The grumpy thread

[Negative Creep]

So basically you can push the limits of grip further and corner in a more stable manner than an older car. But when it does go wrong, it will go very badly indeed due to the extra speed and momentum

[The Moog]

Maybe I just don't like being told what to do even by my car, that's why I always pay my council tax 3 days late, which is enough to annoy them but not enough that they'll make me pay it all at once. I'm off to sit in my tinfoil hat for a while.

 

That is Orsome... made me lol lots

[Pillock]

Even in the old model Focus, you have to go into the menu to disable the traction control. Which means you can't do it whilst driving, because the menu is only accessible whilst stationary. This is in a 90bhp 1.6TDCI, which really doesn't need it.

Oh, and my mate's Avensis has a button to turn it off, but then it turns back on over 20mph....?! So perhaps the only reason they let you turn it off is so you can pull away in the snow or something?

[Guest]

My dad's Avensis has a traction control button which I turn off out of spite, if you're too much of a dumbass to drive an ordinary diesel saloon without it, you might as well be chopped up and fed to your mother.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

I triggered the traction control only once when I used to drive my dad's cars - I pulled out onto an empty road and one of the wheels slipped on a wet manhole cover.

 

The dashboard lit up so excitedly you'd think I was spinning across a motorway on the roof.

[RoadworkUK]

I bloody wish my Audi had traction control. Whenever I try to pull out from a T-Junction with any degree of vitriol I just get lots and lots of peurile wheelspin.

[Guest Len H]

Top 'shite tip:

 

Use your feet and reactions as traction control devices.

[Pillock]

Surely the Autoshite way is to have such a pitifully low-powered variant of your chosen vehicle that it doesn't need it? A 1.4 Mk3 Cavalier for example.

[RoadworkUK]

Top 'shite tip:

 

Use your feet and reactions as traction control devices.

 

 

I'll jot this bit of insight down for posterity.

[cort16]

I have to press the stupid button for 5 seconds or so before it comes off on the Audi. You should be able to go to the dealership, sign an idiot retraction form they then give you a code, which disables all the ESP ABC traction control nonsense but keeps on ABS and airbags.

[M'coli]

Then you'd have to tell your insurance, and they wouldn't insure you because you would be seen as an "unsafe" driver.

[TimothyClaypole]

A customer today ramming a kitchen unit into his car (think it was a newish Megane?) - which was that shit he had to leave it running as it wouldn't let you start it if the hatch was open...

 

Not great for picking up pallets or sofas etc.

[Barry Cade]

Wonder what'll happen in a few years time when all these ESP equipped cars are shod with Stomils or some other budget hoops... No one will ever get anywhere.

[warren t claim]

Wonder what'll happen in a few years time when all these ESP equipped cars are shod with Stomils or some other budget hoops... No one will ever get anywhere.

 

Or when all the driver aids become MOT testable items.

[RoadworkUK]

Or when all the driver aids become MOT testable items.

 

I give it until the end of next month, by which time we'll have roadside thought police, pre-emptively pulling us because we were considering exceeding 70.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Or when all the driver aids become MOT testable items.

 

I give it until the end of next month, by which time we'll have roadside thought police, pre-emptively pulling us because we were considering exceeding 70.

 

ESP will become testable in next year's MOT revisions.

[RoadworkUK]

 

ESP will become testable in next year's MOT revisions.

 

Does that mean a diagnostic test or just a check that the light comes on when you press the button?

[scaryoldcortina]

 

ESP will become testable in next year's MOT revisions.

 

Does that mean a diagnostic test or just a check that the light comes on when you press the button?

 

The tester has to hold up a series of cards, marked with circles, squares, stars, wavy lines and such like. If the car doesn't guess at least 50% of them correctly it's a fail.

[greengartside]

Something that's really getting my goat at the moment is the spazztards on ebay writing about how their 17" supermegafantasic alloys are 'wrapped in' P7000's or the like. Its just a total chav way of writing it...I'd love to see an advert for something with steels wrapped in STOWMILLZ or TRYANGEL though..

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

ESP will become testable in next year's MOT revisions.

 

Does that mean a diagnostic test or just a check that the light comes on when you press the button?

