The grumpy thread

[Kiltox]

What Billy said.  Apart from a track rod end and a ball joint (par for the course on 205s and not expensive), the only thing I can see you'd need to bung out for is a tin of gun gum - everything else should just be adjustment and tweaking.

The rear brakes are probably bollocksed and replacing the bust exhaust section won’t be mega bucks - I don’t think it needs bodgery to make it cheaper it just needs a better garage!

[Slartibartfast]

It is Fords smart charge system and there is a lot more to it than just checking it with a volt meter. They also have stretch belts on these modern Fords so they will need replacing. Add that together with main dealer prices and vat you will soon get to £700. Thats modern cars for you.

So far it's cost me very little in terms of mechanicals. It's only needed brake pads (which it likes to eat for breakfast) and tyres (which it likes to eat for lunch and dinner), I've had it for almost four years so I knew there were some big bills coming down the line.

[Captain Furious]

Its a 205 so in the process of tracking down the cause of the horn not working the indicators, lights, clock, radio and ignition system will all break and require fault finding too.  That's the extra £600, French electrics tax.  Having owned one I think they're quoting cheap

[bramz7]

Yeah well if I had the time and money (of which I don't really have either ATM) I'd get it sorted.

 

I'll bung it on eBay for spares or repair and see what happens. I'm sure someone handy would love it.

[Talbot]

It is Fords smart charge system.

I understand that, but given that it's attached to a Lead-acid battery, the basis of which has not changed, the "smart" charging voltage would still need to be (roughly) between 13v and 14.4v to charge it properly. No doubt it has clever protocols as to when the voltage should be ramped up/down/left/right, but the fact still remains that if the battery terminal voltage drops much below 13V, the battery simply isn't being charged..... and for the vehicle to end up with so little charge in the battery that it completely dies at the roadside, surely that would be blindingly obvious to a dealer/technician that the alternator is not charging the battery without charging £140 (2 hrs labour???)

 

 

Also.. not that "smart" if it can fail so badly that the vehicle is stopped at the roadside with no indication that there is a charging issue. Even my 20+ year old merc will give you a low battery voltage warning well before it konks out leaving you stranded.

 

#progress

[Kiltox]

Bramz are you anywhere near this fine establishment from the grin thread? They’ll sort out your agzoust cheap

 

[Kiltox]

I understand that, but given that it's attached to a Lead-acid battery, the basis of which has not changed, the "smart" charging voltage would still need to be (roughly) between 13v and 14.4v to charge it properly. No doubt it has clever protocols as to when the voltage should be ramped up/down/left/right, but the fact still remains that if the battery terminal voltage drops much below 13V, the battery simply isn't being charged..... and for the vehicle to end up with so little charge in the battery that it completely dies at the roadside, surely that would be blindingly obvious to a dealer/technician that the alternator is not charging the battery without charging £140 (2 hrs labour???)Also.. not that "smart" if it can fail so badly that the vehicle is stopped at the roadside with no indication that there is a charging issue. Even my 20+ year old merc will give you a low battery voltage warning well before it konks out leaving you stranded.#progress

I understand that, but given that it's attached to a Lead-acid battery, the basis of which has not changed, the "smart" charging voltage would still need to be (roughly) between 13v and 14.4v to charge it properly. No doubt it has clever protocols as to when the voltage should be ramped up/down/left/right, but the fact still remains that if the battery terminal voltage drops much below 13V, the battery simply isn't being charged..... and for the vehicle to end up with so little charge in the battery that it completely dies at the roadside, surely that would be blindingly obvious to a dealer/technician that the alternator is not charging the battery without charging £140 (2 hrs labour???)Also.. not that "smart" if it can fail so badly that the vehicle is stopped at the roadside with no indication that there is a charging issue. Even my 20+ year old merc will give you a low battery voltage warning well before it konks out leaving you stranded.#progress

It’ll be an AGM battery not lead acid

 

Stop start fault was the first warning sign of a problem

[Slartibartfast]

Oh there were warning signs, that's why I had it booked in. The battery warning light was illuminated but since the car was otherwise functional (the light would illuminate part way into a drive) I attributed it to the stop/start system being faulty (it has a separate battery). I obviously was aware there was a significant chance this wasn't the case, call it wishful thinking.

