Things that put me right off

[sierraman]

18 minutes ago, Macscrooge said:

“Great car for holidays” = it’s too big and I can’t afford to run it. Usually posted in September. 

Ideal Fishing Car. A filthy Astra H 1.3 diesel estate, doom blue, full of mud, been used by a rendering firm and tip runs. Interior has such high concentration of nicotine you could probably actually smoke the headlining. 

[Soundwave]

When the ad's pictures are photos of physical photographs of the car from 20 years ago.

You've clearly got a digital camera device, so go and take some pictures of what the car looks like now...

[Volksy]

I went with my mate to look a 2017 C3 Pissassole the other day. 

After the demise of his Octavia he needs a 'Family car' asap. It was at a dealer in Batley. 

The young salesman in his ill fitted suit was trying his best bless him, but having been in the trade for years I basically had a quiet word with him and said 'If you need to speak to your Manager to 'Get a deal' I suggest you do it whilst we were out on the test drive'.  

When we got back he  was all enthusiastic until I pointed out all the corrosion underneath - something these seem to suffer badly from - and the fact both rear quarter panels had been blown in. 

Didn't stop him laying out pretty much all the above cliches verbatum....

We ended up just walking off when he went to see the manager about a deal..... 

 

[MiniMinorMk3]

Caravan Club Sticker in back window.

Carpets that have been vacuumed to look like cut grass.

Land/Range Rover lettering on bonnet.

Thick black underseal in the arches of an old car.

 

[sierraman]

20 minutes ago, Volksy said:

I went with my mate to look a 2017 C3 Pissassole the other day. 

After the demise of his Octavia he needs a 'Family car' asap. It was at a dealer in Batley. 

The young salesman in his ill fitted suit was trying his best bless him, but having been in the trade for years I basically had a quiet word with him and said 'If you need to speak to your Manager to 'Get a deal' I suggest you do it whilst we were out on the test drive'.  

When we got back he  was all enthusiastic until I pointed out all the corrosion underneath - something these seem to suffer badly from - and the fact both rear quarter panels had been blown in. 

Didn't stop him laying out pretty much all the above cliches verbatum....

We ended up just walking off when he went to see the manager about a deal..... 

 

Batley. Another hotspot for crappy cars and dodgy garages. 

[Erebus]

Easy fix. 

Why haven't you fixed it then?!

[Volksy]

23 minutes ago, sierraman said:

Batley. Another hotspot for crappy cars and dodgy garages. 

Seems to be anywhere beginning with B.

Batley,

Bradford

Birmingham......

[Tenmil Socket]

‘Does 70 in second…’

[Tenmil Socket]

Anything with ‘Because xxxx’ stickers up the side of the windscreen.

[Zelandeth]

The seller having not even bothered to take the Deliveroo bag off the back seat before taking the photos.

Saw that when I started looking for a Berlingo/Partner a few years back!

[Volksy]

Powered by Fairydust Stickers. 

[Soundwave]

1 hour ago, Volksy said:

Seems to be anywhere beginning with B.

Batley,

Bradford

Birmingham......

And from experience, Bcoventry.

[Metal Guru]

2 hours ago, Volksy said:

Powered by Fairydust Stickers. 

Shorthand for “never serviced, bald tyres, knackered clutch”.

[RayMK]

I can see that I'll have to word the advert very carefully when I try to sell my  '61 Reliant Regal - maybe quite soon.  

Speaking of Reliants, adverts are often titled 'Robin Reliant'  or Reliant Realto.  If the seller can't be bothered to read the docs for make and model or the car's badges for 'Rialto,' then I can't be bothered to view. In the text it might say 'no rust - fibreglass body.'  Carefully avoiding any mention of the thin gauge steel chassis which rusts badly (particularly on ohv Regals).  Later cars with a galvanised chassis resist a lot better.   'Can be driven on a motorcycle licence' still sometimes appears but it only applies if you hold a licence with the appropriate group and endorsement as the regulations have changed over the years.  Rarely these days, but some still see fit to mention that Reliants have a reverse gear.  Up to the mid 1960s approx., reverse had to be blanked off if driving one with only with a motorcycle licence.  It's not been a thing since then.  Reliant owners are notoriously tight.  They won't part with £10K just because you've sprayed your Robin or Rialto in Del boy yellow. It's still a <£1K car if rough. Only plonkers will do that (Del boy's was a Regal based Supervan, not a Robin or Rialto).

