What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[beko1987]

£100 made at the car boot, that means we can eat this week which is nice!

 

Didnt see any hoovers I wanted though

[vulgalour]

If you know or are someone that can look at this picture and still say that cars don't have faces then they and/or you are a big smelly LIAR.

 

[fred]

Faces you say eh - this is and still is the happiest car in the world bar none

 

[purplebargeken]

Happy face winnah of evah! ^^

[Cavcraft]

Autsoshite is like the BESTEST EVAH edition of Automart at the moment, every time you log on there seems to be another ace car for sale or raffle. The 'send message' button is like the cash out option on Paddy Power, I'm hovering over it then walking away for a minute or two.

[purplebargeken]

Felling better then

[Pillock]

Either that or his wonky eye is making everything look like a Calibra.

[Taff]

If every car with a Nuremburgring sticker had been to the Nurembergring, the Nurembergring would be sporting some M25 style traffic jams 24/7.

 

there is a version that's says "Neverbeen" that I'm sure I have seen somewhere

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Due to my background of never having had a proper job, just wazzing about in other peoples posh cars until I started wazzing about in my own much less posh cars for, it sometimes seems, much less money. I seem to be on all sorts of mailing lists connected with the chauffeur industry, including recruitment sites.

This one caught my eye ,as its for Kahn, the Range Rover vandalisers up Bratfurt way, the CEO wants a highly skilled professional chauffeur to drive him around in ,no doubt a tastefully* enhanced * Phantom or summat.

http://jobview.monster.co.uk/Private-Chauffeur-Bradford-Yorkshire-156282949.aspx?WT.mc_n=olm_sk_feed_indeed_lp_uk

 

So, what's the salary,bearing in mind most chauffeur jobs for HNW families pay around £40/45k plus perks , often including accomodation etc.

MINIMUM FUCKING WAGE!!

This confirms all I've ever thought about those high quality* bespoke* Kahn Range Rovers, let's hope none of their customers realise ,that if the CEO is willing to scrape the barrel for his and his families safety and security how much have they cut corners building your 700bhp SUV?

[Pillock]

Take the job and drive everywhere at 15mph.

150 miles Bradford to London, ten hours each way and you've pocketed £120. And a very pissed off Mr Khan, which is priceless.

[oldcars]

Lady at the petrol station had a flat tyre yesterday. No one was helping so i asked if there was anything i could do. Asked if i could change the tyre on the mk3 Clio, no bother i said. Its nice to be nice. Now to remove the spare from under the car! What the heck is the spare wheel removal system all about on these. Screw down part A until it reaches part B. Insert part C into part D and push into part F. Now't will happen. Hit parts A.B.C & D into part F with wheel brace, curse moderns, sweat a bit thinking why did i bother. Wheel then falls off. Change tyre as normal. Get back into Rover 75 glad i have a proper car with a wheel in the boot. 

[Asimo]

[Pillock]

The Royal Bank, eh? Wow.

[Hendry]

Lady at the petrol station had a flat tyre yesterday. No one was helping so i asked if there was anything i could do. Asked if i could change the tyre on the mk3 Clio, no bother i said. Its nice to be nice. Now to remove the spare from under the car! What the heck is the spare wheel removal system all about on these. Screw down part A until it reaches part B. Insert part C into part D and push into part F. Now't will happen. Hit parts A.B.C & D into part F with wheel brace, curse moderns, sweat a bit thinking why did i bother. Wheel then falls off. Change tyre as normal. Get back into Rover 75 glad i have a proper car with a wheel in the boot. 

It is an awful design, from memory you need to remove the box containing the tools, jack etc. Unscrews this huge plastic nut until its loose, then theres a black handle you need to push forward into the mechanism and it releases the wire holding the spare underneath the car, the wheel falls to the ground with a huge thud and nearly crushes your toes then you unhook the wire from a plastic plate to free the wheel?

 

Reassembly is even worse, place the plastic plate under the wheel, hook the wire into the plastic plate, use the black handle thing to pull the wheel up under the car, smacking the underside of the car in the process, locate the handle thing in its holder and screw in the big plastic nut until it clicks like a fuel cap, then refit the tool holder box, I never bothered when I had mine, I would either just put air in the tyre to get me to a tyre place or drive on it flat, fuck that carry on getting the spare.

[oldcars]

It is an awful design, from memory you need to remove the box containing the tools, jack etc. Unscrews this huge plastic nut until its loose, then theres a black handle you need to push forward into the mechanism and it releases the wire holding the spare underneath the car, the wheel falls to the ground with a huge thud and nearly crushes your toes then you unhook the wire from a plastic plate to free the wheel?

 

Reassembly is even worse, place the plastic plate under the wheel, hook the wire into the plastic plate, use the black handle thing to pull the wheel up under the car, smacking the underside of the car in the process, locate the handle thing in its holder and screw in the big plastic nut until it clicks like a fuel cap, then refit the tool holder box, I never bothered when I had mine, I would either just put air in the tyre to get me to a tyre place or drive on it flat, fuck that carry on getting the spare.

thats it mate. I just popped her wheel in the boot no chance i was building that system back up. Really can't see the point. As you say when it comes off what a clatter 

[vulgalour]

The Royal Bank, eh? Wow.

Travel car for the British Royal family too, and there was me thinking they used prestige motor cars like Rolls Royce.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

I wonder if there aren't better ways to abbreviate "Structural Analysis X".

