What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[cms206]

SWMBO woke me up last night at about midnight because something had brushed her face and disturbed her. She put the light on and found it was a daddy longlegs on the curtains. She did what any loving partner would do and woke me out of a deep sleep to deal with the insect pest.

Apparantly I saw bolt upright and set about the curtains with a claw hammer, before deciding that it was all too much hassle and punching the wall through the curtains to destroy the daddy longlegs. Then I put the hammer on the bedside table and went back to sleep.


I don't know where I got the claw hammer from.

[aldo135]

"PAISLEY MAN IN CLAW HAMMER ATTACK" doesn't sound that newsworthy

 

 

Sent from my Hoose Phone

[cms206]

"PAISLEY MAN IN CLAW HAMMER ATTACK" doesn't sound that newsworthy

Not for Paisley it doesn't, anyway.

[aldo135]

I've got one by the bed too, it's to remind the wife it's her turn to get up with the babies!

 

 

Sent from my Hoose Phone

[trigger]

Good job there wasn't a 9mm pistol on the bedside table.

[M'coli]

The daddylonglegs isn't so named because of the length of its prosthetic legs.

[Bobthebeard]

This:

Excerpt from 'Three men in a boat' written in 1889 or thereabouts.

Weather forecasting seems much the same now as then!

 

"The weather is a thing that is beyond me altogether. I never can understand it. The barometer is useless: it is as misleading as the newspaper forecast.

 

There was one hanging up in a hotel at Oxford at which I was staying last spring, and, when I got there, it was pointing to “set fair.†It was simply pouring with rain outside, and had been all day; and I couldn’t quite make matters out. I tapped the barometer, and it jumped up and pointed to “very dry.†The Boots stopped as he was passing, and said he expected it meant to-morrow. I fancied that maybe it was thinking of the week before last, but Boots said, No, he thought not.

 

I tapped it again the next morning, and it went up still higher, and the rain came down faster than ever. On Wednesday I went and hit it again, and the pointer went round towards “set fair,†“very dry,†and “much heat,†until it was stopped by the peg, and couldn’t go any further. It tried its best, but the instrument was built so that it couldn’t prophesy fine weather any harder than it did without breaking itself. It evidently wanted to go on, and prognosticate drought, and water famine, and sunstroke, and simooms, and such things, but the peg prevented it, and it had to be content with pointing to the mere commonplace “very dry.â€Â

 

Meanwhile, the rain came down in a steady torrent, and the lower part of the town was under water, owing to the river having overflowed."

[Junkman]

Renner Twatty Shit In NCAP Smash Up Shock

 

 

http://www.autotrader.co.uk/articles/2014/06/cars/renault/twizy/renault-twizy-scores-poorly-in-euro-ncap-tests

 

What makes me grin is how the assorted specialised press pretends to be genuinely surprised that this daft deathtrap kills all its occupants when it hits a 2CV at walking speed.

[dugong]

"PAISLEY MAN IN CLAW HAMMER ATTACK" doesn't sound that newsworthy

 

 

Sent from my Hoose Phone

 

I thought you lot just called that 'Tuesday'?

[forddeliveryboy]

Renner Twatty Shit In NCAP Smash Up Shock

 

http://www.autotrader.co.uk/articles/2014/06/cars/renault/twizy/renault-twizy-scores-poorly-in-euro-ncap-tests

 

What makes me grin is how the assorted specialised press pretends to be genuinely surprised that this daft deathtrap kills all its occupants when it hits a 2CV at walking speed.

 

How is that possible when it has airbags?

[dollywobbler]

It may have airbags, but it doesn't really have windows, and the doors are flimsy. The lack of crumple zones are the real problem though. Means much more impact on the driver's neck. I shall relax as my entire 2CV is a crumple zone.

[trigger]

[forddeliveryboy]

How is that possible when it has airbags?

 

It may have airbags, but it doesn't really have windows, and the doors are flimsy. The lack of crumple zones are the real problem though. Means much more impact on the driver's neck. I shall relax as my entire 2CV is a crumple zone.

