The grumpy thread

[Guest]

Ebay idots!. When I had my Peugeot 106 Diesel on there a potential buyer emailed to say I would have to knock £120 off if he bought it. This was because I was expected to pay for his time and fuel to collect. Buy one nearer home then....

[The Blue Lumiere!]

Got any cracks appearing on your garden wall, house wall etc? Take the council to court and get said speed bumps removed - thats what one group of residents did when the local spendaholics installed them (huge great long things) on one of the main roads - Due to the number of busses / HGV's cracks soon started appearing in peoples walls due to the 24/7 "buuuur - dummm" of heavy things driving over said lumps and passing nice vibrations right up peoples outside walls.Council removed bumps and now install "chicanes" where speed limiting features are needed.

I'm pretty sure I read somewhere recently that some speedbump happy council was persuaded to remove some of them by their local ambulance service, who told them that they were having difficulty transporting people with severe spinal injuries over them, whatever speed they drove at.

[mk2_craig]

I received this a while back relating to the proposed extension of inappropriate traffic calming measures on bus routes:"I explained the looming problem to our friendly main local operator and organised a trip whereby the very stubborn road engineer [who was ignoring our and emergency services reasonable requests] was put on a bus that was a few days away from being withdrawn from service.We arranged for the bus to be driven at maximum speed within the limit over a trial hump while we engaged the engineer in a conversation while he was standing up.....The bus went to the scrapyard a few days later with a massive dent in the roof of the lower saloon the shape of the top of this guy's head. Needless to say the policy was changed immediately and we haven't had a problem since! He still doesn't know to this day he'd been set up"

[The Blue Lumiere!]

Another gripe:When you're at a T junction, indicating right, you're primarily looking right, right? Because traffic from there must be clear before you really need to check left, right? How often does some kind soul approaching from your left, indicating right to turn into the road you're coming out from stop not immediately in front of you, where he should, but off to the left of you and give you a flash, to graciously let you pull out before he turns in? You invariably don't see this flash. You're still looking right. They flash again. You don't see that one either. The road clears and you wonder why this complete spoon is stationery in the middle of the road. It dawns on you that he's a kind soul letting you out first, so you pull out, at exactly the same time as his patience has run out and he lurches forward. Both of you stop and he's still flashing and waving for you to draw in front of him. By this time more traffic has arrived from both directions and is waiting in queues each side.Why not just follow the Highway Code? Knobs.

[Mash]

Numpties.My route to work takes in a long straight village bypass and I got stuck behind one of those imported JDM Pajero SWB bling-mobiles doing 45mph Couldn't get past because there was too much oncoming traffice so I had to sit and fume (in my 40 year old car I hasten to add).Holds me up all the way to the filling station, followed him in and he proceeds to put a tenner's worth of unleaded in it. That'll last him till this eveining then FFS buy a Morris 8 if you want to drive at that speed and can't afford much petrol!!

[gearoil]

"Baby On Board" signs.

Generally attached to a sub 3 year old VAG or BMW product, diesel powered, and tailgating you at 90. In the rain.

[outlaw118]

Baby on board signs are merely there to show off; if the car is drivin by some munter, it shows that "hey, I used rohypnol on some poor fecker, and now I've got a bayyybeeee", or if driven by a bloke it's his way of saying "Hey everyone, I've done sex. with a girl!!"Turdmunchers....

[mk2_craig]

 

You can just about make out the yellow Mothercare Baby on Board sign in the back window of this part-hammerited, part rattle canned pile of shite that I drove on and off throughout my Scottish university career. Cleverly and hilariously doctored to read BABE ON BOARD. Which was only true once, when I gave a lift to my blonde Irish flatmate but she was a total nutjob so that doesn't count.

[Father Ted]

Baby on board signs are merely there to show off; or if driven by a bloke it's his way of saying "Hey everyone, I've done sex. with a girl!!"

Drive a big feck orf people carrier - not only does that say "I have done sex" it says Im incedibly fertile / lazy / married to a catholic / too tight to buy some johnnies / skint forevr due to the kidzz

[M'coli]

Baby on board signs are merely there to show off; or if driven by a bloke it's his way of saying

"Hey everyone, I've done sex. with a girl!!"

 

Drive a big feck orf people carrier - not only does that say "I have done sex" it says Im incedibly fertile / lazy / married to a catholic / too tight to buy some johnnies / skint forevr due to the kidzz

It can also mean "We've bought a car to fit our child's designer pushchair".

