What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Cavcraft]

My favourite was when I got my 1950's Harry Hall Tourer in a working state. Fixed speed, flat bars, looks as rough as hell. Found and bought a bell that sounds like a 'ding dong' door bell and set off for a ride.

Pretty soon I was about 25 yards behind some bloke who seemed to be really struggling on a road bike on the local cycle path, and everytime I rang the bell if there was someone with a dog or something, it seemed to make him jump out of his skin and ride that bit faster. I got closer and closer and kept coughing which just made him ride even quicker. By the end of the cycle path (about 2 miles) I swear he was a sweaty wreck and stopped to check his phone. To be fair he could well have been close to the end of a 75 mile ride or something, but he really didn't seem to like the thought of me getting past him.

It's funny when you're right behind people and they sort of look over their shoulder a bit to see if you're gaining on them, then speed up.

[purplebargeken]

Cycle path?!? You have people who actually use them? There is a great one along the A10. I and 2 other cyclists are the only ones who seem to use it. There is a Lycra God who weaves in and out of the rush hour traffic on the A10. I am tempted to ask why he doesn't use the path but don't want to have my mirror ripped off. Oh no, is that a grump??

 

Here you go. What makes me grin? A pint of Baileys and ice. 

[M'coli]

I had that sort of thing with a twat on a Specialized back in November. I overtook him on my Dawes without pedalling while going downhill, and casually mentioned something about being 17 stone. He sajd "I've just come off, but thanks for the kick up the arse!" He then tried to gap me on an uphill...next downhill bit, I sallied past and didn't see him again!!

[Cavcraft]

It's a shared route I suppose rather than a cycle path as such, but it's brilliant as apart from the odd loose dog/knobhead, it's all properly tarmacked and goes for miles and it's completely free of vehicles as it's an old train track.

 

Llandegla is a good laugh on shit old bikes, too. First time I went was on a £69.99 Halfords full suspension bike, people were laughing at me as I pushed it most of the way up, but others weren't so amused as I came tear arsing down full tilt on it shouting them to get out of the way.

[Pillock]

The DFT guidelines are that cyclepaths are for people who won't exceed 18mph/30kmh. If you're riding in such a way that you could exceed this you should use the road instead - and it's your own thoughts on the matter since there is no rule that you have to use cyclepaths and they only advise either way.

 

Some are fine - the one on the side of the A617 as you approach Newark is lovely since it has no pedestrians, and it gets you out of the way of all the sugar beet trucks. The shared ones are a pain in places since pedestrians are often stupid and don't understand "sharing" so no matter what speed you approach at, they block the whole thing or let their dogs run around in front of you. Helpfully some councils paint a white line down the middle with periodic symbols of bikes and people on the respective sides. Some pedestrians are too stupid even for that.

[purplebargeken]

Ah, ok. I didn't know that. The Lycra God certainly wasn't doing that much speed. The traffic dickheads round here scare the crap out of me when on the bike as they are too stupid/drunk/drugged/ignorant of anything on 2 wheels. Maybe I'm just getting older. 50 this year!

[spike60]

The National Cycle Route No1 passes close by my house and has a line segregating the cyclists and pedestrians with suitable symbols but I still get bawled at to get on the road despite being cautious when passing walkers. I suspect they haven't noticed the signs etc, unaware of their surroundings.

[rml2345]

Back when I did a bit of cycling (usually on £12 worth of 21 speed Giant mountain bike) I tailed a guy on the Falkirk canal who was going pretty quickly. Didn't stop or slow down and I wasn't fit enough to pass so followed him for miles. You're apparently supposed to ring someone for permission to go on the canal though.

Tearing past the mad keen cyclists going down hills as an unfit fat bloke with no fear is mega grin worthy. Especially somewhere like Carter Bar on the A68...

[Pillock]

I like to think it's a scientific fact that a fat bloke on a bike will be faster downhill than a skinny one. Gravity and slopes and all that. Probably isn't, and every so often I look how fast the road is rushing past and think "If I come off here, it'll be messy".

 

I do a nice triangle involving Cromford, Ashbourne and Belper. It's only about 35 miles - get it the wrong way around and it kills you, get it right andd the last drop down into Ashbourne is about a mile of decent downhill, easily do 35-40mph without touching the pedals.

[cobblers]

The National Cycle Route No1 passes close by my house and has a line segregating the cyclists and pedestrians with suitable symbols but I still get bawled at to get on the road despite being cautious when passing walkers. I suspect they haven't noticed the signs etc, unaware of their surroundings.