 

Should've inserted an irony smilie. The post below echoes my thoughts. And having seen a few 2cvs after big accidents, they're far better than most would ever imagine - including one which had a smash with an old Volvo, which was written off and driver carted off in an ambulance. 2cv man pulled his bike out of the boot and set off home, his car was apparently back on the road at the end of the week.

[Pillock]

It's also lovely proof that airbags, ABS, SIPS, EBD, OMGLOL and WTF are no substitute for, you know, just not driving into stuff.

 

I've been not driving into stuff for nearly 20 years and I've got a 100% death avoidance rate despite owning some particularly crap old cars.

 

I'm going to campaign for NDIS to be part of the driving test.

[aldo135]

Stuck in nightmare traffic as the Edinburgh City bypass is shut both ways.

 

All is fine now since I spotted this! Had to change lanes to get a picture but who cares, all routes are fucked anyway...

 

 

Sent from my Hoose Phone

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Think Clint Eastwood and cars,what springs to mind ? Dirty Harry's Ford LTD, a 66 GMC with an orang utan riding shotgun,or maybe a Gran Torino in green.

What he actually drives is......

 

 

 

At least it's not pink,I suppose!

[Spiny Norman]

That Twitzy NCAP test is scary, particularly the side impact test.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9WgaoDF3_Q

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I'm not scared by it. what is everyone expecting from it? Seeing as it hasnt really got any sides and is half the width of a normal car you can't expect sherman tank-like side impact protection.

[MrDuke]

Forgive me if I'm talking utter crap, but wouldn't a motorbike (or scooter, whatever) actually be considerably safer in most collisions that that? Being as you're propelled off the bike at a slower speed than you were traveling, to end up having glancing impacts which can be absorbed by your entire body, including your head which is inside a nice thick helmet. Rather than being held in place while the front of a half-scale car is rammed firmly into your legs and chest.

[meggersdog]

Well my first week as an MOT station owner/tester was a very busy one.Had some interesting old cars in aswell as the modern stuff(40's Ford Prefect with rod brakes,50's Vauxhall Wyvern,60's Merc coupe Triumph Vitesse and a lhd VW camper).Today, the start of week two,I only had four cars booked in.First in was a 911 turbo with permanent 4 wheel drive so a Tappley meter road test for the brakes.Next was a Citroen AKS400 (2CV van) then a fairly famous bright yellow Mk1 Fiesta and the last MOT was a series 2 E type convertible.

Think I am going to like this new business.

[Ratdat]

You're hardly likely to be commuting 12,000 miles a year in a Twizy so I'd imagine the actual chances of an accident are much reduced to start with. I wouldn't be bothered about driving it because it wasn't safe, more because I'd feel an utter tool driving it.

[spike60]

The Renault performs probably better in the NCAP tests than I would have expected given what it is, somehow I never thought it was Merc S class rival. I would think a lot of the folk on here have or used to own things at least as dangerous in their own way, I think an original Mini, A30 etc probably worse.

I owned a Dutton Phaeton with a tuned Lotus engine, shit brakes, shit suspension, shit seatbelts, shit lights and shit visibility to other road users and a steering shaft with no joints aimed straight at my heart. Drive accordingly!

[Jim Bell]

It would have been funnier if the dummies head had come off.

[Jim Bergerac]

Travelling in some kind of death trap doesn't really scare or worry me. It appeals to my sense of adventure and danger. That said, I've sat in a Twizy and found that I just didn't like it so I'm not going to defend it too much

[MrDuke]

That's the thing, though - in a Mini/A35/whatever the vastly increased death risk is balanced out by the driving experience. And not looking like a fecking numpty.

[MrDuke]

 

 

"PEDESTRIANS NEARLY MOWN DOWN BY GENE HUNT WANNABE"

[Cavcraft]

You're hardly likely to be commuting 12,000 miles a year in a Twizy so I'd imagine the actual chances of an accident are much reduced to start with. I

 

I'd like to see the press report when the Audi A6 driver crashed into a bus stop writing his car off as he was avoiding a Twatzy driver who was only riding it to the shops, so was exempt from being crashed in to.

[beko1987]

[drum]

Did the Sinclair C5 go through Ncap testing?

[Pillock]

It went through "kneecap testing" where it was awarded a record five-crutch rating.