What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Negative Creep]

New personal best on cold calling wankers:

15 minutes, 43 seconds while some knobhead was trying to offer some sort of computer based 'help'. I repeated everything they said adding a different bit and kept going back to my computer and telling them I'd pressed the wrong thing. Just shy of 15 minutes and 20 seconds I told them I haven't actually got a computer and the daft bint had to get her supervisor to explain (to her) what I meant.

 

My wife strung one of them along for a good ten minutes. Got a bit scary though as the chap on the other hand clicked that she was timewasting and asked if she needed any help to undress! My guess is they aren't allowed to hang up and that's one trick to get people off the phone.

 

Same thing. This magic "oh your computer is screwed because there's a text file just here. You'd better buy our magic potion fix cure!"

 

 

Those Indian ones? I doubt they have any rules at all, seeing as they are nothing more than criminals

[Cavcraft]

They sounded Indian and we have managed to stop any UK witheld number from calling us so they're definately abroad somewhere.

[Negative Creep]

They sounded Indian and we have managed to stop any UK witheld number from calling us so they're definately abroad somewhere.

 

 

Scammers who will try to remote access your computer. And thus deserve every bit of abuse they get

[Pete-M]

managed to stop any UK witheld number from calling

 

'owdya do that then?

[ashmicro]

managed to stop any UK witheld number from calling

 

'owdya do that then?

 

 

http://www.tpsonline.org.uk/tps/index.html

[trigger]

^ Doesn't work though, I'm registered with TPS but still get calls, i just tell them that I'm registered and can i have there company details so i can report them, that normally works.

[Pete-M]

Oh, I've been with the TPS for years. Still get the odd one though.

[chaseracer]

SCHWEEEEEEET!!!

 

 

Can't believe how much she's grown, Louise! (But then, they do that - Aidan is now taller than me...)

 

Gruff looks well too

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I bought a £30 OPCOM gizmo off eBay for interrogating vauxhall fault codes etc, I'm chuffed as I have managed to successfully install it on my computer and plug the laptop into the diagnostic port and get some sort of comms going. I recorded a load of live data as i was driving about and plotted it up afterwards, about 80% of the parameters are bo11ox though so i've obv still got a lot to learn. So far so good, now I need to plug it into my mates van and see if I can get the cooling and spanner lights off.

[Cavcraft]

^ Doesn't work though, I'm registered with TPS but still get calls, i just tell them that I'm registered and can i have there company details so i can report them, that normally works.

 

 

We had to speak to our phoneline privider (Post Office I think) then press something like 9 3 # and that's all witheld numbers f-o'd. It does mean hospitals/coppers/others can't ring but I won't lose any sleep over that. The TPS are ok but a lot of wanker companies just ignore that but you can complain about them to TPS who supposedly act on it.

It used to be fun sometimes getting home imporvement companies on the phone for absolutely ages, repeatedly asking them questions about styles and sizes of windows, going outside to measure up then asking them the same things before passing them a phone number. When they asked who's number it was I'd just say it was the council as they own our house and quite often said cold caller would off his/her tits about it which made it all worthwhile, but eventually getting countless spam calls everynight grinds you down.

[Louise2cv]

Thanks David, she really isn't a baby anymore, which is probably just as well seeing as there will be a new one along in Sept . Gruff isn't allowed out the front, as you can probably tell

 

Hope you are all well, will Aidan be driving the Dyane soon? Time flies!

[autofive]

got an email this morning.....

 

Let me start by introducing myself I am Mr. Jacob Andy, I was directed by Good luck Jonathan President of Federal republic of Nigeria and the chairman Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde, to notify you on the investigation that took place here in Nigeria.

 

In regards with the investigation that has happened recently here in Nigeria will noticed that you are dealing with some Nigerians who claimed you have money with them and they have failed to make you get the money and you lost so much money during the process, I am currently paying so many people with the same problem, so I have been directed by the Nigeria government to pay you also but due the late registration of your name on the list of the people I have to pay, I will not be able to pay you much because of insufficient fund, so I will only pay you $2,000,000.00 (Two Million dollars only) as compensation to what has happened to you.

 

 

I have prepared an ATM CARD on your name and I will advice you to contact the dispatcher to enable him send the ATM CARD to your home below is the contact information of the dispatcher, make sure you contact him and get the ATM CARD.

 

Mrs. Kemi Adebayo

Remittance Manager,

Oceanic Bank Plc.