[Talbot]

It’ll be an AGM battery not lead acid

AGM is still Lead-Acid, just with the Acid in an Adsorbent Glass Matting, hence AGM. The difference with charging them is that the float voltage needs to be dropped to roughly 2.2v per cell once the battery is near-fully-charged rather than leaving it up at the standard 2.4v per cell. (or, for a standard "12V" system, 13.2v down from 14.4v). I suspect that is the basis of the ford "smart charge" system: Higher charge voltage when doing a bulk charge and then reducing in some clever way to a lower float voltage once it is getting close to fully charged.

 

... which could still be identified as working/not working with a Volt meter and still fits the criteria I listed above. "Mechanics" these days are far too reliant on just plugging in a diagnostic machine, pressing "go" and reading the results. I swear one day the only way a mechanic will be able to diagnose a flat tyre is when the Tyre Pressure Monitoring System tells him.

[Kiltox]

....or not because the sensor in the valve is faulty

[Louise2cv]

Boycotting Peter Rabbit because Beatrix Potter died about 40years before epi-pens were developed.

 

Pile of shite.

[Talbot]

....or not because the sensor in the valve is faulty

You can imagine the conversation:

 

Customer "I have a flat tyre".

Mechanic "The TPMS says they are all correct."

Customer "But the tyre is flat, look:"

Mechanic "The pressures are all within normal specification."

Customer "It's flat... actually flat, look... flat"

Mechanic "Are you a trained tyre technician sir? No.. well I am, and I'm telling you they are all at the right pressure"

Customer "You're an idiot".

 

Coming soon to a Stealership near you!

[Slartibartfast]

Boycotting Peter Rabbit because Beatrix Potter died about 40years before epi-pens were developed.

 

Pile of shite.

 

Does the scene of pelting an allergic character with blackberries to induce an anaphylactic shock appear in the books or was it something created for the new film, by people who live in 2018 and should probably know better? The news stories are unclear on this.

[AlabamaShrimp]

It's not a story. It's people* again being 'disgusted' and 'outraged' over something very small that effects an even smaller minority non of which was the intention of the writer they just thought it'd be funny in a children's film.

[cpjitservices]

D'ya like dags?

Why the f**k do I want a caravan with no F*****g wheels?

[mercrocker]

Came out to Fester today to see nearside mirror dangling by its wires.   Been kicked off by the look of the black boot mark on its underside.   Not a big bloody deal I suppose, world is full of cunts etc.  

 

However, it was on a private car park in a secure compound used only by employees.   I have worked there over 20 years and its pissed me off a little bit more than it should have done.  Went to security "sorry mate camera don't cover that area" followed by "in any case we couldnt do anything data protection doncha know".   

 

Furthermore, its the cheapest and oldest car in the place by a long way.   On a statistical average, the culprit drives a silver 64 plate Mercedes.   Probably.  Anyway, it just fucks me off that the poor little Ford gets duffed up for no good reason.   Its got gaffer tape on it now, FFS..... 

 

Well, I will be parking in hatched areas and reserved bays from now on.   Then Secyouritty will keep their fucking eye on it, alright......

[DodgeRover]

I love the ones on Facebook who get arsey and say their £150 'classic' car will get bridged if they don't get £600 for it. I like to ask them for a picture of it going into the crusher, nobody has so far.

Last van I sold I got sick of stupid offers I told the last lot not to bother and I'd rather race it and frag the remains.

[xtriple]

Asked for the garage door to be fixed, it won't stay up and dropping on the roof of the Bentley as it comes out could be expensive. Anyway, she's (the landlady) had it fixed but of course, she's now put the rent up. Already sodding skint....

 

Just taken the dogs for a walk and thought Phoebes leg looked 'odd'. Had a look and where she has all the pins and plates in her right front elbow its all swollen up... like a tennis ball under the skin swollen. Doesn't seem to be hurting her, but...

[Guest Hooli]

Poor Phoebe.

[They_all_do_that_sir]

It's not a story. It's people* again being 'disgusted' and 'outraged' over something very small that effects an even smaller minority non of which was the intention of the writer they just thought it'd be funny in a children's film.

Bang on. And as a parent I support my children viewing scenes like this so we can educate them. "do you think that's a nice thing to do"

 

If they say "yes" then you have the advantage of knowing your child is a psychopath

 

Sent from my F3211 using Tapatalk

[Parky]

Pretty shattering day.

 

Firstly, Parkette is off to Paris on a college trip. Was dead excited but it did involve getting up at 4.30 to drop her off at the college. On a day when I am supposed to be starting a new contract in Surrey so I was ready for a tough day.

