking.

[Timewaster]

"I swear on my kids' lives"

 

I'm going to give 110%!

 

(or footballers 1million%)

 

No you're not. 100 is as high as percent goes you twats!

 

And another one..

 

"Oh this wallpaper/pie/jumper is to die for"

 

WRONG! Your freedom, your family and possibly your country are to die for.

 

The other things are for covering cracks in the plaster/stuffing your face/allowing you to turn the heating down.

[Guest]

"I swear on my kids' lives"

 

If there is one phrase in the English language which can boil my piss instantly, it is this.

 

Why can't you just say "it's true, and if you don't believe me, then fuck off"

 

Do you really think I'll believe your inane garble any more if you are prepared to be so glib about something as important as the survival of your offspring.

 

Go and bore someone else, you cock.

 

[/i]

Also, people who use their kids as an excuse to be complete wankers. And then you call them a wanker and they try to take the moral high ground. 'Don't you dare swear in front of my kids' Well, I'm sorry, but your kids need a better role model. Etc etc (long rant saved for later, perhaps until the end of time).

 

Disabled people can also do this sometimes. You give them lip back, you get, 'How dare you, I'M DISABLED'.

 

I don't give a fuck. If you're being an arsehole, you're still an arsehole. What has being bloody disabled got to do with being an arsehole? Fuck you. You're still an arsehole. That's why I called you an arsehole, because you're an arsehole.

 

Did I call you an arsehole because you're disabled? No. That's discrimination.

 

Incompetence truly is the last great leveller of our species. No matter your creed, colour, race or indeed disability, you're still an arsehole if you try and use some ridiculous pretense of intolerance completely divorced from the matter at hand to get your way. Bastards.

 

See also, bloke who's dyslexic at work.

[M'coli]

Disabled people can also do this sometimes. You give them lip back, you get, 'How dare you, I'M DISABLED'.

 

I don't give a fuck. If you're being an arsehole, you're still an arsehole. What has being bloody disabled got to do with being an arsehole? Fuck you. You're still an arsehole. That's why I called you an arsehole, because you're an arsehole.

 

Did I call you an arsehole because you're disabled? No. That's discrimination.

 

Incompetence truly is the last great leveller of our species. No matter your creed, colour, race or indeed disability, you're still an arsehole if you try and use some ridiculous pretense of intolerance completely divorced from the matter at hand to get your way. Bastards.

 

See also, bloke who's dyslexic at work.

Nail/head interface perfectly struck. It's a mindgame. I played it to my advantage when I had a broken leg.

The disabled person will at some point ask "well what do you expect of someone like me?"

The correct response is, "Well, what would you expect?"

 

If you behave like a twat, expect to be treated like one.

 

I knew a chinese guy at uni with a bad leg - seriously bad, i.e. poorly re-attached after a car accident when he was 4 - and terrible acne, and I hated his guts because he was a wanker. I was told time and again that I was racist and against disabled people because I gave him a hard time by people who hadn't had much to do with him, but ~I told thame that I'd taken that into consideration and still thought he was a wanker, and pointed out that that he played on his bad leg to make people sorry for him made him more so!

 

I was told that I was being uncharitable towards him for doing so - except that within a couple of months, there was the usual murmur of "I see what you mean, he's a wanker"...

[barrett]

Someone i used to know at work got fired for calling someone (a collegue) a 'cunt'. said person was of indian descent. bloke got pulled up for 'racial abuse' and promptly given the boot!

I did consider asking him (the cunt) if he thought the people that actually are subjected to racial abuse ever use it as an excuse to fuck over other people, but i didn't fancy getting fired for race hate too....

 

...which leads to this: people being massive fucking racists and thinking it's ok. Current hot topic at work is how the Muslims want to ruin christmas for everyone else, cue cries of 'why don't they take it back to their own country!' etc. I'm sorry, what country is that? Musland? I wasn't aware that everyone with a different religion to you originated in the same place. I was actually under the impression that not everyone born in this country was a Christian....obviously i was wrong.

what are you on about you knobs? you have no idea what you are talking about, you've read something in The Sun that got you riled and now you are just repeating it with your own disgusting little opinions tacked on the end. Fuck off. Oh wait! the Arab guy is coming out for a fag everyone shut up!

ah thank god my working week is nearly over!