EMAIL: [email protected]

Meanwhile be informed that cost of shipment has being settled but the insurance coverage of ATM Card is at your expense.

 

 

Get back to the director ATM (Mrs. Kemi Adebayo) to enable him inquire about the cost of the Insurance of your ATM Card to be delivered at your doorstep and keep you informed.

 

 

Fill this form and send it back to him to enable him dispatch your ATM CARD at once.

 

* Title:_____________________________________.

* First Name:________________________________.

* Last Name:_________________________________.

* Street Address:____________________________.

* City:______________________________________.

* State &Country:___________________________.

*Phone: (Area Code) - Number:________________.

*Fax: (Area Code) - Number:__________________.

* Occupation:________________________________.

* Next of kin:_______________________________.

* Id card/ Driving license:__________________.

Send the above information immediately.

 

 

Note: you can also receive your funds through bank to bank transfer but you are going to be requiring paying for the transfer commission as no deduction can be made out of your compensation funds.

 

 

Note: The government of Nigeria as seized monies from everybody and cooperate bodies that has participated on the issue.

 

 

We seize this opportunity to also warn that anyone or cooperate bodies caught bringing the name of the country to disrepute will be firmly dealt with within the ambit of the law. So you are advice to disregard any email you get from anyone or co-operate bodies and forward the email to us for proper conduct.

 

 

On behalf of the President of the federal republic of Nigeria, we are truly sorry for the inconveniences and for what you encounter from the Nigerians that make you lost so much money please speak well about Nigeria in your country as soon as you get this ATM card.

 

 

Best regards,

Mr. Jacob Andy

[pompei]

I thought all that Nigerian shit had died a death...

[pompei]

Just cooked (and scoffed) Nigella's gammon cooked in coca cola. Sounds bizarre, tastes wonderful.

[autofive]

the 419 scam just keeps getting evolved by a new generation, that email is so sus i cant see anyone falling for it.

 

a couple of years ago i used to give them a 'scam rating' out of ten as a form of reply.

[MrDuke]

The thing that really makes me laugh, isn't so much the actual emails that they send - it's that in order for them to bother sending them, people must actually respond to them. Although how such people are able to negotiate the internet I do not know.

[skattrd]

Just cooked (and scoffed) Nigella's gammon cooked in coca cola. Sounds bizarre, tastes wonderful.

 

Of course it tastes good coke's full of sugar and chemicals

Coca Cola is also a good addition to chilli

[pompei]

Dark chocolate goes well in chilli too

[vulgalour]

Chilli goes well in dark chocolate, but it's been a while since I saw any decent chilli chocolate bars for sale.

 

The 419 scam is like a soap opera about a train wreck.

[Albert Ross]

"Scoffing Nigella's gammon".... Is that a euphemism?

[vulgalour]

From someone who works as a horse riding instructor, giving their job description: So much poop!

[Guest]

"Scoffing Nigella's gammon".... Is that a euphemism?

 

I'm glad I wasn't the only person who thought that.

 

And I would. Until it fell off.

[Ross_K]

"Scoffing Nigella's gammon".... Is that a euphemism?

 

I'm glad I wasn't the only person who thought that.

 

And I would. Until it fell off.

 

You'll have seen this then:

[messerschmitt owner]

IMG_0774 by messerschmitt owner, on Flickr

[willswitchengage]

 

 

and

 

Generally YT "cassetteboy", Jeremy Clarkson and Gordon Brown are my favourites.

[RobT]

Guess which one is mine

 

 

Decided to take a long lunch break today and drive around some more salubrious parts of South London. Went into Dulwich Park to have my sarnies and saw this Bentley parked up (badly). Probably owned by an old duffer Colonel or some sort and it was rather nice. But the best bit was two lads with pitbulls having a good look at the Metro and blanking the Bentley, one saying "well they're classics now innit". Too right mate!

[vulgalour]

Passing local bumpkin "You should get a gun like that bloke in Dirty Harry." I was in my usual Fedora & suit combo, it looks nothing like a Stetson and cowboy combo. I think the fact he was walking with his mate, a lurcher dog not on a leash and holding a can of cheap lager really finished the image off nicely.

[morris_ital_lover]

 

Apologies for the massive pic but it's LeMans this weekend and I can't wait.

 

It's likely to be another Audi win but Toyota have shown some promise and there's some brilliant enduro shite in the form of the Deltawing:

 

[MrDuke]

 

$240. Seriously.

[warren t claim]

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/soci ... 2061430501