The grumpy thread

[Mr Lobster]

The idea of self-serve checkouts are admirable, I like the idea that social rejects like me can go into a supermarket and buy Scotch eggs without having to deal with anyone. I'm hoping eventually it'll develop into some kind of push-button Scotch egg service that just fires them through a pipe directly into my greasy hands and debits 40p from my account.

 

^ That is my vision of heaven. I'm still a little cross with Tesco as they no longer sell Free Range Scotch Eggs which were absolutely delicious

[pogweasel]

Our Asda is quite good. It's in the middle of town, ergo it is largely staffed by teenage bints who do not have/need a driving licence to get there. Sainsbury's is on the edge of town and therefore has as it's checkout staff plump, jolly middle-aged women. Good for help, rubbish for flirtation. Also the Sainsbury's on the egde of Poggleswade has the worlds most ridiculous petrol station. It has about 9million pumps, but if 1 twatting pork sword ingester decides to do their weekly shop in there, buying milk, bread, papers etc. it all grinds to a halt as no-one can actually leave the pumps because they are too close together. This means a queue builds up to the pumps, out onto the access road and blocks access and egress to the main car park, often leading to TOTAL GRIDLOCK. Less pumps, more staff, less pricks buying milk and it would work fine.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

And modern cars - I think I can work out when I need to put the wipers on myself.

I hurt my hand in an unfamiliar modern last month - I'd eaten some Hula Hoops in a motorway services car park and tried to wash my hands using the windscreen washer jets. I wasn't expecting the damn wipers to come on automatically and try to amputate my fingers.

[pogweasel]

And modern cars - I think I can work out when I need to put the wipers on myself.

I hurt my hand in an unfamiliar modern last month - I'd eaten some Hula Hoops in a motorway services car park and tried to wash my hands using the windscreen washer jets. I wasn't expecting the damn wipers to come on automatically and try to amputate my fingers.

groffle!

[Negative Creep]

Other forums. Cut a long story short, I was mis sold a car, took the guy to court and won. However he never paid me the money, dodged the bailiffs and got of scot free. He still openly posts and sells on said forum. I made a topic about it, it got deleted and mods declared it was nothing to do with them. So a few days ago the topic 'how could we improve our forum?' comes up. So I suggested they may not want to let fraudsters openly operate.What do they do? Delete my posts. Wankers.

[pompei]

Maybe the fraudster is the mod?

[Negative Creep]

No, but I've made sure to tell every member I can about him. The lesson here kids is when buying a car, ALWAYS get a signed receipt from the seller. The car in this case appeared to be taxed, but as soon as I'd driven off he cancelled the payment! So I had to tax the car again, even though I bought it with tax. Nice huh?

[AXrescuer]

Righto. So that's it, I still feel like shite and my tolerance for lazy spelling/grammar and other such offences is at an all time low.

I'll try harder next time Sir............

I'm sure that God will reward you for your efforts!

[seth]

Tescos generally annoy me.

 

I tend to do a fair amount of shopping at the Waitrose we have round the corner. Ya, posh me. (Or more like I can walk to it in about 1 minute and it saves driving somewhere to buy a pint of milk)

 

So, needing to do a bigger shop a couple of weeks ago I ventured to a big Tescos at night. One thing I needed was some Tomatoes. Just a few. But the shop muddled my mind. In amongst the packs of mixed variety, loose vine, more pre packaged stuff etc. I could not find any bog standard loose tomatoes. I hate the requirement so many of the supermarkets have developed for unnecessary packaging so you can only buy quantities of fruit/veg in what they choose to give you. Creates such a waste.

 

Oh, and Pog's Sainsbury's petrol station is a friggn' nightmare! Must remember to not rely on it this weekend.

[pogweasel]

Seth, run it low on the way up, there's a new Pez station on the N/bound A1 just before the Poggleswade South roundabout (first one you get to LOLz), it's called "Apple Green" and it's really cheap, plus none of the arseache you get at Sainsbury's (though on NSRA weekend it's a great place to do some spotting, especially on the sunday evening as all the yanks gas up for the journey home).

[Cavcraft]

Other forums. Cut a long story short, I was mis sold a car, took the guy to court and won. However he never paid me the money, dodged the bailiffs and got of scot free. He still openly posts and sells on said forum. I made a topic about it, it got deleted and mods declared it was nothing to do with them. So a few days ago the topic 'how could we improve our forum?' comes up. So I suggested they may not want to let fraudsters openly operate.What do they do? Delete my posts. Wankers.

