Things in car adverts that make you go "Oh F*** Off"

[steve_earwig]

 

' You are viewing Volkswagen Golf GTI MK 3 2.0 8V AGG 

 

Bad Bits

 

Needs new clutch due to gearbox oil contamination via me adding gearbox oil to the wrong filling point

 

 

then . . .

 

 

Good Bits

 

Recently serviced by myself, oil and filter change, fuel filter, spark plugs, ht leads, distributer cap, rotor arm, coolant change, coolant temp sensor, thermostat, window wipers '

 

That does make you wonder how many other things the seller managed to cram in the wrong hole

[Bamboocarman]

A small quote from this ad for a 106 Diesel :

 

 

'' . . . IS HIS TWENTY FIRST AND HE WILL DESERVE A NICE PRESENT, HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO TO A HOME WHERE THE OWNERS HAVE A SCORE OF LESS THAT TEN SO IF THAT'S YOU PLEASE DON'T BID WITHOUT SPEAKING TO ME FIRST AND I MAY TRY TO PERSUADE HIM OTHERWISE, HE IS VERY SOCIABLE AND WOULD LOVE TO MEET ANY POTENTIAL NEW PARENT THIS CAN BE ARRANGED FOR MOST TIMES 07590 502566, HE IS CURRENTLY SLEEPING IN NEWBURN NE15, WE HAVE ALL HIS ADOPTION PAPERS PLEASE SEE LAST PHOTO.

 

WRITTEN BY SOMEONE WITH TO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS, READ BY PEOPLE WHOM ALSO HAVE TO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS, THE AUTHOR WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL THOSE WHOM HAVE READ THIS AD BUT WOULD SUGGEST YOU "GET A LIFE"   . . . ''

 

Well then, PISS OFF you eejit ; perhaps you could learn to use the upper and lower case key boarding skills before assaulting my tired eyes?

 

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1995-PEUGEOT-106-GRADUATE-DIESEL-RED-NAME-OF-GABRIEL-THIS-AD-IS-A-MUST-TO-READ-/391043436966?pt=Automobiles_UK&hash=item5b0c0151a6

 

[twosmoke300]

I know exactly what the golf guy has done , he's poured the gear oil in the weird hex hole for inspecting the timing mark on the flywheel I reckon .

[MarvinsMom]

when what he should have done is spread a gallon of pez liberally around the cabin and then chucked a match inside

[HH-R]

 

A small quote from this ad for a 106 Diesel :

 

 

'' . . . IS HIS TWENTY FIRST AND HE WILL DESERVE A NICE PRESENT, HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO TO A HOME WHERE THE OWNERS HAVE A SCORE OF LESS THAT TEN SO IF THAT'S YOU PLEASE DON'T BID WITHOUT SPEAKING TO ME FIRST AND I MAY TRY TO PERSUADE HIM OTHERWISE, HE IS VERY SOCIABLE AND WOULD LOVE TO MEET ANY POTENTIAL NEW PARENT THIS CAN BE ARRANGED FOR MOST TIMES 07590 502566, HE IS CURRENTLY SLEEPING IN NEWBURN NE15, WE HAVE ALL HIS ADOPTION PAPERS PLEASE SEE LAST PHOTO.

 

WRITTEN BY SOMEONE WITH TO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS, READ BY PEOPLE WHOM ALSO HAVE TO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS, THE AUTHOR WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL THOSE WHOM HAVE READ THIS AD BUT WOULD SUGGEST YOU "GET A LIFE"   . . . ''

 

Well then, PISS OFF you eejit ; perhaps you could learn to use the upper and lower case key boarding skills before assaulting my tired eyes?

 

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1995-PEUGEOT-106-GRADUATE-DIESEL-RED-NAME-OF-GABRIEL-THIS-AD-IS-A-MUST-TO-READ-/391043436966?pt=Automobiles_UK&hash=item5b0c0151a6

 

 

Jesus Christ, what a load of drivel. Makes me want to buy the car, crush it and get the scrappy to sign the certificate of adoption.

[chaseracer]

That does make you wonder how many other things the seller managed to cram in the wrong hole

 

Is Stu_CDX back?

