The grumpy thread

[M'coli]

TURN YOUR FUCKING FOG LIGHTS OFF YOU MORONS IT'S RAIN, NOT FOG.

When I was taught to drive, my instructor told me to turn on dipped headlights (not just sidelights) at the FIRST sign of rain.

So THAT'S why people switch their lights on but don't slow down? I leave my lights off deliberately - people still see me, but stay away from me because I'm then perceived as dangerous.Admittedly I put them on when the conditions dictate them, but not at the first sign of rain - that's just daft.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Scallies in 2 year old Golfs / Astras / 3 series.Why do they insist on;A: Driving with the seat back almost touching the rear window.

I'd noticed quite a lot of the black & Asian lads driving like this, so I asked my Asian mate, Asif, about it. He said that a lot of your gangster types in the rough parts of LA etc drive sitting low & with their seats dead far back because it offers more protection (from the B pillar) from potential shootings. And because some folk these days like to think the whole 'gangsta' image is cool, they copy it.

By the same token, the same Bruvvaz wear jeans that are about to fall down. This deliberate look is based on the Bruvvaz that have been in police custody where they have to hand their belts in so they can't hang themselves. Innit.

[Mr H Sceptre]

Blithering idiots.Visibility out of modern cars is hard enough with their thick pillars & high waistlines, theres really no need to make like more difficult. And with those jeans/belts combo's, you could have an incident with your slacks when filling up with unleaded.

[myglaren]

It's the time of year when 'winking headlights' become a menace. Don't other people check their headlights reflected in a window whenever they can?

It's also the time of the year where you find out the headlamp aim is miles out on every single taxi in existence.Rear view mirrors with the flick switch to make them point somewhere else become very worthwhile around now,, get a Range Rover behind you, flick the mirror down, C U L8R!

Position the rear view mirror parallel to the windscreen and reflect their damned searchlights right back in their faces.

[Pillock]

I too was taught never to drive on sidelights, if you need lights on then it's dipped beam. I don't do it at the first sign of rain though - my rule is, if I can tell the difference on the dials when the lights come on, then it's dark enough :)I was following a 206 without ANY lights on a few nights ago. I took the opportunity to overtake at a junction but only got one car in front, but just as I'm slotting back in between this 206 and the Transit that was in front of it realised the Transit driver had been flashing his hazards, and his foglights, to tell the 206 driver to put some lights on. Twat then forgot to switch them off so I'm following a mobile disco, getting slowly dazzled by his fogs, and 206boy STILL didn't get the hint so it was to no avail.

[Guest]

Just one point regarding people not putting their lights on - I think the problem with some newer cars is that the gauge cluster is backlit at all times, so that's one major indicator gone. You might have a little "lights on" symbol but it's not quite the same as being forced to put the lights on because can't see the speedo, etc.My dad's Avensis is like that, if you set off from a well-lit place you have to remind yourself to put the lights on, I've forgotten to once or twice and not noticed until I've got around the next corner.

[The Liberator]

my rule is, if I can tell the difference on the dials when the lights come on, then it's dark enough

Good job you don't drive an Alfasud then, you'd never put the lights on!

[Cavcraft]

Hve we had people carriers yet?'Good news darling, I'm 3 weeks pregant with our first child!Shit! Oh hai, how much will you give me for my perfectly fucking good five door hatchback against a Chrysler Voyager 18 seater please?'What did these arseholes do in the god old days? I bet it wasn't like my family: five kids,a dog and enough luggage to survive three hundred trips round the world, all crammed into an Austin Maxi heading to the Isle of Skye.Cuddly toys, underwear, carrier bags of crisps and covered in golden retriever dribble and we still managed.

[Richard]

Somebody I know on another forum traded his Vectra in for a Modus when his wife became pregnant, then was astounded to find nothing would fit in the Modus.

[Parky]

I dont get the MPV thing for babies. Neighbour bought an Audi A3, two weeks later his wife announced she was pregnant so he chopped it in against a top line Zafira. I tried to explain that babies are generally quite small and an A3 would be more than adaquate (I had a Fiesta for our first and managed fine) but he started banging on about the safety features and how important it was the kid was protected, etc. What, 6 airbags not enough? Anyway baby comes along and within a week he'd upgraded to a specced up top line S-Max thing as "He needed the space for the Baby".Yeah, and baby needed a Bose upgrade and 18 inch wheels? Tit.

[Guest]

Babies should be less well-protected I reckon, they're a right pain. Stick em in a plastic roofbox, that's what I say.

[Parky]

I went home from the hospital in a box on the back seat of a mark one Cortina with no belts! But thats not the point. Of course kids need protecting but jeezus, some people overdo it. I particularly like Mums in big pickups or MPV's who smoke while their kids sit trapped in the back. Yeah, nice work protecting the kids there....Anyway, another rant. Have we had able bodied people using disabled spaces yet?

