Things in car adverts that make you go "Oh F*** Off"

[doobietoo]

  On 16/01/2015 at 20:48, Cavcraft said:

I've just seen an advert for a 201 van with 200,000 miles on the clock. 'Motorway miles' used to deliver medicines to the NHS. Because, obviously, all hospitals are built on motorway service areas.

 

And frimley park in farnborough even had its own private access road from the M3. Not been there for years though to see if its still there....

All the modern hospitals outside the M25 were built with a major london incident in mind and are within easy distance of the major routes out. No doubt it is the same further north.So more truth to this than you might imagine.....  

[Cavcraft]

'Running 300BHP'

 

Have you got proof of this?

 

'No, but my brother's goldfish's dad said it was faster than a standard car and it's got iridescent spark plugs' 

[Partridge]

  On 16/01/2015 at 21:38, Cavcraft said:

'Running 300BHP'

 

Have you got proof of this?

 

'No, but my brother's goldfish's dad said it was faster than a standard car and it's got iridescent spark plugs' 

Ha ha! :-D

[carlo]

I think I meant twats who include auxiliary heating in the listing not having a clue what it means (bit like me really), but hoping we'll all think it's got air con.

[Justin Case]

  On 16/01/2015 at 06:13, Sudsprint said:

' Owned by a Mrs Dawlish of Penzance who had it serviced at Dunstones until May 1977 when it was bought by a Captain Armstrong of Sidmouth who maintained an inventory of every expenditure….

 

all reads that it is narrated by an etherial best friend rather than a dealer who bought it at auction the week before.

I quite like those completely random and irrelevant snippets like in this ad

http://www.realcar.co.uk/20hp_gvo26.htm

 

On the other hand any car with motorway mileage that has covered other than 2173 miles should have the advert pulled.

 

However that is nothing compared to an advert just on ITV which mentioned Hyundai i20 and inspirational in the same sentence. Does anyone have the number of the Advertising Standards Authority

[vulgalour]

I don't always understand adverts when I read them, my brain plays tricks.  Like when I read 'air con' and see this \/

 

[xtriple]

Was watching a Harry Metcalfe video on youtube about his Countach and that has got windy windy windows - though they only open about two inches it still surprised me!

[MarvinsMom]

there is an  ad running on telly at the mo, for some sort of vw pissant,

 

i think it's the cc (complete cunt?)

 

it goes something this "this man is a twat,this man is an arsehole...this man knows what he wants, he is a donkey rapin' shit eater...."

 

and so on. its just total shite!

 

infact all the car ad's on telly are wank. for the money that the makers throw away on adverts you would think someone would have an original idea.

 

the last one would be the pug 405, with burning cane fields (and "take my breath awaaaayyyyy......")

[oman5]

There should be more honesty in car advertising.

 

"The new Dodo Fandero. It may be crap, but at least it's cheap."

 

"The Aldi brownmotion tdi. It's good enough for everyone else"

 

"The Natsun Kumquat. People buy this? Really? Ahahahah!!!!"

 

"Bmw 1 series. Yes, it DOES look like an allegro estate. But it's got a BMW badge."

[MarvinsMom]

  On 16/01/2015 at 22:56, oman5 said:

 

"Bmw 1 series. Yes, it DOES look like an allegro estate. But it's got a BMW badge."

 

it will rupture your spleen, empty your wallet and your haemorrhoids will curse you for buying one, plus you WILL look like a cunt....

[jakebullet]

There's an audi radio ad locally that makes me want to go and burn down the radio station, audi, and a primary school.

 

Bint reads out the usual wank, get your shit audi serviced for only £bumrape for up to 2 litres or £megabumrape if you've got a big one. The twist is after every 5 words she stops and an annoying child repeats it slowly. It goes on for bloody hours.

[robinmasters]

'Comedy' adverts, that 'go viral'.

 

'I had no idea it would generate this much attention'. That's exactly what you hoped would happen, you attention-seeking cunt-wrangler.

[Jack D]

"£75 NON NEGOTIABLE ADMIN FEE ON ALL SOLD VEHICLES"

 

I'll be the judge of that.  And as it happens in that statement you've completely ruled me out from buying any car from you or anyone even loosely associated with your business.  You can't just slap on money after negotiations "BECAUSE ADMIN"  That's part of your business overheads and the pricing of the car should reflect that.  

