Autoshite quote of the Year 2018

[chaseracer]

I have operated a Triumph Mayflower and they are a runty cuntlet of a car.

 

The gear lever, however, is delightful. A slender chromium plated shaft with a lovely bakelite knob, it's a well known fact that this item alone cost as much to produce as two Kia Picantos.

 

There's no better choice of motor car if you wish to shun all further human contact.

[mercrocker]

As we already have a quote thread of sorts how about turning this into Autoshite Good, Bad & Ugly where snippets of Rapier wit and faint Acclaim can be added to.  Obviously it should be car-related only so that it does not slide to The Other Side....

[eddyramrod]

I see what you did there, Mercrocker.  Good work!

[AMC Rebel]

Yoss on the netflix thread - strictly speaking still in 2017 but we need a 2018 quotes thread

 

I learnt all my history from Iron Maiden and Asterix). You only realise at the end of the book then when you read it again you see more and more references.

I don't think that's a spoiler alert if you're thinking of reading it. I recommend starting with Iron Maiden.

 

 

[catsinthewelder]

Des in the SQA making me ruin another keyboard

Angle grinders with speed control, albeit crude ones, are ten a penny these days from the likes of Lidl, for all your dizzy driving needs, coupling wise, you could try finding a big nut for the grinders spindle and a short length of radiator hose and clips, should be just up to the job if both items are supported but would hopefully release when the whole ballyhoo tears off on a nom nom trashing spree chasing you round your gaf while you scrabble to pull the main fuse. Maybe sit the dizzy in the top of an axle stand, poke the grinder in through a side and keep your boot on it, carry out a risk assessment and I'm sure it will be fine.

[Split_Pin]

Cavcraft on the Celebrity Irrational Hatred Thread

 

I'll take this opportunity to remind the e-world that GILES BRANDRETH IS A FAT WANKER WHO OWES ME £100

[Pillock]

 

 

Clearly these are quite rare and demand quite a bit of fuss. 300hp through a viscous AWD system and the Chocotronic gearbox would probably exercise your sphincter to the point where it could crimp off a marble worktop.

[Pillock]

 

The MG6 is dogshit. Smeary, on-your-best-shoes, orangey-brown, rubbed into your living room carpet, dogshit.

[Ghosty]

It's a shame we can't pin everything or things like this wouldn't happen. It's hard to tie down smaller recurring threads.

[Louise2cv]

Or just kept it to the 1 quote thread?

 

I thought duplicate threads were frowned upon.

[The Moog]

Merged. 

[AMC Rebel]

Does seem a tad odd considering it was fine two weeks ago. Mind you so was Mark E.Smith.

 

[beko1987]

From Pillock over in Techy corner

 

"Smiling Dragon Hidden Chipmunk Capacitor and Novelty Condom Concern (China) Ltd."

[Cavcraft]

Fantastic stuff from Mr Gricey...

 

 

If you are after something red and a convertible, aware of something being available shortly.

 

...in response to http://autoshite.com/topic/30907-2002-mercedes-slk-320-swap-classic-car/

[quicksilver]

Unfortunately, forcibly removed knackers does not count as a disability for VED exemption purposes.

[flat4alfa]

All I can say is a tentative

JOHN TOWERS! NICK STEPHENSON! PETER BEALE! JOHN EDWARDS! THE BLOKE WHO DESIGNED THE K SERIES! ANYONE ELSE INVOLVED IN PROJECT DRIVE! CAN YOU HEAR ME PHOENIX FOUR!! YOUR BOYS TOOK A HELL OF A BEATING!!!!!

 

[vulgalour]

A P6 V8 oil pressure gauge would literally kill you, SiC.

[vulgalour]

its a fine line though between “he drives a classic car and is therefore non threatening” and “serial killer”

[flat4alfa]

Look at this tasteless puddle of mong wank.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Some of the most appalling junk in the last 10 years or so has come from Germany. They're like a well organised BL, making crap but efficiently.  

[Timewaster]

I always imagine Vanessa Felz smells a lot like like wet artex

[eddyramrod]

Quote of the year?  Quote of the fucking CENTURY!

[quicksilver]

Quote of the year?  Quote of the fucking CENTURY!

The 17th century that is. Verily it did maketh me chortle most heartily.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Datsuncog's unearthing of the "first ever AutoShite post" is fantastic. Go and like it here - http://autoshite.com/topic/31114-ten-glorious-years-of-rbj-nonsense/?p=1436712

I declare this to be the greatest post on any forum ever.

[AMC Rebel]

Cavcraft on the Ebay tat thread -

 

 

 

New age (non) traveller?

 

 

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Live-in-Truck-Motorhome/292463739823?hash=item44183283af:g:QgMAAOSw8bpak9aQ

 

Because the only thing worse than a portable fucking horse toilet, is a portable fucking horse toilet bolted to an Iveco.

 

Verdict: I'd rather spend eight weeks down a mine shaft superglued to Jim Davidson than have a single night away in this.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Sound independent financial advice from MrB in the Mondeo thread:
 

If you're penniless (like I currently am), here's a tip - don't spend £300 of borrowed money on an old car you didn't even know about till 3 hours ago.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I just literally bust my clacker valve laughing at Samuel Pepys and his Rover 75 there. Splendid!

[bunglebus]

I rather like
 

#1 piston was made from wood.

From the component failure thread

[spartacus]

You can have one of these, or money in the bank.

You can't have both

 

Bren, on drum's new Range Rover.

[AMC Rebel]

I'm amazed I wasn't throttled by the harrassed staff at our local Texas. My dad would only have popped in for five litres of white emulsion, yet I would be all over the doorbell board like Rick Wakeman after freebasing a load of PCP.

 

Forget Roland, Moog or Casio. I was a Friedland virtuoso.

 

"Bing-bong, bingbongbingbong. Hrrrrrrrrrrt."