The Autoshite Racing Car

[motorpunk]

Me stuck in 3rd gear, MX5 at 24 hours of Lemons in the America

Hopeless team. We won anyway.

[warch]

I can remember*  Car and Car Conversions (or was it Practical Performance Car) doing a banger track car challenge, to see who could buy and modify the quickest trackday car for less than a grand or something.

Most of the editorial staff had bought various 80s/early 90s hot hatches and then fitted aftermarket suspension, or had them chipped. Dave Walker, the rolling road/Emerald ECU guy went and bought a completely standard BX Gti for about 600 quid, then fitted a (borrowed) set of racing slicks to fit to it. Absolutely slaughtered everyone else. 

 

[St.Jude]

11 hours ago, egg said:

maybe?

One day when I was taking the K Series out of the MG for my Lada, I think the Car SOS of the 6R4 was on the night before, the sudden thought came in to my head that maybe one day I'll buy a Rover 100 and a KV6 engine. I'd make something that could've been a race car if Rover carried on in rallying in to the 1990s from the 6R4. Probably would never happen, but it at least would be a good thing to spend time dreaming up during the dark nights one winter.

1 hour ago, motorpunk said:

In F1 the most utterly useless team has to be "Life" who invented their own engine, 12 cylinder thing configured in three banks of 4 cylinders, used a someone elses' hopeless chassis, drivers refused to drive it, never qualified for anything, bits fell off, it all turned to shit. I'll write the story up someday, it's brilliant. 

Think that chassis failed a crash test twice, and the improvements for it to pass were really questionable.

[quicksilver]

2 hours ago, motorpunk said:

In F1 the most utterly useless team has to be "Life" who invented their own engine, 12 cylinder thing configured in three banks of 4 cylinders, used a someone elses' hopeless chassis, drivers refused to drive it, never qualified for anything, bits fell off, it all turned to shit. I'll write the story up someday, it's brilliant. 

I was going to mention that the Life L190 would definitely be the AS F1 car as everything about it was just so hopeless. Either that or the Mastercard Lola that its sponsor forced to hit the track a whole year too early and had never even seen a wind tunnel; they entered one race, failed to qualify and then went bust.

[motorpunk]

1 hour ago, warch said:

I can remember*  Car and Car Conversions (or was it Practical Performance Car) doing a banger track car challenge, to see who could buy and modify the quickest trackday car for less than a grand or something.

Most of the editorial staff had bought various 80s/early 90s hot hatches and then fitted aftermarket suspension, or had them chipped. Dave Walker, the rolling road/Emerald ECU guy went and bought a completely standard BX Gti for about 600 quid, then fitted a (borrowed) set of racing slicks to fit to it. Absolutely slaughtered everyone else. 

 

PPC 1K challenge. I did that in a rotten MX5. Good times

[St.Jude]

24 minutes ago, quicksilver said:

I was going to mention that the Life L190 would definitely be the AS F1 car as everything about it was just so hopeless. Either that or the Mastercard Lola that its sponsor forced to hit the track a whole year too early and had never even seen a wind tunnel; they entered one race, failed to qualify and then went bust.

Mastercard were total bastards with that, but then Eric Broadley was as much to blame. The sponsorship model they had was silly. Can't remember right, but it was based on how well Lola did in F1 on a race by race basis and it was linked to how many new customers they'd sign up based on the F1 performances as well. Like I do not know how you could sign up to that regardless of how optimistic you are.

[Metal Guru]

15 hours ago, Dyslexic Viking said:

Sex Toys UK

Viagra Connect

Guaranteed to have a stiff chassis!

[M'coli]

3 hours ago, Leyland Worldmaster said:

Pah. All suggestions are far too good. And far too slow. 

Everyone* knows that nothing  is faster than a fucking rental car. 

The only thing I'd change is the colour. White or beige. Do they make a beige Duster? 

Discussion over.* I've won!*

😜😜😜

Oddly enough, someone sprinted a mk5 Escort hire car at Kames in spring 1992.

[quicksilver]

40 minutes ago, St.Jude said:

Mastercard were total bastards with that, but then Eric Broadley was as much to blame. The sponsorship model they had was silly. Can't remember right, but it was based on how well Lola did in F1 on a race by race basis and it was linked to how many new customers they'd sign up based on the F1 performances as well. Like I do not know how you could sign up to that regardless of how optimistic you are.

It seems a right dodgy arrangement based around selling cardholders membership of an 'F1 Club'. That meant funding relied on the goodwill of cardholders and of course there couldn't be an F1 Club without a team. Combine that with the intense rivalry with HSBC-sponsored Stewart who entered at the same time and it was a disaster waiting to happen, so Broadley was a fool to accept those terms.

[Weird Car]

[sutty2006]

we're doing it wrong. Banger rallies are where its at...... used to love doing them, and raising money for great charities at the same time.

 

2007 Calais to Rimini

 

 

2008 Ireland....

 

2009 Holland to norway. What a beaut.

 

2010 UK Wales to Fort will-i-am.....

 

And the last one in 2017, London to Benidorm.