 

Yeah, theres a totally dedicated cycle lane next to a dual carriageway near me - pictures of bikes painted on the floor, fuppin give way markings the lot. The footpath is 15 feet away over a flippin hedge, but I used to get someone mouthing off at me every time I used it!

[Cavcraft]

It's still like that by us, though no markings to separate cycles from walkers. I see it from both angles, I always ring the bell or shout a warning but more often than not people ignore you and you end up swerving round them as they (or their dogs) wander out in front of you.

To be fair though there's just as many knobheads on bikes (and 99% of the time is the spandex gang) who don't shout a warning, then get abusive when they nearly hit you. They're all gob as they ride off though and never stop to back up their mouth running away from them: one bloke nearly ran my daughter over going at full speed then shouted loads of abuse at her. If I ever see him when I'm out riding then he's going to get a swift boot off into the undergrowth.

[Richard]

It's bad enough sharing a footpath with other pedestrians when you're walking.

[vulgalour]

Recent addition of fuel to the tank revealed my post OMGHGF fuel consumption figure as being an improvement of an extra four m's to the g.  I wonder what I'll get on a motorway run since I was previously managing high 30s.

[dugong]

[Ghosty]

^That reminds me of the graffiti on the railway tracks outside Piccadilly station that said 'peados (sic) get 15 months, graffiti gets you 4 years' and a bit more to that effect.

Naturally it's been cleaned off, some other bits were left though.

[dugong]

Yes, but what do the walls own?

[oman5]

Yes. "the blank wall's" what "are criminal"?

[Cavcraft]

 

?

[cobblers]

I'm a tight fucker so I took a gamble on a £8 ebay tripod assuming that "proper" ones would be about £200 since they are camera gear. Anyway the £8 tripod was just about as wobbly and useless as you would expect so this morning I finally despaired and went on amazon and it turns out they aren't that much really, I had a voucher so spent £25 on one that at least a few people reckoned was OK, I read reviews and stuff like you do when spending £25.

 

This afternoon I took my nan up to my mums for some dinner and my mum hands me a belated birthday gift, the exact same flippin tripod I'd just ordered! It absolutely pisses all over the old one in the fact that I can screw my camera on the top and it will remain pointing where I aimed it.

 

Cancelled the order on amazon and got FULL MONEY back which I used to buy a £30 7" android tablet out of morbid curiosity seeing as a refunded gift voucher is like mega double free money

[chaseracer]

As FPB7 will attest, the 300E is running like a bag of spanners ATM; st-st-st-stuttering at low revs and threatening to die on its arse at inopportune moments. The culprit seems to be the comedy HT leads snaking their way around the engine while attempting to use the exhaust manifold as a support bracket. Cable-tying them out of the way hasn't made any difference, so I can only assume they are damaged or degraded in some way.

So. Into Stafford this AM to the Mercedes dealer with the old-skool parts manager, expecting open wallet surgery at best.

 

"Yeah," says George (and I paraphrase slightly), "leads in a box with a three-pointed star on it would involve a fairly rough dry-bumming. But the OEM is Beru, and in that box they're about forty quid. Let me make some phone calls."

Result!

 

[M'coli]

I like to think it's a scientific fact that a fat bloke on a bike will be faster downhill than a skinny one.

Aye, this is indeed true, as is the reverse, that a skinny bloke should be able to go uphill faster than a fat bloke - he didn't manage to!

[trigger]

[inconsistant]

If you've got nothing to do for the next 4 and a half minutes, and thought George Formby was the best uke player evah, you could do worse than have a listen to this:

 

 

Lovely.

[trigger]

That was stunning.

[wackywacerwill]

Aye, great stuff.

[Jim Bergerac]

Yesterday, I had to get into Birmingham to get home and got a lift from a mate. There is something grinworthy for me about going down the M6 in high winds and torrential rain in a Lotus Elise.

 

Saw a Volvo Amazon coming the other way too, which made the grin bigger still.

[scruff]

Picked up a Fergie today and brought it back to sunny Rutland. Rush hour A14, M6 and Coventry negotiated briskly; bet it's a different story next week.

 

Anyway have a shiny tractor. It's cheeky exhaust bark made me grin lots.

 

[skattrd]

Scruff - You didn;t pick that tractor up from a smallish village in Lincs did you?

I only ask as I know an old farmer who restores tractors.

[scruff]

No skatts, it came from a place near Stratford, very well-to-do

[dugong]

Found my very cheap Christmas present to myself at work this morning: