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The grumpy thread

outlaw118

By outlaw118
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myglaren Rank: Isuzu Florian

myglaren

Posted
Posted

As he was leaving for a trip to Alston my son says "Oh! my laptop isn't working"

Just picked it up and it is full of water :(

Guest Hooli

Guest Hooli

Posted
Posted

I'm told this works....

 

 

post-20217-0-27180700-1502623378_thumb.jpg

  • myglaren, DeeJay and Rusty_Rocket
  • Like 3
chaseracer Rank: Matra Rancho towing a Tagora

chaseracer

Posted
Posted

I have a deadline of close of play tomorrow to write 3000 words.  Remind me again why I'm here?

  • purplebargeken and Cavcraft
  • Like 2
Pillock Rank: Matra Rancho towing a Tagora

Pillock

Posted
Posted

I have a deadline of close of play tomorrow to write 3000 words.  Remind me again why I'm here?

 

I've got 3000 words you can have.

 

Over 2000 are rude, 500 of them aren't allowed on Channel 4 even after 11pm, and six of them will get you arrested.

 

You can have "gusset" for free though.

Guest Hooli

Guest Hooli

Posted
Posted

Blunderbus, that's another good word.

  • sheffcortinacentre and privatewire
  • Like 2
Guest Hooli

Guest Hooli

Posted
Posted

Which makes me think the title of the piece should be 'The unexpected consequences of owning a gusset stretching blunderbus'.

  • chaseracer, AlabamaShrimp and alcyonecorporation
  • Like 3
anonymous user Rank: Isuzu Florian

anonymous user

Posted
Posted

Remind me again why I'm here?

To quote Spike Milligan, "everybody has to be somewhere"

  • myglaren, chaseracer and Cavcraft
  • Like 3
andy18s Rank: Lancia Gamma

andy18s

Posted
Posted

I have a deadline of close of play tomorrow to write 3000 words. Remind me again why I'm here?

Moist,that's a good word to use as frequently as possible

Seems to really rile some people though

  • sporty-shite, chaseracer and purplebargeken
  • Like 3
chaseracer Rank: Matra Rancho towing a Tagora

chaseracer

Posted
Posted

Excellent suggestions all.  I shall do my best to include them!

hairnet Rank: Matra Rancho towing a Tagora

hairnet

Posted
Posted

I have a deadline of close of play tomorrow to write 3000 words.  Remind me again why I'm here?

bored?

 

brummie?

 

fruit of loins not in scotland or manc with instrument?

 

shopping for car?

Rod/b Rank: Renault 16

Rod/b

Posted
Posted

The man at the salad bar today misheard my garnish request (sesame seeds) and instead put a scoop of something else in the mix instead (chilli flakes)

 

Its now 6 hours later and the world has just fallen out of my end.

Brodders Rank: Citroen Ami

Brodders

Posted
Posted

The man at the salad bar today misheard my garnish request (sesame seeds) and instead put a scoop of something else in the mix instead (chilli flakes)

 

Its now 6 hours later and the world has just fallen out of my end.

 

I was enjoying a very nice tub of Haagen-Dazs before I read that. Thanks.

taxi paul Rank: Citroen Ami

taxi paul

Posted
Posted

When writing your 3000 word essay try to get the first word on every line to start with a letter that when read down spells knobhead or similar.

Kicking a ball one day.

Now that's a pleasure.

Only a few people can do.

But I do try.

How I get the time I never understand.

Even when it's raining.

Actually I have tried in the snow.

Didn't work out.

 

 

Other a swear words ,messages to the boss can be inadvertently typed out. Makes it more fun.

  • chaseracer and dome
  • Like 2
Doctormop Rank: BL Wedge

Doctormop

Posted
Posted

Blunderbus, that's another good word.

 

Is that a coach going to a home for unmarried Mothers?

 

(other 1930's type stereotypical humour may be available)

Bren Rank: Talbot Tagora

Bren

Posted
Posted

Moist,that's a good word to use as frequently as possible

Seems to really rile some people though

post-4771-0-99052300-1502648148_thumb.jpg
Guest Hooli

Guest Hooli

Posted
Posted

When writing your 3000 word essay try to get the first word on every line to start with a letter that when read down spells knobhead or similar.

Kicking a ball one day.

Now that's a pleasure.

Only a few people can do.

But I do try.

How I get the time I never understand.

Even when it's raining.

Actually I have tried in the snow.

Didn't work out.

 

 

Other a swear words ,messages to the boss can be inadvertently typed out. Makes it more fun.

 

Didn't James May famously do one of them with TG magazine? or did I imagine that.

Tamworthbay Rank: Talbot Matra Rancho

Tamworthbay

Posted
Posted

Didn't James May famously do one of them with TG magazine? or did I imagine that.

I recall that as well, I think he got sacked for it. I think it was pre TG days when he was writing for one of the monthlys.

Dick Cheeseburger Rank: Talbot Tagora

Dick Cheeseburger

Posted
Posted

Bastard greyhounds.

1. She shit on the kitchen floor overnight.

2. When we went out this afternoon, she chewed the control knob on our new washing machine, and...

3. Chewed the corner of the longcase clock (only 42 years old, and not worth much, but immaculate and sentimental value).

4. Chewed the corner of the kitchen table.

 

We've owned her for 9 months and she's been bloody hard work from the outset. Frustratingly, she's a gorgeous dog, with a lovely temperament. We don't like cleaning up shit regularly though, and her previous owner gave her up as she apparently suffered with separation anxiety, and started to chew things. This is the first we've seen of it - she seems to be regressing.

 

NOT happy.

Dick Cheeseburger Rank: Talbot Tagora

Dick Cheeseburger

Posted
Posted

Yeah, she lived with a JRT in her last home. We're really annoyed that the rescue didn't specify that her future home needed another dog as a companion - we wouldn't have taken her on if that were the case. Another dog isn't an option for us though. Thing is, even with the JRT pal at her last home, she still chewed. It's just strange how it's only now that her true colours with chewing are starting to come out. It would be easier to deal with if she were a pup and trainable. This behaviour isn't going to go away though, I fear...

Heidel_Kakao Rank: Renault 16

Heidel_Kakao

Posted
Posted

Where is she left when you go out? I had issues with my Greyhound when I used to leave her cooped up just in the kitchen and used to come home to shit on the floor. As soon as I left her with the run of the house and she could just go upstairs and sleep on my bed the problems went away.

strangeangel Rank: Lancia Gamma

strangeangel

Posted
Posted

I recall that as well, I think he got sacked for it. I think it was pre TG days when he was writing for one of the monthlys.

iirc The Shamen did that with the titles on their last album so that it said FUCK BIRKETT, a reference to the bloke who owned their label.

  • Tamworthbay
  • Like 1
Dick Cheeseburger Rank: Talbot Tagora

Dick Cheeseburger

Posted
Posted

Where is she left when you go out? I had issues with my Greyhound when I used to leave her cooped up just in the kitchen and used to come home to shit on the floor. As soon as I left her with the run of the house and she could just go upstairs and sleep on my bed the problems went away.

She's shut in the kitchen/diner. Not a tiny space though. No chance of her sleeping on the bed as she won't walk on the laminate in the hall ;).

She's grumpy at the moment as she knows she's been a naughty girl.

post-4721-0-53125500-1502660019_thumb.jpg

DeeJay Rank: Renault 16

DeeJay

Posted
Posted

Could've been worse.

I didn't know my dog had the runs the other day until I trod in a puddle of poo on the kitchen floor, in my bare feet.

Nice start to the day.

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