The grumpy thread

[mercrocker]

Somebody said "most men lead lives of quiet desperation" who it was I neither know nor care but its bloody true.   I have two escapes from the blighted truth that is reality - one is honest old motors, the other is 1950s rock and roll.   The more I have and enjoy of each, the less I care about all the rest of the bollocks, be it home ownership, pension value, happy ever after or how many things my mobile phone can do.....

[warren t claim]

I'm grumpy because we haven't had a ground breaking year in car design for ages. I can remember the Sierra and BX being introduced in 1983 and 10 years later the Mondeo upping the anti with great driving family cars. All that happens now is every few years we get a new Golf/Focus/3 Series BMW that's 5% better than its predecessor.

[Cavcraft]

I'm grumpy because we haven't had a ground breaking year in car design for ages...10 years later the Mondeo upping the anti with great driving family cars.

 

 

I disagree. The Mondeo was merely an improvement on the Sierra, just as the Focus was an improvement on the Escort. Neither could have possibly failed to be worse, especially the Focus.

[RedSparrow]

I'm grumpy because we haven't had a ground breaking year in car design for ages. I can remember the Sierra and BX being introduced in 1983 and 10 years later the Mondeo upping the anti with great driving family cars. All that happens now is every few years we get a new Golf/Focus/3 Series BMW that's 5% better than its predecessor.

 

I think it's because manufacturers are desperate to hang on to buyers so prefer to play it safe. I don't think we'll be seeing any radical new designs for a while except in hideous faux 4x4s.

[dollywobbler]

I disagree. The Mondeo was merely an improvement on the Sierra, just as the Focus was an improvement on the Escort. Neither could have possibly failed to be worse, especially the Focus.

 

I can't agree with that. My dad owned a Sierra while his boss had a Mondeo, so I regularly drove both back to back. There's no comparison! Much as I liked the Sierra, the Mondeo actually felt like a Nineties car rather than a throw back to another era. I also rate the Focus as a kick up the backside for that entire market sector, not just as a replacement for a donkey in the form of the Escort. 

 

But RedSparrow is spot on. The most exciting development seems to be in making hideous crossovers like the Juke. Sad times indeed. No-one dares to be different, so the chances of another Citroen DS, NSU Ro80 or Renault Espace seem utterly unlikely.

[chaseracer]

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them.” from 'Walden' by Henry David Thoreau.

 

He wasn't wrong... :-/

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Simply tell them ‘Expand on this’ and somehow attach a drawing of a cock and balls to the eBay message. SORTED

[Mr Livered]

Example 1: 'Is this lens a manual focus lens? Sigma never made a lens like that, they all had AF servos, yours must be broken?'

 

No, it's a magic lens full of cavorting Balinese maidens whose only demand is that you turn the focus ring manually BECAUSE IT'S A MANUAL FOCUS LENS THAT WAS SPECIFIED LIKE THAT FROM THE FACTORY BECAUSE IT'S A MANUAL FOCUS LENS (at the bottom of the Sigma DC range).

 

There is a tiny mark on the lens coating. It doesn't affect the pictures you take at all.

 

Example 2: 'Please can you expand on 'this tiny mark on the lens, cheers'

 

HOW ABOUT NO? HOW ABOUT STOP WASTING MY TIME!. Tell you what, I'll get the micrometer and give you some measurements.

 

It's an 18-200 F-mount lens that's probably going to end for about £60. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU PEOPLE WANT? WHY CAN NONE OF YOU READ?????

 

I sell things online for a living, so I spend hours each day answering questions of that type. In the course of so doing, I have formulated Livered's Law of Internet Selling.

 

Basically, the amount of questions asked about a product, and the stupidity of the questions, is inversely proportional to the amount that a punter proposes to spend.

 

Order values from my website vary between about £8 and about £250. The people who spend £250 generally just log on, click on what they want to purchase, pay and wait for their order to arrive. That's it. The people who want to spend £8 expect to be given advice on what to choose, information on the type of packaging used to send them their stuff, how to use it, what they should do if it turns out that they are dissatisfied with their order, etc etc etc. I'd be much happier holding the hands of the big spenders, because that makes a lot more sense to me, but (rather counter-intuitively) it doesn't work that way.

[HillmanImp]

Spent ages ensuring the sill lined up with the bonnet:

 

 

Welded half of the Sill on and just noticed that I hadn't clipped down the bonnet when I was lining it up:

 

 

FUCKSTICKS!

[HillmanImp]

Sorted. Cut out a piece.

 

 

 

 

Not perfect but good enough for me.  I was ready to throw my toys out of the pram for a minute there.

 

Sure there will be more drama to come. 

[Sigmund Fraud]

Mmmm... GT6 ! Do you have a proper thread up for this ?

[HillmanImp]

Mmmm... GT6 ! Do you have a proper thread up for this ?

 

No because I don't work on it frequently enough. I am hopefully working on it all week this week though. Might start one. Good idea. 

