The grumpy thread

[dollywobbler]

Sorry. I love cottages. They're so folksy and interesting.We live in an ex-council semi at the moment. It's like living in a Toyota Corolla. Bland and unexciting. Plans are being made to move to another cottage. Preferably with a large barn within the grounds...

[Pete-M]

I'm seriously contemplating buying a cottage in Czech in the next few months. They always seem to be immensely warm in winter.

[Hudsonpie]

Ha another friend of mine lives on a boat, no heating except for a frail woodburner (nice when you've had a few cans mind) I accidentally blocked his bog with a wet wipe and he still hasnt repaired it so he has to traipse two hundred yards for a crap...or crap in a carrier bag......it gets so cold up there that when you have a piss you just break off the yellow stream and shatter it on the dock side....lol

[ChinaTom]

Nothing beats taking the top of your skull off by skimming under a beam.

[Rusty Pelican]

My house is bloody freezing as well , ex Navy house made by Whimpy homes out of poured concrete and flint , a no fines process aparently as theres no sand , also no cavity , wall are 14 inches thick and knocked up in 4 days a semi , No RSJs ala concrete cancer , Impossible to heat but bombproof and really cheap £27K 18 years ago , the catch , it was derelict for 8 years

[Waderider]

The cold cottage thing is easily solved. We borrow a tractor and trailer from the local farmer, head of to the nearest 'abandoned' log pile on Forestry Commission land and load up. Back to the workshop, log splitter on the tractor, fill the humongous home made woodshed. Everyone mucks in, one weekends work, say four trailer loads, free heat for the year. Four bedroom cottage.Forgot - off course you also need the chainsaw and a gert big wood burning stove. Making it more relevant to this forum though, you'll all have a shite car you can throw logs in the back off.

[Tayne]

.

[Lankytim]

I like the cold weather, its a good excuse to stay indoors! The Audi had its heather bypassed in the summer due to a leak and its a total nightmare in winter. I have to scrape ice from the inside of the windscreen with a nectar card before I can drive anywhere, even then it fogs over after 2 minutes. Horrible.BTW, new houses may lack the character and cosyness of older houses but they cost feck all to run and are nice and warm at the flick of a switch.

[Guest]

I like the cold weather, its a good excuse to stay indoors! The Audi had its heather bypassed in the summer due to a leak and its a total nightmare in winter. .

My Amazon has no heater because the valve stuck open and let all the exhaust gas from the [breathing] engine into the cabin. And then the window chain on the NS front window snapped. So that's #1 and #2 in 'most common Amazon problems encountered' then. At least the oil seals can't go (again), they're neoprene.Oooh helloooooo fibre timing gear, you've had enough have you?

[whitevanman]

Cottages are well shit. When we lived in one I swear there was absolutely nothing to block out the wind between Siberia and us, it was fricking freezing. The place still had the original 'sash' type windows, which didn't close very well and no proper central heating. Brrr. The worst part was the bathroom, which was literally a brick outhouse plonked on the end of the kitchen, it was single-skin brick with a timber roof and a leaky window so retained absolutley no heat. Going for a poo or having a shower in the winter was a scary prospect as you had a real danger of frostbite on exposed extremities. Sure, we had lovely views and it was very "quaint" but it was no fun to live in.

oooh so true pogster, every morning is a test of your stamina

[whitevanman]

the cottage itself is fine,though it hasn't got an open fire. I had a large house before and it was just as bad to heat....................but it had a garage with a wood burner and gas heating, so I used to just live in there most of the time. Here I have the choice of freezing in the house or working in the open lying on the ice and snow......at the moment its a non contest

[r.welfare]

Today I am mostly grumpy about my mechanical ineptitude.Yesterday it took me 6 hours (9am-3pm, no breaks) to change the front shock absorbers on my wife's car. This included:- 30 minutes to tease out a heavily worn locking wheelnut;- 30 minutes de-seizing the spring compressors (which I liberated from my father-in-law's garage some time back; I reckon they last saw action when Maggie was in power, and the threaded prongs had stuck at the end of the thread);- 1 hour (!) trying to get one of the compressors off, as I had foolishly put the opposite one on a fewer number of coils - once removed, I was left with a spring like a banana and the remaining compressor at full length but still stuck on. Resolving this involved some thought, advice from my plumber (who should have been fixing a leak in the bathroom) and a lump hammer to get the other compressor on, on the right number of coils, and then opposite the stuck one.So 3.5 hours to do the passenger side. On to the driver's side:- 30 minutes cleaning off the remains of the oil leak (ugh - at least the spring will never rust);- 45 minutes re-assembling the new strut after I realised I had the baseplate 180 degrees out of phase with the top mounts.Autodata reckons 2.7 hours to do the lot. Good job I don't work in a garage then. On the plus side, three cheers for bootleg factory workshop manuals on CD-ROM (tells you the correct torque and nut/bolt sizes), and the suspension is now completely silent.Oh, and I spent 4 hours putting parking sensors on the mother-in-law's Fabia on Sunday. This involved the introduction of Scotchblocks at one point, but it all works so I am saying nowt.

