Maybe I like the jeopardy. Contains UK's tattiest C6 and comedy electrical failures.

[Talbot]

Soooooo...

Yes.  As noted in @Schaefft's roffle, I ended up as the marginally unwitting owner of a C6, at the wrong end of the country.  So what do I do with that?  Sell it back on?  Scrap it?  Nope, I actually want it, so I'm going to get it.  At some point that is, I can't just up and get a train to the frozen north and drive a car home.  Not least because I'm a bit out of space, with nowhere to put it.  So I need to do a one-out-one-in.

Having managed to coerce @warninglight into buying the Disco 4 that I had for sale, it was rather perfect that I could drive the D4 up to him, get across to Hexham, and pick up the C6.  Simples?  Well, yes, in theory.  But practice isn't always the same.

Come last friday, and it's time to do the journey.  So:  The Disco has MOT, but nothing else.  Tax is easy, and was done for me by the buyer.  Insurance provided by Cuvva, and we're on the way.  Lobbed some fuel in it, and away we go.  As the journey went on it was clear I was going to run out of time.  warninglight offered to come down about 1/2hr on the train, so I could pick him up and we go straight to Hexham, which worked really very well indeed.  So off we both tootled to Hexham, to go and find a C6.

And find a C6 we did:

I can remember vividly many years ago, while I was owning several end-of-life CXs, picking up a brochure for the C6 and being both impressed that Citroen were making a car with a lot of design features that CXs have, and also thinking that the purchase price was completely prohibitive to my owning one.

.. and now here we are 20 years later, with an end-of-life C6.  CXs are now big money for a decent one, and a C6 is cheap.  This one is likely one of the cheapest in the UK, and almost definitely the tattiest from a body point of view.  The re-spray, which has changed the car from a lovely deep blue to a very dull black, is fairly shitty.  It doesn't look like the prep was very good, there's very poor adhesion in some places, and absolutely no door-shuts or any other non-visible area have been painted.  It's also very crap paint which is very dull in places and the bonnet and roof have faded very badly indeed.

On top of that, the car has had a sideswipe on the passenger side, meaning the passenger door has a big dent in it, the rear passenger door is somewhat buggered on both the leading edge and the bottom edge (with a smashed bit of plastic trim) and the rear wheelarch is a bit of a mess.

None of which I can see when I'm sat in the car, so my give-a-shitometer is very low for these items.  Yes, it's tatty as hell and looks a bit crap, but I really do not care.  Especially for a £16.51 car.

About this time, @warninglight got into his new discovery, and took it back home:

Yes, it's a terrible photo.  My phone camera is utterly shit.

I'm glad that warninglight likes the disco.  It got put into working service as soon as it got back, and I understand he now has a bit of a conundrum as to whether he keeps it or not.  I'm just glad I don't have anything to do with it anymore, as I don't find it overly comfortable, and the gearbox is schizophrenic in nature.  If you can get it to stay in one gear for more than about 2 seconds, you're doing well.  Which really pisses me off.  Even the slightest acceleration on the motorway, and the gearbox insists on dropping at least one gear if not two, and giving it about 50hp more, meaning a small shove on the accelerator creates a 10mph acceleration in about 2 seconds.  Not what I wanted.  So yes, it's gone, and I'm pleased.

Back to the C6.

First thing needed was fuel.  Desperately.  Only one bar showing on the fuel gauge meant going to the very first station I could find, which is thankfully close to the pick-up.  Is a Pez shot still a Pez shot if it's Diesel?

Looks good in this picture.  It really isn't.

Got the seat in a comfortable position, set the head-up-display to a sensible brightness and position, set my sat-nav to Falkirk, and sent it down the road.

First thing that was apparent was that the brakes are fairly crap.  Not because they don't work (they do, quite well actually) but it's a passenger-side brake master-cylinder, with a massive mechanical linkage to get to the driver's foot.  So there's plenty of flex and spring in the pedal that I wasn't expecting.

Having had a bit of a scare with how the brakes feel, the motorway beaconed.  Got to it, and gave it beans.  As expected, the car drove like a hydraulically suspended Citroen is supposed to, soaking up everything the road could throw at it, and the journey was over before it even started.  Mileage is simply deleted by a C6.

