Talk you never want to hear on viewing a car...

[sierraman]

Just thinking about the mad shit people come out with when they are selling cars. My absolute favourite has to be this... ‘It’s been no trouble at all, it’s had an MOT every year, never even needed a service...’

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

Any problems with it?

'I dunno m8, It's always been looked after by my m9... who's a mechanic'

[sierraman]

‘Will do 90 in third...’

[sutty2006]

4 minutes ago, sierraman said:

‘Will do 90 in third...’

The first 24 valve senator I bought on eBay back in 2010 reminds me of this. Only it was automatic, and the seller took me out in it to prove it. 
 

“you don’t need to mate, I know how quick they are”

 

”but watch this!” 
 

the worst part about it, there was no fuel in it, and he took it to a fuel station and put a fiver in it……. Fucking melt. Just hand over the keys and let me get on with my 150 mile journey home. 

[motorpunk]

"best colour"

"that hasn't gotten any worse since I've owned it"

"Just needs"

And anyone calling me mate, who isn't a mate, but someone trying to sell me something. 

[Soundwave]

When looking at a Punto many years ago: "Yeah it's had a bit of paintwork, but you don't really notice it if you don't look."

I think that's true of most things, M8....

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

Rare, Barn find, late mothers gentlemans carriage from private estate etc...

[steveo3002]

never had any trouble at all apart from that time the oil light came on 

[Split_Pin]

"....but its never bothered me".

[Soundwave]

Oh and the time-worn "It's in good nick for the year". It's either in good nick or it isn't, and the fact you needed to specify "for the year" leads me to believe the latter.

[goosey]

Mate, I’ve owned this 5 years and never even opened the bonnet it’s bin that reliable 

[sierraman]

‘I can’t see any problems with it passing the MOT... to be best of my knowledge...’

[Schaefft]

Christmas tree on the dash, knocking suspension, cats missing:

"but it doesn't affect how it drives"

What a relief that mots aren't mandatory then!

[Rust Collector]

Been to see a couple where the owner has mentioned 'I've topped up the water whenever it's needed it'.

[Supernaut]

14 minutes ago, Split_Pin said:

"....but its never bothered me".

This.

This is the one I've personally seen / heard the most.

Upon enquiring about a vehicle, the seller says [major system or feature] doesn't work "...but it doesn't bother me"

 

Get in the sea!

[MikeR]

Another person is coming to see it soon ..

I will let him have it then ..

Went home ..

[sierraman]

9 minutes ago, Rust Collector said:

Been to see a couple where the owner has mentioned 'I've topped up the water whenever it's needed it'.

The empty semi skimmed milk container in the boot is the inevitable giveaway with that. Like they can’t even be arsed to hide it 🤣

[Six-cylinder]

It was once owned by "Six-cylinder!"

[PrinceRupert]

25 minutes ago, Soundwave said:

Oh and the time-worn "It's in good nick for the year". It's either in good nick or it isn't, and the fact you needed to specify "for the year" leads me to believe the latter.

Similarly, the classic "age related marks".

Just show me some decent pictures of the bodywork showing any damage, please. 

[Cavcraft]

6 minutes ago, MikeR said:

Another person is coming to see it soon ..

I will let him have it then ..

Went home ..

This, all day long. 

Another is asking specific questions about a vehicle to get the reply 'I've had loads of interest'.  I didn't ask you how much interest you'd had, you turnip.

[Back_For_More]

Last time I checked/looked......

Or

Onnly needs a couple of bits welded 

I'm not going to guess which decade that was you dipshit or how long it was used as a launch vehicle for the local RNLI

 

 

[Soundwave]

"If it doesn't sell for £<amount>, I'll scrap it instead."

So, if you don't get £2k for your £1500-at-best car, you'll sell it for £400 to the scrappers?  Yes, that'll certainly teach potential buyers a lesson. Stop being such a dildo.

This is sort of understandable in the sub £500 category (remember those days?) where the difference between sale and scrap is very little, but otherwise you're just being a plank.

[Rust Collector]

Anyone been to see a car where the owner is selling because they've replaced it with another car, and the replacement car they proudly point out is so rough it makes you wonder how bad the car they're selling must be?

1 minute ago, Soundwave said:

"If it doesn't sell for £<amount>, I'll scrap it instead."

I always read that as 'if I don't get my own way then I'll throw my toys out the pram'

[straightSix]

One I've heard too many times is "it's just a sensor" in relation to CEL like the sensors aren't there for a reason 🤷‍♂️ "doesn't affect how it drives" is usually thrown in the mix as well 

[MiniMinorMk3]

My sons have used it for going to college since I got my new one.

[MiniMinorMk3]

They all do that sir.

[MiniMinorMk3]

It's not been run for a while so it might rattle a bit before it gets warm.

[MrBiscuits]

Only selling 'cos my wife doesn't like/can't drive it.

(I've had it for 5minutes, realised it's fucked and can't think of a better excuse)

[RayMK]

"It's had a fortune spent on it."  

To me, that means it is a money pit and the bastard still doesn't work properly, hence being for sale.

[DavidB]

“Here we have … “