The grumpy thread

[Cavcraft]

Chuck him in the boot of the Audi, set your sat nav for 'Delamere Forest' and we'll meet you there with the spades.

[Guest]

Maybe his idea is that he buys the bumper, you chop out the bit he needs and send it to him, and bin the rest to savee on the cost of posting a bumper to Germany.

 

He thinks the section is worth £5. I am not selling him the whole bumper for £5. Pete-M's cigarettes cost more than £5.

 

However, I hadn't thought of it like that, so I might say to him if he buys the bumper complete (for a decent price) he can have the section he wants. Fucking waste of a decent Turbo bumer though - even the impact plate's intact. They normally rot, like the one on the rear has.

[Guest]

Chuck him in the boot of the Audi, set your sat nav for 'Delamere Forest' and we'll meet you there with the spades.

 

Then afterwards him and me can 'visit Carpet World'.

[Lankytim]

This guy deffo needs to go on a long holiday. Maybe we could stick him in a box and send him to WAT's German friend.

[Cavcraft]

Chuck him in the boot of the Audi, set your sat nav for 'Delamere Forest' and we'll meet you there with the spades.

 

Then afterwards him and me can 'visit Carpet World'.

 

Only if you play 'roly poly' with him down a fucking steep hill with a big lake at the bottom. At least that way he could die like some of the people he's peddled his fucking drugs to. Choking on a piss stained axminster and not knowing where he is as the world is spinning.

[Cavcraft]

Right, back to eBay Sir Watterage: It can often make little difference but if you sound reasonably twattish in your adverts you can avert quite a few dickheads from bidding. Not much use sounding like a complete bastard but enough of a hint that you can't be arsed with timewasters and idiots often works.

For example suggest you won't accept bids from anyone with less than ten feedback unless they mail you contact details first: a lot will ignore this but you simply remove their bids without notice then block them.

Imply (on a no reserve listing) that you do't care too much how much it ends up for and that you haven't got a b-i-n. That often deters the usual array of morons offering you one fifteenth of the value of your item.

 

Suggest viewing is fine before end of listing but once the 'advert' has finished it's the property of the winning bidder. Mentioned this because (as a rule) if people think they can view beforehand anyone who's genuinely interested and has a brain will come and view and bring cash with them. Obv. this doesn't stop people from miles away bidding but I believe if you suggest viewing is available they're more inclined to believe your description is accurate and fair.

 

Don't even bother replying if people ask you something that's quite clearly stated in the listing, they're the sort of people you don't want bidding because clearly they're fucking idiots and will complain when they buy your item about the chip/mark/scratch you mentioned anyway.

 

Block foreign bidders but suggest if they mail you for more details you'll consider selling to them. That way you can politely tell them you want a deposit before you'll even consider posting or ending the listing early.

 

As suggested earlier just sound reasonably twattish. Yeah, you'll put some people off but in the long run you'll find you get less dickhead-ish questions, less dickhead-ish 'winning' bidders and more chance of a straight sale. It's all one big fucking lottery but worth trying to weed out the tossers if nowt else.

[Guest]

I've just told cock for brains I've weighed 'his' wheels in. And that the scrapyard gave me £30 for them.

 

Let's see if that provokes a response.

[tonedepear]

World's best eBay selling advice

 

This should be required reading. Top stuff.

[M'coli]

At least that way he could die like some of the people he's peddled his fucking drugs to.

Overdose of cocaine/speed/smack by a burst condom up the rectum, that's the way to do it - it makes him look well suss, and keeps carpet buying and other sorts of retribution out of it and so many other hands clean.

[Guest]

At least that way he could die like some of the people he's peddled his fucking drugs to.

Overdose of cocaine/speed/smack by a burst condom up the rectum, that's the way to do it - it makes him look well suss, and keeps carpet buying and other sorts of retribution out of it and so many other hands clean.

 

Or just buy a selection of large hammers and give them to your mate who happens to run a smelters. Hammers go in slag, plastic sheeting beforehand, no trace.

 

Erm, you know what I mean.

[warren t claim]

Nah, a decent undertaker can dispose of a body in his next ten cremations.

 

If you need to stash a body then a mortuary is always gonna be a winner. It's what they're there for.

[Guest]

Nah, a decent undertaker can dispose of a body in his next ten cremations.

 

If you need to stash a body then a mortuary is always gonna be a winner. It's what they're there for.

 

Erm, indeed Warren. Ta for the insight.

 

*makes sure all exits are covered while Mr Poe signs his latest book*

[warren t claim]

Nah, a decent undertaker can dispose of a body in his next ten cremations.