[Cavcraft]

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/111173613581?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

 

List lens on eBay.

 

Get 5,000 of the most redundant questions encountered in the history of mankind.

 

Example 1: 'Is this lens a manual focus lens? Sigma never made a lens like that, they all had AF servos, yours must be broken?'

 

No, it's a magic lens full of cavorting Balinese maidens whose only demand is that you turn the focus ring manually BECAUSE IT'S A MANUAL FOCUS LENS THAT WAS SPECIFIED LIKE THAT FROM THE FACTORY BECAUSE IT'S A MANUAL FOCUS LENS (at the bottom of the Sigma DC range).

 

There is a tiny mark on the lens coating. It doesn't affect the pictures you take at all.

 

Example 2: 'Please can you expand on 'this tiny mark on the lens, cheers'

 

HOW ABOUT NO? HOW ABOUT STOP WASTING MY TIME!. Tell you what, I'll get the micrometer and give you some measurements.

 

It's an 18-200 F-mount lens that's probably going to end for about £60. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU PEOPLE WANT? WHY CAN NONE OF YOU READ?????

 

 

Have you considered getting angry about it?

[jakebullet]

I sell things online for a living, so I spend hours each day answering questions of that type. In the course of so doing, I have formulated Livered's Law of Internet Selling.

 

Basically, the amount of questions asked about a product, and the stupidity of the questions, is inversely proportional to the amount that a punter proposes to spend.

 

Order values from my website vary between about £8 and about £250. The people who spend £250 generally just log on, click on what they want to purchase, pay and wait for their order to arrive. That's it. The people who want to spend £8 expect to be given advice on what to choose, information on the type of packaging used to send them their stuff, how to use it, what they should do if it turns out that they are dissatisfied with their order, etc etc etc. I'd be much happier holding the hands of the big spenders, because that makes a lot more sense to me, but (rather counter-intuitively) it doesn't work that way.

 

This to the power of eleventy. The amount of twats I get wanting a tracking number for an item that cost £1.20 including postage is unbelievable.

 

Curses! You've foiled my scheme of spending 8 years building a 20K feedback account just to rob you of £1.20. I'd have got away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids.

[Negative Creep]

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/111173613581?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

 

List lens on eBay.

 

Get 5,000 of the most redundant questions encountered in the history of mankind.

 

Example 1: 'Is this lens a manual focus lens? Sigma never made a lens like that, they all had AF servos, yours must be broken?'

 

No, it's a magic lens full of cavorting Balinese maidens whose only demand is that you turn the focus ring manually BECAUSE IT'S A MANUAL FOCUS LENS THAT WAS SPECIFIED LIKE THAT FROM THE FACTORY BECAUSE IT'S A MANUAL FOCUS LENS (at the bottom of the Sigma DC range).

 

There is a tiny mark on the lens coating. It doesn't affect the pictures you take at all.

 

Example 2: 'Please can you expand on 'this tiny mark on the lens, cheers'

 

HOW ABOUT NO? HOW ABOUT STOP WASTING MY TIME!. Tell you what, I'll get the micrometer and give you some measurements.

 

It's an 18-200 F-mount lens that's probably going to end for about £60. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU PEOPLE WANT? WHY CAN NONE OF YOU READ?????

 

 

To be fair, a "tiny mark" could mean anything from just that to a massive scratch depending on the honesty of the seller so I wouldn't blame people for asking

[ruffgeezer]

I bought a set of wheels for the Farting Flea on ebay.

 

Only after I've won them does the seller cough that they are from a job lot of parts he bought a while ago.

 

They are not from a Flea or 125RE of any sort, and now he's put the blame on me for them not fitting even remotely.

[hairymel]

Have you considered getting angry about it?

 

 

 

FUCK YOU EBAY, FUCK YOU.

 

apparently so

[Pillock]

Motorway matrix signs. The overhead ones every 20 yards telling you it's 12 miles to junction 94 and I'll take 12 minutes.

 

Coming down the M42 yesterday, just before J6 it flashes up "M42 CLOSED J5-J4". I had about a quarter of a mile to decide, so came off at 6, past the airport, through Solihull and Shirley and back on at 4. Added 25 minutes or so. What was weird was that as I came on, traffic was coming through the "closed" section. Half hour later it's on the radio that the signs are showing wrong information, the road is not closed.

 

THANKS.

 

These things just seem to fuck up more than they help. Every third gantry has a different limit on the managed motorways and it leads to much more stop-start crap. I appreciate the motorway flows better at 50, so why put half a mile of 60 and then back down?

[cms206]

Pearoast from elsewhere; The Council Estate celebrated the arrival of the 760 Turbo by failing it's MOT thusly...

 

001 Offside headlight aim too low

002 Battery insecure

003 Nearside windscreen washer provides insufficient washer fluid

004 Nearside (inner rack end) steering pivot point has excessive play

005 Offside (inner rack end) steering pivot point has excessive play

006 Nearside brake linkage has abnormal movement of levers indicating maladjustment

007 Exhaust has a major leak of exhaust gases

008 Exhaust system not adequately supportes.

 

004 and 005 are causing headaches...

