Golden Rule.

[Bobthebeard]

Nope, fair point, and that's a nice tribute to an old pal, but 90% of times an NI plate on a motor means only one thing.

Tend to agree TBH. Normally a NI plate is used to try and disguise the age of a car, or try to impress the neighbours etc. Any fool would know that a rusty old shitter isn't in any way a recent car. Neighbours would only laugh even louder! But if it means something to the owner and bragging isn't the reason then why not? In my case it is plain to see that I am skint. Just miss my dog! Am also far too honest when selling cars. Hence skint!

[Jim Bell]

If the car comes with a Haynes B.O.L then flick through and see were the grubby fingerprints are, for example if it has a crunchy gearbox and lots of dabs on the corresponding page then walk away.

That's a good tip man.

[dollywobbler]

I generally agree, but as with every rule, there are exceptions. The CX is indeed a useless piece of tosh.

 

Mine wasn't too bad! Apart from the heater matrix failing. And the blower motor being very unreliable. Was a proper 'swap in a car park' type dodgy deal to get it, it overheated on the way home due to a failed cooling fan (when the heater fan also refused to run), I froze the coolant in the winter but it kept plodding along and the hydraulics were simply no bother at all. Not sure I'm brave enough to try another though.

[warren t claim]

A good mantra to live life by is if a mates girlfriend turns up on you doorstep at 3am after a row with your best mate and lookin for a shoulder to cry on it's always best that she doesn't leave your house pregnant.

 

Oh, and when buying shite check the wear on the pedal rubbers tallys with the mileage.

[garethj]

A good mantra to live life by is if a mates girlfriend turns up on you doorstep at 3am after a row with your best mate and lookin for a shoulder to cry on it's always best that she doesn't leave your house pregnant.

I think that's more of a guideline than a rule

[inconsistant]

A good mantra to live life by is if a mates girlfriend turns up on you doorstep at 3am after a row with your best mate and lookin for a shoulder to cry on it's always best that she doesn't leave your house pregnant.

 

 

 

Good advice. If I'm ever in that situation I'll be sure to offer a nice relaxing facial*, just to be safe.

[Negative Creep]

It's not gay if it's in a three way

[Barry Cade]

If part of the vehicle is missing in the photograph because the photographer can't understand the concept of stepping back. This is a good indication of spacial awareness and you just know there will be dents and scrapes all over the place. These people usually drive Mondeo's.

 

If they manage to get the last 3 weeks refuse in shot, from an overflowing wheely bin, you will probably find the car will smell less than zesty fresh.

 

If there is other shite in shot, sometimes with rather important parts missing, they are shite mechanics and the car is for sale beacuse they can't fix it, along with all the others.

 

Spelling. There are books avaliable which list every word in the English language. Even your telephony device you used to take a picture of half of your car and your rubbish can help here. You want my money? Make a feckin' effort.

 

The crankshaft sensor isn't giving the correct pattern, the main bearing on number 3 cylinder is rumbling and the brake bands on the 'box need adjusting, but I'm not a mechanic so there may be more, or may be a cheap fix. EH?

 

All it'll need for an MOT is a set of brake pads, but I'm not an MOT tester...... WELL I AM, AND THE FACT THAT THE WINDSCREEN IS BROKEN, THERE'S A HEADLAMP MISSING AND THE CAR IS BURIED IN THE HEDGE PROVES THAT YOU ARE A DONKEY. No Sale.

[robinmasters]

Never impose any sort of timescale on repairs.

 

As soon as you start replacing part A, you will discover:

 

-You don't have the correct tool. You have the tool the BoL told you you'd need, and the one the internet said you'd actually need, but your car was produced in the three hour period they used different fittings

 

-Part B also needs replacing, and you don't have one. Car is in bits, so you'll have to walk to the motor factors.

 

- Part C needs cutting off. See above re availability  / obtaining of said part.

 

- All the 'blind' fixings will be seized/rounded off.

 

- It will be raining.

 

 

[John F]

I agree about the spelling.

 

I know that bad spelling or grammar doesn't automatically make someone a mong, but VERY FEW mongs seem to be able to create comprehensive, well-written adverts that don't use txt spk or obvious mongisms such as "I brought it..." or "alot".

[Split_Pin]

Anyone who is either too defensive, or conversely, too blaze about their motor when you turn up to see it.

[fotorabia]

Never buy a car between two friends.It will become your mate's girlfriends.

Never buy a car still registered in someone elses name.

Never buy a car sight unseen of da net..believe..i know.

[Jim Bell]

Never buy a car between two friends.It will become your mate's girlfriends.

Never buy a car still registered in someone elses name.

Never buy a car sight unseen of da net..believe..i know.

 

I do all of that regularly.

Though I agree that youre right.

I'm just stupid.

[Ghosty]

Never 'old aaht yer 'and.

[Junkman]

I know that bad spelling or grammar doesn't automatically make someone a mong,

 

I strongly disagree. It does.

[John F]

I strongly disagree. It does.