Pm me with details. Sort of losely based in an INTERNETZ BASTARD SQUAD and I'm sure one or two would be willing to at least make life difficult for this tw@t.

[seth]

Seth, run it low on the way up, there's a new Pez station on the N/bound A1 just before the Poggleswade South roundabout (first one you get to LOLz), it's called "Apple Green" and it's really cheap, plus none of the arseache you get at Sainsbury's (though on NSRA weekend it's a great place to do some spotting, especially on the sunday evening as all the yanks gas up for the journey home).

Cheers Pog, I spotted it last Sunday on my way past and was amazed something had re-opened on that site. Its been deserted for as long as I've ever gone that way. Always fancied it as a great abode/shite haven

[pogweasel]

These 'Apple Green' folk seem to have a better idea than all the other folk who've tried to make a go of that garage in the past. Historically, it was always a dingy and out-dated gassing stop, usually with a dirty shop selling out-of-date monster munch and selling obscenely overpriced fuel. Usually it gets re-opened and then shuts down again almost immediately. Also, these new lot have put in a very jazzy little shop and spent a f*ckload on security, as the isolated nature made it very prone to 'bilking' and/or armed robbery in the past. Also being mega cheap has made it popular. You can also set up 'discount' accounts with them to knock an extra couple of p/litre off, we have done this as we are going through £80 of dizzle a week at the mo. It's cheaper for us now to drive a junction down & back to fill up than to go anywhere else. And that's including factoring in nectar points at sainsbury's.

[M'coli]

Seth, run it low on the way up, there's a new Pez station on the N/bound A1 just before the Poggleswade South roundabout (first one you get to LOLz), it's called "Apple Green" and it's really cheap, plus none of the arseache you get at Sainsbury's (though on NSRA weekend it's a great place to do some spotting, especially on the sunday evening as all the yanks gas up for the journey home).

Cheers Pog, I spotted it last Sunday on my way past and was amazed something had re-opened on that site. Its been deserted for as long as I've ever gone that way. Always fancied it as a great abode/shite haven

Is that the one that always advertised "Open for DERV" or HGVs or other, but was not open, and not the one just before the "Adult Superstore" (which used to be an Indian restaurant)?

http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&cli ... a=N&tab=wl

[pogweasel]

Korrect. That 'adult pit stop' is about 5 miles north, t'other side of Sandy.Never been in there though.

[M'coli]

Korrect. That 'adult pit stop' is about 5 miles north, t'other side of Sandy.Never been in there though.

Thanks!Grump mode - that 'adult pit stop' used to be a really convenient curry house for when you're blatting back up north, really quiet on a Sunday evening.

[Guest]

Other forums. Cut a long story short, I was mis sold a car, took the guy to court and won. However he never paid me the money, dodged the bailiffs and got of scot free. He still openly posts and sells on said forum. I made a topic about it, it got deleted and mods declared it was nothing to do with them. So a few days ago the topic 'how could we improve our forum?' comes up. So I suggested they may not want to let fraudsters openly operate.What do they do? Delete my posts. Wankers.

Pm me with details. Sort of losely based in an INTERNETZ BASTARD SQUAD and I'm sure one or two would be willing to at least make life difficult for this tw@t.

Seconded. I have a large selection of hammers in the boot of my Citroen for the next time we go to an Andrew Greenwood car show..............OH LOOK, IT'S A 122S DRIVING AT ME.....IT'S NOT STOPPING...........FLVVVVVGHGHGHGHGHHHHHAAAAAARRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!'Hmm, your chrome's not very good is it?'Seriously NC, let me know - I reckon Billy and me would make quite an effective AS Stasi - he's even got a pick up truck for when we 'go down the tip'.

[pogweasel]

Didn't the Andrew Greenwood commentator man keel over & kark it at Knebworth last month?

[whitevanman]

Self serve FRIGGING BOILS MY TITS. "Unexpected item in Bagging Area. Please remove item from bagging area""Please place item in Bagging Area.""Unexpected item in Bagging Area. Please remove item from bagging area""Please place item in Bagging Area.""Unexpected item in Bagging Area. Please remove item from bagging area""Please place item in Bagging Area.""Unexpected item in Bagging Area. Please remove item from bagging area""Please place item in Bagging Area.""Supervisor required. Please wait for assistance"URGH. And all this because I take my own (granny style) shopping bags, like they encourage you to do. I'd rather wait in the queue for the checkout. It's still quicker. And if I'm lucky it will be staffed by some fit college girl with whom I can shamelessly flirt.

you to HUH!!!! fucking things boil my piss with their contradictory statements ...............