[CIH]

I think you did alright there dude.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Cottages are well shit.

GR10 4 COTTAGING THO

[Milford Cubicle]

The cold cottage thing is easily solved. We borrow a tractor and trailer from the local farmer, head of to the nearest 'abandoned' log pile on Forestry Commission land and load up. Back to the workshop, log splitter on the tractor, fill the humongous home made woodshed. Everyone mucks in, one weekends work, say four trailer loads, free heat for the year. Four bedroom cottage.

 

Forgot - off course you also need the chainsaw and a gert big wood burning stove.

 

Making it more relevant to this forum though, you'll all have a shite car you can throw logs in the back off.

Tractor and trailer eh? That's a bit decadent. What you want is a shagged old estate.

GR1 4 LOGGING

I'd like to thank my uncle for cutting a rotten old pine down and leaving it for me to clear up, it's barely any good for firewood.

[Father Ted]

People who hum or whistle tunelessly...I have been lumbered with an agency nurse for the last 3 weeks, who has this irritating habbit of whistleing tunelessly all the muthalovin time. Im now at the point where I want to insert a phosphate enema up each of his nostrils and squeeze very hard. I can quite see how people are driven to murder.

[Rusty Pelican]

Bog seats ---------- let me explainOur bog seat has had seized hinges for a good while now , probably me mis- aiming was the root cause although drowning the bog in dettol etc doesnt help , anyway its got so bad that the lid and seat moved as one and you had to prise the two apart just to have a wizz , missus not happy , no probs I thought , a quick squert with Dubbs and all will be well , was it fuck as like , 2 1/2 HOURS later , the bog seat does work ,but only after a complete dismantling of the hinges by priseing them apart with a screwdriver , droping screws down the pan , and just to really piss me off the screws are different lenghts for the seat and the lid meaning I now have two lumps in the top of the lid where the screws poked through , SHMBO will want a new seat coz of that , FUCK IT .

[retrogeezer]

a new seat in Home Bargains is about £7.00!! Could have saved yourself 2 hours of grief!

[pogweasel]

Don't buy a cheap bog seat, for christ sakes!I made that mistake, bloody bolts on it were wank so it would move about, regardless of how tight it was fitted. Eventually I paid about £40 for a deluxe one that wouldn't skew off to the side when you park your fat rump on it.

[Hudsonpie]

Stupid bog seat bolts with plastic butterfly nuts.....stripped the thread first go. Missus keeps going on about it.....my answer is don't try disco dancing while you're having a crap.

[Pillock]

I once sat on a bog seat in one of my oh-so-delightful student houses. It was the plastic type, the really thin ones where you can feel it flexing.Anyway, I've got a big lardy arse so this didn't flex; it cracked. And grabbed hold of a lump of flesh

[Hudsonpie]

My missus just read my last post......guess what I'm doing tomorrow....?

[Guest]

You're going disco dancing?

[Hudsonpie]

Yeah in brown cords and a nice cardy, might give some of that new fangled techno a try....got any Pro plus.....? ..no.... I'll be the most miserable cunt in Homebase tomorrow

[Rusty Pelican]

a new seat in Home Bargains is about £7.00!! Could have saved yourself 2 hours of grief!

Yep , but not in Silver which is what weve got and she wants , Silvers taken over the world , first cars , now Bog seats FFS .

[Father Ted]

A SILVER bog seat??? Where do you live? The Liberator????

 

[Rusty Pelican]

A SILVER bog seat??? Where do you live? The Liberator????

 

[Pillock]

It's raining. Ergo things outside are getting wet.For some reason this now includes 'the internet', and when my internet gets soggy it stops working.FFS Virgin Media, is it so hard to make a weatherproof cabinet so I don't have to consult with the Met Office to see if I can go on Facebook? I'm just glad I have Freeview, not Virgin TV, so at least there's something to do in the house!

[Father Ted]

It's raining. Ergo things outside are getting wet.For some reason this now includes 'the internet', and when my internet gets soggy it stops working.FFS Virgin Media, is it so hard to make a weatherproof cabinet

Not just me that suffers from this then. In fairness it was Telewest that installed the cabinet, and also the rather handy big hole in the pavement junction box that I use to sweep hedge clippings into...

[Hudsonpie]

Oh fucking absolute joy........not only have I got to sort the bloody bog seat finally....my missus wants the WHOLE bathroom decorated......