 

Nope, there are a few genuine cases where otherwise intelligent people have dyslexia amongst the mass of self-diagnosed lazy bastards that 'can't see the point of spelling' (because they're too fucking stupid to understand that someone else has to read & understand their illiterate scrawl).

[dollywobbler]

Doesn't necessarily follow though. There are quite a few people on here who have problems with spelling/getting the right word, yet they almost all seem capable of writing stuff we can read and where I've seen examples, they can do decent adverts to flog a car that don't sound like they were written by an illiterate eight-year old. I think a good golden rule is that there's an inverse relationship between font size and intelligence though.

[Novanick1]

Nope, there are a few genuine cases where otherwise intelligent people have dyslexia amongst the mass of self-diagnosed lazy bastards that 'can't see the point of spelling' (because they're too fucking stupid to understand that someone else has to read & understand their illiterate scrawl).

i agree with that

[John F]

Doesn't necessarily follow though. There are quite a few people on here who have problems with spelling/getting the right word, yet they almost all seem capable of writing stuff we can read and where I've seen examples, they can do decent adverts to flog a car that don't sound like they were written by an illiterate eight-year old. I think a good golden rule is that there's an inverse relationship between font size and intelligence though.

 

 

Please don't misunderstand me - I've no problem with an occasional misspelt word or typo. But when the entire advert appears to have been written by a five-year old I find myself questioning how well its current owner has understood e.g. the Haynes BoL for any repairs carried out.

 

And yes, I know that there are some ace mechanics out there that aren't good at spelling & writing (one notable example on vxon.co.uk fitted a turbocharged VR6 engine into a VW Caddy, fabricating all necessary pipework & mountings). But if I'm spending my own money I want to know that the previous owner of my vehicle was able to either properly read & comprehend their own national language, if they did their own repairs, or was able to communicate any problems properly to a garage if they had any work done.

 

Also, I don't like having any dealings with mongs

[cort16]

My golden rule is to never listen to anyone elses golden rules.

[Junkman]

Nope, there are a few genuine cases where otherwise intelligent people have dyslexia amongst the mass of self-diagnosed lazy bastards that 'can't see the point of spelling' (because they're too fucking stupid to understand that someone else has to read & understand their illiterate scrawl).

 

There is a very distinct difference between text written by someone suffering from dyslexia, and a mongtard, who can't be arsed to spell or use correct grammar.

Then you got your bleedin' furrinas, like I am, who can't get shit right.

[beko1987]

Certainly with citroens, if it's not fucked, don't touch it!

 

I replaced the cracked and perished rocker cover gasket on the ZX with a new one, and it thanked me by chopping it in half and slowly pissing all its oil over the front of the engine. old one back on, not a spot of bother!

 

On the XM, I wire brushed and cleaned up the crusty screenwash level sensor. Now, everytime I pull the wash stalk it beeps washer fluid level low at me!

 

The suspension needs playing with, a bit loathe to start it myself, may book it in somewhere and let them break it!

[Cavcraft]

Oh. no, Citroens are different. Even if it is fucked, don't fix it. I tried to repair a holed fuel filter casing on my lovely old BX 1.7 diesel and actually ended up spazztickulating the LHM pipes at the same time.

 

Vanny, you'll remember that mate as you bought it off me I think.

[RichardMoss]

Don't buy any car that has been used to transport dogs - especially big, slobbery, hair-shedding ones.

[Pete-M]

Never sell a car to anyone who thinks it's a good idea to text instead of calling. They won't turn up, and if they do they're credit meffs, so they'll try and haggle over anything.

Never sell a car to anyone who tries to haggle before seeing the car. Fuck them off straight away, they're not worth the hassle. If they can't be arsed at least coming to see the car before trying to haggle then I can't be arsed dealing with them.

 

Never buy a car fitted with any Ripspeed / Halfords 'accessories'.

 

Only ever buy the best example you can afford.

[Justin Case]

There is no such thing as 'a good reason for sale', even death. The worst car I ever bought was from the deceased aunt of someone I worked with

[Pete-M]

There are loads of good reasons for sale... I can't think of a good reason to put that in an advert though.

It's like first to see will buy. Hmm. That's normally the case, but it's a weird thing to put in an ad. 

[Bobthebeard]

Thankfully I have no plans to sell either of my cars, as I have no chance of selling on here! My 944 has Norn' Iron plates, I do wear flip flops on the hotter days whilst pottering around the garden and/or beach, I strongly suspect the gear knob in the 944 is from Halfords ( but is jolly tasteful IMHO, just black leather sides and a chrome top). I recently had to take my new, young dog to the vets for a booster (in the 944,) plus she travels everywhere with us in the Honda Estate.

I send text messages too...

Sumtimes I also! make: grammar, and?spelling mishtakes.

 

Never, ever buy a car from me!

[Claphamrangie]

All enquiries commencing with some derivative of "woss your best price geez" must be met with a withering "four billion pounds mate" before terminating the call

[purplebargeken]

Everyone should do something odd vehicular-wise at least 4 times in their life.