 

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/HP-41-Series-Calculator-STRUCTURAL-ANALYSIS-X-Module-Pac-00041-14024-RARE-/201404086955?hash=item2ee49e7aab

[Bren]

Autsoshite is like the BESTEST EVAH edition of Automart at the moment, every time you log on there seems to be another ace car for sale or raffle. The 'send message' button is like the cash out option on Paddy Power, I'm hovering over it then walking away for a minute or two.

Billy I agree.

 

Ray Winstone will be fronting a tv ad next.

[Bobthebeard]

The next door neighbours again...

Got up early due to Mother Beard staying over for the weekend. Made breakfast for her and Mrs Beard. As it was fine and warmish decided to mow the lawn after breakfast was over.

Couple of passes with the electric mower resulted in the oik son next door throwing his bedroom window open and asking 'what the fuck are you doing mowing the lawn at this time of the morning... It's fucking 6 o clock'

I politely explained that it was actually 9.30.

'Is it? Oh. Soz. Well keep it down anyway'

 

Twart.

[Pillock]

 

 

I wonder if there aren't better ways to abbreviate "Structural Analysis X".

 

 

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/HP-41-Series-Calculator-STRUCTURAL-ANALYSIS-X-Module-Pac-00041-14024-RARE-/201404086955?hash=item2ee49e7aab

Aaah, I've got Strictly Anal 10 on VHS too.

[AlabamaShrimp]

 

Aaah, I've got Strictly Anal 10 on VHS too.

Isn't that normally on on a Saturday night?

[vulgalour]

You're confusing that with Sparkly Cunts Dancing.

 

 

Got an e-mail from the air suspension people regarding the Princess.  Apparently it's a little bit more challenging than they first thought but they're going to try and figure out an installation anyway.  That's quite exciting in its own way.

[Pillock]

That sounds good, almost like you found an engineering firm rather than a "bolt together stuff we buy in boxes" place who I suspect are the ones that have been knocking you back.

[vulgalour]

It does seem positive.  They've got one chap there I've been corresponding with who gives the impression that he likes a challenge and this is definitely that.  I suppose the only issue will be the depth of my pockets if he reckons he can do it.

[richardmorris]

On the way home from work this evening through the width restriction ( says 2m, but I think that's being generous) over the m3 bridge a white rolls Royce phantom ( new one) was going t he other way. I've just checked and the blueprint page says 1990mm wide- I had to smile as I don't reckon he'd be able to get it through two sets of 3m long concrete barriers at 2m wide without something making contact. At this point he had passed three large signs warning of the restriction too.

[DeeJay]

Lady at the petrol station had a flat tyre yesterday. No one was helping so i asked if there was anything i could do. Asked if i could change the tyre on the mk3 Clio, no bother i said. Its nice to be nice. Now to remove the spare from under the car! What the heck is the spare wheel removal system all about on these. Screw down part A until it reaches part B. Insert part C into part D and push into part F. Now't will happen. Hit parts A.B.C & D into part F with wheel brace, curse moderns, sweat a bit thinking why did i bother. Wheel then falls off. Change tyre as normal. Get back into Rover 75 glad i have a proper car with a wheel in the boot. 

You didn't mention the best bit, getting covered in all the crap that's been biding its time waiting for you.

[MarvinsMom]

watching morecombe and wise on the telly box this evenig doing their take on starsky and hutch (theirs was starkers and hitch) 

 

instead of a ford torino, they were driving a red mini clubman with the white strip on the side.

 

does anyone have a solid mini clubman for sale, i've just the great idea for a project......

[purplebargeken]

WD this evening, Caterham 7. Well, well, well. An episode I enjoyed and a WD that I would love to have. It looked bloody ace.

[cobblers]

I love Wheeler Dealers, and Ed China + Mike Brewer.

They get interesting cars on the telly. Both of them are genuinely good lads. Yes they seriously gloss over stuff and "play characters" but you have to swallow your pride and do that to make a successful telly program nowadays. The people who commission them are probably idiots and most of the people at the end of the remote control are definitely idiots, so sadly you have to cater for the audience.

 

WD do a fantastically good job all things considered. Compare it to the rest of the 100% scripted, bullshit "documentaries" they are having to fight against for airtime and I really can't help but admire how that pair have managed to evolve the show into something they can get past the network, but keep it mostly in the real world.

 

Yeah, as a saddo car geek I'd rather something a bit more in-depth, Mark Evans somewhat got away with it in A *** is born, and I saw some programs on the telly about 15 years ago where some old boys dug out their garden to put a model train round it which I enjoyed. I was filmed and edited by someone unfamiliar with digital technology. There was one where Suggs off of Madness, that bird and the rest of them used to fix up tanks and steam engines and windmills which was also good.

But which ones have managed to keep going for 13 years?

 

Most of us will watch a documentary on an old castle or something and go "oh, that was interesting, nice to know that they shat out of holes in the wall and it just landed on a pile 150 feet down" but the blokes that are REALLY INTO CASTLES will be foaming at the mouth moaning about how if wasn't just a hole, it had a flap to cover it and it was only 85 feet up, and that's how I feel about the people who kick off about Wheeler Dealers getting some cheap tyres cos they spent a day filming round the factory or whatever.

[bub2006]

Just bought ANOTHER car. Citroen saxo 1.4 furio. Surprisingly quick motor,3 owners, 02 plate 260 quid. Now what to do with micra....