Piss poor spannering skills

[chodweaver]

Refilling the coolant in a 205, ended up loosening the radiator to get to the fill plug on top that was covered by the slam panel. Next door neighbour walked past and asked why I wasn't just filling it through the expansion tank. Good question.

Exterior rear door handle stopped working on my 190D. Thought in my infinite wisdom 'I wonder if the child lock has somehow worked on the outside handle rather than the inside' it hadn't and I now had a door that could not be opened at all.

Sometimes you just have to make things a bit more challenging

 

Brilliant! Proper lolz at that.

 

I was extra, extra careful yesterday, while fitting a latch to the new internal door for the kitchen, that i did not close the door with the latch in place, until I had also drilled a hole, fitted the shaft and both the handles, to avoid ending up with the door closed and no method of opening it again...

[Snipes]

Brake pads on the front of a P10 Primera. Talking to a mate as I'm doing the second side. Throw it all together and pumped up the pedal. Felt a bit odd but got a pedal so went for a test run. Made the strangest noise, like a grindy-rub-rub noise. Back to base and wheel off; I'd only fitted one pad on the nearside! Found the other pad still in the box! Lucky I didn't pop a piston really.

[catsinthewelder]

I brought an old van in that was making an awful noise from the brakes so changed the rear pads.  I wanted to do the front pads as well but it was due to head off down the auctions so I was told not to waste money.  We had one last removal job to do before it went and it seemed a lot quieter at first but started making a strange noise after 10 miles or so.  We slowed down and the noise eased but kept getting worse so we got slower and slower.  We were down to about 10mph and decided to stop as we were on a long straight.  At that moment there was a bang and the O/S/F wheel rolled off ahead.  I knew it was my fault, swore a lot and fetched the jack from under the seat.  I had loosened those wheelbolts in readyness to change the pads but forgot all about it but nevermind, the arch was only slightly bent and we'll soon have it sorted.  I retrieved the wheel, jacked up the van and pinched a wheel bolt from each of the other wheels then tried to reassemble it.  This was when I got a horrible sinking feeling, none of the wheelbolts had vibrated out. They had all snapped off flush with the hub.  Fortunately we had another van back at the yard so were able to finish the job.  The RAC sent a contractor out and repairs weren't that expensive.  I'm never going to be allowed to forget about it as long as I work there though.

 

Funnily enough we still have the van, we couldn't sell it with 3 wheels and were so busy when we did fix it that we decided to keep it.  The brake disc was damaged by the fall so it got discs and pads as part of the repairs.

 

My other big bout of foolishness was replacing the headgasket on the 200tdi when it actually needed a new radiator.

[SiC]

that's the thing though innit..........it is a manual with lots of control gear to make it more like any auto...............but its got a dry clutch. And  dry clutches wear out quick if you slip them which would be what you are doing if you hold in gear in traffic

The DSG boxes can come in wet and dry clutches. Mine is a wet clutch unit. Newer lower powered stuff moved to a dry clutch as it improved MPG and reduced emissions.

 

Aye so it's a shit design as it should know the handbrake is on & fully disengage the clutch. TBH the speed they select gears it could put itself in neutral as well.

 

If they are worried about it rolling as the driver didn't put the handbrake on properly then a nice expensive hill hold type setup would be another pointless gimmick to sell it to those who can't manage the basics of driving & shouldn't have a licence.

Newer stuff I think came with auto brake hold. Holds the brakes on without needing to hold the footbrake. Naturally brake lights on the rear stay on when you do this.

 

Useless fact. The TT side brake lights are also the rear sidelights. When not braking it runs them dimmer. Braking puts them to full brightness. This is a bulb setup though rather than LED. Not sure how LED VAG setups work (probably the same I bet).

[Kiltox]

It's so people can hold it on the footbrake, then it gives them a couple of seconds to let go of the brake, dither around, remember where the accelerator is and find biting point on the clutch before it rolls.