[Mr H Sceptre]

And babies don't cost anything, unlike your shopping. Shopping in the car with all the airbags, baby in the boot with the toolkit.

[Milford Cubicle]

Just one point regarding people not putting their lights on - I think the problem with some newer cars is that the gauge cluster is backlit at all times,

Not only newer cars, but old SAAB 900s too.

[Guest]

Just one point regarding people not putting their lights on - I think the problem with some newer cars is that the gauge cluster is backlit at all times,

Not only newer cars, but old SAAB 900s too.

And my 11 year old Audi.

And my Citroen C4.

[Mr Lobster]

I dont get the MPV thing for babies.

A few of my friends have done this - Scenics, Picassos all that sort of horror. I had about ten minutes of mild worry on the subject tbh - I kept getting told that when Lobsta_Jnr arrives in March we'll need a bigger car than the Toledo as you have to carry lots and lots of stuff around.I decided this was bollox and was used by 30 something men as justification to drive a mini MPV. Anyway, Fatha_Lobsta had an Allegro when me and my sister were tiny and managed alright.Anyway, I've just bought a Sprinter - it has three seats and a big load area - stick your Scesicks and Zahorras, I have a big white van and I'm coming through....

[dollywobbler]

Colds can f*ck right off! Bloody man flu. It's just irritating. However, I've been cheered up by Autoshite Parenting Tips, so thanks for that.

[Guest]

And babies don't cost anything, unlike your shopping. Shopping in the car with all the airbags, baby in the boot with the toolkit.

Some toolkits can be quite expensive.

Actually, isn't bus travel generally free for babies? Just leave them at the bus stop with a note. Stick some blue tarp over them in case it chucks it down though.

[M'coli]

I dont get the MPV thing for babies.

A few of my friends have done this - Scenics, Picassos all that sort of horror. I had about ten minutes of mild worry on the subject tbh - I kept getting told that when Lobsta_Jnr arrives in March we'll need a bigger car than the Toledo as you have to carry lots and lots of stuff around.I decided this was bollox and was used by 30 something men as justification to drive a mini MPV. Anyway, Fatha_Lobsta had an Allegro when me and my sister were tiny and managed alright.

The wife is an ex-nanny of 20+ years standing, so bear with me on this one.The problem is the pushchair/buggy. There are so many designer jobs around that take up sooo much space, people buy a new car to fit them into, rather than buy a new push chair. Something like the umbrella design, good for trapping American infant's fingers or other foldable types based on a Maclaren e-type will fit a child up to around 6(how do I know? broken leg in a car crash, aged 6! Daf 44 versus Triumph Herald convertible!!!) will fit into all sorts of car boots or even beside the car seat, but if it's one of the new sort of 3-wheeler types, forget it...Oddly enough, it's usually a trait exhibited by couples with their first child, which is oh so important (and rightly so, genetically speaking), but past that into the second and beyond, it's usually whatever's left in the bank/loft or what can we fit in the car with the existing shit we have to take!Remember:1) The Maxi has a huge amount of internal space for the footprint it had.2) Child booster cushions were only invented because cars by law had to be fitted with rear seatbelts.3) The general mouth-breathing public can't think for themselves, and so take the propaganda they're fed through the media as being correct.

[pogweasel]

The 'child safety' thing is very irksome. We did try the whole MPV thing with the Picasso, but it was a dreary, hopeless piece of shit, with a too-small boot so we just went back to a normal estate car. The problem for the keen shiter (or even just remotely interested in cars) is that when you have more than 2 offspring, your choice of vehicular transport is severely limited, as about everything pre-2000(ish) has a static lap-belt, and then you have to choose your least-favoured child to be positioned there....Re: recent rantings, I have had the 'pleasure' of driving 1,262 miles since monday in my shitty little van, and have only become enraged on three occasions, once by some TIT driving a Galaxy on the M6 in torrential rain & in the dark with NO lights on, once by someone who wanted me to drive faster on a welsh mountain road (again, dark, raining so hard the wipers didn't do squit all - sorry, but when I really can't see where the road goes, but I know on one side is a ravine I am not going to be booting it along at 60mph) but then didn't have the balls to pass me when they had the chance. And thirdly the mong in a transit van who failed to comprehend that if I am already on the motorway, and they are joining, they give way to me. Twunts.

[retrogeezer]

We did try the whole MPV thing with the Picasso, but it was a dreary, hopeless piece of shit, with a too-small boot so we just went back to a normal estate car. The problem for the keen shiter (or even just remotely interested in cars) is that when you have more than 2 offspring, your choice of vehicular transport is severely limited, as about everything pre-2000(ish) has a static lap-belt, and then you have to choose your least-favoured child to be positioned there....