[pogweasel]

 

...not only does that say "I have done sex" it says Im incedibly fertile / skint forevr due to the kidzz

 

I'll pick those two options.

Maybe I should bottle it.

[outlaw118]

But have you got the sticker??!!

[pogweasel]

Ha ha no!Bad enough having to drive a bloody Picyourasshole without drawing further attention...

[r.welfare]

It can also mean "We've bought a car to fit our child's designer pushchair".

AAARRGHH yes! I was not consulted in this decision, only asked to provide the £420 it cost for this marvellous device. So big that the "pram" top and collapsible frame pretty much fills the boot of an Accord hatchback - not a small space.Then last week one of the tyres burst because Mrs W ran over a drawing pin in the local library - have you tried to change a tyre on one of these things? I broke 3 tyre levers just getting it off, then gave up and got the local bike shop ("We get a lot of these in") to put the new one on.Asked Welfare Snr for advice who replied "Dunno son, prams had solid tyres in your day"

[M'coli]

Oops, sorry R Welfare, didn't mean to hit a nerve!My wife's an ex-nanny and she always recommends the Maclaren E type or a copy of such - you know the type, it'd fit behind an MG Midgets's seats.

[andrew e]

I allways went for the umbella graco types.... [gets coats walks away]

[Father Ted]

Yup , we have one of those three wheel all terrain things cluttering up our cupboard - in fairness though it was given free and usually clutters up the MIL's house.We have the Maclaren double thing and a single - but does anyone else find the wheels at the back wear down really quickly?We still have (and its in bloody good nick) our sons pram that we bought from the Early Learning Ctr in the Arndale Manchester some 13 years ago - used with both our daughters (cos its a proper pram) before moving onto the umbrella type. - Now returned to the loft waiting on the day one of the girls comes home and says she is up the duff Why do you think the lads bedroom is on the ground floor and theirs is upstairs? Have a teenage girl with a ground floor opening window, with the parents upstairs - noooooooooooooooo f'kin way.

[pompei]

The Fuhrer managed to get rid of our three wheeler last week on prambay, as we've got 3 others in boots/MIL's, which are all infinitely more practical (and cheaper) We also had the flat tyre/bike shop scenario too!

[Richard]

We went down the route of cheap umbrella style buggies and replaced them when they broke. We had a bulky three-in-one (never did work out what the third function was) device that took up the entire boot but it was a complete arsepain.Baby stuff is generally quite bulky but it doesn't need to be. With most things there are slimline versions if you shop around, and the compact stuff is usually cheaper and stronger too.

[Guest]

I'd just like to counteract this thread of old men moaning with the following utterly fantastic news: they've redesigned Monster Munch back into the original 1977 specification, thereby making the individual bits bigger. In this current climate of child obesity and snooty finger-waggers, it's nice to see that someone is going to buck the trend.

[retrogeezer]

People that park like this and just leave the car...don't they get out and realise they are 3 feet from the kerb and blocking the road??

The blue pug looks like someone jumped out while driving along!

 

 

 

[r.welfare]

I'd just like to counteract this thread of old men moaning with the following utterly fantastic news: they've redesigned Monster Munch back into the original 1977 specification, thereby making the individual bits bigger. In this current climate of child obesity and snooty finger-waggers, it's nice to see that someone is going to buck the trend.

Awesome.They introduced Pickled Onion Monster Munch into our vending machines in the office a few months back - unfortunately I was spending a lot of time in Bradford and Trowbridge then (motoring link - much chargeable mileage piled on the 405s) so didn't manage to consume enough to make them a "full time" addition next to the packs of McCoys...

[Guest]

Christ, how selfish is that Peugeot driver? I hope a bus drives into it.Anyhow, here is a pointlessly furious rant which will receive nothing but disagreement and confusion. Soz.I detest modern turbo diesels. Why the hell do so many people feel entitled to have one? I saw some old boy in a Focus TDCi this morning (cruising along at 20mph in 1st). He probably does 500 miles a year, why does he need that? I bet he traded in his whitewall-equipped Kia Pride for it. It's a situation I'm seeing a lot lately, people who would previously have petrol cars are now getting turbodiesels - even with the prices at the pumps, how many miles are they doing to make the difference?I also don't like the way you can get them in luxurious specifications, that needs to stop. None of this A4 1.9 TDi with full leather and alloys and aircon and stuff. You're getting a solid paint colour, black bumpers, no radio and a steels and trims combo. The turbo is coming off too, if you bought it for economy that's what you're going to sodding get, you won't be able to hurtle round angrily overtaking people in 3rd wearing your Bluetooth headset and "doing business". Deal with it!But the main reason I post this rant is that I detest the noise of them. I'd like to single out VW and Audi ones as the worst, with their farty hum and irritating whistle as they greedily suck up air. YOU ARE NOT A LORRY! STOP IT!!