[whitevanman]

Someone i used to know at work got fired for calling someone (a collegue) a 'cunt'. said person was of indian descent. bloke got pulled up for 'racial abuse' and promptly given the boot!

I did consider asking him (the cunt) if he thought the people that actually are subjected to racial abuse ever use it as an excuse to fuck over other people, but i didn't fancy getting fired for race hate too....

 

...which leads to this: people being massive fucking racists and thinking it's ok. Current hot topic at work is how the Muslims want to ruin christmas for everyone else, cue cries of 'why don't they take it back to their own country!' etc. I'm sorry, what country is that? Musland? I wasn't aware that everyone with a different religion to you originated in the same place. I was actually under the impression that not everyone born in this country was a Christian....obviously i was wrong.

what are you on about you knobs? you have no idea what you are talking about, you've read something in The Sun that got you riled and now you are just repeating it with your own disgusting little opinions tacked on the end. Fuck off. Oh wait! the Arab guy is coming out for a fag everyone shut up!

ah thank god my working week is nearly over!

The down side of political correctness gone wrong..back in the days when it was felt that legislation was needed to balance up society they brought out the race descrimination bill, that forced people and employers to do X,Y and Z..now it sounds good on paper, but people are people and thats why we ended up with a load of liberal bollocks and peolpe being people of course they pl,ay the "racist" card when the opertunity arises.the real problem is that we introduced legislation that encourages discrimination......which is wrong, call it "positive" if you will but discrimination none the less.

 

as for banning Xmas. GOOD as far as I am concerned, as a non Christion I hate the bloody time of year when greedy, pretend Christians block the shops and put themselves in debt in the name of Christianity...........when I boubt 25% know anything about what it is they are celebrating...........more ignorance, but at the same time it is wrong for anybody to come from another country and decice their way is better than ours and try to force change on us..........................................................mind you I seem to remember that we did that whilst creating an empire

 

ah well soon time for me to lock myself away for 6 weeks and try to avoid all this rubbish

[Rocket88]

the gormless twats who advertise stuff, then never answer the sodding phone................who do expect people to get in touch with you, osmosis?

[Ratdat]

the gormless twats who advertise stuff, then never answer the sodding phone................who do expect people to get in touch with you, osmosis?

I've had a lot of this on eBay of late. People not answering question. I reckon about 75% of the questions I send don't get a response.

[55bloke]

but at the same time it is wrong for anybody to come from another country and decice their way is better than ours and try to force change on us..........................................................mind you I seem to remember that we did that whilst creating an empire

And we still are, with the help of the good ol' US of A, in Iraq and Afganistan.

[Richard]

but at the same time it is wrong for anybody to come from another country and decice their way is better than ours and try to force change on us..........................................................mind you I seem to remember that we did that whilst creating an empire

And we still are, with the help of the good ol' US of A, in Iraq and Afganistan.

And the USA have done it to us, but nobody seems to complain about that.I have a theory about "gone mad" political correctness. I think that one or more tabloid newspapers ran a made-up story about chalkboards or similar nonsense and council fuckwits not only believed it but decided they should do the same- so the fictional stories became true.

[Milford Cubicle]

It's political correctness gone mad, you can't even write racial abuse in excrement on someone's car

[barrett]

God i love Stewert Lee...... didn't he advertise one of his tours with a quote from Mark e. Smith saying something like ''If i ever end up like Stewert Lee, shoot me"...Brilliant.

[RedSparrow]

More eBay pricks:Bought an mp3 player. Fine, paid by paypal on the same day being the good ebayer I am.Seller promises delivery within 2 working days. 5 working days later, still no item posted notification, so I email the seller asking when I can expect to recieve the thing.Answer:

hi my delivery of these items was late. i will be posting tomorrow

So you advertised, sold and took money for something you din't actually posess?Is this not illegal?I know its only a short delay but its the fucking principle. Fucking prick.