But, it did of course have to have a comedy electrical failure.  In this case, it was the wipers.  As the rain started to fall, my initial joy at having clap-hands wipers that seem to clear 102% of the visible windscreen was dashed when the passenger-side one started walloping down into the scuttle, and then not joining in for the next wipe, meaning the one wiper came up and just did (thankfully) the driver's side.  This random situation continued on-and-off for a while, then both wipers stopped pointing straight up the screen for about 2 seconds (which feels like a week when it's pishin'doon wi' rain.  Thankfully they both moved again, and continued this very odd dance for a while longer.

Then it went more wrong.  The wipers have quite a large overlap, and when the passenger side absolutely crapped out, they clashed badly, and ran over each other several times.  Not good.  So I turned them off, which was a massive error, as the way they are supposed to fold is passenger-side first.  In this case, the driver's side was already down, the passenger side was up, and all it did was park the passenger side, straight over the top of the driver's side, locking both together.  Bugger.

Thankfully it wasn't raining, so this could wait until I could pull in somewhere safe, pop the arms apart, and continue on my journey, using the wipers a little more sporadically, and making sure they fold properly.

Got to Falkirk, parked up, went to bed.  I only remember the wiper incident.. the rest of the journey just vapourised.   As should be in a C6.

[loserone]

Was grand to see you and @warninglight briefly as the boys and I collected Timmy.  

[Talbot]

Was good to see you too!  I didn't want to get waffling on and nattering too much, as despite @Schaefft's great nature and desire to be a good host, I was very aware of both his need to get sorted for going away, and my need to do another 2.5hrs to 3hrs of driving.  In a C6.  In the dark.  In the rain.  Not ideal really! 

[Schaefft]

There can't be a journey in the C6 without some level of (undesirable) drama. Crossing my fingers that the wiper desync can somehow be sorted relatively cheaply. I'm just glad you managed to get home in it without too much trouble otherwise!

[Talbot]

Next day (yesterday) was the day to go further north with @juular and @MrsJuular to go and meet up with @Saabnut, @davidfowler2000(inc womandf2k), @Inspector Morose and @rml2345, so of course the vehicle of choice was the C6.  @juular drove.

Comedy electrical failures included:  Same wiper issue as the previous night.  ABS failure, ESP failure, brake pedal switch failure and handbrake failure.  Most of which happened at the point of a heavy braking moment to avoid a bellend who pulled out in front of us.  Fun fun.

But we also all agreed that the journey was just deleted.  None of us could remember the journey when we got there, which was quite remarkable.

After farting about around aberdeenshire for a lot of the day, @MrsJuular drove back. 

Comedy electrical failures included:  Same wiper issue, ABS failure, ESP failure, brake pedal switch failure, handbrake failure, and to add to this, limp-home mode, which was impressive as it came without an engine warning lamp, despite knowing that it works.  So half of the return journey was completed with about 50hp (compared to the normal 200) with the gearbox responding correctly to throttle inputs, and the engine acting like a wet fart.

It seems that every journey has to come with a Comedy Electrical Failure.  Or CEF for short.

[Talbot]

So today.  Today was a bit different.  Today we plugged in a code reader, and found out what was causing all the issues.  Ish.  Clearing 9 codes, and then buggering about with the brake pedal a bit meant we could clear all the ABS/ESP errors, the handbrake failure and (amazingly) the limp-home mode.  A drive over to a local cafe revealed very few CEF issues, although the wipers are still flopping about all over the place.  I think the passenger side wiper motor can't keep track of where it is, and it keeps doing stupid things because of that.  They re-calibrate over and over again, and sometimes get very confused.  I think a replacement passenger side encoder or whole motor will be needed.

Tomorrow will be the major acid test, as it's time to drive it back down to the south coast.  Having driven a 3.0 V6 lion engine with 8-speed auto up here, I'm going back in a 2.7 V6 lion engine with a 6-speed auto.  The 3.0 is obviously more powerful, but the 6-speed auto of the C6 is inordinately better than the 8-speed in the Disco4.  I suspect the return journey will be more comfortable and less irritating.  But maybe with higher liability....

[Six-cylinder]

I would love a C6, but I am just not brave enough!

