What Makes Shite, Shite?

[Skizzer]

Shite is anything that, if parked on a show stand at the NEC, makes the Porsche Car Club next door go and complain to the organisers.

[Dippy]

A car that is not trying to keep up with the neighbours but doesn't offend them is a bit shite and if it offends the whole street then its very shite, but we love them all here.

 

I think its great to see a forum where rust and beige are positively embraced.

[Skizzer]

I have given it some thought*, and here's a diagram that might help:

 

 

So Benjyp's immaculate collection of Yugos, Talbots etc are top left; Pete M's Maserati is bottom right.  Rarity/obscurity is another complication, which I guess gives you a bonus nudge towards the right.

 

Feel free to plot your fleet on here.  Suggestions for improvement welcome.

[messerschmitt owner]

I drive a Mercedes built this century - it's a 3.2 litre monster - but it's still shite!

but I do also drive other old crap as well. Some of which is worth as much as a house in Hanley - it was shite when it was new though, and probaby still is ...

 

All my cars are owned by me, though and the every day ones in total are probably worth only the price of a four year old Focus.

[Taff]

I have given it some thought*, and here's a diagram that might help:

 

TheAutoshiteFrontier.PNG

 

So Benjyp's immaculate collection of Yugos, Talbots etc are top left; Pete M's Maserati is bottom right.  Rarity/obscurity is another complication, which I guess gives you a bonus nudge towards the right.

 

Feel free to plot your fleet on here.  Suggestions for improvement welcome.

 

You need to add the Duckworth-Lewis "Unsuitability matrix" to your graph.

[Madmick]

SHITE? That's easy! It's anything I buy according to Mrs Mad !!!

[chaseracer]

Chaseracer, the different thing is his probably works all the time!

 

Quiet, you!  Remind me again... who fixed it...?* 

 

 

 

* Oh yeah... Tame Mechanic... 

[cros]

Its shite when you can dig this amount of crap out of the carb.

[messerschmitt owner]

where was that - buried six feet under a  Leicestershire social work car park?

 

Isn't it ironic that a child abuser and killer was hiding in at social work all that time!

[Six-cylinder]

There are at least two old Maseratis in here, Ian...

 

 

 

Not mine we chased rust for weeks to make it good!

 

[FakeConcern]

Well after reading all the definitions, I'm not sure if my shite is really shite! Most people don't know what they are & neither are worth much though.

[doobietoo]

My definition of shite is that it is worth more if broken for parts than the purchase price.....

 

I do like that graph though as my golf fits nicely in the shiny but grim basic transport portion of autoshite.....

[Six-cylinder]

Well after reading all the definitions, I'm not sure if my shite is really shite! Most people don't know what they are & neither are worth much though.

 

Go on then, tell us what you have?

[John F]

 

Not mine we chased rust for weeks to make it good!

 

 

That still leaves Bollox and me, and by the sound of it Pete_M (although his is probably not rusty).

 

Actually... that makes FOUR Maseratis... is AS going all up-market, I wonder?

 

/joke, obviously

[gordonbennet]

Something, anything with character, preferably the sort of car that makes the snob about 6 doors away almost faint when they see it...course they've got brand new modern shit which i wouldn't give you a thankyou for.

 

Helps if the car is at odds with the owner's appearance or their home, confuses the enemy, they're not sure if i live there or just burgling the place.

[FakeConcern]

Go on then, tell us what you have?

1995 Citroen XM V6 http://autoshite.com/topic/19895-i-need-my-head-xmined/

2005 Citroen C4 VTS (no thread on this forum, but on FCF http://www.frenchcarforum.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=43844)

[Six-cylinder]

1995 Citroen XM V6 http://autoshite.com/topic/19895-i-need-my-head-xmined/

2005 Citroen C4 VTS (no thread on this forum, but on FCF http://www.frenchcarforum.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=43844)

 

I have always liked XMs and when I was selling them in the mid nineties my boss said I would not want one as a company car because of the personal tax, I replied you put one on the road for me and I will pay the tax, guess what! Ironically I remained friends after I left and latter he got a personal XM 2.1 diesel estate which I drove quite a lot.