[MiniMinorMk3]

K&N filter kit.

Missing battery cover.

Missing fuse/relay box cover.

Any type of shatnav/smart phone holder screwed into dash.

[nev_jr]

"YOU WON'T FIND (insert shit box with astronomical miles/questionable modifications here) BETTER ANYWHERE ELSE!"  

"(insert sports car/hot hatch here) KILLER!!!" 

Very questionable angles of pictures, hiding damage or some lovely tinworm.

[sierraman]

People that say ‘25 pounds’ instead of £25. I don’t know why, just fucking irks me. 

[Imhotep]

‘If it’s still on here it’s still available’

 

No shit Sherlock, I don’t tend to keep adverts for things I no longer own either 

[bigfella2]

9 minutes ago, Imhotep said:

‘If it’s still on here it’s still available’

 

No shit Sherlock, I don’t tend to keep adverts for things I no longer own either 

You would be surprised by how many idiots do.

[delux]

Stickers or wraps!

Any reliant with 'Only fools' shit on it. Only fools still think thats funny!

Same with any Subaru with '555' graphics. Unless you are that Colin, get them to fuck!

In the same category...

Red bull binis

Real minis with bonnet stripes, very original! Where did you get that idea!

Mohos with 'I'm slow but...' who cares. Scrap it and go on a proper holiday. 

Any shitbox saloon vaguely dressed up like its touring car/rally cousin. 'Ooh! John Clellands at tesco!' Nope, some fat guys stuck shite on his diesel cavvy to hide the former private hire paintwork.

M badges on anything other than a real M powered car. People know your 118i 5 door in rainy day grey with 15" wheels hasnt had the treatment.

Satan finish wraps. Cool on some exotic Lamborghini. Confirms what everyone else thought when applied to and old pd golf!

[Imhotep]

26 minutes ago, delux said:

M badges on anything other than a real M powered car. People know your 118i 5 door in rainy day grey with 15" wheels hasnt had the treatment.

I will defend that one - if it’s on the wings and it’s an M Sport that’s OEM. If it’s on the boot though, or has those stupid grille stripes, fair comment. 

[DSdriver]

Must sell as moving to <insert foreign country>.

Well I'm certainly not going to buy it because I want to be able to sue you if you lied about how good the car was.

[grogee]

10 hours ago, Tenmil Socket said:

Anything with ‘Because xxxx’ stickers up the side of the windscreen.

 

[Soundwave]

Recently been looking at trailer tents, always makes my teeth itch when I see "4 birth" in the ad. 

If there's been 4 births in there, I hope they've cleaned it thoroughly before selling...

[Split_Pin]

I'm sure there's another thread somewhere for this that I've replied to but it's always a good read so what the heck.

So I'll mention again:

Airdrie

Shotts 

Absolute no-go car buying towns for me.

[lesapandre]

"Selling as bought new car" 😂

[High Jetter]

15 minutes ago, lesapandre said:

"Selling as bought new car" 😂

That's a pretty good ad, for most peeps. Not everyone has more than 1. (Weirdos)

[Metal Guru]

4 hours ago, Imhotep said:

I will defend that one - if it’s on the wings and it’s an M Sport that’s OEM. If it’s on the boot though, or has those stupid grille stripes, fair comment. 

They pretty much say the same, OEM or not. M Sport is about as far from a proper M BMW, as my granny’s mobility scooter is from an F1 car.

[sheffcortinacentre]

9 hours ago, Metal Guru said:

Shorthand for “never serviced, bald tyres, knackered clutch”.

Chavette owner bouncing of the walls.

[bigfella2]

Pictures taken from the upstairs window of a semi in some shit hole. I'm also amazed no one has used a picture from a blink/security camera yet, or even a doorbell camera yet. Or I've not seen one yet. 

Or a picture of a phone with the picture of the car three years ago when it was first purchased.