[Schaefft]

Check the bits in the boot, I know my range Rover came with what looks like a brake pedal switch but the C6 might have as well! Fortunately an easy fix then!

[scdan4]

It's a damp and windy day for dodgy wipers....

Hope the distance home just deletes.

[cort16]

I think I got off quite lucky with mine. Despite it being stuck in limp mode for 2 months with EGR issues it was otherwise fine. 

[GeordieInExile]

"A C6 is cheap"

Oh, my sweet summer child. 

The initial purchase price might be cheap, but ownership certainly won't be...

Obviously I still miss mine dearly. Would I have another? If I won the lottery and could afford to put a mechanic on permanent retainer, and to comprehensively restore a 3.0 petrol to showroom fresh, then yes I would. 

[Talbot]

Positives and Negatives from the journey south:

Positive:  42MPG overall, and the journey just vanished.  
Negative:  Comedy Electronic Fauliures were in evidence again, including a drop back to limp-home.  It appears that if you heave on the brakes too hard, then it throws an ESP/SRS fault, and you then also lose cruise control.  If you leave it like this for an extended period of time, then it drops to a reduced power from the engine, which seems to be due to a fault code indicating a mismatch between the ESP information in the BSI and the same information in the engine ECU.  I think... I'm not sure when it comes to modern electronics.  When it goes into reduced power, you then also lose Limit drive.

Wipers flailed about like absurd willow trees in heavy wind, but that's about par for the course with this car at the moment.

What was very irritating was that having pulled in for a break and to clear the codes, I immediately had someone pull out in front of me, so had to heave on the brakes again, throwing ESP and SRS faults again.  Bumhats.  But, made it back without limp-home mode again.  Woo!

I rather like this car.  I shouldn't.. it's totally impractical and an utter liability, but it just has a certain something.  Maybe a later 3.0HDI top-end model would be a fun thing to own at some point...

[Talbot]

5 minutes ago, GeordieInExile said:

"A C6 is cheap"

Oh, my sweet summer child. 

The initial purchase price might be cheap, but ownership certainly won't be...

I've had CXs and various other big absurd Citroens in the past.. you can't scare me!

[hairnet]

drive up in one LCBL

drive home in another

that takes balls

probably still more reliable than public transport tho

[Talbot]

1 hour ago, hairnet said:

LCBL

Lion-engined Car Batshit Looney?

Large, Completely Bonkers Liability?

London College of Business and Law?

Ludicrous Contorted Broken Levetation?

[loserone]

9 minutes ago, Talbot said:

Liability

Got one word right!

[Talbot]

I know it's Low Cost Big Liability.  This would appear to be fairly near the top of the tree for that!

The Disco, however, was never mine, so does that count?

[cort16]

2 hours ago, Talbot said:

I know it's Low Cost Big Liability.  This would appear to be fairly near the top of the tree for that!

The Disco, however, was never mine, so does that count?

There are two safe ways to own a C6 the first is to buy one new under warranty and the second is to win it in a roffle for £15.  You've got the later covered so you can enjoy and sleep well at night knowing if it torches itself as you sleep you're only 15 quid down.

I had a couple of grand into mine, which is a good way to lose a couple of grand.

[loserone]

Also, park it away from the house.

[Talbot]

42 minutes ago, cort16 said:

I had a couple of grand into mine, which is a good way to lose a couple of grand.

But are there more comfortable ways to waft from one place to another, even for a couple of grand?  I very much doubt it!

The car has now done about a thousand miles in my ownership, has averaged about 38mpg and made several quite long journeys dissappear into the ether.

So I've spent 4x the purchase price on a set of filters and a brake pedal switch.

Investment!

[cort16]

43 minutes ago, Talbot said:

But are there more comfortable ways to waft from one place to another, even for a couple of grand?  I very much doubt it!

The car has now done about a thousand miles in my ownership, has averaged about 38mpg and made several quite long journeys dissappear into the ether.

So I've spent 4x the purchase price on a set of filters and a brake pedal switch.

Investment!

That's why I had to own one. They are a nightmare in waiting though even though mine was actually relatively well behaved . I was glad when I sold it to Citroen fan who'd own XM's and stuff as he knew what he was getting himself in for. I was worried some young family was going to snap it up unwittingly as it looks like good value for money compared to a Citroen C4 Picasso.