FTP: featuring additional bonus breakdown and director's commentary

[sdkrc]

What a fucking day. 

Out for a funeral and broke down 95miles from home just outside Carlisle airport. Battery appears to be fucked.  

[fatharris]

Ooh bugger.

Hope you get a speedy recovery!

[sdkrc]

I broke down last week as well. Fuel gauge said I had a quarter of a tank but was empty.  More empty promises than Theo Walcott.

Oddly enough my sister wasn't able to make the funeral because she broke down this morning. 

Not eaten in 8hrs but I have half a pack of olives and coconut water.

Some week!

[sdkrc]

[sdkrc]

A night in a Halfords car park. Should be open at 8am tomorrow. 

[GeordieInExile]

Apologies if it's a stupid question but... why didn't you get recovered to your house?

[sdkrc]

Recovery to my house was gonna be multiple legs and would've meant a longer wait at the roadside. Since it was a 6 mile job I got recovered within an hour. 

Also, it's just a duff battery

[sdkrc]

Halfords opens in 1hr. 

And a special mention for the attractive, hard working Polish women of McDonald's Carlisle 🤝 

Live breakdown timer

[loserone]

Hope the alternator is ok! I could have run you over a Clio battery last night but it might not have been big enough for an olde diesel engine.

[320touring]

Bit of a shitter that, but glad you got recovered to Halfords and can grab the stuff you need.

[EyesWeldedShut]

Radio silence  

[beko1987]

I hope they've got batteries in stock 😭

Hope youve hammered every ecp and gsf within walking distance for one too whilst you've waiter? 

[Jim Bell]

Fingers crossed he's on his way home up the big road and unable to update. 

 

[cpjitservices]

Chod speed!

[sdkrc]

Home and alive!

Got stumped by this battery clamp. Not quite 13mm but also not quite 12mm. I refused to purchase a spanner from Halfords so hit it with WD-40 and a screwdriver and just ragged it out and drove home with a looseish battery. 

Halfords relieved me of £100. 

14.7v with the car running, 12.9v with the car off so alternator probably* not fucked. 

Reckon I had 4-5miles of warning of the battery being toast. Couple of random warning lights then rapidly dimming lights, then cutting out. All of that in the arse end of nowhere at 11pm. 

[Talbot]

I think you might have a bigger issue than just the battery.  With the engine running, a battery can be completely* fucked and the car still drive just fine.  The alternator will keep the battery voltage up and it won't be until you come to start the car again that you find the battery can't cope.  Have you kept the old battery?  I think it will take charge and be ok.

I suspect very much that your alternator brushes are worn down to almost nothing.  The alternator went off charge, and the battery died, hence the FTP.

Transporting the car to halfords and a hot/cold cycle has knocked/shocked the brushes so that they are now on the slip rings again, hence providing charge.

Keep a very close eye on the battery voltage for the next few weeks.  I suspect you'll find the battery goes off-charge again at some point, and if it is the brushes/slip rings that fail, you don't get a warning lamp (as the brushes/sliprings are part of the circuit to illuminate the lamp)

Also, that bolt is a 13mm with sufficient rust to make it smaller.  Try a 1/2" spanner, as that is 12.7mm

[beko1987]

That battery clamp is a bastard! I remember that from when the ex's meriva did the same with its battery one day. I drove somewhere fine, then when I went to leave it was stone dead. Luckily I'd gone to Amy's uncles so we put a meter on the battery and confirmed it was fucked, jumped the car and confirmed voltage was being provided and off I went to get a new battery (home to order one) 🤷🎲

Was fine* ever after (or I never checked again at least and it never did it again (the starter span over faster than I'd ever heard it before during our ownership afterwards too) 

[Split_Pin]

I had this issue with the battery clamp bolt on my similarly aged Audi Cab, it was a weird size.

[SiC]

14.7v sounds rather on the high side for an alternator charge voltage tbh. I'd be expecting a 13.8v to 14.2v range on this age with a regular flooded lead acid.  

[SiC]

If it's anything like my Golf mk5 GTI, the alternator is standard on loads of other VAG models (from A4 diesels to little Fabia petrols). I think I paid £25 for a second hand genuine Bosch alternator off eBay. 

[sdkrc]

Anyone fancy a guess at how far away from Sunday's breakdown spot I broke down today?

[IronStar]

That’s alternator fucked then?

[sdkrc]

Aye. @Talbot's remote diagnosis was spot on. Brushes are fucked and driving it from cold gives false hope. It's been 14.4v for all short journeys but shits it on longer ones. 

I was cognizant of this and my designated adult @320touring kindly donated a working alternator. I failed to fit this in time for today's 550mile journey. 

I did however charge 2 spare batteries and managed to swap over the new one in <90seconds. 

A real man's travel checklist:

Roofbars ✅

Fuel can ✅

Batteries ✅

Piss bottle ✅

Fear of breakdowns ❌

[sdkrc]

Breakdown locations distance

And a little reminder from the boys at Google of how exotic my summer holidays have been

[sdkrc]

Big wins tonight for Keir AND @sdkrc although one received slightly less media coverage which I'd say is fair in the current climate

[Rust Collector]

24 minutes ago, sdkrc said:

Aye. @Talbot's remote diagnosis was spot on. Brushes are fucked and driving it from cold gives false hope. It's been 14.4v for all short journeys but shits it on longer ones. 

I was cognizant of this and my designated adult @320touring kindly donated a working alternator. I failed to fit this in time for today's 550mile journey. 

I did however charge 2 spare batteries and managed to swap over the new one in <90seconds. 

A real man's travel checklist:

Roofbars ✅

Fuel can ✅

Batteries ✅

Piss bottle ✅

Fear of breakdowns ❌

Spare batteries in the boot is the top tier* way to do it.

About 8 years ago I bought an E39 525i with a fucked alternator for £250. I drove it for at least a couple of months by just keeping 1 or 2 spare batteries in the boot and swapping them over each time the current battery got sad. Eventually I stumped up the twelve quid for a new voltage regulator…

[loserone]

57 minutes ago, sdkrc said:

And a little reminder from the boys at Google of how exotic my summer holidays have been

I can't believe you haven't shown the lads THE JEEP.

[loserone]

[sdkrc]

Well fuck. 

Have an important meeting in Leeds tomorrow and thought I'd replace the alternator with a second hand unit tonight. Unfortunately this one appears to be a duffer as it was only showing 11.7v whilst running and 12.0v whilst off. 

Looks like there's plenty of space to work but spent nearly an hour on a cheesium bolt that was stuck. 

[loserone]

Steal the alternator from the Rank Taxi