 

Draft changes on VOSA's website somewhere, but it's check light, button where applicable, wiring, missing components, 'inappropriate repair'.

[theorganist]

Ordered a left hand Bendix brake caliper for the R14 last week it arrived yesterday. Took the car into the garage today to have it fitted.

 

The guy at the garage rings up and says it is the wrong side (right hand side). I ring the supplier, he insists he has sent the left side especially after I quote the number on the caliper (431320/00). Apparently the '320' bit means it is left hand, '319' would mean it is right hand!! I am getting very confused.

 

After several phone calls and sending him a picture of what he sent I have just ordered 431319 which is apparently right hand, anyway should fit as it is the opposite side to the original (I hope). Luckily they are only £21 each plus about £7.50 shipping.

 

I am still confused and now have an headache!!

[jakebullet]

'Sold' the idiot sister's freelander to a mong on ebay tonight. No phone number and not replying to emails... well until I change to a different account and ask what the reserve is on the car he's selling. Reply in 3 minutes.

 

Spacker probably planning on selling his shed, and then maybe thinking about paying for the freeloader. If he doesn't see something else, quick check shows he's 'bought' three freelanders this week already.

 

Top tips on offloading a 'slightly tired' idiot owned freelander welcome...

[Des]

You'd best use your second account to bid on mongs shed then.

[Pillock]

You'd best post up a link to the listing for mongs shed then.

 

Fixed.

[Luxobarges_Are_Us]

that sounds positively GR9. We can have a shiters' bidding war and then take turns to mess him around as he inevitably approaches the runners-up.

 

My main grump of today (or yesterday to be precise) is Tesco. Of course, I dislike them quite intensely and try to avoid shopping there, but I've just realised that they are building a gigantic monster of a store-shopping centre just outside the city centre. There is nothing else like it (the "out of town" shopping is out of town, and more centrally you get Aldi for staples and Waitrose for exotic items) and it is guaranteed to take a bit of soul out of Sheffield. It's not like we're short of industrial wasteland a tiny bit further out of town...

[tonedepear]

My main grump of today (or yesterday to be precise) is Tesco. Of course, I dislike them quite intensely and try to avoid shopping there, but I've just realised that they are building a gigantic monster of a store-shopping centre just outside the city centre. There is nothing else like it (the "out of town" shopping is out of town, and more centrally you get Aldi for staples and Waitrose for exotic items) and it is guaranteed to take a bit of soul out of Sheffield. It's not like we're short of industrial wasteland a tiny bit further out of town...

 

Wait, where they building that? Ace. The one at Abbeydale is a right treck for me and I like tesco.

[jakebullet]

My mong has replied and "accidentally" keeps buying freelanders with no intention of paying. Fun as it could be to mess with his car it's probably not worth it.

 

I'd appreciate any hot tips on how to sell to someone who isn't a mong on my next attempt. 25 watching, 1 mong bidder, 1 'foreign gentleman' who wanted to agree a best price and would then come and inspect it? and that was it.

 

I have extra grumpy as idiot sister is paying £6 per day to insure it, and it's somehow my fault...

[cort16]

If you want a quick sale then stick it in buyitnow with best offers. Also stick it in gumtree and on pistonheads as it's free and there might be someone around the corner with £z waiting.

How much are you selling it for? If you give me a year, model and mileage and I can get you a price on it.

[Cavcraft]

Aye, bang all the details up on here Jake, you never know someone might find a buyer for it.

[Luxobarges_Are_Us]

My main grump of today (or yesterday to be precise) is Tesco. Of course, I dislike them quite intensely and try to avoid shopping there, but I've just realised that they are building a gigantic monster of a store-shopping centre just outside the city centre. There is nothing else like it (the "out of town" shopping is out of town, and more centrally you get Aldi for staples and Waitrose for exotic items) and it is guaranteed to take a bit of soul out of Sheffield. It's not like we're short of industrial wasteland a tiny bit further out of town...

 

Wait, where they building that? Ace. The one at Abbeydale is a right treck for me and I like tesco.

 

Just north of the city centre, near/at the A61/A6109 junction. Nowt wrong with building a new store, but this is a fucking monster in terms of size.