[sierraman]

Those adverts in classic car mags where they go 'she starts on the button and her paintwork is gleaming' adverts rile me. It's a fucking car man! Stop it!

 

I love those ads on Ebay where you just know its being sold due to some badly thought out repair job has gone wrong.. 'Selling due to leaky head gasket. Cylinder head and new gaskets supplied in the boot'... You just know he's gone in there like a wounded rhino, whipped the head off, took all the springs valves etc out chucked them in an old bag he had in no particular order. Bust a couple of studs off taking manifold off... Now the head is resting in the gravel at the roadside, he's thinking its a bit more than he can tackle...

[Manbearpig]

I remember when Dacia were importing cars first time round and magazine articles were printing Day-See-Ya to educate the masses for pronunciation.

 

So they can fuck off if they think I'm calling it a datwhateverer. It's fucking Dacia. The only one worth buying is £5995 and when it comes over all Renault you throw it in the bin.

 

Too right, it's like when "Beijing" crept up on us and I missed the memo. And newsreaders started saying "Mumbai" to show how "right on" they were. Fuck off it's PEKING and BOMBAY and DAYCEEYA

[wuvvum]

 

 

WRITTEN BY SOMEONE WITH TO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS, READ BY PEOPLE WHOM ALSO HAVE TO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS, THE AUTHOR WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL THOSE WHOM HAVE READ THIS AD BUT WOULD SUGGEST YOU "GET A LIFE"   . . . ''

 

Well then, PISS OFF you eejit ; perhaps you could learn to use the upper and lower case key boarding skills before assaulting my tired eyes?

 

 

 

He could also do with learning the difference between "who" and "whom".

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

BMW MANUAL GEARBOX*SWOP*SWAP*DRIFT*

 

"I will try to get this fixed before the end of the auction". No you won't you lying turd burglar.

[Felly Magic]

Way over top draw money for one of these, and seller CBA to put an MOT on it, because it will fail on shedloads of perished items. A concours M reg example sold very recently for £950, and that was from a proper dealer's showroom, and that was sold with MOT!

 

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1992-SKODA-FAVORIT-FORUM-PLUS-BLUE-CLASSIC-BARN-FIND-ONLY-2K-MILES-/321657158889?pt=Automobiles_UK&hash=item4ae442bce9

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Way over top draw money for one of these, and seller CBA to put an MOT on it, because it will fail on shedloads of perished items. A concours M reg example sold very recently for £950, and that was from a proper dealer's showroom, and that was sold with MOT!

 

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1992-SKODA-FAVORIT-FORUM-PLUS-BLUE-CLASSIC-BARN-FIND-ONLY-2K-MILES-/321657158889?pt=Automobiles_UK&hash=item4ae442bce9

 

 

Had it only done 2000 miles though? A concours M reg one isn't worth a wank if it's done 78'000 miles and has had restoration work done. This is probably the only as new one left and £1800 doesn't seem dear. No idea what you'd do with it though?

[steve_earwig]

 

IT CURRENTLY HAS NO MOT BUT I WILL INCLUDE ONE IF WANTED FOR THE ASKING PRICE AS I AM UNSURE WHETHER MOT'ING IT WILL EFFECT ITS ORIGINALITY.

WTAF?

[Felly Magic]

It had done less than 10k and was one owner, and hadn't been restored, and knowing these like I do, £1800 is about 3 times what it is actually worth, it doesn't even run properly, sounds like the carb mount is borked, which is a very common fault on them. Favorits are in 'classic car purgatory', not as popular as Estelles, and parts are an utter twat to get, as I'm finding out, even the basics are NLA, and £1800 is concours Estelle money, even mint 1000MB's struggle to go for that.

[Felly Magic]

On a forum I'm on we spotted a scammer, claiming the car was in Yorkshire on Carandclassic, photos stolen from Hungary's version of Auto Trader (watermarked), and another member found it for sale on a Hungarian classic car website!

[Cavcraft]

'Only had it a week, I can't afford the insurance'

 

Yeah, because you would never check first, would you?

[UltraWomble]

I probably wouldnt, but Im an old fart with a very boring driving record. Ive lobbed an offer in on a C3 and have no idea how much it would cost to insure but doubt I would be bumraped for it.