Absolute cracking fun, all of them were. really want to do another soon.

[puddlethumper]

What about Daf  33 backward racing as they do in Holland? That sounds pretty shite.

[grogee]

16 hours ago, inconsistant said:

How very dare you.

(I thought the same, actually)

[grogee]

1 hour ago, puddlethumper said:

What about Daf  33 backward racing as they do in Holland? That sounds pretty shite.

It's a very lazy trope, but the Dutch are mental.

 

[LightBulbFun]

Ahhh fuck it! 

 

this is why you pit for tyres kids!

this last one has always tickled me because by the definition of the rules of the race it was in, it was more or less a one make-model race, Steyr puch engined vehicles 16-19Hp (aka 493cc), so Just Steyr Puch 500's right? hah you know what the one other vehicle with a 493cc Steyr puch engine is? Yeah a Model 70! they couldn't argue it, so into the race it went LOL

and he came 9th out of 12 so not last LOL

[St.Jude]

32 minutes ago, LightBulbFun said:

Ahhh fuck it! 

 

this is why you pit for tyres kids!

this last one has always tickled me because by the definition of the rules of the race it was in, it was more or less a one make-model race, Steyr puch engined vehicles 16-19Hp (aka 493cc), so Just Steyr Puch 500's right? hah you know what the one other vehicle with a 493cc Steyr puch engine is? Yeah a Model 70! they couldn't argue it, so into the race it went LOL

and he came 9th out of 12 so not last LOL

NO.

[108]

On 3/23/2023 at 2:26 PM, quicksilver said:

Surely the Autoshite racing car has to be something completely unsuitable for the sport in which it is being used. I therefore suggest a Series Land Rover for any discipline that doesn't involve off-roading.

Or any modern Range Rover that involves even the slightest bit of off-roading. 
 

 

[anonymous user]

7 hours ago, M'coli said:

Oddly enough, someone sprinted a mk5 Escort hire car at Kames in spring 1992.

I also recall a couple of blokes doing a club production car trial in a Hertz Metro in the mid 80s (they had put a sheet over the carpets to protect them and pressure washed the mud off before returning it)

[sheffcortinacentre]

12 hours ago, warch said:

I can remember*  Car and Car Conversions (or was it Practical Performance Car) doing a banger track car challenge, to see who could buy and modify the quickest trackday car for less than a grand or something.

Most of the editorial staff had bought various 80s/early 90s hot hatches and then fitted aftermarket suspension, or had them chipped. Dave Walker, the rolling road/Emerald ECU guy went and bought a completely standard BX Gti for about 600 quid, then fitted a (borrowed) set of racing slicks to fit to it. Absolutely slaughtered everyone else. 

 

Was PPC £999 challenge 

[Metal Guru]

On 23/03/2023 at 18:32, anonymous user said:

It would have to be the Swiftmobile for me.

Although I do remember a chap going up Prescott hillclimb in his Volvo 740 estate towcar, just to get the points, because his March racer wouldn't run.

Thought that was Chitty Bang Bang for a moment. That would have made a decent race car. Just fly over the car in front.

[HMC]

[martc]

I've no idea about racing cars, but this postcard was accompanied by, and I quote - 'Schleiz Triangle Race 1981 Highest voltage before the start of the race car group B 8 to 1300 ccm'.⠀Which I think means that tension is high at the start of the Group B (up to 1300cc) race at the Schleiz Triangle, 1981.

The Schleiz Dreieck (triangle) is the oldest street circuit in Germany. In 1981 it was in the DDR so the likelihood is that some of these cars are, lets say, a little basic.

 

 

[J R Hartley]

Some suggestions. 

 

[Pieman]

I've seen that last one (the Eifelland-March) in person at Race Retro.  It's even more horrific when you see it close up!

[155V6]

[grogee]

19 hours ago, Pieman said:

I've seen that last one (the Eifelland-March) in person at Race Retro.  It's even more horrific when you see it close up!

What's the sticky-up bit in front of the driver's face for? Rear view mirror?

[Sham]

4 minutes ago, grogee said:

What's the sticky-up bit in front of the driver's face for? Rear view mirror?

Yep.

It was used by a few cars of that era.

[HMC]

Rolf Stommelen- great footage of him chucking the aerodynamically suspect early 917 around  at Le Mans 1969. Big balls needed! A fellow competitor got it wrong in the first “customer” 917 on the first lap, the car snapped in half and he died.

[Pieman]

35 minutes ago, HMC said:

Rolf Stommelen- great footage of him chucking the aerodynamically suspect early 917 around  at Le Mans 1969. Big balls needed! A fellow competitor got it wrong in the first “customer” 917 on the first lap, the car snapped in half and he died.

That was John Woolfe, who had previously been very famous as a team owner and in the UK drag racing scene.

As for the thing on the Eifelland, that is a periscope used as a rear view mirror!

[M'coli]

On 3/23/2023 at 4:38 PM, Alan_Green said:

Good shout!  The Arrows A7 and A8 raced in similar colours, but it's the A9 that's the properly shite car - so unsuccessful that it only did 3 races before the team reverted to the A8.