 

"Full service history to 45,000 miles"

 

Car is on 120,000 and a mechanics greasy docket hasn't seen the glovebox since.  The word "full" should not be anywhere near that statement.  

 

"Lost service history but it's been well looked after"

 

If it hasn't got one then I'm not paying the price for a "well serviced" car for which the owner has't had the minerals to admit that they've run into the ground.

 

"I know what it's worth.  Don't wast my time with insulting offers!"

 

Pushy adverts really boil my piss.  

 

Excellent thread BTW.  

[steve_earwig]

  On 16/01/2015 at 22:36, MarvinsMom said:

the last one would be the pug 405, with burning cane fields (and "take my breath awaaaayyyyy......")

"Take my brain away..."

[UltraWomble]

  On 17/01/2015 at 01:20, Jack D said:

 

 

"Lost service history but it's been well looked after"

 

I'll see if I can find the link to the car with the "Full Service History" that consisted of a handwritten service book in the same ink with nerry a stamp in site.

[Mr Livered]

Manufacturers' car ads are obviously different beasts from small ads, eBay listings or whatever for a single car. I've seen a few car ads on telly lately that left me thinking, what the fuck was that, as it mentioned not one single fact about the car.

[Cavcraft]

Oh yes 'I know what it's worth' that old chestnut. This is usually typed after 'offers' which I take great delight in making as shit as possible, just to push the idiots into actually posting a price up. 

 

 

'Testing the water:' 

Thought train:  'I'm hoping I get loads and loads of enquiries and people offer me more than it's worth.'

Reality: Loads of people make stupid offers, or there's very little interest at all.

Action: 'I didn't want to sell it anyway/I'm not giving it away/I've spied my arse'

[UltraWomble]

Going very slightly off topic here but keeping in with the whole "I know what its worth thing" is the uplift clause you sometimes get in property sales.

 

FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON, you want to profit out of my hard work and expenditure well get bent you utter cuntfuttock.

 

Sorry.

[bub2006]

I do love some of the curses used on this site. Surely make a sailor blush!

[HH-R]

  On 16/01/2015 at 20:15, doobietoo said:

Everything about the new Corsa advert.... Its so bad i am not even going to link it....

Not had the pleasure* yet... is it as irritating as the "C'mon!" ones?

[HH-R]

Autotrader annoys me when you're looking at an £n budget then it will show some new Volvo 4x4 or whatever for £16995 on EVERY. FUGGIN. PAGE. Yeah, I can neither afford it or want it, sod off.

 

Happens on cheaper stuff too, some dealer has paid £££ to have an advert on every page for something. Yeah, seen it, not interested, why keep showing it?

 

The Adblock Element Hiding Helper Firefox addon is great for blocking shit like this.

[overrun]

  On 17/01/2015 at 09:51, bub2006 said:

I do love some of the curses used on this site. Surely make a sailor blush!

Gan fuck your own face, you tedious bell-whiff!

[mercrocker]

^^Sounds like my old Geordie boss.   The kind of bloke that used to make you want to screw up so you could learn a new phrase.   I miss him!

[bub2006]

Oh and I love the originality!

[Cavcraft]

'Had a low mileage replacement engine'

 

Yes, but no scrapyard ever sells high mileage engines, they've all done 14,000 miles from new and being ran on virgin mice piss.

[HH-R]

Aye, the whole concept of buying scrapyard engines is flawed really... "The engine in this car is superb, I think I'll weigh it in" thought no one.

[AlabamaShrimp]

^^^ what about a Jersey registered escort Estate, maybe a silver one?

[purplebargeken]

Maybe a silver one that is as flat as a pancake now or as cubed as, well, a cube really.

 

You had your chances, this site, not, what, used to be, it.

[brickwall]

"all our cars come with our 20 billion point quality check and full piece of mind warranty".

 

 

Meaningless.

[robinmasters]

If we're doing tv adverts here too the recent Toyota Yaris advert really boiled my piss. They told you nothing about the car at all, it was all footage of youngish people driving around singing along with their bloootoothz-MP3-ipod-connected-shit.

 

None of that bothered me; there was a very attractive woman on the advert, who may have slightly closed her eyes momentarily whilst driving. Due to public complaints about her dangerous driving, they cut her from it. Bastards.

 

Oh, and that Fiesta advert with the gutless cuckold who accidentally mentions his girlfriend's dad's alcoholism, then apologises by text so the speak and spell dashboard reads it out to her. FUCK OFF.