The grumpy thread

[Mr Lobster]

Used to have a cat who was fascinated with the bog. Found him in it head first using paws to support him happily drinking away. Lid stayed down after that.

[Mr H Sceptre]

Think thats what mine was trying to do, but messed up the paws bit!

[55bloke]

Ha ha, I've had 3 cats over the years, and they've all regarded the toilet bowl as their own personal water hole!! Quite disconserting the 1st time you find a cat's arse sticking out of the loo when you go for a wee!!

[Tayne]

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[Des]

Never mind seat up / seat down, birds should be grateful they can see the porcelain. Some years ago before I was diagnosed celiac and corrected my diet, getting the shits was almost a way of life, I recall an occasion one Friday when I was motoring my van through NW London suburbs, joined a slow line of traffic, felt that familiar queasy rumble low down in the brown, Tescos to my left, two wheels on the pavement and nailed it to a left turn, screamed through the carpark, ditched the van at the trolley stand and hared it into the bogs, got pants down a nanosecond before 20 cubic feet of fartwind blasted a tsunami of squits all up the wall, landed a small amount in the bowl, but this was only down to the after tremors. Crazy thing is the following Friday, same time of day, I'm in the same slow line of traffic, and again I wind up painting the same wall. I've not taken that route since, I imagine that after the second colourwashing whoever had to clean up will have studied their security tapes and is waiting for me with ill intent.

[Rusty Pelican]

Some years ago before I was diagnosed celiac .

Not pleasant at all , my friend has this and sometimes dashes off whilst mid sentance followed by ooooooooooooooooh fuck here we go again whilst running up the stairs , you have my sincere sympathy

[warren t claim]

Never mind seat up / seat down, birds should be grateful they can see the porcelain. Some years ago before I was diagnosed celiac and corrected my diet, getting the shits was almost a way of life, I recall an occasion one Friday when I was motoring my van through NW London suburbs, joined a slow line of traffic, felt that familiar queasy rumble low down in the brown, Tescos to my left, two wheels on the pavement and nailed it to a left turn, screamed through the carpark, ditched the van at the trolley stand and hared it into the bogs, got pants down a nanosecond before 20 cubic feet of fartwind blasted a tsunami of squits all up the wall, landed a small amount in the bowl, but this was only down to the after tremors. Crazy thing is the following Friday, same time of day, I'm in the same slow line of traffic, and again I wind up painting the same wall. I've not taken that route since, I imagine that after the second colourwashing whoever had to clean up will have studied their security tapes and is waiting for me with ill intent.

So it was YOU was it?

[whitevanman]

Oh oh, I'm not just saying it, but I totally agree!I don't understand how its worse for ladies if they find the seat left up than it is if guys find it down. Surely, in fact its more effort to lift it than put it down.We operate a "find it as it was left" system.

DEAR GODS !!! a sensible woman...owns an Allegro and can see the futility in the "toilet seat lid" drama......are you single??Ok, I know your not, but you can see my point

[Cavcraft]

Oh oh, I'm not just saying it, but I totally agree!

 

I don't understand how its worse for ladies if they find the seat left up than it is if guys find it down. Surely, in fact its more effort to lift it than put it down.

 

We operate a "find it as it was left" system.

DEAR GODS !!! a sensible woman...owns an Allegro and can see the futility in the "toilet seat lid" drama......are you single??

 

 

 

 

Ok, I know your not, but you can see my point

[Mr H Sceptre]

Never mind seat up / seat down, birds should be grateful they can see the porcelain. Some years ago before I was diagnosed celiac and corrected my diet, getting the shits was almost a way of life, I recall an occasion one Friday when I was motoring my van through NW London suburbs, joined a slow line of traffic, felt that familiar queasy rumble low down in the brown, Tescos to my left, two wheels on the pavement and nailed it to a left turn, screamed through the carpark, ditched the van at the trolley stand and hared it into the bogs, got pants down a nanosecond before 20 cubic feet of fartwind blasted a tsunami of squits all up the wall, landed a small amount in the bowl, but this was only down to the after tremors. Crazy thing is the following Friday, same time of day, I'm in the same slow line of traffic, and again I wind up painting the same wall. I've not taken that route since, I imagine that after the second colourwashing whoever had to clean up will have studied their security tapes and is waiting for me with ill intent.

I feel your pain mate. I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease many years ago (miraculously cleared up, which apparently is quite rare) and had many a similar experience. It is truly horrible.

[Rocket88]

ref cats drinking habits. Ours insists on having the sink run for her [she won't drink out a bowl] and it has to be luke warm..........

[Parky]

Crohns cleared up Mr Sceptre? I've got that pretty bad and would love to know how you got rid of it, its a b*stard condition. You may just be in remission, it does that, sometimes for years. Some people get one attack in their lives, I've had six serious enough to hospitalise me for a week at a time. The third was worst. Actually begged my wife to kill me that time. Got through A LOT of morphine in hospital that night. Although I have lost six stone since diagnosis so every cloud, etc

[Tayne]

.

