What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[seth]

Talking of miniature engineering, reckon you could knock one of these up for me Seth? I'd love to have a V12 powered pencil sharpener!

 

I had a good look at some of the minature engines at a Model Eng Exhibition I went to at the end of last year. Excellent pieces of work but I don't plan on trying to make one of them until I've really got nothing else in my life to be doing.

 

Going to make a steam iron first though. I was ironing a couple of shirts while up at the inlaws at the weekend. The iron was a typically overcomplicated modern thing with unnecessary twiddly bits. Basically any iron I have ever used has just been a flat bit of metal that gets hot - occasional bits of hot water/steam might sometimes be useful. So to incorporate it all into one simple old fashioned device I though about making a small steam engine with a handle on the top that uses the heat from the boiler to heat the flat bit of metal it would be bolted to and then has a device to pipe off some steam and direct it at the shirt when necessary. Rather than using any electricity you could actually put a small dynamo on it and supply power back to the grid while you are ironing too.

[scaryoldcortina]

Seth, I had a whole post planned, I'm now laughing too hard to put it together! I'm absolutley creased.....

[CreepingJesus]

I was intending to praise the simple joy of having a whole tub of toffee yoghurt to myself. Methinks I should get the tub from the bin, and check if there was anything untoward in it.

I've had to reread Seth's brilliant idea a couple of times...but no...it still reads like that. It's not me, or the toffee yoghurt: Seth is Heath-Robinson reincarnated.

[M'coli]

Talking of miniature engineering, reckon you could knock one of these up for me Seth? I'd love to have a V12 powered pencil sharpener!

 

I had a good look at some of the minature engines at a Model Eng Exhibition I went to at the end of last year. Excellent pieces of work but I don't plan on trying to make one of them until I've really got nothing else in my life to be doing.

 

Going to make a steam iron first though. I was ironing a couple of shirts while up at the inlaws at the weekend. The iron was a typically overcomplicated modern thing with unnecessary twiddly bits. Basically any iron I have ever used has just been a flat bit of metal that gets hot - occasional bits of hot water/steam might sometimes be useful. So to incorporate it all into one simple old fashioned device I though about making a small steam engine with a handle on the top that uses the heat from the boiler to heat the flat bit of metal it would be bolted to and then has a device to pipe off some steam and direct it at the shirt when necessary. Rather than using any electricity you could actually put a small dynamo on it and supply power back to the grid while you are ironing too.

Yay! Just the job for some extreme ironing!

[DCLane]

Son No. 1's got into Heckmondwike Grammar School.

 

He's had to graft to get through the entrance exam, so we're chuffed for him.

[trigger]

Is it wrong to be massively overexcited about collecting a new car?, I feel like a 8 year old at Christmas at the moment! I'm picking up this very unshite Mondeo ST TDCi on Saturday, It will be the nicest car I've ever owned and I've wanted one since they came out in this colour.

 

I've never had a better selection of cars or been so lucky with owning both the Opel and the Escort as well. (Though i do still have the boring Bora until i sell it).

 

[dollywobbler]

Prince Charles. I'm not a royalist at all, but ended up delivering some passengers to see him as my first volunteer driver duty. I loitered around town, getting stopped and searched because I look like a terrorist. The backpack and long beard look do have downsides. Prinny Charlie duly arrived in one of those hideously ugly new XJs, children sang, the sun shone, all was good in the world. Until you consider how much this little event was costing the tax payer, but let's not go there.

 

Got back to the minibus and the Police were all over it because one of my passengers had left a bag of flour on one of the seats! Special Branch ended up getting involved. It was all very silly, but it did make me grin - this isn't a good idea when Police officers are trying to be all serious with you, but I thought it was funny as f*ck. Cue my details being checked by 'them' and a full search of the bus. Glad I left my emergency semtex at home. (that's a joke - I don't own any semtex!)

 

So, all that plus beautiful, sun-drenched Welsh countryside (I've driven about 100 miles today) has made me quite grinny.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Thats it wobblah, you're on their list now!!! 'Don't try to leave the country eh sunshine'

[chaseracer]

Ian, earlier...

 

 

[trigger]

[autofive]

Glad I left my emergency s*mt*x at home

 

well, your on G?C.H+Q's watch list now, after the branch passed on your details, and they started an internet watch, the same day you post a thread on a subversive web forum about the saxecoburg cockroaches, SB and czechs favourite export

 

good work DW, expect a tracking device to be fitted to your vehicle within 24 hours, mobile phone calls and messages to be logged, your friends vetted and to be anally probed by the US government

[trigger]

I'll read about you in the sun newspaper tomorrow then!

