Your Shite Room 101

[Shep Shepherd]

^

 

+1.

 

Also, the Suzuki Wagon R/Vauxhall Agila.

[Pillock]

Damnit, I logged in especially to throw some tough words around about the Ford Ka but Cavette has done it for me, in style.

 

I seem to remember it was a design college styling effort that Ford decided to build. Fair play and the cheeky looks were quite fresh when new but now every "PX TO CLEAR WE BUY CARS FOR CASH" forecourt has at least three of them ranging from Rusty to Utterly Fucked. Ford managed to build them entirely using technology from the sixties so the engines sound like Skeletor having a fit in a tin bath, the plastics turn white faster than Michael Jackson did and they rust like an Alfa can only dream of.

 

Oh, and 74% of them have a "Powered by fairydust" sticker on the back and a fat lass at the wheel.

 

Sent from my HTC One using Tapatalk 4 Beta

 

 

[Hendry]

Damnit, I logged in especially to throw some tough words around about the Ford Ka but Cavette has done it for me, in style.I seem to remember it was a design college styling effort that Ford decided to build. Fair play and the cheeky looks were quite fresh when new but now every "PX TO CLEAR WE BUY CARS FOR CASH" forecourt has at least three of them ranging from Rusty to Utterly Fucked. Ford managed to build them entirely using technology from the sixties so the engines sound like Skeletor having a fit in a tin bath, the plastics turn white faster than Michael Jackson did and they rust like an Alfa can only dream of. Oh, and 74% of them have a "Powered by fairydust" sticker on the back and a fat lass at the wheel.Sent from my HTC One using Tapatalk 4 Beta

 

Its surprising just how bad they do rot, I've seen several 55s and 06s recently that looked like they should be in a scrappy, also WTF is the deal with the rear ford badge, they also just seem to have this bare metal oval shape where the rear badge should be.

 

That said the 1.6 SportKa versions are good fun to drive.

[phil_lihp]

I'll give most cars a chance (including the Ka I actually quite like these, they were great little roller skates to blat around in when new but I'd agree that a used one now would have to be a later base model with the slightly improved engine and it'd need to be slathered in underseal and waxoyl.

 

However, my Room 101 (or Garage 101)  would have to be the Peugeot 307.  I have nothing good to say about them other than the later estates look pretty good.  Mine was 6 months of financial ruin, stress and frustration and it then gave the garage that bought it off me (at an enormous loss) financial ruin, stress and frustration in equal measure.  As did the other two he had on his forecourt at the same time.  I don't think he ever quite forgave me.

[Spiny Norman]

The original Audi TT.

 

A hideous slipper crab of a thing that went no better than the Golf it was based on and handled far worse.

The fact that these things actually killed some paying customers who believed in the OMGAUDIQUATTROsRGR8 crap seems to have been conveniently forgotten about, while the A class Merc got a pasting for breaking a journalist's arm.

 

They're now down to a couple of grand so expect to see them popping up on council estates anytime soon. Hateful cars, owned by wanks. Kill them all.

[ruffgeezer]

Chrysler fucking Neon, what a hateful piece of shit.

[brickwall]

^ That has to be one of the worst, most pointless, stupid, poorly designed, ugly cars ever.

[RedSparrow]

And the PT Cruiser for that matter.

[Angrydicky]

Every BMW and Audi made in the last 15 years. Also anything "slammed".

[Hendry]

Chrysler fucking Neon, what a hateful piece of shit.

I like the Neon, my old man had 1 and while it wasn't a great car admittedly it provided cheap, reliable well equipped family transport.

 

The base model was a 2.0 16v with remote locking, electric windows mirrors and sunroof and a decent stereo, I know I'd rather that than a lethargic spartan 1.6 8v Vectra Envoy or Mondeo Aspen or worse still a Hyundai Lantra/Daewoo Espero and while it wasn't a great looking car at least it was different from the sea of silver Vectras and Mondeos seen everywhere back then.

 

Do agree on the PT though, a colleague has a beige 03 plate he's had since new and its thirsty, ugly, expensive to run, does the PT stand for Pointless Turd

[Cavcraft]

Ah, bollocks, I'm going again:

 

Ford Iveco Cargo 75E14:

 

Take one fucking awful commercial vehicle. Remove it's one and only potential plus point (a reasonably quick 6 cylinder engine) but leave in fall apart seats, a dash computer that never worked from new, shit electrics, quick rust everything, shit everything, shit rusty everything, brakes that seize up, calipers that pack up and the ability to just shed bits, bolts and everything else at random and leave you stranded.