[Mr H Sceptre]

Crohns cleared up Mr Sceptre? I've got that pretty bad and would love to know how you got rid of it, its a b*stard condition. You may just be in remission, it does that, sometimes for years. Some people get one attack in their lives, I've had six serious enough to hospitalise me for a week at a time. The third was worst. Actually begged my wife to kill me that time. Got through A LOT of morphine in hospital that night. Although I have lost six stone since diagnosis so every cloud, etc

Well, I say cleared up, its been in remission for 14yrs, so we'll have to see. When it initially came on & was desparate for the loo every half hour or so, exctrutiatingly uncomfortable but not painful. Anyway, this was going on for weeks & weeks, but being a bloke I didnt go and see a doctor. Evenually I had lost loads of weight & felt really shattered/achey etc etc (loss of blood I guess) I went to the doctor.2 weeks in hozzy on a steroid drip & only energy drinks allowed did the job. Was then on steroids for a few years afterwards, but now nothing.Seeing as this is the Grumpy Thread, I'd just like to nominate having a camera shoved up your arse in hospital as something that made me VERY grumpy.

[Parky]

They did that to me too but under general anaesthetic so didnt know much about it.The one down the throat - was wide awake for that one! And the barium pipe up the nose down the back of the mouth and into the stomach - was wide awake for that too. Having a complete bitch nurse inflating me with Barium solution while begging her to stop made me very grumpy.

[outlaw118]

Cameras up the arse? That brings me nicely to a rant I've been meaning to do for a while...

Yep, been there......allow me to expand (more than I am already!!)

 

Last May I became properly ill, I'd been feeling rough for a couple of weeks, but ignored it; work were paying overtime, so I was cramming as much as I could, but thought as I had a week off mid June, I'd recover.

 

I felt proper shite on the last Friday of May, took a sickie. Was worse on Saturday (cup final day) so went to the emergency doctor, she gave me an injection of something (Diclofenac?) and sent me on my way, saying if I was no better by late afternoon I should go back to the on-call doctor/A+E. suspecting I had kidney stones or "renal colic" (whatever that is).

I wasn't, Mrs Outlaw called the emergency doctors number, and was told "not to worry, those drugs take a while to work, call your GP Monday, and give him Ibroprofen" she disagreed, and afer much arguing, off I went to A+E, they took bloods etc, and gave me some more painkillers. The rest is a bit of a blur, as I was off my tits, but I remember being given X rays and CT scans and stuff, and being told "You're on the emergency surgery list for tonight".

 

 

Thats what I looked like when I woke up. They'd diagnosed severe peritonitis, taken my appendix out (which subsequently was deemed ok), and it turned out that if I had waited much longer that would have been it. My kidneys and liver were starting to become infected, and this would have spread to my heart and then off I would have popped.

 

I'm ok now - there were a few issues with the scar splitting after they took the staples out, and I was off work for 3 months. Still can't do some things - my Capri is still in 1579 bits, as I can't throw a spanner about properly, and my stomach muscles are still weak.

But why am I grumpy?

 

Because they (Basildon hospital) still don't know what was wrong with me. I've had cameras up my arse, down my throat, barium meals, my lower intestine INFLATED(!), Ct scans and X-rays, you name it.

I'm not satisfied with the "We don't know, it's just one of those things" diagnosis, as I'm sure many of you on here wouldn't be. I'm now thinking every thime I get any twinge or ache "Is this gonna happen again?"

 

And that causes me to be grumpy.[/img]

[Mr H Sceptre]

Lower intestine inflated - I had that immediately prior to the camera insertion (not under any anesthetic, may I add ). Horrific. And also rather embarrassing as there was a particularly attractive student nurse watching the whole thing.

[Cavcraft]

Internetz:Microsoft Help: Dog plop:Them: 'We can't help you over the phone but give me all your details please'.Me: What's the ******* point of that if you can't help me?Them: What's the problem.Me: Just told you that.Them: Oh, it's your LAN Card.Me: Yes, I ******* well know, I told you that at the start of the call.Them: Yeah but you need to contact the people who made your pc because the LAN card/product key etc is their responsibilty.Me: No it's ******* not, I bought the pc new with your product loaded pre-loaded.them: No you didn't.Me: YES I ******* WELL DID.Them: What's the product code?Me Them: Oh yeah, that was preloaded but we can't help.Expletives expressed, phone down hard, kick empty rabbit hutch.Windows Vista/e-machine computers: Dog plop and unhelpful waste of time and effort.Oh, and seeing as my daughter's laptop decided to throw it's hand in yesterday I also discovered ACER are a bunch of useless ******* too.Happily ACER excelled themselves by stating the moment they picked the phone up 'we can't spend much time on the phone so make it quick'. That really enlightended my mood and helped a lot The only shining light in this whole sorry affair was Belkin (maker of the router I have) because no matter how long after you purchased the product they are happy to help and only charge local rate call.