[pompei]

Farmer Palmer and his Mud On Road signs.A foot square piece of hardboard scrawled with red paint and nailed to a piece of kindling stuck on the verge. He's gone to all this effort when his machinery makes the road look like a re-creation of the Somme. Don't stick signs up, clean the bloody road.

[Mr H Sceptre]

God i love Stewert Lee...... didn't he advertise one of his tours with a quote from Mark e. Smith saying something like ''If i ever end up like Stewert Lee, shoot me"...Brilliant.

Stewart Lee is a legend. M'colleague Mr Leyland has seen his at quite a few Fall gigs in London.

[Mr H Sceptre]

I'm sure its been mentioned on here before, probably by me, but why oh why do folk there days start crossing roads when there is quite obviously oncoming traffic.Kids today.........

[AlsoMike]

I'm sure its been mentioned on here before, probably by me, but why oh why do folk there days start crossing roads when there is quite obviously oncoming traffic.Kids today.........

They do that so you feel totally justified in dropping it a gear, nailing the throttle and aiming the car directly at them.

[The Liberator]

Stewart Lee is a legend. M'colleague Mr Leyland has seen his at quite a few Fall gigs in London.

Seen his what? I saw the legend (Stewart Lee that is, not Mr Leyland) in Stoke Newington last week whilst taking Mrs Liberator's violin to be repaired.I would have given him a quick rendition of Papal Visit off "Room to Live", but the neck had come unglued. And the standard of my violin playing is far below that of even Mark E Smith.

[Mr H Sceptre]

Stewart Lee is a legend. M'colleague Mr Leyland has seen his at quite a few Fall gigs in London.

Seen his what? I saw the legend (Stewart Lee that is, not Mr Leyland) in Stoke Newington last week whilst taking Mrs Liberator's violin to be repaired.I would have given him a quick rendition of Papal Visit off "Room to Live", but the neck had come unglued. And the standard of my violin playing is far below that of even Mark E Smith.

Ooops, meant 'him', not 'his' - typo!Think Stewart Lee lives in Stoke Newington, Mr Leyland used to drink in the same boozer as him when he lived there.

[barrett]

And the standard of my violin playing is far below that of even Mark E Smith.

christ, that doesn't even bare thinking about....ten points to the first person who can name a Fall/Autoshite lyrical reference!

[The Liberator]

ten points to the first person who can name a Fall/Autoshite lyrical reference!

If that's a Fall lyric with Autoshite in it, I nominate"There was a feminist's Austin Maxi parked outside,With anti-nicotine and anti-nuclear stickers on the side"or"There's a dhss Volvo estate right outside my doorWith a Moody Blues cassette on the dashboard"Do I win 10 points?

[Guest]

I'm sure its been mentioned on here before, probably by me, but why oh why do folk there days start crossing roads when there is quite obviously oncoming traffic.Kids today.........

Because the thrill and potential of sudden death by car is WELL BARE GANGSTA.

[barrett]

ten points to the first person who can name a Fall/Autoshite lyrical reference!

If that's a Fall lyric with Autoshite in it, I nominate"There was a feminist's Austin Maxi parked outside,With anti-nicotine and anti-nuclear stickers on the side"or"There's a dhss Volvo estate right outside my doorWith a Moody Blues cassette on the dashboard"Do I win 10 points?

20 I reckon!

[Mr Lobster]

Fucking cunting wooden floors, Not GR8 when they get wet. Bastards. So I've spent half my day fucking about replacing bits and because of the effect of the sunlight, the new bits are roughly a million shades lighter. Fucking superb. Shouldn't have bothered really.Banks. Why send me a new card and a nice letter saying to validate it in one of your machines when this is blatantly not the case? Did I really need to drive all the way to town to then spend ages trying to park, get to your branch to validate my card before being told that you can't do it in the machine and that I'd have to ring up to validate it. GR8, cheers for that. Big help that was.In fact, I've had one of those days where I would actually have acheived more if i'd stayed in bed and watched telly.And also, The middle aged bint on the M58 last night heading out of Liverpool driving a Fabia. Why, oh why oh why on the bit from Switch Island to junction 1 (or is it 2?) did you feel the need to sit in the outside lane when there was not a car within half a mile. And then, when the motorway opens up to three lanes, what the fuck possessed you to then move into lane three. It's not like you were going fast - you must have been doing a heady 65 -70. But fair play, at least you indicated. Twunt. Hopefully you had a massive accident and died shortly after I [finally] got ahead.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