 

About an hour after the coach sets off she is on the phone wanting to come home - anxiety attack. Parkette has special needs so telling her to lump it is not an option. Me and Mrs P did our utmost to calm her down which we managed, but we are on a knife edge here knowing the tutors could call up at any moment suggesting we go get her. Still, road trip and all that.

 

Just about to set off to commence contract when I get a call saying can we start Wednesday instead as the key liaison guy is off sick? Actually did me a favour but still means not earning today.

 

Preparing for a possible last minute panic run to France, I realised I lent all my French legal stuff (hi-vis, breathalysers, warning triangle, etc) to a mate who has promptly denied ever borrowing them before stating quite categorically that she gave them all back to me. She bloody didn't so I have to replace all that. Possibly. Plus knowing I may need to do a mercy dash to Paris at some point is rather distracting me from other stuff. I did look at Eurostar and flights but co-incidentally both are £176 one way (half term don't you know!) plus the same coming back but with Parkette in tow means over £500 in costs to get her home so driving is a lot cheaper.

 

Parky Jr has been in Italy on his school trip and is back tonight - arriving 11.30pm. So I need to stay awake to get him.

 

I tell you, this parent bollocks, I'm only an amateur with only 16 years under my belt but I still wonder if I am actually cut out for it!

[bramz7]

Just collected the 205.

 

Asked the garage why it was so expensive.

 

'Ah you should have asked a few seconds ago, just wiped it all'.

 

 

Brill!

 

Anyway, the fucker is on eBay in about 15 minutes, if anyone on here fancies it it's £250. Or bids on eBay.

 

Annoyingly it was super fun to drive the 4 miles back, and heck it shifts, like warp speed in second! The ride is still decent too, and makes the Rover feel a bit antiquated in those stakes. When it sells I will be without a French car for the first time ever. 

[AlabamaShrimp]

If it drives and it's only some brake stuff why you selling it?

[beko1987]

I will be without a French car for the next half an hour.

[Christine]

Every time i click onto the Rusty Pink Mini thread , my pc goes into melt down ...     why?

[Talbot]

Every time i click onto the Rusty Pink Mini thread , my pc goes into melt down ...     why?

Because of the epic amounts of WIN in that thread.

 

actually it's because the photos on that thread are mucking fassive, and there's tucking fonnes of them. It's a chuffing enormous page to load. Your machine is running out of available memory to view it all. Mine takes for sodding ever to load that thread.

[Talbot]

French legal stuff (hi-vis, breathalysers, warning triangle, etc)

Breathalysers no longer needed. They were quietly dropped a little while back.

[twosmoke300]

Talbot - I don’t really know why I feel I have to explain this but the Ford smart charge alternator is triggered via a square wave can type signal from the ecu . Now say you measure 12.5 v at the battery with engine running . Is it a knackered alternator or a trigger signal issue ? I certainly wouldn’t be happy condemning an expensive ( cheapy eBay shit won’t have a correct smart charge diode pack in ) alternator o a guess and ten secs with a multimeter

[Talbot]

the Ford smart charge alternator is triggered via a square wave can type signal from the ecu . Now say you measure 12.5 v at the battery with engine running . Is it a knackered alternator or a trigger signal issue ? I certainly wouldn’t be happy condemning an expensive ( cheapy eBay shit won’t have a correct smart charge diode pack in ) alternator o a guess and ten secs with a multimeter

I completely see what you mean, and I know I am being a bit of a twat about this, but surely surely it's simply a case of noting that you have 12.5v at the battery with the engine running, meaning you have no alternator output, and then checking to see if you have a signal to the alternator or not using the appropriate* ford diagnostic tool. If the signal is there, the alternator is toast, if it's not there, you go looking further to see why not.

 

Given that the diagnosis is that it's a shagged alternator, one can only assume that the garage did the check, saw that there was the signal to the alternator but there was no output. Just cannot see how that diagnosis is £140 worth.

 

 

I'm actually quite glad you did explain this... every day is a school day! I knew CAN signals had gotten to a number of parts of a vehicle that you wouldn't normally expect them to have, but hadn't realised the charging system is now one of those items.

 

.. although one would hope that a CAN-enabled Alternator would be easy and quick to diagnose with the right tool as all the relevant parameters should be visible over the CAN network.

[twosmoke300]

You need to have and know how to operate an oscilloscope to diagnose them 100% . The scopes and training aren’t cheap and have to be paid for . As do techs and ford diagnostic equipment . I have no doubt you will post up a link for a scope on eBay for 2d6 but back in the real world