Andrew353w Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 On the subject of indicators and such like I recently drove an Astra, which seemed to have an absurdly complex "two stage" indicator system; if you moved the stalk fully up or down it indicated normally, but if you just moved it a little (i.e. to change lanes) it would flash for about 3 cycles of the flasher, even though the stalk had been returned to the middle (off position) The idea is to give a clearer indication to other drivers of the Astra driver's intentions.... The result is an Astra driver constantly trying to work out why his indicators are still working when the stalk's in the off position! Why don't car manufacturers stop trying to "re-invent the wheel" and give drivers a modicum of credit for their wish to actually DRIVE as opposed to merely "sitting there".......Andrew353w Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wuvvum Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Why does my car think it knows better, or, why do manufacturers stick "clever" stuff on a simple car?I recently bought a new Panda and I'm quite happy with it, it does the job 50+mpg, 7000 miles in 4 months, but a few things irritate me. If the front wipers are on and I put it in reverse the back wiper starts up, whether I want it to or not. If I have the front wipers on and switch the back one on while in a forward gear it won't start straight away but waits for the front ones to begin an arc. If I switch it on I want it on straightaway, not when it feels like it. Same with lights, you can't have the headlights on with the ignition off and why does the interior light have to come on when I take the key out, why does the mileage display go out straight away when you switch the ignition off, but come back on when you open the door. It's all very clever and someone has obviously thought that this is what a buyer wants. I don't, I want switches that make and break circuits like they used to not a load of clever stuff that will probably go wrong. In fact I'd swap all this clever stuff for a keyhole on the passenger door. While I'm at it I'd like to thank Mandy for devaluing it by another £1k even quicker thanks to "scrappage"+1I remember reading a road test of a BMW (M3 I think) that had the optional "active headlights" fitted. They are supposed to dip automatically when there is an oncoming vehicle (wow, that's cutting-edge - didn't Cadillac offer something similar in about 1957?) but apparently they dip every time they spot a reflective roadsign and, worst of all, they won't let you use main beam below 30mph - GR8 4 crashing into hedges on narrow country lanes. I want the electronic gadgets in my car to be my servants, not my masters.On the subject of aircon - drove around Norwich in the Accord yesterday with the aircon on, twas brilliant, especially when stuck in traffic (and I'm actually fugging impressed that a 21-year-old family saloon still has cold aircon and a working cruise control - that's Honda build quality for you). As soon as I got out of town the aircon went off (adds almost two seconds to the 0-60 time when it's on and, more relevantly, a similar amount to HGV-overtaking manoeuvres), the sunroof went back and drove along with the wind in me hair. I think both methods of interior-cooling have their place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete-M Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 I remember reading a road test of a BMW (M3 I think) that had the optional "active headlights" fitted. They are supposed to dip automatically when there is an oncoming vehicle (wow, that's cutting-edge - didn't Cadillac offer something similar in about 1957?) but apparently they dip every time they spot a reflective roadsign and, worst of all, they won't let you use main beam below 30mph - GR8 4 crashing into hedges on narrow country lanes. I want the electronic gadgets in my car to be my servants, not my masters.Someone I know had one of the first E60 5 series BMWs with iDrive and all that malarky. Coming home one night along the M6, big Merc on the other carriageway with it's big Xenon floodlights on... BMW thought it was daylight and turned the 5's lights off. Then refused to turn 'em back on. Then the dreaded BSOD popped up on the iDrive screen. Trip ended on the back of an RAC truck.On the subject of aircon - drove around Norwich in the Accord yesterday with the aircon on, twas brilliant, especially when stuck in traffic (and I'm actually fugging impressed that a 21-year-old family saloon still has cold aircon and a working cruise control - that's Honda build quality for you). As soon as I got out of town the aircon went off (adds almost two seconds to the 0-60 time when it's on and, more relevantly, a similar amount to HGV-overtaking manoeuvres), the sunroof went back and drove along with the wind in me hair. I think both methods of interior-cooling have their place.The Volvo AC had a moment the other day when it just couldn't deal with 28 deg and being stuck in traffic. The windows and sunroof method doesn't do anywhere near as well as AC does, so I popped to my local AC specialist (who was very happy that day) and had it all checked over. Loose relay, thank fook. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Right then, I know it's not particularly a grumpy old man story, but it does involve a car and is probably worth sharing as it reads like a 1980s teen comedy and makes me look like a fruit fool.After driving the Galant to work today Vicsmith-style (i.e. not much fuel), I decided that after finishing work I'd need to pop to the petrol station to refuel before I made my way back home. No bother! Finished work and set off for a few gallons of Shell in the blazing summer heat - window down, jacket on hook, depressing news blaring out of the radio. Terrific!Pulled into the petrol station and it's one of those where you can pay by machine so I opted to, saves me having to go inside. As I boshed the fuel in, I glanced back in the direction of the machine to see on the other side of the forecourt an incredibly attractive young lady who I sort-of know, kitted out in tight-fitting summer attire, looking absolutely ravishing. She spied me and a typical conversation ensued - "Hiya" "Is this your car" etc. but with me slightly flustered on account of that she looked top notch in her summer gear. Still, I think I held up pretty well!Nonetheless, I am in a petrol station and there is business to be done. So I finished up and bid farewell (she was waiting for a friend, which neatly avoided me having to ask if she wanted a lift in a strange car with a stranger driver). Got back in the car, ready to head back the way I came, pulled out into the road and thought "Shall I have another cheeky look at her while I pass? Ooh, go on then" and glanced over, only to see her in the midst of swapping her top for a different one, revealing a pink bikini top and stunning tanned body. ACK! I was in absolute shock! I was snapped out of it by nearly twatting the Galant into the kerb at 30mph and having to do a panicked swerve.Did she see that? I really hope not. Christ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pogweasel Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 ROFL @ Hirst, that's absolute quality - and lucky old you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michiel Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 LOLL! No pics? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dollywobbler Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 lol! That's good. I had a 'similar' thing happen today. I was cruising into Peebo (that's what fans of Peterboghorror call the place - yes, it has some apparently) in the Subaru, trying desperately to get noticed in a car that's got all the impact of a Gnu in an African plain full of Gnus. Bland just isn't the word. I spot a honey and get ready to look as cool as possible. Then she turns around. DEAR GOD!!!! I was confronted with such hideousness that I very nearly swerved into the oncoming traffic in my haste to rid the foulness from my vision. It was worse than seeing a Ssang Yong Rodious. Seriously, Aphex Twin fans will know what I mean. I really love working in Peterborough. S'pose I should be surprised that she wasn't 15, pregnant, pushing a kid in a wheelchair AND smoking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedSparrow Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Hirst!I have lost count of the number of near-misses I have had due to eyeing up totty. TR7 will be running again soon. Birds seem to like it anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michiel Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 *goes to youtube for some nostalgic aphex twinning* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gallondrunk Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicsmith Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 The finer weather is certainly bringing a lot of leathery old hags that look sort of okay from the back out of the woodwork isn`t it? I find a good way to get their attention when driving past is to travel alongside them at about 5mph while blasting out one of the really ludicrous segments from Jeff Wayne`s 1978 "War of the Worlds" musical, maybe the bit where David Essex is giving his really eloquent speech about building a whole new world under ground, or one of the segway bits that are just loads of weird `70s alien noises and mad drum-breaks. Just keep doing it until they start looking annoyed and walking the other way, then just wheelspin off. That`s how to pick up chicks, remember you heard it here first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Ah the old BOBFOC problem (Body off Baywatch, Face off Crimewatch). I'm sure theres another term for it but I could never be bothered to buy the Viz Profanisaurus :lol:There have certainly been a couple of occasions in the last week or so where I have found myself checking out someone who has then turned around revealing herself to be infinitely less hot (and thirty years older) than I had envisaged would be the case, causing me to feel borderline physically sick. I havent yet puked up as a result, but really must stop allowing my imagination to lead me astray. :DIncidentally, for guilt-free perving, bike plus sunglasses is usually more covert than any motor vehicle (bus excepted) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Ted Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Slightly