[dollywobbler]

Aye! Quite possibly! Hmm. Seems to be a lot of military jets flying around here all of a sudden...

[autofive]

break out the tin foil hats

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

OLD CAR WRITER IN AL QAEDA THREAT ON PRINCE CHARLES

[Timewaster]

Cavette's reply to the latest ruski spammer in the news 24 thread!

 

Google translate ftw

[Guest]

Prince Charles. I'm not a royalist at all, but ended up delivering some passengers to see him as my first volunteer driver duty. I loitered around town, getting stopped and searched because I look like a terrorist. The backpack and long beard look do have downsides. Prinny Charlie duly arrived in one of those hideously ugly new XJs, children sang, the sun shone, all was good in the world. Until you consider how much this little event was costing the tax payer, but let's not go there.

 

Got back to the minibus and the Police were all over it because one of my passengers had left a bag of flour on one of the seats! Special Branch ended up getting involved. It was all very silly, but it did make me grin - this isn't a good idea when Police officers are trying to be all serious with you, but I thought it was funny as f*ck. Cue my details being checked by 'them' and a full search of the bus. Glad I left my emergency semtex at home. (that's a joke - I don't own any semtex!)

 

So, all that plus beautiful, sun-drenched Welsh countryside (I've driven about 100 miles today) has made me quite grinny.

 

 

Talbotsolarabot says:

Scanned and noted. Anal probes on standby

[eddyramrod]

Tony Christie warned you!

 

"Then a little later

/In the morning paper

/read about the way he died

/in the Avenues and Alleyways..."

[Cavcraft]

Stopped by at one of those sort of cross between an antiques place and a junk shop to speak to a fellow scooterist about a Lambretta he had for sale and I spotted a little book called 'ABC of British Cars' by Graeme L Greenwood, which seems to date from the 1940s.

Looked reasonably interesting and nicely 'patinad' so asked how much and got it for a fiver. Someone on Amazon is selling one for £50!

 

 

Also making me grin is doing some homework on a car I've been offered. I'm always suspicous when people really start mithering and my 'twat radar' was alerting loudly. Find out by stealth that someone else had been to see it so had a quiet word with them and it transpires the seller maybe 'slightly less than honest'. So there's a wasted journey and potentailly a good few quid saved.

[mattblack]

Contractor fitting a new fire alarm system at work has a Land Rover V8 on LPG with mucho checkerplate action going on. He fitted a pair of 4-branch manifolds and a straight through exhaust at the weekend, which exits through the side of the body. Two things made me grin:

 

1. The noise it makes.

 

2. The fact he's made a little checkerplate surround for the end of the exhaust.

[Negative Creep]

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/1997-FERRARI-F50- ... 3363e82d38

 

 

Seller - Dick Lovett

 

[Cavcraft]

Contractor fitting a new fire alarm system at work has a Land Rover V8 on LPG with mucho checkerplate action going on. He fitted a pair of 4-branch manifolds and a straight through exhaust at the weekend, which exits through the side of the body. Two things made me grin:

 

1. The noise it makes.

 

2. The fact he's made a little checkerplate surround for the end of the exhaust.

 

How many lives has he got and does he live them?

[pogweasel]

 

Seller - Dick Lovett

 

 

My car has got DICK LOVETT numberplates & keyring.

[awaits inevitable misquote]

[seth]

My car has got DICK LOVETT keyring & numberplates.

[awaits inevitable misquote]

[Negative Creep]

The Nissan dealer in Christchurch is called Cockram. Bet they had a fun time at school

[dollywobbler]

There actually was a vet in Edinburgh called Everard Cock.

[George-Roper]

 

[myglaren]

The Nissan dealer in Christchurch is called Cockram. Bet they had a fun time at school

One of my workmates, and his brother who is our line manager, are called Cockman.

 

Saw on an American university webpage that one of the faculty is a Ms. Kuntman

[fotorabia]

Traveller mates called their son Rob Nick Steele....but their reformed now and the lads quite a laugh...

[RedSparrow]

The majority of cab drivers round here are pretty responsible drivers, but some are total cunts.

 

Earlier one was tailgating me, I approached a junction on the right which I wanted to turn into, I had been indicating for ages to let him know. Had to stop for oncoming traffic and he beeped me. Looked in the mirror and he was shouting abuse which was nice. So I turned round in my seat, smiled, waved and gave him a friendly thumbs up. The look on his fat sweaty face and the torrent of abuse with wanker hand signals this produced was priceless.

So my advice is, next time you want to give another driver some abuse, try the friendly option, it will confuse them and send them into a massive Gorilla rage which is very satisfying.