 

If you need to stash a body then a mortuary is always gonna be a winner. It's what they're there for.

 

Erm, indeed Warren. Ta for the insight.

 

*makes sure all exits are covered whilst Mr Poe signs his latest book*

 

Or get Pete M to feed him to his pigs, just remember to cut his hair off first...

[Pete-M]

Nah, a decent undertaker can dispose of a body in his next ten cremations.

 

If you need to stash a body then a mortuary is always gonna be a winner. It's what they're there for.

 

Erm, indeed Warren. Ta for the insight.

 

*makes sure all exits are covered whilst Mr Poe signs his latest book*

 

Or get Pete M to feed him to his pigs, just remember to cut his hair off first...

 

and pull out the teeth out, for the sake of the piggies digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't wanna go sievin' through pigshit now do ya? They will go through bone like butter...

[Rhythm Thief]

I'm not grumpy yet, but I suspect I might be soon ...

 

Ms RT's AX dropped all its water out of the radiator on Sunday night. We managed to nurse it back home, but basically it needs a new radiator and a head gasket (which it needed before). Along with all the other stuff it needs, it's a candidate for a trip over the bridge now, so on Sunday night we had a browse through Ebay and found an 02 plate Subaru Forester with 10 months' MOT, some tax and a pretty comprehensive service history. No reserve, no "I reserve the right to end early as this is advertised elsewhere", and it was at £510 with half an hour to go. So we watched it until there were ten seconds left, stuck a bid in and won it for £550. Bargain!

 

Sadly, despite two emails and two phone calls, the seller hasn't responded. At the moment I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, but if he doesn't respond at some point over the next 48 hours I'm going to be forced to the conclusion that he's got no intention of honouring the (admittedly low) sale price. The irony is that he mentioned in the listing that he's relisted it "due to timewasters"; however, it's beginning to appear as if he's not above wasting people's time himself. I do have his address though, since it's on the "pay now" page ...

[outlaw118]

^^^^^I reckon we should get a posse together!!

 

My grump os fairly mild...

1) It's 6.15am, I'm tired, whey am I awake?

2) Didn't get home from work until 9.50pm last night due to OMGVANCHAOS - threw its alternator/PAS/AC belt at about 7.00pm last night, called AA,. they turned up 8.00, then advised they don't carry belts anymore, and I need to drive it to the depot at Witham, about 30 miles away. In the rain. Arsebiscuits, Got there, everything locked up, so had to part it in the access road, which is also shared by some "travellers"*. Whats the betting it'll still be there this morning? Belt was new about 3 weeks ago....

 

 

 

*Other names are available.....

[Negative Creep]

The lastest "fun" episode with the pisshead downstairs came when he was so drunk he managed to take a shit all over the bathroom floor and leave it like that until the afternoon. Plus someone's rent money has gone missing.

I have let the landlady know and apparently he's on his last warning. Personally I'd chuck him out now as I have zero sympathy for someone who allows themselves to get in that state

[maxpower]

^^^^^ have a nice hot vindaloo go into his room and pull bacck his duvet and splat one all over his mattress and recover, if he comes in pissed he will be in for a shock

and you have no worries as he will think he has shit the bed himself anyway

[Negative Creep]

I dread to think what his room is like, i doubt its fit for habitation.

 

 

Also jut found out my sister's mother in law (not sure if that counts a relation) has been diagnosed with the big C. Really nice woman as well

[scaryoldcortina]

Monday last week....

 

Just after the post, the letterbox rattled again, there was a single piece of A4 on the mat. It is from "Neighbourhood Services" and is a 1st Advisory Notice for "Untidy condition of your garden, yard or land"

 

Gist of it is that an inspection has identified "building waste" in the rear yard at my house, they have photographed it and will be back in a week. It then goes on to list all the legal ways I can get rid of it, warns me not to pay anyone to take it without seeing their waste carrier licence (because if they fly-tip it, it's my fault) and so on. There are, of course, several threats of fines or legal action. then it says

We wish to avoid any type of formal action if at all possible and it is hoped, therefore, that you will fully co-operate with this request.

If you wish to discuss this matter at any time, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours faithfully,

Neighbourhood Services

No name, phone number or any other contact details on it.

 

What boils my piss more than anything else is that whoever it was didn't even knock to find out what I was planning to do with the half dozen bags of soil and stones near the gate. I was taking them to the tip.... not sure I'll bother now, maybe I'll just empty them in the street instead.

 

They came back today. Shouted at Mrs S, called the yard a disgrace, threatened legal action and left a second (almost identical) letter. I wouldn't mind as much, but over half of it has gone to the tip already.