 

C4  3 doors look great but I have never driven one.

 

Truth is I love cars and anybody who wants to talk about cars to me is welcome even if their car is not my 1st choice.

[fordperv]

Working from the graph my saph unfortunately doesn't fall into the shite territory, because it is very shiney, nothing broken and kind of desirable when new by sales reps (one owned this when it was new), i am going to retreat and perform seppuku for this, like the dishonoured samurai about to fall by his own sword i am shamed.

 

 

Saying that there is a fucked gold mk1 3 door sierra 1.6L at my house which isn't at all shiney and is rotten

[rml2345]

An Autoshite car is one that everyone else has forgotten existed but hasn't yet been rediscovered as a classic.

Some cars enter shitedom and never leave and others never enter it in the first place.

[catsinthewelder]

I think its more like this

 

[Alan_Green]

• Anything that no longer depreciates.

That's why a 2005 £750 Kia Magentis and a 1955 Humber Super Snipe qualify equally.

[Bren]

Anything that carcraft refuse to take in p/x.

[captain_70s]

Would my Dolly still be shite if it wasn't a scruffy, rusty heap with a Hammerite valance, temperamental starter motor and a thirst for coolant?

 

 

People will spaff in their pants over a Mk2 Escort but shove any sub Sprint Dolomite in front of them and they'll just churn out the usual "huuur duuuuuuuur, British Leyland cars are shiiiiiiiiiiiit" line. Currently it is £850 of quality BL motor car but if I spent big money getting it restored to (better than) factory condition would it cease to be shite?*

 

*Don't worry, I'm not going to. Partially due to lack of interest in show cars but mostly lack on funds.

[DodgyBastard]

Anything parked in my driveway...

 

[Taff]

Anything driven by Terry McCann

[Partridge]

I think once anything gets past a certain age it can be considered shite. There also seems to be two camps on here: those who want their shite to be the best it can be (like me) and those run heaps and take perverse pleasure in it.

[Skizzer]

Working from the graph my saph unfortunately doesn't fall into the shite territory, because it is very shiney, nothing broken and kind of desirable when new by sales reps (one owned this when it was new), i am going to retreat and perform seppuku for this, like the dishonoured samurai about to fall by his own sword i am shamed.

Saying that there is a fucked gold mk1 3 door sierra 1.6L at my house which isn't at all shiney and is rotten

If your Ford Sierra doesn't count then the chart must be wrong.

 

I reckon Señor Catwelder's idea of 'desirability to the public' is closer - this place is a sort of antidote to Pistonheads and the Top Gear studio audience, for me.

 

Edit: hope it's not too late to cancel the ritual disembowelment.

[mat_the_cat]

Would my Dolly still be shite if it wasn't a scruffy, rusty heap with a Hammerite valance, temperamental starter motor and a thirst for coolant?

 

It's more than just a graph, or something which can be easily put into words - it's also a mindset. So if you did splash out several £k on a resto, it would still be shite as you'd have been doing it for the right (although illogical) reasons. Rather than to net you a potential future profit. Sorry if that makes little sense but I have beeen drinking since lunchtime...

[Taff]

It's more than just a graph, or something which can be easily put into words - it's also a mindset. So if you did splash out several £k on a resto, it would still be shite as you'd have been doing it for the right (although illogical) reasons. Rather than to net you a potential future profit. Sorry if that makes little sense but I have beeen drinking since lunchtime...

 

I've also been drinkingheavily and I thing it's more to do with that, yes

[Jerzy Woking]

I think once anything gets past a certain age it can be considered shite. There also seems to be two camps on here: those who want their shite to be the best it can be (like me) and those run heaps and take perverse pleasure in it.

I'm in the first camp with you. But then I'd quite like to run a heap too.