The grumpy thread

[Pillock]

Horseshit. What is it with the owners of these giant pets that they let them crap in the road and leave it there. Do they think the rest of us dont mind?

 

 

 

The alternative is to have them dismount, scoop it up, dispose of it in some mythical horsepoo bin and then ride on. Don't like the idea of meeting a stationary riderless horse on the road really.

You should always be prepared to stop for a hazard in the road, including a massive pile of dung.

[cobblers]

On the subject of horses on the road. Ignoring the shit.

 

Say I'm riding on the back of a FLIPPING ANIMAL on the road for no reason other than my own pleasure.
I could be 100% safe by just not getting on the back of animal but there's no fun in that, I understand we all have to take risks.

I could be 99.5% safe by just riding the animal around the woods or a field or something, but that's not good enough.

I would rather take this animal out on the roads where there are cars doing 60mph+ and then put my safety in the hands of car drivers who are actually going places for a reason, and then get very upset when they don't slow down to walking pace when they pass me.

I've got a pushbike that I enjoy riding, and a dog I enjoy walking. The dog is terrified of cars, so I walk him in the woods. I don't want to impede car drivers, or get run over, so I ride my pushbike in the woods too.

 

I don't get on my bike, don a "POLITE" hivis and string the dog off the side of my handlebars and go for a trot down the A614 and practically stop rush hour traffic like some tosspots did the other day.

[cort16]

I can't stand horses. They're like big angry dogs but with hidden agendas. Oh I'll eat these sugar lumps but when you're least expecting it I'm going throw you into a ditch or boot you right up the hole.

I supposed I'd be angry if people nailed my trainers to my feet too.

 

I heard a thing on the radio about a guy who had a bull that was soft as shite but huge. He used it for film and TV work (it's a long story) and when it died he had it cloned. The bull was identical to the original bull with the one exception of it was a total arsehole.

It gored him once and he recovered. He said it's okay he;s just young he'll learn. It then gored him again when the radio folk where there and it ripped him right up the arsed, through his ball sack splitting that wide open an up through his groin giving him about 100 stitches in that area. He still didn't put it down. What are you waiting for it to blow up a fucking hospital or something.

Cheeseburgers.

[danthecapriman]

Horseshit. What is it with the owners of these giant pets that they let them crap in the road and leave it there. Do they think the rest of us dont mind?

Well I do.

Out on my bicycle at weekend,and after commiting to a tight right downhill turn on one of the back roads round here the bike dissapears from under me and the road duffs me up..because the whole left hand side of the exit to the bend was plastered in shit, and so was I.

Horse riders...should we individually trip you up and butter you in shite to make the message sink in?

Reminded me of when me and my mate were kids and went everywhere on our bikes.

One day we were out, racing each other down a cycle way on a downhill slope on a bend. I decided to cheat to get ahead of my mate and cut the corner by going across the grass verge...

...oh yes! I got ahead alright but hit a humongous pile of dog shit, at high speed!

 

It was fucking disgusting! I was going so fast I couldn't stop quickly. The shit exploded, peppering me and my bike with shit. It was literally everywhere. When I eventually stopped the smell was utterly vile.

My mate was pissing himself laughing. He saw it happen from behind and apparently the turd just exploded on impact and bits of it were flying off everywhere!

 

I was furious at the time and had to go home and take a wash in bleach to get rid of the stench. Then wash the bike too. It's funny now though! Easily the most revolting thing that's ever happened to me!

[Station]

I love horses, they're pretty 'majestic' I understand why people like them.

Apes and monkeys on the other hand are horrid, I absolutely hate primates.

[purplebargeken]

Talking of Polite hi-viz stuff. I was at North Mid Hospital the other day having blood tests and a chest X ray. I came out of the main reception to be confronted by what I thought was a bicycle copper. 

 

I did a double take and realised it was a bloke with a black and white cycle helmet - just like the local bike cops, he wore a hiviz just like the local bike cops but had POLITE emblazoned on the back.

 

Not sure if he was sensible for making other road users take notice or if he was a sad wannabe cycle cop making other road users take notice. The jury is out on that one. 

 

Never ridden a bike through horse shit. Can't say I really want to. Not much chance in Edmonton as all of the illegals would likely nick it and scoff it like they did to a swan locally.

[fred]

I would if reincarnation be true - come back as a three toed sloth who like pipe smoking - sleep for 21 hours a day smoke a pipe eat, then  shit then sleep again

[fred]

I slit a big assed vein in my Calf, slipped on the the stairs and a nail dug in a varicose vein  today, blood spurting at a 2 foot plume, fucking carpet is bolloxed, and the para medics thought I had killed some fecker!

 

 

I was running about looking for something to stem the flow...thus the spurtage 

 

 

 

 

 

The aftermath after the paramedics got a bucket of water and a wet towel to stem the flow.....

Leg bundled up on the old Ozzie - Bummer - called a carpet cleaner - Reckons he can get most of it out - 230 quid coming Friday Cock!!

[sheffcortinacentre]

wouldn't another carpet be cheaper.

 

as for that mockney twat brower hes so confident in his car buying skills he has the AA inspect them first .
 

[fred]

That carpet cost me 500 Nicker!

And now has shades of claret all over it

[fred]

Never knew he had AA inspect his shite ??

[Ghosty]

Those 'polite' hi-vis should be illegal - they're trying to get you to slow down by deception (impersonating police?)

[purplebargeken]

Bloody hell, that does look like a murder scene from CSI. 

 

Excellent spurting ability!

[mrbenn]

Bloody hell, that does look like a murder scene from CSI. 

 

Excellent spurting ability!