 

If only there was a way of holding your car on the hill using a control that doesn't involve two feet using all three pedals. Fancy that. You'd be rich if you invented that. You could call it the BrakeHand.

 

(Admission - I've had a few cars with it on now and I'm getting lazy thanks to it. My Peugeot used to sometimes forget to hold on though, I think it depended on whether the stopstart had activated and if so, whether there was enough vacuum in the servo without the engine running. Hence a couple of times I had proper squeaky bum moment when I assumed it was going to hold and I start rolling back towards the car behind)

Duster has the hill hold like that Fiesta - rolls back again after a few seconds

 

Rented 2018 Honda Civic had “brake hold” - if turned on it keeps the brakes on until you actually start moving

[Kiltox]

The DSG boxes can come in wet and dry clutches. Mine is a wet clutch unit. Newer lower powered stuff moved to a dry clutch as it improved MPG and reduced emissions.

 

 

Newer stuff I think came with auto brake hold. Holds the brakes on without needing to hold the footbrake. Naturally brake lights on the rear stay on when you do this.

 

Useless fact. The TT side brake lights are also the rear sidelights. When not braking it runs them dimmer. Braking puts them to full brightness. This is a bulb setup though rather than LED. Not sure how LED VAG setups work (probably the same I bet).

Surely your TT just has 5w/20w dual filament bulbs like fucktons of other cars

 

Downside of those in a lot of cars is when the 5w filament pops it uses the 20w as sidelights too - so your brake lights are stuck on apart from the centre one

[warren t claim]

Did I ever tell you about the time I proudly changed the cam belt on a 2.0 Mk2 Mondeo and tried to start it before removing the cam lock?

 

It survived.

[paulplom]

I did a head gasket change on a mk2 fiesta back in the day. I removed the head and the bores filled with coolant. I had the great idea of spinning the engine on the starter to get the water out. The car instantly caught fire as soon as I turned the key. Obviously the carb and spark plugs etc. were still live as it were and it must have sprayed petrol and lit it at the same time. I spent the next ten minutes running in and out of the kitchen with washing up bowls full of water. Luckily no harm was done and there was no one watching.

[HMC]

XJ40 non starter. The heap of shit. Que lots of checking of everything you can think of and a lot of cursing. This really is a rusty heap of shit. Oh hang on it’s not fully in park. Oh right it starts fine now. That’s half an hour of my life I won’t get back. What a cretin.

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

I'm lucky to have not had any spanner related 'mishaps' worth noting, other than making complicated parts out of metal upside down or reversed and the front lower arm rear bushes on an E36... Always put them on the wrong way around... however, when removing a sink waste I always emptied the water back into the sink. It's like some kind of annoying habit I just couldn't get out of. Now I make sure there is a bucket under everything before I start and you know what? Since doing that, I haven't done it.

[Guest Hooli]

I've done that sink thing too.

[Guest Hooli]

XJ40 non starter. The heap of shit. Que lots of checking of everything you can think of and a lot of cursing. This really is a rusty heap of shit. Oh hang on it’s not fully in park. Oh right it starts fine now. That’s half an hour of my life I won’t get back. What a cretin.

 

Mine always used to need very slight back pressure on the gearstick to start, I classed it as anti theft once I was used to it.

[AMC Rebel]

Spent some time removing an alternator to replace with a second-hand one. Put the old one back on...

 

My favourite when doing any job is to collect all the nuts and bolts in a tub, then step on the side of it and flick them everywhere. In the gravel and flowerbed especially.

 

Yes to both of those - refitted the faulty power steering pump to my MG after mixing the good and bad one up on the bench - and it's not a ten minute job - engine mount off etc.

 

Also yes to carefully guarded bits being flung everywhere.

[AMC Rebel]

I Always put them on the wrong way around... 

 

 

I put the discs on the wrong way round (but noticed) on my Jaaaag

 

Put the Track rod end from the wrong side on the MG but noticed.