[Cavcraft]

Someone wants to buy one of my bikes. I want to buy one of theirs. Theirs is more expensive. I asked how much on top with my bike. They don't want to do that, they only want cash for theirs.

Ok, I'll sell you my bike, then buy yours.

'I don't want to sell mine it's worth more than I first told you so I'll keep it a bit longer then eBay it for more'

Ok then. let's forget it. 

'So you don't want to buy mine?'

No, you just said you were keeping it and putting it on eBay at a later date for more money.

'Yeah, but what's the best price for your bike? You can have mine for £600'.

'Are you coming tonight'

'Are you there?'

'???'

 

I give up.

[Mr Lobster]

This to the power of eleventy. The amount of twats I get wanting a tracking number for an item that cost £1.20 including postage is unbelievable.

 

Curses! You've foiled my scheme of spending 8 years building a 20K feedback account just to rob you of £1.20. I'd have got away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids.

 

Yes yes yes and yes. Item is shipped to Europe for £9.99 including postage and after TWO DAYS you get the 'Where Is My Item' question and the 'Whats the tracking number' too.

 

Recently had a customer who after THREE MONTHS claims not to have recieved it. Tracking showed it had been left in her 'safe place' She had nominated her safe place to be a wheely bin and as she was on holiday when she ordered the item and knew that the bin would be emptied in her absence what could we do about it* as it had probably gone to the tip.

 

*absolutely nothing.

[Mr Livered]

^Haha, fucking brilliant - who would think a really good idea for a "safe place" would be in the bin?!

[M'coli]

You'd be surprised - I see that sort of thing all the time on tracked packets!  I'm waiting for one that says "PLease leave with a neighbour except for them at no.42 because they're cunts".

[Richard]

Pearoast from elsewhere; The Council Estate celebrated the arrival of the 760 Turbo by failing it's MOT thusly...

 

001 Offside headlight aim too low

002 Battery insecure

003 Nearside windscreen washer provides insufficient washer fluid

004 Nearside (inner rack end) steering pivot point has excessive play

005 Offside (inner rack end) steering pivot point has excessive play

006 Nearside brake linkage has abnormal movement of levers indicating maladjustment

007 Exhaust has a major leak of exhaust gases

008 Exhaust system not adequately supportes.

 

004 and 005 are causing headaches...

 

 

Is the headache working out what make of rack you have? Track rods are reasonably cheap and normally quite easy to change. http://www.buypartsby.co.uk/buy/VOLVO/700_SERIES/_740/2.3/1988/__/106/steering-suspension/suspension/tie-rods-ends/

[chaseracer]

Jon: PM sent.

[Lord Sterling]

Brilliant. Fucking Hotmail are being absolute arses now. They won't let me access the ONE account I need to access, they are holding it to ransom until I give them my phone number. They can fuck off and shove thier account up thier arses, nosey cunts. The other account I have with them doesnt seem to need this nosey info (so far) I've had this account for more than 10 years and now suddenly because they want everthing including my inside leg measurement they'll suddenly 'lock' my account until they get want they want?

 

I only wanted it to access my password for Western Union as my cousin needs some money. I'll have to ask FATHA_Sterling to help me on this. And no, I don't have a spare sim to chuck away when I get this bastard 'cide' they insist I have.

[hennabm]

Motorway matrix signs. The overhead ones every 20 yards telling you it's 12 miles to junction 94 and I'll take 12 minutes.

 

Coming down the M42 yesterday, just before J6 it flashes up "M42 CLOSED J5-J4". I had about a quarter of a mile to decide, so came off at 6, past the airport, through Solihull and Shirley and back on at 4. Added 25 minutes or so. What was weird was that as I came on, traffic was coming through the "closed" section. Half hour later it's on the radio that the signs are showing wrong information, the road is not closed.

 

THANKS.

 

 

I went through those as well but figured that traffic was flowing too well for the road to be closed and stayed on the M42.

Yeah and after about half later the radio told me the signs were wrong. :roll:

 

Fugging Brilliant traffic control that.

[Pillock]

I also hate the way they're minute-precise when it comes to free flowing traffic, exactly how many minutes it'll take to get to the next big junction.... But when it comes to delays, it just says "delays". Now I know you've got the technology to tell me how long a delay, it all works off ANPR and times cars over a section - so bloody well tell me how long the delay is before I dick around driving over the countryside just to avoid one junction.

[hairnet]

riding the width of southern scotland

 

to look at something on the english/scottish border (ish)

 

then getting up the next day and not being able to see 10 feet in front of your their or anyone elses fookin face

 

$%&%^*&*($^*"(! !¬!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

the roads to kelso are the tits tho

[garbaldy]

 

 

the roads to kelso are the tits tho

 

yup they sure are and even better round duns. I am 7ish miles from Kelso you could have popped in for a brew.