 

Agreed, hope you're ok Fred.

 

Re horses, I suspect the riders would be the first to complain if one of us went and shat all over a bridle path, and rightly so. I've nothing against horses, cyclists (I am one) or whatever but there needs to be some responsibility taken towards keeping yourself and other road users safe.

 

The number of cyclists round here on 3k worth of bike but no bloody helmet absolutely beggars belief.

[danthecapriman]

Shit me Fred! I'm surprised you didn't pass out from blood loss. Looks like you've tried to drain yourself! Hope you get better.

 

 

Some people really do need a good kicking when it comes to their animals shit though. When I'm at work working in substations, some of the bad areas are literally filled with dog shits that the tosser neighbours have flung over the fence. It's everywhere, on the ground, all over the equipment I'm there to work on. Some of them the stink is unbelievable, it's a health hazard.

But there's worse still, I've been in a few where there are piles of rotting baby nappies that have been thrown over the fence, its disgusting.

[scaryoldcortina]

Just got a parking ticket

 

There is a small music shop in town that I do some work for, until recently there were double yellow lines outside but a month or so ago a loading bay was added right outside the shop. I parked in it because I was there to collect some speaker cabinets that need repair.

 

It took about 10 minutes to fetch them from the cellar and take them outside, during that time a civil enforcement officer ticketed me for parking in a loading bay without loading and vanished again. I've put in an appeal already, but how hard would it be to stick his head round the door of the shop and ask if the car (with the back seats down) was to do with the shop or just parked.....

 

Gits. Now I get to wait and see what they say because you can only appeal by email or post.

[dollywobbler]

I have a 100% success rate at appealing parking tickets. Even though I was actually wrong twice! Having parking wardens paid on a commission basis is just stupid. That encourages a lack of common sense.

[scaryoldcortina]

This was my first ticket in 21 years of living here.

[Negative Creep]

406 not feeling healthy at all - constant "grindy" vibration through the clutch pedal seems to point to something being amiss within the gearbox. Was a paragon of reliability for a year the the radiator, window (ok, not the car's fault) and this in close proximity. Still, maybe I'll win the raffle and all will be fine?

[Noel Tidybeard]

shirley the gadgee in the shop will "give evedence" as to you being loading

[brownnova]

Don't you just hate it when telesales people speak to you like you're their best mate, not a customer!!

 

'Reece' (probably the campest telesales rep) from EE even had the audacity to respond with sarcasm when I told him I was ending the call as I hadn't asked for him to call and didn't want whatever he as selling...

 

I'm the customer you little moron!

 

Gets on my nerves that does... Which must mean I'm getting old and grumpy!!

[brownnova]

The fact he phoned whilst i was building Ikea furniture probably didn't help!!

[J-Rod]

Those 'polite' hi-vis should be illegal - they're trying to get you to slow down by deception (impersonating police?)

I'm sure it's only a matter of time... 

[gm]

this has been pissing me off for the last week

 

 

if there was a number, I could block it but whoever these selfish arseholes are have withheld it - I did answer once and just got silence on the other end

[Pillock]

A mystery grump. As I posted in the Lisa Riley thread, I've got a dashcam.

I took my car for a service yesterday. Actually, subgrump is that my lease company sent me an email confirming the booking, the garage had no record - but that turned into a grin because the VX dealer were brilliant and squeezed it in anyway, and I got a grovelling email from the complaints dept of the lease co.

 

Anyway, car came back with 8 miles on the trip (all mileage I do is logged for fuel card purposes) and files deleted from the dashcam. Apparently it moved nowhere between me dropping it off in a "service parking" space, and someone moving it from the "MOT parking" bay the other side of the carpark to a parking space. 8 miles seems a lot for an oilchange.

[scaryoldcortina]

shirley the gadgee in the shop will "give evedence" as to you being loading

 

How do you know he's called shirley?

 

Yeah, he said straight away that he would, I've put his number and email in my appeal.

[Station]

Just got a parking ticket

 

There is a small music shop in town that I do some work for, until recently there were double yellow lines outside but a month or so ago a loading bay was added right outside the shop. I parked in it because I was there to collect some speaker cabinets that need repair.

 

It took about 10 minutes to fetch them from the cellar and take them outside, during that time a civil enforcement officer ticketed me for parking in a loading bay without loading and vanished again. I've put in an appeal already, but how hard would it be to stick his head round the door of the shop and ask if the car (with the back seats down) was to do with the shop or just parked.....

 

Gits. Now I get to wait and see what they say because you can only appeal by email or post.

You can load on double yellow lines.

[scaryoldcortina]

I know, and I did on many occasions.

 

That's why it's particularly irking to get a ticket now they've actually added a loading bay!

[HH-R]

I sometimes have to legitimately load at one of the sites at work, but the (council) wardens are so on the ball that I never bother. I park and break my back carrying stuff instead. You just know they'll have a ticket on within seconds and not listen to any protest.

 

They ignore people who park less than foot away from junctions so you have to pull out blind, though. That's fair game.

[Station]

Re: person harrasssing me over Scirocco bumper.

It went for £1.20. He has attempted to ring me 13 times. I swear someone on here is having jokes with me. But if not...

 

I stated on the auction 'Collection Only'. Bidder wins auction. Winner assumes 'collection only' means, collection by a courier. Winner seems to think I'm going to stay in all day, somehow print a courier label out on a printer I don't even have, and package it appropriately. If I wanted to do that, I'd put 'I can courier'. All this for £1.20. I knew I should've chucked it in the fucking River Mersey.

 

I promised nothing!!!! The stinking miserly twat wanted it delivering even though it said COLLECTION ONLY.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CUNT