The grumpy thread

[Guest]

MOAR PARKING MADNESS.

 

This one concerns next door. Please, for the love of skull fucking Christ, will your stupid relations stop parking across the corner of my parents' drive when you drop your kids off to be looked after by Grandma & Grandad?

 

It wouldn't bother me so much, but you're round here EVERY FUCKING NIGHT! HOW HARD IS IT TO PARK ACROSS THEIR DRIVE? THEY'RE NOT FUCKING GOING OUT ARE THEY?????!!!!!!

My mum is not a confident driver and doesn't like having to go up the drive at an angle. That's mainly because it's her drive and she can't get on the damn thing.

 

I am tired of having to smash my car up the kerb to get in the other space (it's a double drive), which I wouldn't have to do had your daughter parked further back. I could have gone up the bevelled bit which makes it a damn sight easier on my track rod ends \ wheels \ upright, but I can't because of how far forward she is.

 

Even crawling up doesn't do the car any good, and I'd rather not smash ten bells of shite out of it because it does a pretty good job of destroying itself without my input.

 

Oh, and I wasn't impressed with your daughter's brush off when I tried to bring the matter up with her politely. I couldn't give a flying fuck if she's 'fraught with the children', it takes two seconds extra to park right. Do you think I can be arsed going round and asking her \ you \ the yucca to sort it out EVERY FUCKING NIGHT after a crap day at work, when the solution is piss simple?

 

'Oh, well I forget'. HORSESHIT. When get home, I don't want to have to mess about reminding some slack bint she's parked over the drive. I just want to get in the house and shut the door, and relax.

It's not rocket science, it's just manners. Sort it out, or you'll find my Amazon parked in such a way that she can't get near the house, but we \ I can get up the drive easily.

 

She will sort this out, and she will remember, because I will go round every fucking night and tell you how shit her parking is until she changes her ways. I don't want to have to do this, but if she carries on being so pig shit ignorant, so be it.

[Cavcraft]

Get two cars, block the stupid lazy bint in.Did it years back in my bedsit days and made my dickead of a neighbour say 'pretty please sir' very loudly before I moved the cars.

[Timewaster]

THX M8.

I've already tried 3 different bulbs in it, and the high beam works fine through the bulbs every time, just not dipped beam.

Apologies for my sarcasm.

 

 

 

 

 

Just messin!

[Guest]

Get two cars, block the stupid lazy bint in.Did it years back in my bedsit days and made my dickead of a neighbour say 'pretty please sir' very loudly before I moved the cars.

She comes round before any of us are home from work. So her stupid Touran (that looks like it's crashed head on into a septic tank) is ALWAYS there when I get home.My mate at work needs somewhere to stick his Fiesta (which is taxed, insured and MOT'd) while he goes on leave. I might just volunteer the space outside the neighbours and keep the key handy for when the plastic coppers come tapping on the door.

[Milford Cubicle]

THX M8.

I've already tried 3 different bulbs in it, and the high beam works fine through the bulbs every time, just not dipped beam.

Apologies for my sarcasm.

 

 

 

Just messin!

[Pete-M]

I live very near to four schools, one of which is a school for the blind.Between 8.45am and 9.30 it's mayhem, then again between 2.45 and 4.15ish, but the rest of the day it's fine. Problem I have is that my driveway is in a side road and the side road is jammed solid with Focus Cmaxes whenever the schools are letting in or out. I don't mind this that much, but two of the schools have got together and built a bloody big gym / pool complex and sixth form block. To do this, they've built it where their car park used to be. Elf'n'safety has made both schools 'No vehicle' zones during the day, and they lock the gates at night so cars can't get in. The side road where my path is is the nearest to one of the schools, so now the side road is used as parking for the 6th formers, teachers, people visiting the gym etc.They've also removed a bus stop layby on the main road, installed bloody speed bumps, double yellow lines AND a pedestrian crossing in the last 2 years. This is on one of the Ambulance emergency routes to the childrens hospital at the top of the road - the ambulance crews now have a mile and a half detour if they want to avoid the speed bumps and were promised by the council that it would remain speed bump free - as were the residents.Plod aren't interested at all in the fact that the side road is "Access Only", but they got more than a bit uppity with a few of my neighbours for putting massive blocks of concrete into their grass verges to stop people from turning their verges into mud baths.It's not unusual for me to trolley jack cars out of the way of my driveway, I've got a bloody huge trolley jack specially for it.

[Minimad5]

I've got a bloody huge trolley jack specially for it.

I would like to see such tool Pete **edit** - This can be misinterpreted. You know what i mean !

[Station]

"lol" @ trolley jack solution.Someone recently started parking on the grass in my little road thing, and now it's started a trend as there are three or four people now parking their car on the grass, when there are always parking spaces about three metres from where they usually park. This means they now only have 5 seconds walking time instead of ten. It also means cars get stuck in the wet grassy surface, and instead of taking it easy, they're now digging themselves in.There are now several long 10 inch deep trenches that will be there for years and years just because of these people's lack of common sense due to inbreeding. They're using the verge in front of my house as an exit. If I'd get away with not being spotted, I'd dig my own trench and watch the lazy cnuts crash into it. I might at least just put boulders down at night, it's pissing me off.We also get the bin wagons (when they come), carving up the verges because they have no perception of width in the road.