[Bamboocarman]

Car ads:

 

What boils my tripe at the minute is the sudden increase in bloody Citroen H type 'catering, street-food, hog roast, coffee vendor, food truck, camper conversion' vans on offer. Not to mention the bandwagon coat tail tugging effing Renault Estafette / Peugeot van copy-cat fast buck wannabe lookalike hipster bollocks in their wake.

 

Am a life-long Citroeniste, love anything French, have a beard, drink litres of real coffee and spend a great deal of time in hipster central (aka Brighton), but this is ridiculous . . .

[eddyramrod]

 Ive lobbed an offer in on a C3

Citroen or Corvette?

[Bamboocarman]

' only suitable for parts or a brave restoration '

 

​It's the 'brave' bit that gets me with this well worn cliche; you're brave if yr on the front line in Afghanistan / Iraq or in a submarine deep in the North Atlantic, not in a backyard somewhere in the Home Counties bodging up an Austin Seven.

[Stroller133]

' only suitable for parts or a brave restoration '

Actually means "all savagable parts have been removed and sold, all that's left is only fit for scrap!"

[Cavcraft]

'I know what it's worth'

 

 

Usually translates to five times the actual value, because Clueless C. Knobcheese has watched too many Bargain Hunts.

[mouseflakes]

"It is what it is" = "it's shit"

[sierraman]

I don't understand why the fact that a car was owned by elderly makes a difference. It's probably been put away once a week, wet into the garage. Plus the indelible stench of piss...

[gallondrunk]

In 2010 myself and Mrs* Gallondrunk were shopping for a new car. We'd spotted a seemingly tidy Daewoo Lanos 1.6SX in the classifieds with 29k, 12 months MOT and a FSH. It wasn't especially cheap (for a Lanos), but for a completely coddled car that might last us a decade it seemed quite a good idea.

 

It wasn't quite what we expected. There was no MOT whatsoever - the dealer said we could have it tested at a discount (of course, it'll sail straight through). The FSH turned out to be the Daewoo Deal three years free servicing and nothing else.

 

The 29k had mostly all been added in those first three years, and it had not been driven or tested for four. The oil had the consistency of Canadian tar sands, the sunroof seal broke off when we tested it, all four tyres were badly cracked and there were deep parking scratches everywhere.

 

It seemed to be the epitomy of conceited car advert tactics. I hope no-one had the misfortune of buying it.

[sierraman]

Lack of use kills a car like nothing else. Bearings dry out, interior never gets an airing, old fuel starts to gum, depending out its stored rust starts in some odd places where condensation gets to it.

[UltraWomble]

In 2010 myself and Mrs* Gallondrunk were shopping for a new car. We'd spotted a seemingly tidy Daewoo Lanos 1.6SX in the classifieds with 29k, 12 months MOT and a FSH. It wasn't especially cheap (for a Lanos), but for a completely coddled car that might last us a decade it seemed quite a good idea.

Sorry, I started to read this and thought it was one of TheDoctors adverts with half a page of utter shite to try and flog a tidy Marina kept in someone's garage and crapped on by bats for 20 years

[Bamboocarman]

' Flown through the MOT with flying colours '

 

A late eighteenth century man o' war, then?

 

Shivver me timbers, Cap'n Birdseye !!

[PiperCub]

^^^ Aye, aye Seaman Staines..............

[PiperCub]

'I know what it's worth'

 

 

Usually translates to five times the actual value, because Clueless C. Knobcheese has watched too many Bargain Hunts.

 

Precisely! Why does everyone these days think they are some kind of wheeler-dealer wide-boy? Answer: too many utterly unrealistic TV progs on folk allegedly making money easily buying and selling cars/antiques/any old tut from boot fairs.( I can say this as I used to work in telly so know first hand what goes on!).

 

A good friend's husband is an experienced antiques dealer, the amount of time he has to waste on complete clueless idiots who think some piece of mass produced crap from a jumble sale is a lost work of art (ergo - worth £££££) is ridiculous and really pisses him (& other dealers) off, all thanks to shite like 'Bargain Hunt' - other shite shows are available (sadly).

Here's a clue for the hopeful half-wits: If it were that easy, everyone would be doing it.