 

One thing I am learning is to go back and check everything I do.  Twice.

[AMC Rebel]

Surely your TT just has 5w/20w dual filament bulbs like fucktons of other cars

 

Downside of those in a lot of cars is when the 5w filament pops it uses the 20w as sidelights too - so your brake lights are stuck on apart from the centre one

 

A lot of German made/designed stuff including Vauxhalls (Vectras and Corsas) use pulse width modulation to run single filament 21W lamps as taillights and brake lights.

 

Also, although it uses 5/21 bulbs, the Rover 75/ZT uses PWM on the 21w to keep the tailights on if the 5w fails = clever but can be really confusing.

[Guest Hooli]

A lot of German made/designed stuff including Vauxhalls (Vectras and Corsas) use pulse width modulation to run single filament 21W lamps as taillights and brake lights.

 

Complexity for the sake of complexity, that can't offer any real advantages over a proper twin filament setup. Cheaper to make maybe, or pays for itself in more expensive parts sold later on.

[AMC Rebel]

Complexity for the sake of complexity, that can't offer any real advantages over a proper twin filament setup. Cheaper to make maybe, or pays for itself in more expensive parts sold later on.

Yeah - I never really understood what problem that was trying to solve.

 

It's different for LED lights as PWM is an effective way of "dimming" them - so the Jaaaag and loads of other stuff uses the same LEDs for tail and brake lights.

[The_Equalizer]

Did a one of epic proportions last year. The brake pedal was sticking on in very hot weather on my CLK. After a fair bit of rooting about on the internet I concluded it was either the pedal bushing (which is known to swell in heat when older) or the brake servo. I was back in Blighty one weekend seeing the folks when the wife called from Northern Ireland. The weather was hot and the "brakes had smoke coming from the front", although she kindly thought it best to keep driving and get home. Enough is enough I thought and duly ordered an OEM ATE brake servo from Germany at £330-ish.

 

Next weekend armed with the usual array of sockets, brake spanners and the like I set to work. I mean, how hard can it be to remove a servo? Well in a CLK it's a bl00dy tight fit and of course requires the removal of the master cylinder and five (yes five) sensors linked to the servo, master cylinder and fluid reservoir. Of course, brake fluid went everywhere as there's always a gallon hidden in the system somewhere waiting to hose your paintwork in the most awkward of spots. Getting it back was even more of an effort, but eventually it was ‘all sorted’. Relieved, I thought a quick brake bleed and we are home and dry. I mean, what could be the problem the garage changed the fluid last year - it says it on the bill I had on file.

 

New fancy pressurised bleeding kit worked a treat - front brakes bled in a blink of an eye. Keep on trucking... Bleeding the rear calipers was a different tale. On inspection there wasn't much of a nipple on either rear caliper to try and undo. After a good couple of hours trying to coax them to just budge a bit, I waived the white flag and spent the rest of the afternoon ordering new rear calipers, discs, pads, handbrake shoes and flexis (well while you're at it you may as well).

 

Next weekend, despite it taking quite some time all was fitted save for the flexis. Do note dear reader, that rear discs have two functions on a CLK - the usual disc brake bit and the handbrake shoes which act in the same way as brake shoes do on drums (the latter takes quite some time to set-up.) Of course, fitting the flexis meant undoing the unions, which had a magic twisting effect on the steel fixed brake pipes which duly decided to leak on one side. No problem I thought - I have a brake pipe making kit. New pipe made on one side, fitted and, finally ready for the magic pressurised brake bleeding kit. Well there's no doubt that it's pressurised as it highlighted the other sections of slight rusty/disturbed rear brake pipes by leaking all over the place. These, of course, being the brake pipes that disappear over the petrol tank and beyond.

 

Sometimes you have to know when you're beaten. So, with a very bad bandage to the leaking rear brake pipes I managed to get enough pressure in the system to get it on a low loader and get it sent to the local Merc Indy. It came back with new pipes and a working braking system.