[pogweasel]

I think anyone can fall foul of these self service checkouts. The other day I had the misfortune to be in a tesco's in one of north london's less desirable suburbs, a lass was going through the same rigmarole as outlined above. This went on for a good 15 minutes (the queue for the fags counter was also a joke). In the end she just got so pissed off with it she hurled all the shopping across the shop and stomped off in the direction of Asda. I'd have done the same, but possibly with a larger 'blast radius', with the likely outcome being police intervention.....

[Father Ted]

So far, however, I have manage to rack up over 500 Tesco green points by "own bag used? - type number" and shoving in, 50, 100 and 350 for a bottle of coke and a hoisin duck wrap....

[chester drawers]

And if I'm lucky it will be staffed by some fit college girl with whom I can shamelessly flirt.

Checkout girls - GR8 4 ;)The scene opens with the store girl assembling an online grocery order, placing several large cans of PAL onto a trolley. She’s previously done the name swap thing so I figure it’s worth pushing my luck a bit further:Me: (without thinking) “Is that your dinner?â€ÂStore girl: (politely smiling) “No, that’s someone else’s dinner.â€ÂMe: (unable to help myself now) “It’ll give you a glossy coat that will.â€ÂStrangely, this and flirting in front of her boyfriend doesn’t appear to have done me any favours. There’s no pleasing some people

[Guest Tony Hayers]

Self serve FRIGGING BOILS MY TITS. "Unexpected item in Bagging Area. Please remove item from bagging area""Please place item in Bagging Area.""Unexpected item in Bagging Area. Please remove item from bagging area""Please place item in Bagging Area.""Unexpected item in Bagging Area. Please remove item from bagging area""Please place item in Bagging Area.""Unexpected item in Bagging Area. Please remove item from bagging area""Please place item in Bagging Area.""Supervisor required. Please wait for assistance"URGH. And all this because I take my own (granny style) shopping bags, like they encourage you to do. I'd rather wait in the queue for the checkout. It's still quicker. And if I'm lucky it will be staffed by some fit college girl with whom I can shamelessly flirt.

you to HUH!!!! fucking things boil my piss with their contradictory statements ...............

Fuck! Dont get me started on this, and the 10 items or less queue.....Why is it that whenever that you go to the '10 items or less' queue that the world and his wife/husband are always the sodding same 12 people infront of you with 9/10 items in the basket?I waited like a spare prick at a wedding in one of these queues once, and it took me somewhere in the region of 20 mins to get through the cunting thing Now I just look for the till with only one person in the queue and I guarantee they have less than 108 items in the trolley and you still get through 'the system' in 6 mins flat.Rant/

[Pillock]

Check this... my local B&Q now has self-service checkouts. I can see why they're a good idea when I'm buying a pint of milk, a twin pack of scotch eggs, and a PP3 battery. bip-bip-bip money in done and gone.However, when I have a large flatbed trolley full of bags of sand and paving slabs, and am queuing behind someone who, i kid you not, is trying to get an entire bathroom suite through, IT IS NOT SAVING ME TIME. In fact it's not saving anyone anything, since they've moved the checkout operators into helping people use the sodding things. The last time I went in (for my poor Saxo can only carry a few paving slabs at once) the woman scanned everything, took my card off me and put it in the reader, pressed all the buttons and all I had to do was put my PIN in. So, really, it was exactly like using a regular checkout.I did laugh at the guy who didn't realise the barcode scanners detatch for bulky items, and lifted a bag of cement up onto the fixed reader.... 'swiped' the barcode across, caught the edge of the paper bag and dumped cement all over the nice new checkout. That'll teach them.I also used to hate Tesco self-service checkouts, since they used to announce the price of everything. Including reduced items. And when you're as pikey as me, half the trolley is from the pikey counter of stuff-that-goes-out-of-date-in-fifteen-minutes. "BIP TWELVE PENCE. BIP EIGHT PENCE. BIP TWENTY PENCE".

