Tropes you see on the road

[sierraman]

Can’t think of a name for him but he’s mid 30’s, drives a Vauxhall Mokka fully electric in some garish colour. Needless to say it’s on a lease, he doesn’t own a single thing, he is Klarna’d up to the hilt. Drives flat out everywhere using the rip roaring acceleration and erratic cornering.

Lives in a shared ownership New Build, fake grass on the front and back the rest paved with porcelain tiles, nothing living in the garden apart from some plastic fake Ivy on the wall. House has no carpets in it, LVT throughout. Works in HR, unsure what he actually does apart from attend Teams meetings all day, seems to be present doing Teams and e-mailing but not actually doing anything for about 70 hours a week, 30 of them unpaid. Seems to have a bottle of water constantly which he drinks 16 litres of a day, noisily. Uses hand sanitiser every 30 minutes. Has a protein shake and really lame looking salad, doesn’t eat meat because if it’s impact on global emissions.

Doesn’t smoke, has 3 cans of Carling in the fridge left over from having some friends round he barely knows at the summer. Incapable of holding a conversation in person, digital everything. Does everything he can to live a very healthy lifestyle bar the fact he’s already dead from the neck up anyway. 

[Metal Guru]

1 hour ago, sierraman said:

Can’t think of a name for him but he’s mid 30’s, drives a Vauxhall Mokka fully electric in some garish colour. Needless to say it’s on a lease, he doesn’t own a single thing, he is Klarna’d up to the hilt. Drives flat out everywhere using the rip roaring acceleration and erratic cornering.

Lives in a shared ownership New Build, fake grass on the front and back the rest paved with porcelain tiles, nothing living in the garden apart from some plastic fake Ivy on the wall. House has no carpets in it, LVT throughout. Works in HR, unsure what he actually does apart from attend Teams meetings all day, seems to be present doing Teams and e-mailing but not actually doing anything for about 70 hours a week, 30 of them unpaid. Seems to have a bottle of water constantly which he drinks 16 litres of a day, noisily. Uses hand sanitiser every 30 minutes. Has a protein shake and really lame looking salad, doesn’t eat meat because if it’s impact on global emissions.

Doesn’t smoke, has 3 cans of Carling in the fridge left over from having some friends round he barely knows at the summer. Incapable of holding a conversation in person, digital everything. Does everything he can to live a very healthy lifestyle bar the fact he’s already dead from the neck up anyway. 

I think he’d be Marc ( probably christened Mark), or possibly Zander or Piers. 

[dozeydustman]

Pat. Pat is in her 60s and has cropped hair. Perennial look of angriness on her face because she looks like Onslow. Wears a 9ct gold cross on a chain from H. Samuel or Argos, a sovereign ring and velour tracksuits. She’s a proper fag-ash Lil as well. Bullies her husband.

Drives a Nissan of some description, quite elderly so a late Sunny or early Almera which is in surprisingly good condition with very few dings and no rust. Has always owned Nissans and Datsuns. Has two speeds on the road - slow and smooth or 5-6mph over the road’s speed limit and erratic. Indecisive at mini roundabouts when all approaches have cars on them, and the pulls out in front of the car approaching from the right after 2 minutes of 3 or 4-way Mexican stand-off. Swears at other motorists while she has a fag hanging out her gob.

Not to be confused with Patricia. Patricia dithers about what tea is in the tea caddy for when guests come over, Pat only has Tetley, like it or lump it.