similar things happening to me yesterday - as a few of you know I work in a clinic treating people with drug and alcohol problems, The number of people I had to tell to put clothes on yesterday when coming into the consulting room. And yooung women turing up in tracky bottoms (usually pink or yellow) and bikini tops... Im sure they do it just to distract me an trick me into giving them more meth.... Sadly the ravages of years of heroin, crack and benzo abuse, coupled ith copious alcohol abuse ( in one case we are talking about 90 units of acohol a day) make for some right fugly bints. Another thig that gets thrust in my face is an assortment of manky crotches - as drug users progress in their habbit its inevitable they will start to inject into their groin in the femoral vein - this over time leaves a gaping hole that quite often gets infected and weeps pus - and more ofte or not i get people (quite unprovoked) dropping their kex and asking me for an opinion of their manky crotch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitevanman Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 and more ofte or not i get people (quite unprovoked) dropping their kex and asking me for an opinion of their manky crotch. damn thats an ugly picture burned into my brain.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trigger Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Cheers, That's just put me right of my ready brek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FredTransit Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 and more ofte or not i get people (quite unprovoked) dropping their kex and asking me for an opinion of their manky crotch. damn thats an ugly picture burned into my brain....WTF?? I hope you are at the very least a Charge Nurse and not a carpet salesman..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dollywobbler Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Inspired by the Sat Nav discussions.Modern housing estates. WTF?!!They're impossible to navigate, made worse by the one my friends live on where their 'road' actually looks like someone's driveway. Then when you've found their house, there's absolutely nowhere to park. They have a garage, but the car lives outside because modern cars have grown enormous and garages seem to be sized for pedal cars these days.Then, you look forward to getting away only to find that you now can't find your way back out of the estate. Gah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Ted Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 WTF?? I hope you are at the very least a Charge Nurse and not a carpet salesman.....Im one louder than a CN - Im a Specialist Nurse Practitioner - The title is in fact a load of bollox and just means the management leave me to do my own thing as no one else wants to do it. Modern housing estates. WTF?!!!Oh tell me about it, one of the wifes friends lives on an estate like that, where the street lamp is in fact in the middle of their lawn, there is no where to park, and if you do put the car on the road - woe betide you as no bugger can get past - oh and the gardens are stupid shapes and the size of a prozzies g-string. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FredTransit Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Well that's er alright then, if you know what I mean..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnthonyG Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 On the subject of indicators and such like I recently drove an Astra, which seemed to have an absurdly complex "two stage" indicator system; if you moved the stalk fully up or down it indicated normally, but if you just moved it a little (i.e. to change lanes) it would flash for about 3 cycles of the flasher, even though the stalk had been returned to the middle (off position) The idea is to give a clearer indication to other drivers of the Astra driver's intentions.... The result is an Astra driver constantly trying to work out why his indicators are still working when the stalk's in the off position! Why don't car manufacturers stop trying to "re-invent the wheel" and give drivers a modicum of credit for their wish to actually DRIVE as opposed to merely "sitting there".......Andrew353wMy Mondeo has this. Its great on a fairly clear motorway during the daytime, otherwise rather pointless - I've lost count of the number of times I've over corrected with this, thinking they were on properly, resulting in three winks one way and then three winks the other immediately after, of course all other drivers think 'dickhead rep' . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Case Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Modern housing estates. WTF?!!!Oh tell me about it, one of the wifes friends lives on an estate like that, where the street lamp is in fact in the middle of their lawn, there is no where to park, and if you do put the car on the road - woe betide you as no bugger can get past - oh and the gardens are stupid shapes and the size of a prozzies g-string.You can blame Prescott the Prat for that. When the councils tried to stop greedy developers cramming in twice as many houses as would fit, the developers went over their heads to him and he usually let them have their evil way.And don't even get me going on the stupid names of these estates You can bet good money that 'Squirrels Nest' or 'Badgers Lair' was built on top of a toxic waste dump that killed off all the wildlife for miles around Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pogweasel Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 @ F.Ted - how the fuck can anyone drink NINETY units of booze a day? In other news, it is now officially TOO FUCKING HOT. I have sunburn, for the first time in about 6 years, and despite applying factor 30 all bloody day. All you besuited gimps in your sterile air-conditioned offices or just anywhere with shade, give thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcqueenmachine Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Near us the horrible developers who bought the horrible land to build a horrible estate they re-named it. Previously the name of that part of town would have struck fear into the heart of a respectable person. It was where your stolen car/bike/lawnmower would be found. Burnt out. So, they changed the name to Brockbottom Clough. Really. The council made them change it back. The spolisports saying they wouldn't empty the bins if they didn't. Actually, good on the council. For once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete-M Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Being a ginge, I've fully appreciated the Climate Control in the Volvo today. Luckily the only other car I've been in all day was a late 90s Honda Legend which also had properly working climate. The Golf has had to skulk in a dark cool garage as there's no way I'm driving it in this heat. Everything is black... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Ted Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 @ F.Ted - how the fuck can anyone drink NINETY units of booze a day? Well, three bottles of 700cl Spar Vodka, and a couple of cans of Cheap 9% lager will do it. - The person in question has to pour a pint mug out the night before ready for the morning as they shake so bad when they wake up they cant physically open a can / pour a bottle. Kwolity.And yes, their liver is well fucked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FredTransit Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Sorry I missed what you actually do when I read your quote in another post, just not the original post you did about the clinic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peter9000uk Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 ^whs^I've got a shitty Renault Kangoo thing for work now, and aside from it's inherent wobbly dreadfulness, some of the 'clever' stuff is just bollocks. Like the mileage display switching off with the ignition, and then not coming back on for another 5 minutes when yo uturn it back on. That's wank, esp when trying to keep a track of business/personal miles. Also, who decided that electric windows would be luxurious, but then opted to put the switches inside the door pockets wants shooting. Add in a wiper stalk that works the wrong way round to every other car ever and various bongs and lights that seems pointless and meaningless and it's all a bit of a faff. Oh and I've already broken the ashtray beyond repair. CAK.With Renaults if you can't wait for the oil level test to complete before the mileage shows just pust the trip reset and it bypasses the test!The mini clutch down thing is thanks to our American friends who are not used to 3 pedals and actually having to change gear. New Renaults with the push button start also have this feature.As far as BMW indicaators go, it is news to me that they actually have them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Ted Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 Sorry I missed what you actually do....As little as possible, its indoor work with no heavy lifting, occasional threats of violence and weekends off....EDIT: Actually, from a violence point of view its safer than A&E, I was bitten, hit and threatened more times when I worked Wythenshawe A&E than in 8 years of doing drugs and alcohol - admittedly Ive seen more knives working in drugs, but not been threatened that often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gallondrunk Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pogweasel Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 @ F.Ted - how the fuck can anyone drink NINETY units of booze a day? Well, three bottles of 700cl Spar Vodka, and a couple of cans of Cheap 9% lager will do it. - The person in question has to pour a pint mug out the night before ready for the morning as they shake so bad when they wake up they cant physically open a can / pour a bottle. Kwolity.Amazing. How can you get that sloshed and still remember to put out extra booze for the morning? I have four or five pits of 'Hen' (other quality ales are available) and can't even remember to take my specs off before I pass out. That takes a special dedication. I shall feel less guilty next time I exceed my weekly "limit" (which lets face it is every week ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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