[garethj]

I also don't like the way you can get them in luxurious specifications, that needs to stop. None of this A4 1.9 TDi with full leather and alloys and aircon and stuff. You're getting a solid paint colour, black bumpers, no radio and a steels and trims combo.

I hear you, brother In the good old days (think beam axles and crossplys) there were lots of car companies all of which made certain types of cars. As a result Land Rover became famous for 4X4's and Porsche became famous for sports cars. Jaguar meanwhile were good at a luxury saloon, Ford for something practical and Skoda if you were just plain skint.The world was a happy simple place where depending on what kind of vehicle you wanted you knew who to buy it off. Then everybody started buying everyone else, but that didn't matter because they kept the old names and played on their strengths, so us simple consumers still knew were they were up to. This is a basic introduction to what I will call 'Brand Identity' and those boys in Detroit and Wolfsburg stumped up serious money to get their hands on the rights to various shiny nameplates with leaping cats and charging bulls and whatever on.OK, so the world was a better place. You could still buy what you wanted by going to the right dealership, the only development being that due to lots of nice technology transfer your V12 supercar started on cold mornings just like a diesel hatchback.Then, around the turn of the millennium something really, really stupid happened. All theses car companies, who were all owned by the same people anyway, started to make other types of cars. Now you can buy a supercar from Audi, a 4X4 from Porsche, a diesel estate car from Jaguar and a luxury saloon from VW. Great in the short term if you've always wanted a Porsche but have 3 kids or you've had a bad knock on the head and desire a £60K VW, but at the centre of this is a very sad fact that will be really, really bad for the industry. Our children (wherever they are) will think Lamborghini make 1.9TDi people carriers and Skoda has just had a third consecutive 1,2,3 at Le Mans, and when I can finally buy a Lamborghini when I'm 76 they'll laugh at me and claim it's only got a heated rear window to keep your hands warm when your pushing it!

[pogweasel]

Top rantage, Hirst!I did the sums not so long ago.... You've got to do quite a lot of miles to get the benefit of the diesel. Though with some of them being silly cheap to tax now there's an added bonus. Alot of these modern diesels seem to be pretty un-diesel like in their economy as well as performance. OK, so the Focus of old and the Picasso seem to be pretty 'trad' diesels, not much go but plenty of economy, what it is all about. My van however... jeez. You have to wring the nuts off it to make it move, like you would a multi-valve petrol car. I am sure this is directly connected with teh fact I cannot get more than 40mpg out of it. POINTLESS. (*goes back to mull ovr that 405 wagon*)

[Milford Cubicle]

Modern diesels do sound bloody awful, like an especially gravelly and bland-sounding petrol engine.I liked it better when they all sounded like tractors at idle/low revs.

[the spidery land's eye]

Here's my rant: Another thing that peeves me is “Serving Suggestionâ€Â. I have a salad cream bottle which has a photo of some salad cream on a tomato and some lettuce on the label. Why does it say “Serving Suggestionâ€Â? I know that’s not the only way you are allowed to use it and I know that the tomatoes and lettuce don’t come with it.

Ah, well you see apparently if they didn't scribble 'serving suggestion' on the packet, you can legally expect the company to supply everything else in the photo other than the product you just bought. In your case you'd be able to write to the salad cream guys and DEMAND a bit of manky lettuce and a tomato. My favourite is the cornflakes packet - how else do you eat cornflakes t'other than with a bowl?Oh, and in case you were wondering, this message was composed in a protective environment.

[pompei]

Assorted ramblins - maybe the Pug driver got a taxi to the pavement.I'd like to see a serving suggestion with the cornflakes used to make chocolate cakes or ground up to use as a fish breadcrumb substitute (trust me, I saw the recipe. I even tried it, but no-one ate it - the fickle tastes of children and wives)Gareth - great routine!

[Mash]

Now I've seen it all. Spotted on a tin of Asda tuna (and I kid you not):

 

"Allergy advice: contains fish"

 

 

Now, in my humble opinion, if you need that kind of information on a label, then you really shouldn't be in a supermarket in the first place, but perhaps locked away in a little room out of harm's way.

 

FFS

[Guest]

What were you doing in Asda looking at tuna? Aren't you coming to the roller-disco with us?