The grumpy thread

[Lankytim]

Atleast hes taking an interest!

[Spiny Norman]

If anyone starts telling me how fucking GR8 and reliable VWs are, my anti-bullshit instinct kicks in and I start wondering what to have for dinner.

[trigger]

Maybe he was diverting your attention whilst his mate was undoing your wheel nuts?

[Cavcraft]

I think you need to find someone to make this fella see the error of his ways.

[MrDuke]

Wow. You have my sympathies Wat, that's truly horrible.

 

Without wanting to sound all "yeah, kick his f**kin' head in" - I do believe that the kind of spineless opportunist that pulls that kind of stunt would not cope well with face-to-face confrontation. It may be that even a polite visit to inform him verbally (but non-threateningly) of your feelings would sufficiently put the wind up him and give him pause. I assume we're not talking about a drug-dealing thug here, after all - it sounds like a total chancer who thinks the family will be too upset to take it further.

 

Beyond that, I'm sure some calm, lateral thinking will open up other avenues of 'action' that won't result in your arrest, but may well lead to his imminent repentance, via some small episodes of incontinence. If you can't think of anything sufficiently subtle, then yeah, kick his f**kin' head in.

[Lord Sterling]

I'm sorry to hear that Jon. What kind of f*ckin scum would do that, particularly a 'nieghbour'. As has already been said, this tosser needs to see the error of his ways....

[nigel bickle]

If he's local too me, I'm sure my kids could pop round next time they're home ,from Afghanistan...

[oman5]

Yeah. the kick the fu**in head in thing sounds the best option.

[HillmanImp]

What they said Wat. If they have taken it without permission it sounds like someone needs to go round there and get the money back.

 

Whereabouts darn saaarf?

[autofive]

AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH

 

trying to list a car for sale on ebay, my listing can not be processed:

 

Please provide the correct information in the highlighted fields.

• Weight - Please enter a valid package weight.

 

 

it s a fecking car, and there are no highlighted fields

 

i ve been going around in circles for 20 minutes, and 'help' as far as beay is concerned involves ringing the USA

[dollywobbler]

I broke the kettle. Again. It's a stove-top copper job. Nice. I boiled it dry once as it doesn't have a whistle. When I get my work-head on, I forget about pretty much anything else in the world. I NEED a whistle on my kettle or a cut-out!

 

Wife repaired the kettle with a lovely bit of soldering last time. I don't think she's going to be pleased when she comes back from her foreign jaunt tomorrow.

 

Options.

1) Try and solder-repair the kettle again. Chance of success? 10%. Maybe.

2) Hide kettle and pretend it was stolen by a very choosy thief. Chance of success? -379%

3) Buy a lovely new kettle somehow before tomorrow morning and play the 'thought you deserved a lovely present' card. Chance of success? Well, given that most shops are now shut, 0%.

 

Balls.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

2) Hide kettle and pretend it was stolen by a very choosy thief. Chance of success? -379%

 

I wouldn't dismiss this one so quickly... bury the kettle, fake ransack the house, 'steal'/break any ugly lamps she owns, lie to her about having called the police, etc. 

 

I've seen enough sitcoms to know it would work flawlessly. 

[Junkman]

A few green caulises with coloured leaves at their tops and a box full with sweet brown lumps will sort it.

Has never failed on any woman.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Begin by telling her the good news : you didn't buy any cars in her absence. This should make a small hole in the kettle seem insignificant.

[maxpower]

Begin by telling her the good news : you didn't buy any cars in her absence. This should make a small hole in the kettle seem insignificant.

 

Tell her you were so eager to do the housework that you ended up sleepwalking and used the kettle as a mop bucket

[cort16]

Blow it up into a thousand bits then claim you saved her life as it was a "ticking time bomb".

[dollywobbler]

Blow it up into a thousand bits then claim you saved her life as it was a "ticking time bomb".

 

Or I could do that and claim it had a spider in it. "Destruction with explosives was the only way to be sure it had gone."

[Lankytim]

Hey WAT, I think you need to speak to the CAB or solicitor about this neighbour. Go through official lines and then if you get no joy then use extreme violence*

 

 

Talking of neighbourly acts the in-laws are having aggro with theirs. Basically his tree was overhanging their garden and damaging the fence. They spoke to him and between them they agreed to have the tree cut down, removed and split the cost, which was £200.  Around a month ago the tree was felled and removed. The neighbour kept avoiding the inlaws and basically made himself unavailable to pay his share of the £200 so they eventually had to stump up the full £200 themselves to pay the tree fella off. 

 

With me so far?