 

Then, as your piece de resistance, add an absolutely fucking woeful 4 banger engine. An absolute horror of non-engineering, a hopelessly slow, unbelievably wheezy and incredibly awful on fuel engine. I mean, FFS I could understand if it was more economical, but it's not even that. It is, by several thousand country miles THE worse commercial vehicle EVER.

You'd take you life in your hand trying to a three legged, asthmatic tortoise that's been nailed to the floor. Fuck off, Iveco, I'll never forgive you for the years of misery I endured driving your products. 

[Hendry]

How come they used to be Ford Iveco and now just Iveco? Did Ford get shot of them?

[brickwall]

It was a joint venture.

[cms206]

Even the 6-pot EuroCargos were pants. I was thrown from the cab of a particularly woeful example cos the cab was split across the floor. I was never a fan of the Leyland Roadrunner/DAF 45 either but they were infinitely preferable. The original Cargo was a far superior machine.

[MK5 Escort]

I’m glad the old Jaguar ‘E’ Type gets a mention, here. I’ve never really understood what people see in them. Miles too long at the front and pokey at the rear. They look like something a fully loaded skip has landed on from great height and the coupes given a ‘bubble’ welded onto the very back for the cabin. I’ve never heard one that sounded all that nice either. They do absolutely nothing for me - sorry.

 

Original ‘proper’ Mini’s - One of the most over-hyped vehicles of all time? Probably so. Tinny, dangerous, slow, cramped, leaky, rusty and musty. To add insult to injury certain sections of today’s owners rape perfectly good and rarer Metro’s to use in their inferior little cans. I don’t like Minilite alloys either, simply because just about every single sodding restoration (to yet another ‘Cooper’ clone) involves fitting them now.

 

The Sherpa coupe/drop top (a.k.a MGB) - see above, minus the minilites and endless Cooper clones.

 

In terms of ‘moderns’ - almost anything French which has been launched since 2000. It seems women buy the most of them now, particularly Renault...

 

Peugeot would come top of the charts in this respect to fall into ‘Room 101’. Yes, I do also include the much-hyped 208 in this. I’m genuinely bemused as to why anyone would actually buy one... It most certainly can’t be in terms of looks or styling of which they’re currently about the foulest out there at the moment.

 

The second generation Focus (2005-2008-ish before the revision) - just about the most featureless, forgettable and dullest ‘eurobox’ made for nigh on 20 years. I always found them cramped on the inside, too.

 

The ‘Tataguar’ XF. Similar to the Focus - very bland. I honestly preferred the ‘S’ Type. Also, if I want lots of spray-on silver plastic and faux carbon fibre on the inside, I’d buy just about anything else on the market at half the price. They all go for this so-called ‘sporty’ effect these days. What’s happened to the wood? That’s what Jaguar’s are all about. Similarly, the ‘Tataguar’ XK is let down for me by rather featureless headlights that would look more at home on a Fiat Bravo. Again like the XF, most now have lost the interior wood... As for the latest XJ effort....    I think I'd best leave it there...!

[Paul Dupart]

The mark 1 Punto convertible.  What a hideous looking piece of shitty shite, especially with the pram top up, which it would be with our shite weather.  Looks like Stevie Wonder made it when he was pissed, the time he fell and broke both his arms. 

 

Look like a Cunto in a Punto!

[Cavcraft]

Even the 6-pot EuroCargos were pants. I was thrown from the cab of a particularly woeful example cos the cab was split across the floor. I was never a fan of the Leyland Roadrunner/DAF 45 either but they were infinitely preferable. The original Cargo was a far superior machine.

 

I always wish I'd been driving a Cummins engined 45. They were loads quicker and loads more reliable. The 6 banger Ivecos were pretty fast but a MAN or 45 would wipe the floor with the Iveco. I know as I spent years racing the f*ckers and not getting close to them. Also everyone I talked to who had or drove 45s loved them.

[HillmanImp]

[cms206]

I always wish I'd been driving a Cummins engined 45. They were loads quicker and loads more reliable. The 6 banger Ivecos were pretty fast but a MAN or 45 would wipe the floor with the Iveco. I know as I spent years racing the f*ckers and not getting close to them. Also everyone I talked to who had or drove 45s loved them.

We had six Cargos, five EuroCargos (2 four pots and three six pots), three 45s (two 130s and a 150) and two Automatic Roadrunner 8-12s. I always tried for Cargo 0813s but the 45.150 was a flyer. Air clutches on the 45s were a pain in the arse though.

[Cavcraft]

We ran about 3 E15s, one E14 and three 5.9-ish tonne Dailys. The Dailys couldn't half shift (95 on a flat) and I ran out of bottle doing 88mph down a hill near Welshpool.

[Justin Case]

I can't think of any one of the cars mentioned so far that I would consign to Room 101, we should applaud the courage of the makers who have released the mediocre to the downright dire into the wild and provided us with a ready-made supply of miserable motoring to suit all (lack of) tastes.

 

However, put the men who christened the Mitsubishi Carisma, The Peugeot 309 Style and the Citroen C3 Desire on the conveyor, along with everyone who has ever painted flames on the bonnet of a PT Cruiser or lowered the suspension on a VW Camper and I will pull the lever with asmile on my lips and a song in my heart

[CreepingJesus]

There was a 7.5 tonner worse than the 140hp Cargo, in my book. Well apart from the earlier 80/90hp Cargos, that is. Volvo FL08 and later FLC. Along with the FL6, they're my Room 101 truck yard. If I clock in at M O'Love Transport, and the manager, O'Brien, hands me the keys, it'll be an FL6. I'll crawl out the door, a broken man.

Scooters go in my Room 101 bike shop. I mean...what the? How? Does not compute! They shouldn't even be possible.

[skoda_fan]

The original Mini. Proof that you don't need to actually be any good to be popular. It's the automotive equivalent of the Spice girls. It was horribly compromised by a horribly stubborn designer who refused to listen to anyone else, cost BMC a fortune and pretty much failed to make any profit durings its very lengthy career. It's seen as a 20th Century great by some people - why? It was rubbish! 

 

 

Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but was one not once owned by your good self??

[dollywobbler]

That's why I know they're rubbish. My wife absolutely loved it though. Cars have no need to be larger or more comprehensively equipped than a Mini City E in her opinion. We are divided on the matter of Minis.

[Partridge]

Vauxhall Omega.

 

Big and comfy and cheap.

 

But no old enough to be cool, too rubbish to be any good, and not rubbish enough to make it funny.

[trigger]

I drove a Omega yesterday as it happens, a 51 plate 2.2 CDi auto, I forgot how nice it was to drive a big automatic, and even the engine had a nice tone to it with a fair amount of grunt. Reminded me of a tamed Senator.

[rml2345]

Quite like the Omega myself. They feel a bit lifeless to steer but seem pleasant enough and the 2.2 auto version is brisk...

I couldn't think of anything I'd put in Room 101 that I'd driven. Clearly I'd forgotten about the hatefully shit Chevroletwoo Spark, a car with less that zero redeeming features. Can it be dropped in upside down so that when it hit the bottom the hatefully shit exterior would crush the soul crushingly cheap interior?

[Junkman]

I admit I had to google the Deafrolet Quark, like I have to do with most post-1990 tat. My googling the same was triggered by your description of the car, which would clearly put it dead centre into the sea of desirable Autoshite. Alas, like most other nonsense made since 1986, it doesn't manage to find its way into my heart. However, apparently it does have a redeeming feature. Babes line up for you to give them a ride in it:

 

 

 

 

I remember times, when you needed a model of the same manufacturer called 'Corvette' for that.

[Guest Breadvan72]

The MGB.  Utter fucking hopeless shit when new, and utterly shit as a classic.  Bought now by junior corporate solicitors with no imagination who want to impress their equally dull girlfriends with a so-called classic car.  Hugely overpriced as a result, but would be poor value even if on sale for a quid.   Supported by an ever burgeoning industry of pure twats.  Bastard cunting hateful pieces of bastard cunty shit.  I don't like them. 

 

PS: by contrast, the MG Midget is a car of 100000% raw WIN.

[Volksy]

As this topic has been covered a couple of times, most of the locals will know my stance of this. For the benefit of the newbies - This is my choice.....