[Father Ted]

MOAR PARKING MADNESS.This one concerns next door. Please, for the love of skull fucking Christ, will your stupid relations stop parking across the corner of my parents' drive when you drop your kids off to be looked after by Grandma & Grandad?

Remove all 4 tyre valve coresReplace valve capsLeave.4 weeks or so later - sellotape valve caps to middle of windscreen with typed note saying "borrowed valve cores returned - thanx"Repeat at random intervals till she gets the message..

[barrett]

we live on a road just next to a school, most people put boulders on the verges or hammer a couple of fenceposts in to stop the twunts parking up.

[rocco1504]

If I'd get away with not being spotted, I'd dig my own trench and watch the lazy cnuts crash into it. I

Something like this maybe ?

 

 

It would keep the F****** off your grass

[CIH]

Our road has cars down either side so it's basically wide enough for one car at a time People stop in the middle of the road and load up/unload their shit/do whatever. Just dump their cars in the middle of the road like it doesn't matter at all. Park properly you lazy bastards. It's not my fault you're shit modern car has 12-inch think pillars and a letterbox for a rear window so you can't see a damn thing when manouvering. Buy a proper car.edit: never understood why people buy cars they can't park. See it all the time at work. It would drive me insane!

[mattblack]

hammer a couple of fenceposts in...

...to their nostrils. Sorted!

[dollywobbler]

edit: never understood why people buy cars they can't park. See it all the time at work. It would drive me insane!

Um, I must admit, for some reason, I find it really hard to park the BX backwards into a space without making a meal of it. Always end up skewed one way or the other.Oddly, the similarly boxy Volvo 740 estate I had was the easiest car to park.

[Tayne]

.

[pogweasel]

edit: never understood why people buy cars they can't park. See it all the time at work. It would drive me insane!

Because power steering, air-conditioning, electric windows and an IPOD socket are much more important. If you don't believe me, when your bird is down the shops simply substitute her 5-door hatchback for an old Maxi and see what happens.

[CIH]

edit: never understood why people buy cars they can't park. See it all the time at work. It would drive me insane!

Because power steering, air-conditioning, electric windows and an IPOD socket are much more important. If you don't believe me, when your bird is down the shops simply substitute her 5-door hatchback for an old Maxi and see what happens.

Haven't got a bird. More importantly no Maxi.

[Timewaster]

edit: never understood why people buy cars they can't park. See it all the time at work. It would drive me insane!

Because power steering, air-conditioning, electric windows and an IPOD socket are much more important. If you don't believe me, when your bird is down the shops simply substitute her 5-door hatchback for an old Maxi and see what happens.

Haven't got a bird. More importantly no Maxi.

Well, maybe if you had a Maxi?

[pogweasel]

Haven't got a bird. More importantly no Maxi.

TBH, you're better off that way.

[pogweasel]

MOAR WORK MOANINGS:Why does everyone want jobs doing all at the same time. I bet this time next month I'll be sat scratching my balls, but for the next 2-3 weeks the chances of having any waking moments not working = 0%

[Rusty Pelican]

Talking of parking ive a few issues , theres a layby type parking area outside mine and next doors , We OWN it , its on mine and next doors deeds split into two where the houses join , I go to work and when i return often people are parked in it , Bloke over the road used to dump his Transit in it at every oportunity , finally had enough and bashed on his door Me , that your Tranny Him , yep Me , your parked in my laybyHim , YOURS !!!! , what you own it then do you Me , well yes I and next door do actually Show him copy of the deeds , so basically your parked on my fucking front garden Hes never parked there again , only problem ive got now is we are fairly close to a football ground , when theres a home game they park or should i say abandon cars everywhere , bastards

[saabhappy]

edit: never understood why people buy cars they can't park. See it all the time at work. It would drive me insane!

Because power steering, air-conditioning, electric windows and an IPOD socket are much more important. If you don't believe me, when your bird is down the shops simply substitute her 5-door hatchback for an old Maxi and see what happens.

***SEXIST REMARK ALERT***Out here in the sticks you're quite likely to get obliterated not just nudged by a teeny-weeny lady who can hardly see over the wheel of her Amazon let alone things like other vehicles, children, dogs, old fools like me who don't run any more...."But dahling I feel so SAFE in my nice Toyota thingy that Giles bought last year..."

[Guest]

 

edit: never understood why people buy cars they can't park. See it all the time at work. It would drive me insane!

Because power steering, air-conditioning, electric windows and an IPOD socket are much more important. If you don't believe me, when your bird is down the shops simply substitute her 5-door hatchback for an old Maxi and see what happens.

There's definitely something wrong with modern car design when I can park my 1966 Volvo easier than my 2006 Citroen. I can get the Amazon into tighter spaces than the C4 quite easily.

