Autoshite Quote of the Year Thread 2017

[cms206]

Time to bring QoTY kicking and screaming into 2017, with this gem from Nyphur on Japanese Imports.

 

Does the interior smell slightly of vanilla? I've had 3 Japanese imports before and all of them smelt slightly of vanilla, long after I'd gone through a number of my own air fresheners. Never worked out why - just presume all Japanese people smell of a 99.

 

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[garbaldy]

That quote was last year though.

[phil_lihp]

This gem from BorniteIdentity's Launch Spec 75 thread:

 

 

The key looks like it's been run over by the Phoenix 4 on their way to the bank

[rml2345]

Still, at least it has new high pressure pies.

 

Nothing more disappointing than a low pressure pie.

Both made I roffle.

[beko1987]

Cambelt Roulette Anticipatory Position (CRAP)

 

From Rantingyoofs most excellent focus for sale thread!

[catsinthewelder]

Both from the rather ace Sub 1000cc beater club

 

Station

My old 998cc Whizzkid which was a lot of pendulum RWD fun.
Also my 850cc Nippa. You can't have more fun with less than 1000cc, unless of course you have a 125cc powered butt plug.

 

 

Barefoot

 

 

 

 

 

My only other jaunt into sub 1000cc motoring was this piece of shit...

 

 

 

The car is on the left, on the right is an even bigger pile of shit.

 

It was 595cc/26bhp and the purchase was inspired by a little enthusiasm for that popular Irish beat combo - U2. To say it was worse than you'd expect remains an understatement. It functioned as a car, had an excellent heater, HRW & intermittent wipers. But despite being two stroke, peak power was at a lowly 4,200rpm & max (sustainable) speed was just 60 mph. It had, and needed a freewheel on top, fourth gear. It bucked worse than shagging your wife's younger sister from behind in the lower ratios. It had more grease nipples than a sane man would consider necessary. The steering, already lacking in self centring ability at the best of times, would stiffen like a porn star if you forgot to grease it weekly, the drum brakes snatched viciously and the 2,020cm wheelbase and 615 kg weight combo ensured a ride worse than Wilson, Kepple & Betty.

 

[eddyramrod]

It bucked worse than shagging your wife's younger sister from behind

 

You haven't met my wife's younger sister.....

[oldcars]

Good old/young Bren does it again on the Omega limo thread.

 

My 2.5 senator had a sport button - it was as useful as tits on a bull. 

[Craig the Princess]

This image still haunts me and I still shudder whenever I see a Renault 17 or 15 , or indeed homeless men having a wank.

 

[Guest Breadvan72]

 

Yes, I swapped the probably most virgin Series 2 V8 in existence for a hanging, clapped out heap and a few kippers.

 

[saucedoctor]

 

 

Thanks, but with the best respect in the world I think I'd sooner get towed down the road on my bare arse at 80mph than spend much time repairing a Volkswagen.

[Station]

Just picturing Billy sat on his arse hanging on to a tow rope at the back of his house ordering his son not to go to fast.

[DeeJay]

http://autoshite.com/topic/27338-2001-suzuki-ignis-not-fit-for-sale/page-3

 

"Another satisfied noncustomer! "

 

 

 

WW, after Jazoli dodged a bullet.

[quicksilver]

 

It would be very AS if you managed to get some sort of scabby disease named after you. Preferably the sort of thing that you would get if you sat in, or maybe even looked at a photo of, a car that Cavcraft has just bought off eBay for forty quid.

[Richard]

.

[loserone]

ScaryOldCortina:

 

 

 

Advisories:

...

3. Nearside Rear (Tyre is ancient, has a cracked sidewall and is a flipping fate-O.)

[vulgalour]

FFS, that A35 looks like a coal bunker.

For context: http://autoshite.com/topic/26804-ebay-tat-volume-3/?p=1182351

 

[quicksilver]

On Sam Glover's epic Fiat 133

 

It looks like someone made a Fiat 126 out of melamine door panels.

[Cavcraft]

​In response to Wilson's Peugeot 106 thread

 

 

 

Alternators are wankers.

 

It just doesn't get better than that.

[AMC Rebel]

 From a particularly visually challenged boat project on the eBay tat thread -

 

 

lol, did he use Minecraft as a CAD program?

 

 

[83C]

Jayroller on answering Nigerian eBay bellends:

 

"Will you post to Lagos?"

 

"yeah, of course mate - I'll cover the windscreen with fucking stamps and leave it by the postbox on Monday morning"

[AMC Rebel]

 

Felly magic on the 50K mini thread

 

 

.....those rear lights on that Mini, someone should be shot in the cock for them, hideous, 

 

 

[AMC Rebel]

Cort16 on the eBay thread

 

Interesting photo setup. I particularly like the scale model of Frankenstein doing a shit in someones kettle.

 

 

 

 

[320touring]

Cort16 describing the ooodles of access in a Mazda 323 v6 engine bay...

 

You've more chance of finding the arc of the covenant than changing the spark plugs on the opposite bank.

[Junkman]

When Junkman and Cavcraft are posting concurrently, it's like all of life's problems melt away and become eBay items.

[AMC Rebel]

Perfect for eBay 'RaT LOOOK NOT GOLF CUSTARDWORT V16 ESCROT TWUNT UNDERHEDCAMM CRAPI" ad then.

 

Remember to lower the suspension on one side and to invent a model / trim level first remove all punctuation and say "i am told" quite a few times if you can get the engine size changed on the v5 so that insurance is cheaper m8 that would be better also you should start with 2000 words on when the car was launched how many were made and how mr bertram dingley-faggot of west dangling in the forest bought it from "dodgy bastards" in 1764 ....

 

Easy.

 

[Dave_Q]

 

PS; "Double the batteries, double the pussy."

[tooSavvy]

mercrocker On Allotments..... Margot would approve 

 

".. for so little reward and so much backache as that miserable stony little gradient.   If you think old car bores are twats, hangers-on, time-wasters and gribble-spouters you ought to try tolerating the kind of fork-wielding Nazi that stalks the pitches there. "

 

 

TS

[AMC Rebel]

It's better to have tried and failed than to look a gift horse in the bush. 

 

[AMC Rebel]

In my experience the best way to replace a car door is to make sure that you are working on a series Landrover .

That way everything is out in the open, and when you have finished nobody expects the thing to lock or remain watertight.