 

Total cost £800-ish in parts and the visit to the Merc Indy plus about 14 hours of my time over three weeks. Being philosophical I reasoned that occasionally you get jobs that are like this, it's part of running an old motor. The only problem being it that peddle was still sticky in hot weather and the brake pedal bush was only £10.

[AMC Rebel]

The only problem being it that peddle was still sticky in hot weather and the brake pedal bush was only £10.

 

Brilliant punchline!

[SiC]

Complexity for the sake of complexity, that can't offer any real advantages over a proper twin filament setup. Cheaper to make maybe, or pays for itself in more expensive parts sold later on.

Yes/no. For stuff like brakelights there will already be a power transistor switching them on and off. A power transistor is smaller, has a longer life (if not abused), quicker reacting, quieter and better mechanical durability than a relay for the same job. The software and hardware required to do varying brightness is pretty trivial over the top of basic switching on and off of a bulb. Often they also run a small amount of current through the bulb when not lit. Several reasons, first because it allows them to sense if a bulb is blown without lighting it up. Secondly a small amount of power preheats the filament and reduces stress shocks from lighting up from completely cold - thus longer bulb life. Thirdly they can measure system voltage and limit amount of current going to the bulb when charging levels vary - likewise increasing life too.

 

As its all mostly done by software, once developed, it's no real extra cost for use in production vehicles.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

….It's different for LED lights as PWM is an effective way of "dimming" them - so the Jaaaag and loads of other stuff uses the same LEDs for tail and brake lights.

 

You can also get aftermarket LEDs nowadays that are pretty good at replicating the dual-filament bulbs - I use the ones made by Philips in the CX.

[castros_bro]

http://autoshite.com/topic/26750-what-have-you-fixed-lately/page-28?do=findComment&comment=1619127

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

I put the discs on the wrong way round (but noticed) on my Jaaaag

 

Put the Track rod end from the wrong side on the MG but noticed.

 

One thing I am learning is to go back and check everything I do.  Twice.

 

Luckily the bushes wont fit back onto the car and that's when you notice. Last time I even set the arms out and planned it all so carefully... still wrong! They are an arse to push on too (think superman/ cryptonite), taking them back off almost certainly results in total destruction of the bushes and your hands!

[pilninggas]

Years ago I moved into a new house. When i moved in I dropped my washing machine from the sack trucks - did wonder at the time if id done it any harm.

 

Anyway roll on a bit and I fit a new kitchen, with significant replumbing. I get to the stage where I fitted the washing machine and got excited by the fact that the machine would be usable and i could stop relying on using other people's washing machines or the laundrette.

 

Connect it up, bung in a load and off it goes. Doesnt get far before it throws up a check engine light. So stop cycle, check filter and try again. Off to a mate's for washing routine.

 

Decide to take a look after work one day. Everything looks fine. PCB giving what look like the right outputs. All the valves, pumps and motors okay. Flummoxed i park the problem.

 

Then the next sunday get it outside, bosh it back together and run it up. Works a treat. Back in the kitchen, set it running and it stops in the cycle with CEL.

 

Utterly pissed off that it seem all good. I buy a cheap secondhand one and throw it outside under a tarp. Plumb the replacement one in and this one doesnt even get 1/4 into the cycle before it throws a wobbler.

 

It then strikes me like lightning that I had put a new trap in and with washing m/c spigot- youve guess it already -the spigot has a blind grommet/blanker in where it threads onto the trap to stop overflowing and smells. 10 seconds and it's out. I've wasted goodness knows how much time and have 2 bloody washing machines. Sold the flashy one and kept the second hand jobby - which turned out to be a bad idea, as it only lasted 18 months before i had to start spannering it.

 

Basic stuff and i missed it.

[Andyrew]

After being told the passengers electric window wasn't working on my other halfs Jimny. I stripped the door down, checked everything, all looked fine. Bypassed the switch and everything worked fine. It just wasn't getting power.