 

Mrs S is in a state though, I've had to come home from work to calm her down. She's tiny, disabled and has both depression and a stress related condition. Big blokes shouting at her and threatening is not on at all so I rang the council and complained, I'm waiting for "SC"'s manager to ring me back.

 

Also, I'm not breaking any laws! Not even the Clean Neighbourhood act. It's just great that they can be cutting back care services (for example) butt can afford for this wanker to tour round in his van threatening the frail and vunerable.

 

Unfortunately* he had scarpered and left the street by the time I got back.

[Cavcraft]

What a twat SC, hope it gets resolved amicably and the arseholes who called round get a decent bollocking.

 

I have an eBay gripe (again) at the moment due to illiterate/moronic/knobhead bidders who think my 'rules' don't apply to them.

[tonedepear]

I've had 3 hours sleep today for reasons I can't understand (mostly hayfever and a shit mattress which I keep meaning to replace but always find something better to spend the money on), and just walked in to a 12 hour night shift to find everything's gone completely to fuck, all the management are hanging around and I missed something last night which caused a problem as well so I've had a nice bollocking to set me off for the night. Now, instead of plodding through my scheduled tasks whilst watching videos on my laptop, I'm going to spend the next 11 hours on conference calls and co-ordinating changes and generally running round like a twat. BOLLOCKS.

 

Also, some scrotey little shit has been beating my 5 year old daughter up at school. It's the second time it's happened in 6 months with this little cunt and the school seem completely unable/unwilling to do anything about it. It's a tiny school and there's only 11 kids in her class, so you'd think it shouldn't be that hard, but today apparently he kicked off and kept chasing her and trying to hit her, and their solution was for HER to be taken inside and he carried on playing in the yard for the rest of break. What the actual fuck?

 

BOLLOCKS.

 

Right, back to work...

[Mr Lobster]

Got a new phone - a BlackBerry on the basis that it'll be handy for business. But can I actually work it, can I fuckery. Massively complicated it seems, nothing particularly intuitive about it and something simple like sending a text is currently beyond me.

 

Looks like I'll be having the handbook for bedtime reading later.

[boobydoo]

^^ You're like me. I've been due an upgrade phone with 02 since October 2009...but I can't be bothered.

 

I've got an old Nokia thing that can't even open picture texts but it's all I need. I don't want to catch up with emails 'on the go' or play silly games in a corner.

 

I've just walked 3 miles to one of the garages I rent, to faff about with one of my motors...and 3 miles back. It seemed that most other people out and about had their noses in a phone. I actually looked about and 'soaked in' my environment. I looked at peoples gardens, their cars, them watching their 50" TVs, the rabbits in the fields, cats on windowsills.

I'm sure if you asked young people today 'What colour is grass? they wouldn't have a clue.

[cort16]

Dear Mr Roverof1984,

Why did you make every single panel that's likely to rust on your Rover SD1 (all of them) extremely odd shapes with odd flanges, strange bends and wobbly bits as I'm finding it a FRICKINNIGHTMARE! to make up repair panels and weld them in to replace all the other bits that have melted in your otherwise fine car.

 

Yours furiously

 

Mr Rusty Wheelarse

[Guest]

^^ You're like me. I've been due an upgrade phone with 02 since October 2009...but I can't be bothered.

 

Similar. Orange were hell bent on getting me to 'upgrade' to an iPhone and on two occasions they've sent me letters. Don't see the point.

[Cavcraft]

I'm honestly not watching it properly but 'Lots Of Cockneys Shouting At Each Other' (BBC1 7.30pm and later on BBC11, or whatever it is) is having another 'let's patronise people to the Nth degree again' moments.

 

Are all you jellied eel munchers like this in real life?

[cms206]

Roof above my bedroom is leaking.

 

 

Bumhats.

[Mr Lobster]

^^ You're like me. I've been due an upgrade phone with 02 since October 2009...but I can't be bothered.

 

Similar. Orange were hell bent on getting me to 'upgrade' to an iPhone and on two occasions they've sent me letters. Don't see the point.

 

I don't particularly want it. I'm not big into phones but its just that with the business there are times it will be very handy.

 

When I spoke to O2 about it the grrl on the phone went through my useage (you've used 54 minutes and 38 texts last month... oh) and sounded a bit like I was some sort of oddity because I'm not always glued to the thing. Think I'll keep my old Sony Ericson on standby for a while yet though in case we don't get on.

[Negative Creep]

Are all you jellied eel munchers like this in real life?

 

 

You're having a bubble geez.

 

 

I went north of the Watford Gap services once. All i could see were dishevelled flat cap wearers bathing in coal and putting wallpaper in their hotpots. Lucky escape.......