 

The neighbour has since posted a scrawly 9 page letter though the inlaws door stating that he has taken legal advice and is going to sue them for damages for trespass, criminal damage as the job wasn't done properly (stump left over) and theft as the wood has been taken away without permission, infact he didn't give permission for any of the work to go ahead, apparently (although in part of the letter he states he agreed to "keep the peace") and he wants compensation because he's going through a divorce and it's very stressful, and they are only picking on him because they think he's weak and a pushover but he's going to finally stand his ground.

 

Bear in mind he verbally agreed to have the work done and was quite happy with it going ahead. What a cripple.

 

The inlaws are getting legal advice ASAP.

[cort16]

Fuuuuuuuck! Pin holes in filler where do you keep coming from??,,,

[Cavcraft]

Ian: tell her you left it on the drive as you were topping up the water in the car and knitting her a daisy chain. You'd just turned your back and it was gone in a cloud of dust and red diesel.

Then simply go to the nearest scrapyard, pooh in it and weigh it in. That way the pikies will get the blame and everyone is happy. Except possibly your missus, but the fact you'd taken time out of your busy schedule to make her a daisy chain (which got stolen with the kettle) will appease her.

 

If that doesn't work just tell her it's not your fault she left the kitchen. Then reply on here from the back of your BX estate at 3.00am after she throws you out.

[hairnet]

I broke the kettle. Again. It's a stove-top copper job. Nice. I boiled it dry once as it doesn't have a whistle. When I get my work-head on, I forget about pretty much anything else in the world. I NEED a whistle on my kettle or a cut-out!

 

Wife repaired the kettle with a lovely bit of soldering last time. I don't think she's going to be pleased when she comes back from her foreign jaunt tomorrow.

 

Options.

1) Try and solder-repair the kettle again. Chance of success? 10%. Maybe.

2) Hide kettle and pretend it was stolen by a very choosy thief. Chance of success? -379%

3) Buy a lovely new kettle somehow before tomorrow morning and play the 'thought you deserved a lovely present' card. Chance of success? Well, given that most shops are now shut, 0%.

 

Balls.

the boss solders

 

im in love

 

just buy a nice kettle and tell her you dropped the old one

[freebird]

Can no fucker drive anymore?

Ive lost count of the amount of knob heads that have stalled their cars today. Look, I HAVE to work today but, ferchrissakes, stop fucking stalling your cars and making traffic queues even longer than they already are.

Its hot enough as it is thanks, im not into being sauna'd in a fuggin Transit.

Its not like moderns have particularly heavy or difficult clutches, you can depress the fuggin pedal on most with a flaccid cock.

Fuck, fucketty, fuck!! 

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

I bought a hood cover without realising they changed the fittings at some point. Not even much, they're all the same fittings just a few of them are moved a centimetre. Enough to make it unworkable

[oldford]

Bugger!

 

[Albert Ross]

Sierra CVH? How's the cam? How close to Doncaster are you? If you have £250 you can take away a complete 1989 Sapphire...

[Micrashed]

Wishes to fuck people would stop telling me I have left the windows open on my car when I park up.

 

I AM TOTALLY FUCKING AWARE OF THIS FACT, 

I HAVE NO AIR CON

IT IS FUCKING HOT

I HAVE TO WEAR A NURSES UNIFORM WHICH IS HOT.

 

NOW FUCK RIGHT OFF AND TELL THE DRIVER OF THE SAAB CABRIO HE HAS LEFT HIS ROOF DOWN WHY DONT YOU?

[Micrashed]

This worries me.

Dont be, its a pretty bog standard Navy blue pants and Navy blue tunic top made out of lovely polyester. Betty swollocks R us.

 

Its the crotchless panties and nipple tassels that should worry you....

[Albert Ross]

The company I "work" for supplied us all with 50% thicker shirts at Easter.... they're black. Set o'cunts. I reckon I might go back on Monday in a grey "VIZ" (Johnny Fartpants or Sid the Sexist) shirt..

[MrDuke]

Over the past 2 days, I have spent over 8 hours trying to clean the outside of my car. No, I wasn't detailing the panel gaps with a toothbrush, or using a laser to measure the paint thickness; I wasn't even using a claybar. I was just attempting to make the paintwork non-porous, and maybe just a little bit shiny, with a minimum of tar-spots. At a guess, I'd say it hasn't seen any water other than rain for at least 10 years, possibly more. Seriously, all the previous owner/s had to do was HOSE the thing down 3 or 4 times a YEAR and it would have made a difference. Lazy, lazy, dumbass cretins, I hope they contract bubonic plague. As it is, I've made it slightly less repulsive (but far from ideal) and I reckon I'll only need to spend another 2 hours on it tomorrow. To enhance the experience, some T-cut (yes, I know, slap me) has managed to seep under my thumb-nail, and my thumb is now throbbing like a biatch. Joyful times.

[Station]

I use mr sheen sometimes, it really does the job when you've washed and polished it.