[Volksy]

Check this... my local B&Q now has self-service checkouts. I can see why they're a good idea when I'm buying a pint of milk, a twin pack of scotch eggs, and a PP3 battery. bip-bip-bip money in done and gone.However, when I have a large flatbed trolley full of bags of sand and paving slabs, and am queuing behind someone who, i kid you not, is trying to get an entire bathroom suite through, IT IS NOT SAVING ME TIME. In fact it's not saving anyone anything, since they've moved the checkout operators into helping people use the sodding things. The last time I went in (for my poor Saxo can only carry a few paving slabs at once) the woman scanned everything, took my card off me and put it in the reader, pressed all the buttons and all I had to do was put my PIN in. So, really, it was exactly like using a regular checkout.I did laugh at the guy who didn't realise the barcode scanners detatch for bulky items, and lifted a bag of cement up onto the fixed reader.... 'swiped' the barcode across, caught the edge of the paper bag and dumped cement all over the nice new checkout. That'll teach them.I also used to hate Tesco self-service checkouts, since they used to announce the price of everything. Including reduced items. And when you're as pikey as me, half the trolley is from the pikey counter of stuff-that-goes-out-of-date-in-fifteen-minutes. "BIP TWELVE PENCE. BIP EIGHT PENCE. BIP TWENTY PENCE".

LoLoLoLoLolgram!I was in beeandqueue today, and witnessed the same thing.. 'She's a bolshy bird in that machine' the guy mumbled as he wandered off leaving a trail of white plaster Pete Doherty would be well proud of....I want to see someone try and 'selfscan' 50m of lattice fencing.. I'd defo buy popcorn.

[mattblack]

Sainsbury's is on the edge of town and therefore has as it's checkout staff plump, jolly middle-aged women. Good for help, rubbish for flirtation.

 

...I beg to differ!

 

As for the self scan checkouts at B&Q, what twunt came up with that idea? It's bad enough at the ordinary checkouts when the 'tard on the timber cutting machine has put the wrong barcode on the wood you've had cut, so that 12mm MDF comes up as rarest Tibetan oak at £156.86 a sheet... throw Mr. J Public into the mix and and you've got a recipe for disaster.

 

Witness the following exchange from a few weeks ago:

 

Bloke at checkout in front of me has some pieces of wood on trolley, obviously a large sheet cut up. Woman on checkout scans the top one and asks how many he's got. "8" he replies. She hits 'X 8' on till and says "£XX please". Bloke says "Oh no, they weren't that much, so she scans them again, times 8... same price.

"No, that's wrong"

"You've got 8 pieces?"

"Yes"

So she looks in the book and puts the code number in manualy, and comes up with the same price...

 

Now I haven't got much of a life, but even I have got better things to do than stand in a DIY store (not much better, but hey...) So I said " 'scuse me, mate, is it one sheet cut into 8...?"

 

"yes, that's right..."

 

ARRRGGGG!

[Father Ted]

Virgin Media.Service is utter utter shite.Its raining so our interweb has gone off again, so im back on the PAYG 3 mobile broadbean dongle ( we got a nice new one with the slaptop - ony reception on it is shit - so I have to use the 100 year old Hwuee thingy which amazingly has brilliant reception, just shit speeds) - its like dial up again.Every time I phone Virgin and get through to Roger in India I get palmed off with some utter shite about how there is a minor fault in the area and I shoudl switch my box off and reset it. Fuck off Duprodger, I want a bloody 10 meg interweb service that does not cark every time it rains, or the telly goes out when someone down the road switches their box on. If I had a BT line fitted to the house ( I have one coiled up in the loft of the extension) I would sack it off and go back to BT / Sky.

[retrogeezer]

For fucks sake - I've been stuck indoors decorating for the last 3 bloody days while it's been sunny. One day for a car show and it's pissing down. Fucking british summer.

[155V6]

The dozy American who knocked me off my bike yesterday because he didn't understand roundabouts,how much more noticable could a bike be than a V-twin with race exhausts & headlights on?My MG going into have the head gasket done & still being there 2 weeks later because the skimming machine is broken

[seth]

I have a complaint

 

Seth, run it low on the way up, there's a new Pez station on the N/bound A1 just before the Poggleswade South roundabout (first one you get to LOLz), it's called "Apple Green" and it's really cheap, plus none of the arseache you get at Sainsbury's (though on NSRA weekend it's a great place to do some spotting, especially on the sunday evening as all the yanks gas up for the journey home).

The Minx was showing a quarter of a tank when we left home this morning, which actually means there's not a lot of petrol left. So on a wing and a prayer we cruise at a staedy 55 up the M1, going past a couple of petrol stations down here with Unleaded at 101.9 whilst steadily getting more nervous about running out of juice. Eventually, hoorah! we reach the top of the hill before the aforementioned Apple Green wonder. "We can coast from here" I say. Fortunatly we don't need to, arriving to discover the Apple flavoured unleaded is also 101.9. Stress man! You've just taken 20 minutes off my life!