 

Lets compare the two in terms of driver aids:

 

Steering

 

Citroen : Rack and pinion, PAS. Floating 'visiowank' steering wheel with fixed boss. An interesting piece of design, but not when your friends are driving you home when you're drunk and they have a tendency to 'handlebar' on the straightaways. The horn goes 'peep'.

 

Volvo: Steering Box, unassisted. 16 inch steering wheel, 3.8 turns lock to lock. New York taxi spec horn. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPP YA FRICKIN MAYNIAC.

 

Brakes

 

Citroen: 266 mm front (vented), 247 mm rear discs (solid), servo assisted, ABS

 

Volvo: 205 mm front (solid), drums (rusty), no servo assistance, ABS notable by absence.

 

These two factors are utterly irrelevant. All it serves to illustrate is that for parking purposes, you can park a car without if it's narrow enough for your slightly autistic brain to cope with. The C4's extremities are very hard to place and the rear view is like a World War 2 pillar box, something SCTSH_ANDY always complains about.

 

The A pillars are massively thick, and they'd doubtless serve me very well should I manage to turn the car turtle. I got fairly close when I had my off near the tip in Broadheath. If I wanted to be difficult, I could argue that my hypothetical rollover \ three quarter crash might not occur were my peripheral vision not thusly impaired.

 

Now we're getting closer to the crux of the problem. In the Amazon your face is virtually on the windscreen. You use the central bonnet garnish to aim the car (roughly, using the steering box) with the peak as the absolute edge. You have a pair of stout over riders should you come to grief anyway - I can attest to their shunting capabilities having shoved an obstinate K13 Micra out of the way.

The abruptly cut fins at the rear serve a similar purpose for gauging aft extremities. You can just see them fading in the frame of the mirror. Want to raise the seat? Get the socket set out, you fucking nob jockey.

The rear window of the 120 is massive, and curves round as if to make a point of its girth. Net result? I'm a fat vampire who can parallel park like nothing else on the A56.

 

I love my Amazon.

[outlaw118]

Amazons are teh sex.Bloke I went to school with had one.....1967(?) E plate, i think, matt black,red wheels and moon discs depending how the mood took him.Loverly!!

[pogweasel]

Another grump:Night-time road-works. Thankyou highways twats for closing the M53 last night. I really wanted a detour at a 28mph average. And thankyou for installing 50mph restrictions all the way down the M6 from the '56 to south brum. There's no-one working, they all knocked off at 4. So why have I got to go 50??In the end I got too angry and took the M6 toll to skip the last lot. Unfortunately though I was driving my mates' Vivaro* rather than my motor, so the toll was nearly double. Shits.*Dang, that is a nice bit of kit. Fierce acceleration for a big van, but also a 6-speed box so you are pulling 2k rpm at 80...

[Pete-M]

There's an Amazon by the big Cathedral in Liverpool that has been there as long as I've been driving. Light blue, doors / wings occasionally change colour on it but it is always in the area. I suspect the same chap also has a truly gorgeous white 2 dr Amazon that only comes out on sunny days.

[Pete-M]

Another grump:Night-time road-works. took the M6 toll to skip the last lot. Unfortunately though I was driving my mates' Vivaro* rather than my motor, so the toll was nearly double.

I think you mean the M6 Raceway.

*Dang, that is a nice bit of kit. Fierce acceleration for a big van, but also a 6-speed box so you are pulling 2k rpm at 80...

They're remarkably good, the quick Vivaros (Must be the Renault influence). The 115 bhp late spec jobbie doesn't hang about, and aren't they quiet?(The gearboxes blow up with monotonous regularity if you don't change the oil in 'em at around 50k miles..)

[Minimad5]

Talking of amazonsThere is a black one not too far from collegeI'm sure station may have seen it Its near that primary school about 3 minutes walk from halfway house(I'm bad with road names)Anyways its piloted by an old lass, that could scare many a poor boyBut i will brave it and attempt pictures

[Cavcraft]

Another grump:Night-time road-works. Thankyou highways twats for closing the M53 last night. I really wanted a detour at a 28mph average. And thankyou for installing 50mph restrictions all the way down the M6 from the '56 to south brum. There's no-one working, they all knocked off at 4. So why have I got to go 50??In the end I got too angry and took the M6 toll to skip the last lot. Unfortunately though I was driving my mates' Vivaro* rather than my motor, so the toll was nearly double. Shits.*Dang, that is a nice bit of kit. Fierce acceleration for a big van, but also a 6-speed box so you are pulling 2k rpm at 80...

I wished they'd close the M53 full stop. And the A41. And Runcorn Bridge. And blocked the tunnels off whilst they were at it.Which 'delightful' part of the world did you have to detour through from the M53?

[pogweasel]

M6 Raceway is SPOT-ON. Perfectly surfaced, and in the middle of the night totally deserted.It's 20 minutes quicker that way, and that is without going daft on the speed.Plus Norton Canes services are the nicest services ever. I look forward to doing a poo there.