What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Cheggers]

Where I now live (Gunwharf Quays in Portsmouth) is a magnet for low-rent hen parties. If you thought stags misbehaved, you should see the antics of some of the old slappers outside Bar 38 at midnight. Over time you learn to see the signs early in the evening - a dress 2 sizes too small (or an arse 2 sizes too big...), devil ears and a pink sash saying something like "Brides Filthy Sister".

[Pillock]

I went on my wife's hen night. Her mates have got big wangers and dirty minds. I still won at Laser Quest despite that distraction.

[vulgalour]

I've been invited to more hen nights than stag parties.  I drew the line at the Disney Princess themed hen night, even though I was offered a full bottle of Gin all to myself.

[hairnet]

Mx day in cambs tomorrow

 

Even tho pissed down today

 

Whittlesey to doddington road

Yay despite damp and bumpy as fook

[Cavcraft]

Last time I went paintballing I shot some overbearing back-to-front in the throat from about 14 inches away. He did nothing but moan about it for the next couple of hours, so it was great.

[catsinthewelder]

I've not been invited to any stag or hen parties but have driven the minibus for quite a few,  I'm reasonably happy with this situation

[Lord Sterling]

Just met up with a neighbour who lived on the same road as Ma_Sterling until recently. He told me a few years ago that he had a small holiday shack up near where I am now located. Just by chance today I looked out of the window and saw him park his van up outside my gaff, I opened the window and called over and invited him to Chez_Mo. He now lives in his shack after some personal stuff at his home, plus the road was being overrun with Jeremy Kyle contestants so its nice to get away from there.

 

My book of 'people I know near me' is growing with another addition!

 

Also, as I'm not driving at the moment, the busses here go to other places I want to visit so over the next few days I plan on some visits.

[Pillock]

I've not been invited to any stag or hen parties but have driven the minibus for quite a few,  I'm reasonably happy with this situation

I've seen "documentaries" on this sort of thing, I'm assuming you don't get paid in cash?

[catsinthewelder]

How else does a chap make a living?

[Cavcraft]

To be fair, it probably seems a great career driving limos full of pissed up bints round, but I expect the reality is actually really annoying after a short while.

[fred]

Last time I went paintballing I shot some overbearing back-to-front in the throat from about 14 inches away. He did nothing but moan about it for the next couple of hours, so it was great.

I had to go on a 'team building' session a few years ago at work, and paint balling was the chosen 'fun thing'

After a couple of hours 'team building' I caught my 'enemy' in a corner - My Mouth breathing twat of a supervisor,  I said 'This is all off the record right?' - 'Oh god yes' he says enthusiastically. 

So I unloaded all my paint balls at 6 foot into his bollock regions and claimed victory  

[DeeJay]

To be fair, it probably seems a great career driving limos full of pissed up bints round, but I expect the reality is actually really annoying after a short while.

Probably about 15 minutes.

[Pete-M]

When did they build a motorway in Wrexham?

 

You don't go home for four weeks and they go and build a damned motorway!

Ok. The M53.

[MarvinsMom]

Probably about 15 minutes.

 

as long as that?

 

you must have the patience of a saint!!

 

or just be as deaf as a post.

[DeeJay]

They call me Saint Dave the cloth eared.

[richardmorris]

Chinook circling overhead!

trim.9BCAB9FF-878A-4A91-920C-11A1FB5A937F.MOV

[AlabamaShrimp]

Got these a couple of days ago. Have to say thanks to. Mrbenn for sending them

 

 

I know it's no help but to counter the one in grump thread (can't remember by who) found a hand bag on the back of a trolly in Morrisons yesterday. On one around so handed it in. Was rammed with stuff..

[Pillock]

I had one of those XR4i keyrings!

 

Never had an XR4i, ever. And when I had that keyring I was probably about 7 years old. I used to pester for stuff like that

[michael1703]

Went to work in the scimitar with the intention of doing some work and 5 mins on the scimitar.

 

I didn't do any work and swapped the front shocks for some with better bushes,set the wheel alignment,got the electric windows working and fixed a few noises which were scraping brake dust shield and exhaust rubbers.

 

It feels much better to drive, so a good day

[Pete-M]

 

The Nazis came to Liverpool today. "Only bullets will stop us" they claimed, "The city will burn if you try to stop us", they wrote in a letter to the Mayor.

 

They made it as far as lost property at the train station, where they cowered until the police took them away for their own safety.

[Cavcraft]

I've just got a full house on Under Seat Bingo:

 

Crayon: check

2p piece: check

1p piece: check

Item of cutlery: check (fork!)

Kids plastic toy: check

McDonald's token: check

Sticky sweet: check.

Sock: check (minus points though as it was apair, rather than a single, and they matched)

 

(Not all visible in pic, but trust me they're there

)

[Cavcraft]

The Nazis came to Liverpool today. "Only bullets will stop us" they claimed, "The city will burn if you try to stop us", they wrote in a letter to the Mayor.

 

They made it as far as lost property at the train station, where they cowered until the police took them away for their own safety.

 

I saw that in a news feed last night. Great news for Liverpool, and hats off to all involved in stopping those w*nkers.

[Pillock]

A toothbrush?!

[Richard]

A toothbrush?!

 

I think that might have been given out at school and not made it into the house. I can remember being given a Colgate toothbrush, toothpaste and mug when I was at school.

[Taff]

 

The Nazis came to Liverpool today. "Only bullets will stop us" they claimed, "The city will burn if you try to stop us", they wrote in a letter to the Mayor.

 

They made it as far as lost property at the train station, where they cowered until the police took them away for their own safety.

 

 

I saw that in a news feed last night. Great news for Liverpool, and hats off to all involved in stopping those w*nkers.

 

agreed. Nazi's are cowards, bullies & wankers. Culling them would be a waste of ammunition

[purplebargeken]

These sad twats got their 5 minutes of fame unfortunately. 

 

Ooooh we'd better hide in here 'cos we're hard nazi motherfuckers and Mummy, people are shouting at us. Mummmeeeeee!

 

Stupid pointless twats. 

[Pillock]

Not just shouting! Somebody threw a banana. I know! They were very brave* Nazis but when the bananas start flying you just have to retreat.

[purplebargeken]

Obviously they got confused between bullets and bananas.

[Pete-M]

All that was needed to scare off the Nazis.

[Asimo]