Can only guess you had a crap example Pog, our 2001 HDI Picasso was fantastic when my daughter was small. I thought the boot was huge too, a big floor area with a high parcel shelf, surely you can get more in there than a family sized estate car? Admittedly we only have one child so not so much stuff to carry about but I can't see how a car that is a long as an estate but a foot higher can have less room in the boot? I could certainly get more in it than my mums Focus estate. People without kids also don't realise how much easier it is to put your child in a car seat in an mpv as opposed to a normal car. My back is bad enough as it is but the Picasso high seating was great in that respect too. Plus, as you mention the 3 proper seats meant she could be in the middle so any possible side impact meant she was as protected as we could get her.And you can 'walk' from the front to the back without getting out, also very handy with a baby when it's pissing down with rain and you are in the middle of nowhere needing to change a nappy or whatever.And it drove great, not brilliant around corners admittedly but on the motorway was quiet and smooth with loads of power between 50 and 90 mph from the turbo diesel. When we went away we could take everything, travelcot, push chair, the little plastic bath things, the high chair etc etc and it all fitted no probs. Now she is bigger though it's back to a 'normal' car! Lost a huge amount on it over the 5 years we had it too....

[Pete-M]

I too was taught never to drive on sidelights, if you need lights on then it's dipped beam. I don't do it at the first sign of rain though - my rule is, if I can tell the difference on the dials when the lights come on, then it's dark enough

Never drive a Mk2 Escort then... it's almost impossible to tell when the dash lighting is on in one. I always used to go off the heater illumination...

[pogweasel]

Floor area of a Picasso is half that of the Focus wagon, plus the stupid lemon shape of the thing with the slopey hatchback means you don't get the height/length combo available with an estate... couldn't get the dog's cage thing in there, pushchair only just fitted, and 'Er Indoors just really disliked it. The clincher was the CONSTANT need to replace the brake-light switch, we had to do it 5 times in a year. You can have all the air-bags and safe seating you like, but without something as simple as little lights to let the following truck know you are stopping, you might as well forget it.

[mk1_4dr]

I too was taught never to drive on sidelights, if you need lights on then it's dipped beam. I don't do it at the first sign of rain though - my rule is, if I can tell the difference on the dials when the lights come on, then it's dark enough

Never drive a Mk2 Escort then... it's almost impossible to tell when the dash lighting is on in one. I always used to go off the heater illumination...

Or a Mk1 Escort. The only illumination is the single backlight bulb for the clocks, and you can't see that if you pass under even a moderately bright streetlamp. Infact, I might have to fashion some kind of warning lamp...

[Station]

The torrent of news reading media coverage TWATS who insist on instead of saying the word:

 

TWO THOUSAND AND TWELVE,

 

they say:

 

TWENTY TWELVE.

 

You fucking lazy, idle motherfuckers. It's bad enough you control the world, but at least PRONOUNCE THE FUCKING YEAR PROPERLY, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Twenty twelve is surely just carrying on what we've always done. The Olympics are in twenty twelveThe Titanic sank in nineteen twelverather thanThe Olympics are in two thousand and twelveThe Titanic sank in one thousand, nine hundred and twelve.

[Pete-M]

Next time anyone asks my date of birth I'm gonna have to say "One Thousand , Nine Hundred and Seventy" now. Bollocks."Nineteen Seventy" was so much easier.

[Station]

.. oh yeah, didn't realise that. It's the year 'two thousand' though.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Yo station, if thats really driving you as mad as all that, i think you need to have a little holiday!

[Guest]

I too was taught never to drive on sidelights, if you need lights on then it's dipped beam. I don't do it at the first sign of rain though - my rule is, if I can tell the difference on the dials when the lights come on, then it's dark enough

Never drive a Mk2 Escort then... it's almost impossible to tell when the dash lighting is on in one. I always used to go off the heater illumination...

Or a Mk1 Escort. The only illumination is the single backlight bulb for the clocks, and you can't see that if you pass under even a moderately bright streetlamp. Infact, I might have to fashion some kind of warning lamp...

And put the indicator switch back in the right place...... Also, Volvos didn't have the lights on all the time (known as 'Daylight Running' in Volvo-speak) until the 240 came out in the seventies.You can have the lights ON or OFF in the Amazon depending on the mood \ weather \ time of night \ zombies on the carriageway.I am a little sick of the driving lights \ foglights debate as well. I was told by my mate that the fogs come on on his Clio when he switches the dipped beam on, and that 'all PSA cars do that as well'.No they don't. My 306 had the fogs on a separate switch, as does my C4. I told him to stop driving around like a cunt with his fogs on ALL THE TIME. Strangely enough when I drove it, I managed to make JUST THE SIDELIGHTS come on, which is very very very strange isn't it?I can't wait to get the wiring done on my rally spec OMG HELLA DAYWALKERS so I can drive around with them on all the time in the Amazon. If I get stopped I'll go, 'No, no no no, they're driving lights. Besides, your Volvo has its sidelights on all the time, and it's not even your car!'Or some such shit joke to that effect.