[meggersdog]

Probably been mentioned before but the Ford KA....What a piece of shit.Girl around the corner asks me to service her car..2001 Y.reg KA. Looking around the car (ka) not only have both outer sills been patch welded but there is serious rot in the front 'screen pillar.The fugging thing is not yet nine years old and it's rotten.Anyway,changing the spark plugs a five minute job yes? er no.Before I can even get the plug socket on I have to scrap away all the rust on the head around the plugs then blow it off with the airline.Now the socket fits nice and snug but best use the half inch drive as I know the plugs will be tight.How tight, what a piece of shit, three out of four sparkplugs shear off.The hexagonal part along with the porcelin stay in the socket leaving the threaded part sheared off flush with the head....Oh what joy....I got them out in the end but why do Ford use taper fit plugs.I know they used them on Pinto engines but they were much larger plugs.I can't really remember but don't think the old cross-flow engine used taper fit I think they had washers on like every other engine in the world.Atleast now they have multi V belts and automatic adjusters you don't have to take the headlight out to adjust the alternator belt.But still what a rotten,anti-rollbar link eating piece of KA(CK).

[Rusty Pelican]

Ouch Mr Outlaw that looks and sounds painfull , I had a bladder / kidney problem in 03 , as everyone else I had various implements, shoved up the ass , down the throat , and in the through my dick , they filled my bladder up though this with coloured water so as to see the inside , The PAIN followed by the unbievable urge to piss was terrible , that and a dozen student nurses looking , three of which held me still , Felt like i was pissing battery acid for two weeks after that

[Polystratus]

Probably been mentioned before but the Ford KA....What a piece of shit.Anyway,changing the spark plugs a five minute job yes? er no.Before I can even get the plug socket on I have to scrap away all the rust on the head around the plugs then blow it off with the airline.Now the socket fits nice and snug but best use the half inch drive as I know the plugs will be tight.How tight, what a piece of shit, three out of four sparkplugs shear off.The hexagonal part along with the porcelin stay in the socket leaving the threaded part sheared off flush with the head....Oh what joy....I got them out in the end but why do Ford use taper fit plugs.I know they used them on Pinto engines but they were much larger plugs.I can't really remember but don't think the old cross-flow engine used taper fit I think they had washers on like every other engine in the world.

Guess the plugs haven't been changed much since 2001? Shows what rubbish steel Ford used then if its rotting away at nine years old.

[Polystratus]

Lower intestine inflated - I had that immediately prior to the camera insertion (not under any anesthetic, may I add ). Horrific. And also rather embarrassing as there was a particularly attractive student nurse watching the whole thing.

No anesthetic ! How big was that camera

[wuvvum]

No anesthetic ! How big was that camera

[seth]

All this talk of cameras up orifices is reminding me of helping to hold my daughter down for an enema under an X -ray when she was about 9 hours old. A rather surreal introduction to fatherhood. Especially as the radiologist reminded me of Daisy Donovan.

[dollywobbler]

So, when did the BMW E30 2-door saloon become a coupe?! There's two for sale on Retro-rides at the moment. If the rear screen rake is the same as a saloon, it's a saloon in my book.

[Richard]

I've never had a camera inserted anywhere but I've had injections in both eyes and both bollocks. What a day that was!

[warren t claim]

I've never had a camera inserted anywhere but I've had injections in both eyes and both bollocks. What a day that was!

 

I want to faint!

[Father Ted]

I just hope they use different cameras for the up and down lines or at least wash them first. ...industrial strength laxatives

They are different cameras.As a student nurse one of my jobs was cleaning the camera - it was some foul smelling pink stuff that I had to use, I have since learned that it has been banned as it was carcinogenic. Lovely.Piccolax oral enema is by far one of the most brutal on the market and much fun when we tell people to be RIGHT next to the toilet when they take it as it works VERY fast.Still, just think how pink and shiny your insides are after that and a full 48 hours of light diet and clear fluids only. Had it once to purge myself of worms. By christ you should have seen the pan....

[Rusty Pelican]

I just hope they use different cameras for the up and down lines or at least wash them first. ...industrial strength laxatives

They are different cameras.Piccolax oral enema is by far one of the most brutal on the market and much fun when we tell people to be RIGHT next to the toilet when they take it as it works VERY fast.Still, just think how pink and shiny your insides are after that and a full 48 hours of light diet and clear fluids only. Had it once to purge myself of worms. By christ you should have seen the pan....

Autoshite goes real shite in a brave move

[warren t claim]

That sounds like fun and a great way to lose weight!