Autoshite Quote of the Year - 2019.

[BorniteIdentity]

Can't see one existing already - so let's get the ball rolling.

 

HillmanImp in the grumpy thread.

 

 

 

 My neighbours probably used to think that I used to beat up my housemate with the names we used to scream at each other but we were just playing Mario Kart.

[Kiltox]

garethj in the ill fated “apology” thread

 

We're supposed to be open to the possibility that a used Laguna is an acceptable way of getting around FFS

[tooSavvy]

We're supposed to be open to the possibility that a used Laguna is an acceptable way of getting around FFS

 

garethj in the ill fated “apology” thread

*seconded = that IS what we all stand for on here.

[vulgalour]

 

 

There is absolutely no mercy for American cars in the UK.

[TataBobu]

Nice image of how it feels like changing the spark plugs:

 

 

 As was trying to refit the spark plugs - I ended up having to use a spare HT lead but it was still like trying to pleasure a lady with a sex toy on the end of a fishing rod. From outside the house through the bedroom window.

[oldcars]

A new year, but Bren as always never lets us down.

 

Billy I would rather put my dick in a blender than punt something on gumtree. If gumtree is a barometer for measuring the intelligence of somebody then we are fucked. 

[oldcars]

This from the Wheeler Dealers thread from sierraman.

 

Not a big fan of Car SOS, can’t deal with all this ‘will they won’t they’ crap or some story about Barry not being able to restore his whatever after he fell headfirst into a bacon grinder.

[320touring]

JimH is BI's mini thread, on the subject of cars that used to be owned by relations..

 

A couple of years back my grandmother's '68 Semi auto Beetle surfaced at some dealer. Didn't really fancy buying it because they were asking mental money for it and I wouldn't really want any Beetle unless it came as part of a buy one get Philippa Forrester free deal. Still, it was interesting to see that it had survived.

[Pillock]

AlcyoneCorp with a quote that the MG PR department probably won't be using.

 

(*awaits the 'it's a lot of a car for the money' argument, yes, indeed, well, £1000 would buy a lot of manure, but at the end of the day, all you'd have to show for your investment is a big pile of shit).

[catsinthewelder]

Tamworth Bay making me laugh

 

 

Isopon is shite but even decent quality resin will struggle to go off in these temperatures. The key is preparation, the surface needs to be something it can bond to and completely oil/ silicon free. The mould I used for our electric race cars had a quick spray with silicon release spray, a two second spray wiped round would ensure release of a part six foot by four. Once it bonds go something properly it’s like shit to a blanket. And get a decent material, something like a nice 2x2 twill, don’t bother with CSM (chopped strand mat). CSM is to quality repairs what Prince Harry is to number of genes shared with the royal family.

[BorniteIdentity]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-47076427

 

Is this anyone on here? I only ask because it's rare for a BBC news article to include a photo of a man Woollarding a Sierra...

[oldcars]

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-47076427

 

Is this anyone on here? I only ask because it's rare for a BBC news article to include a photo of a man Woollarding a Sierra...

 

Daniel Fox, 36, stumbled across the Mini while shopping for a second-hand vehicle. Genuine massive LOL 

[Split_Pin]

Beko's musing on a possible cheap solution for the owner of a Volvo s60 with a clutch pedal that has sunk to the floor. All the more pints of LOLZ were spilt by me as a Rover 75 owner:

 

 

 

Do renault 5 slave cylinders work the same way as renault 5 thermostats? 

[Craig the Princess]

I only clicked on this cos I thought you'd trapped your gubbins in the boot lid of a Clio and thought fuck that sounds painful. Still though fair play at getting it sorted!

[BorniteIdentity]

I will be paying later this evening, precise time depends on when the wife retires for the evening so I can intercept gmail and remove the "You've sent a payment" message to avoid it grassing me up like wot it did for the Omega I didn't win last week.

[beko1987]

I can hear the collective nodding of agreement from here!

[vulgalour]

 

 

Shame it is in Australia's Lincolnshire, that there Melbourne.

[Dave_Q]

angle's haiku from Ruffgeezers trading thread in the modernz bit.
 

It is not just you
But it has its own rhythm
As you read it back

I have great respect
For the men who sell Astras
Using a haiku

Glacial engine
But a new lambda sensor
Very good value

It looks pretty smart
But there's still one big problem
All Vauxhalls are shit

[Junkman]

 

Shame it is in Australia's Lincolnshire, that there Melbourne.

 

 

Doesn't John Cadogan call it 'Arsetralia'?

[BorniteIdentity]

CDC on the preferred style of garage door.

 

FUCK up and over doors. 

 

Last night I arrived home after midnight. The rain was heavy. Imagine, then, how delighted I was when the garage door which had opened so happily one minute ago refused to close and instead jammed halfway. I spent 15 minutes opening and closing it, examining the runners with a torch and squirting oil on bits of it before it reluctantly closed. 

 

I once had to pay a repairman to spend three hours replacing the metal cables after they somehow burst free and formed an impenetrable mega-spaghetti. The fault was mine, for "closing it improperly".

 

Even when it works properly I despise it. When the latch is turned, the spring fires the door into your shins at 1,000 mph. That is assuming it hasn't jammed on a hydrogen molecule. Heaven forfend you leave an item in the enormous sweep zone inside the garage, for the door will mate for life with anything it discovers here. This ugly plastic piece of shit can't stay open if its windy, and if left open in the rain, it has stupid panels which fill with water which is dumped on whoever attempts to close it. 

 

Also it's made of fucking plastic so I can't even look forward to it being rotten in 40 years. I did see an identical one in a skip once with a big hole smashed in it, and this made me very happy.

 

Big wooden doors FTW. 

 

Let's name and shame: Cardale Senator Elite with Safelift gear.

[Brodders]

Parky's gem from the open forum. If he isn't Financial Controller for Autoshite within the next 12 months, I will be hugely disappointed.

 

I think we could monetise it. Get Eurocarparts to sponsor us, charge to use the ignore button, and maybe offer the Modern section to Pistonheads on a sale or leaseback basis.

 

Patent the colour beige, charge everyone else for using it.

 

Set up a sub forum called Autoshite (Panama), take out a massive loan on it, pay it to ourselves, flip on the indebted section to Mumsnet, retire to the Caymans. With a Rover 75 parked outside our massive houses

[83C]

A worthy addition to this thread: @M'coli on winning a Vauxhall Cavalier:

Quote

Get your paws off, it's a CAVALIER!!!! HAHAHAHAA HAHAHA HAHA omg this is almost as good as sex!!!

 

[JimH]

Sierraman sums up the pain of the Nutters' Gathering.

On 9/4/2019 at 8:19 AM, sierraman said:

This. Plus there’s some bloody odd people at these events. Two things you are guaranteed to see...

A stall holder selling dried up tins of 25 year old paint. 

A rather rotund old fella sat on a stool with his bollocks hanging down one side of his jogging trousers, one of those padded waistcoat things and an absolutely filthy hat festooned with badges. Doing something absolutely pointless with a stationary engine like pumping water from one bucket to another. 

[pauldoubleyou]

On that shitbox Corsa I bought, and timing chains:

When it starts sounding like a skeleton having a wank in a biscuit tin 

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