Autoshite quote of the Year 2018

[flat4alfa]

Something is being covered up and using this Wiggins bollocks to hide it. Sport as a whole is benter than Julian Clary in a dress at a pride event at Pontins

[davocano]

Imagine that. Actually replacing a Lexus with an Invacar.

 

I haz both headache and warm glowing warming glow

[catsinthewelder]

 

Those alloys are awful. It looks like you ran over a turtle then chromed it.

 

 

Go and like 3VOM's post here

[Disco Fever]

I just literally bust my clacker valve laughing at Samuel Pepys and his Rover 75 there. Splendid!

Fantastic. Reading it on a busy train. Shaking with mirth so much, I still have 2 seats to myself. Result.

[catsinthewelder]

One of those quotes that you would only find on here,

 

fraiser.innes.3

 

That's when I found out I had won. I was rather looking forward to an autoshite mug in a roffle, but I ended up with a 4.6 v8 range rover instead!

[Slartibartfast]

Sure enough about 3 weeks later the machine started to sound like someone firing a machine gun into a skip full of metal dustbins.

Proper made me laugh this morning.

[johngarty]

Datsuncog, on 05 Jan 2018 - 3:48 PM, said:

However I may appear to the rest of the world, I'm just not really that into cocks.

 

It will take some to beat this.

[Cavcraft]

I got pulled by the BBC because I wasn't far enough to the left

 

 

[Supernaut]

I’d be happy to give one to big Clive.

Couldn't find the double entendre thread.

[catsinthewelder]

Autoshites minor spats often cause humour,  Conalrad starts it nicely with

 

 

Of course there's a little forum drama now and then, but that's forums. You could start a crocheting forum with only two old ladies on it and within a month they'd be on each other's ignore lists.

 

And Datsuncog replies fantastically with

 

"Could"?

Mrs DC sometimes shows me the shit that goes down on the Ravelry forum. That's knitting, crochet and other yarncrafts.

Fuck me, dem yarn hoares is fierce.

I'm told they have a group called "Rubberneckers" whose sole purpose is gleefully reposting the various spats, strops, threats, hysterical breakdowns and faked-deaths (no, really) over the head of something as apparently genteel as yarncraft.

They probably say things like, " Hey shithead, if you can't hack it on the lacework boards, go take your whiny bitch ass over to an old car forum where no-one ever gets their face stabbed with a set of super-sharp DPNs."

I reckon you're being extremely optimistic in thinking they could go a whole month before someone threatens to pop a cap in someone else's ass.

Even when things aren't going so well, this place is still like a teddy bears' picnic in comparison. I'm serious.

 

http://autoshite.com/topic/31388-ex-junkman-ex-meshking-p38-back-up-for-grabs/page-3

[DSdriver]

What happened to the description of how the DVLA works, was it last year?

[MorrisItalSLX]

Must have been the best job in the world being a coach seat designer in the 80's. All you had to do was get smashed out of your bonce on Class A, then get the crayons out.

 

[BorniteIdentity]

Mercrocker on the controversial £3500 Peugeot 405.

 

 

put £3.5K into Ebay fixed price car listings and despair at the parade of dismal shit that sort of money buys you.  

 

[rantingYoof]

cort on a £3.5k V6 turbo diesel Renault Espace with 47k on the clock...

 

Dear god it'd be less painful eating 3500 in pound coins than spending 3500 on that Espace. I like them but the max spend should be about 700 quid.

[catsinthewelder]

They-all-do-that-sir replies to xtriple

 

I've seen enough of Panhard's posts to have the fear of god around a cheap Bentley/rolls.....and enough of yours to have the fear around an expensive cared for example!

 

 

http://autoshite.com/topic/30553-the-new-news-24-thread/?p=1469381

[vulgalour]

 

'2-berth' LOL! i think its fairly clear that you will be holidaying in this ALONE.

[AMC Rebel]

I wonder what lives in that garage that is important enough to displace it from the warm and dry?

 

Depending on who rules the roost in that house, I'd say it is either a Bugatti Royale or a washing machine and tumble dryer. My money is on the latter.

 

[flat4alfa]

On the Olds 350 Diesel:

 

Engine sounded like a boiler full of masturbating skeletons and it stank to high heaven.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

It's got to be this one on the Festival thread

 

 

..... a 2CV... I've been wanting to properly expose my husband to one for years now.

[Guest Hooli]

Anything by Datsuncog

[chatsharris]

This advert from Bucketeer that's comprehensive and informing

[Split_Pin]

 

 

While she was popping the end of a 50p hot dog in her mouth I dropped the B Bomb.

 

"IVE BOUGHT A BROWN CAR DO YOU WANT SOME MUSTARD WE HAVE TO COLLECT IT IN AN HOUR."

 

 

 

[quicksilver]

Sorry if it brings back any traumatic memories of Davegate but this made me properly ROFL

Thinking about it, I reckon DaveNotDave had grand* aspirations of being an inept, low-rent, tubby Zuckerberg. Maybe, if things had been different, this forum could have taken over an area the size of Skegness. Imagine the possibilities.

[flat4alfa]

On Peugeots:

 

I'd rather sell one of my buttocks than my 405.

[Sigmund Fraud]

 

Slower than a weekend locked in a Rhyl B&B with Nigel Mansell.

[MorrisItalSLX]

It's been downrated to 3.5 tonnes though, so a packet of carrots from the Co-op carelessly lobbed onto the back is going to see VOSA tearing you a new bum hole.

[richardthestag]

Mercrockers on Squire Dawsons desire to 'av a go in a Beetle

 

Remove 1 x Morris Minor plug lead. 

 

Put on a really, really loose steering wheel cover, making sure you grease the Morris wheel first. 

 

Introduce 4 suitably-sized sockets or similar metal items into the silencer via the tailpipe.  

 

Every time  you buy a spare part put the same amount of money that it cost into an envelope and set fire to it.   

  

Arrange the headlamp switch so that it cannot progress beyond the first-click sidelight position.   

 

That should just about cover it.....

 

 

here http://autoshite.com/topic/31602-ebay-tat-volume-3/page-4177?do=findComment&comment=1480742

[somewhatfoolish]

2 times Wilson's guide to more picturesque speech;

 

Sour beans in this burrito but just keep eating till you shit yourself. Youve literally got nothing to lose man.

[Slartibartfast]

Raging against the dying of the light. We came from dust, we will return to dust, most of life is suffering. None of this matters. But at least you might have some tales to tell in the autoshite old people's home for the terminally deluded.

[BorniteIdentity]

abelw44 succinctly summing up the general feeling towards "Volkswagen Audi Group"

 

 

 

 I previously established the sentiment towards VAG products here can be described as frosty at best

 

It's a good thread too! You should read it.