It's been a miserable wet day, my car's still broken, my mum's car (which I'm using) is full of water, I'm in the worst shape of my life and my income has fallen to zero. But none of that matters because I love driving down the spiral ramp out of Tesco's car park :DUnless it's behind an old person going down so slow my speedo doesn't even twitch, hitting their brakes every few seconds. I thought about going back up again, but decided just to go home.

[Guest]

But none of that matters because I love driving down the spiral ramp out of Tesco's car park :DUnless it's behind an old person going down so slow my speedo doesn't even twitch, hitting their brakes every few seconds.

In Sale?

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

That's the one. Closest I've come to a rollercoaster.

[Pillock]

Window Cleaners.Robbing gits.We had one, he seemed to turn up pretty much when he felt like it, sometimes every other week and then would go for three months or more without bothering. Started out at £3.50, then £5, then £6 in the space of a couple of years. Not even a good job, a quick blat over with a mucky rag and then squeegee it off..... he certainly wasn't spending any of those profits on tedious things like "detergent" or even "clean water".Bird crap, well that just stayed there. If a quick wipe didn't get rid of the muck, then tough shit (literally).Occasionally they'd invent occasions when they'd 'cleaned' the windows to claim more money, yet were unable to actually tell me when this might have been.The final straw was when I was in whilst he came to do the windows. Knowing I had no cash, I did the adult thing and hid from view.... and watched as he didn't bother doing upstairs at the front or side of the house, didn't do the door glass, and then used my outside tap to rinse his cloth! Oh, and then left the gate open so if I let the dogs out later, they'd be out into the street.So when he sent his little scrote around later to collect the cash, I paid, and told him that I didn't need it doing any more and this would be the last one. Two weeks later, I'm sat on the sofa when I see twatface with his ladder walking down the path.... "Oh no mate, he didn't tell me.... ". yeah, right - HOP IT.And he left the sodding gate open again.

[55bloke]

Window Cleaners.Robbing gits.We had one, he seemed to turn up pretty much when he felt like it, sometimes every other week and then would go for three months or more without bothering. Started out at £3.50, then £5, then £6 in the space of a couple of years. Not even a good job, a quick blat over with a mucky rag and then squeegee it off..... he certainly wasn't spending any of those profits on tedious things like "detergent" or even "clean water".Bird crap, well that just stayed there. If a quick wipe didn't get rid of the muck, then tough shit (literally).Occasionally they'd invent occasions when they'd 'cleaned' the windows to claim more money, yet were unable to actually tell me when this might have been.The final straw was when I was in whilst he came to do the windows. Knowing I had no cash, I did the adult thing and hid from view.... and watched as he didn't bother doing upstairs at the front or side of the house, didn't do the door glass, and then used my outside tap to rinse his cloth! Oh, and then left the gate open so if I let the dogs out later, they'd be out into the street.So when he sent his little scrote around later to collect the cash, I paid, and told him that I didn't need it doing any more and this would be the last one. Two weeks later, I'm sat on the sofa when I see twatface with his ladder walking down the path.... "Oh no mate, he didn't tell me.... ". yeah, right - HOP IT.And he left the sodding gate open again.

Oh, it's not just me then?!!

[Lankytim]

Similar thing happens round here. I get little scraps of paper pushed through the door saying "WINDOWS CLEANED TODAY, THANKS" but I can find no evidence of them being cleaned. Its difficult to call someone a liar though, unless your absolutley sure.I did catch them out once though. When we moved in there was clear access to the rear of the house and the window cleaners would "clean" the front and rear windows, or atleast charge for cleaning them.One day we had a 7ft spiked metal gate fitted to block access to the rear of the house, but a week later the little scrubber came round asking to be paid for doing the front and rears again, when it would have been impossible for him to get to the rear. Que much bullshitting about climbing over fence/garage roof/teleporting into garden e.t.c