 

Went to Nick the switch off the drivers door to test that and noticed a little button. Turns out a Jimny has one of those child safety buttons usually to cut the power off for rear Windows for the passengers door.

[Squirrel2]

Back in 1986 a penniless Squirrel was running a Renault 16TX that developed clutch judder and then slip that on inspection appeared to be caused by oil getting into the clutch. From the smell of it, it was gear oil. Oh joy! The gearbox input shaft seal was leaking. Now young Squirrel had recently broken another more rotten 16TX and had a cellar full of spares which included a gearbox and, as the one in the car didn’t drive well, a plan was formulated.

I hired an engine crane and pulled the lump out and dug the spare ‘box out. One new clutch assembly later and it was all back in and replacement filled with gear oil. A road test showed up a glaring problem; my replacement ‘box also leaked oil at a massive rate - this one from around the selector shaft. In the car I’d broken this had been ignored and the box run dry so it shifted like shite and 5th gear, which is in the front housing on these ‘boxes, howled like hell...

Should have just replaced the first motion shaft seal on the car’s original and put it back.

 

Squirrel2

[2MB]

washing machine

If it’s any consolation there has been more than one instance on the the top tier COMAH chemical site I work on of people leaving the plastic covers on safety valve flanges when refitting then.

[andy18s]

Years ago I moved into a new house. When i moved in I dropped my washing machine from the sack trucks - did wonder at the time if id done it any harm.

 

Anyway roll on a bit and I fit a new kitchen, with significant replumbing. I get to the stage where I fitted the washing machine and got excited by the fact that the machine would be usable and i could stop relying on using other people's washing machines or the laundrette.

 

Connect it up, bung in a load and off it goes. Doesnt get far before it throws up a check engine light. So stop cycle, check filter and try again. Off to a mate's for washing routine.

 

Decide to take a look after work one day. Everything looks fine. PCB giving what look like the right outputs. All the valves, pumps and motors okay. Flummoxed i park the problem.

 

Then the next sunday get it outside, bosh it back together and run it up. Works a treat. Back in the kitchen, set it running and it stops in the cycle with CEL.

 

Utterly pissed off that it seem all good. I buy a cheap secondhand one and throw it outside under a tarp. Plumb the replacement one in and this one doesnt even get 1/4 into the cycle before it throws a wobbler.

 

It then strikes me like lightning that I had put a new trap in and with washing m/c spigot- youve guess it already -the spigot has a blind grommet/blanker in where it threads onto the trap to stop overflowing and smells. 10 seconds and it's out. I've wasted goodness knows how much time and have 2 bloody washing machines. Sold the flashy one and kept the second hand jobby - which turned out to be a bad idea, as it only lasted 18 months before i had to start spannering it.

 

Basic stuff and i missed it.

We had a machine that wouldn't drain if the drain pipe was too far down the house outlet pipe

Took a visit from a service engineer to show me that 1

[D Spares & Tyres]

Now this isn't exactly a spannering story but it does involve a shite van and some piss poor skills.

 

I needed to use my trailer. There was a C15 van on it. It wouldn't start. No bother, I'll just drive to the top of the yard where there is a slope and I'll roll it off and possibly bump start it.

 

Drove to the top of the slope. Stopped. It was apparent at this point that the C15 had no straps on it. Nor was it in gear. Handbrake not on either. I caught sight of it rolling off the trailer, shattering my trailer board and driving itself into the workshop door. Luckily the large RSG door frame caught the C15, slightly marking it in the process

Bearing in mind this was quite early in the morning and I was trying not to be noisy, I put a rope on the van and dragged it back to the top of the slope. Upon reaching the top, the towing eye broke off as it was rotten at the base. The van again tried to ram raid the workshop, resulting in this

 

It reminds me of that line in Snatch: "yes Tommy, proper fucked"

[omegod]

/\ HILARIOUS