What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[dozeydustman]

Stepdaughter's had her test.

 

 

4 minors which isn't a bad run at all (one was a bit harsh IMO).

[Wack]

Due to an administrative oversight by my employers I've been getting less leave than I should have done since 2014, so I've got about three weeks of accrued leave suddenly owed to me that has to be used before the end of March.

My manager doesn't want to do without me for that amount of time (and I'm not sure what I'd do with myself anyway) so the organisation has agreed to pay me for the time instead

Take the money and buy roffle tickets with it

[SierraMikeHotel]

Take the money and buy roffle tickets with it

It's like you're a mind reader - I'd rather have the money and it will add to the pot for whatever stupid thing I buy next!

[The Moog]

Autoshite legend that you are Moog, statements like the one above can really get peoples noses out of joint

 

Soz cant hear you due to waves lapping at my feet and the clinking of ice in my Daiquiri! 

[DodgeRover]

Been doing something different from the usual at work, will have some oak doors when they arrive! It's been making a nice change.

Guesses on how many 8x4 sheets of MDF this consumed?

[dozeydustman]

We've even found new driver insurance for Madam for less* than £100 a month with Go Skippy. TPFT as opposed to comp. No telemetric bollocks either.

 

*was less until we went to pay monthly and added windscreen cover = £101.86 a month.

 

She has to wait until Monday though. If we'd kept with Hastings (Mrs D's current insurer) it'd have been an eye watering £450 pcm to upgrade her to "full license"

[cobblers]

Been doing something different from the usual at work, will have some oak doors when they arrive! It's been making a nice change.

Guesses on how many 8x4 sheets of MDF this consumed?

image.jpg

 

I reckon 10-12, I hope the floor is good and solid!

[fordperv]

We've even found new driver insurance for Madam for less* than £100 a month with Go Skippy. TPFT as opposed to comp. No telemetric bollocks either.

 

*was less until we went to pay monthly and added windscreen cover = £101.86 a month.

 

She has to wait until Monday though. If we'd kept with Hastings (Mrs D's current insurer) it'd have been an eye watering £450 pcm to upgrade her to "full license"

I feel sorry for young folks now, they have to pay through the nose for cars that aren't* interesting

 

*To us lot anyway

[dozeydustman]

I feel sorry for young folks now, they have to pay through the nose for cars that aren't* interesting

 

*To us lot anyway

 

 

E110 corolla. She doesn't want anything more modern, she wants mum's car!

[DodgeRover]

I reckon 10-12, I hope the floor is good and solid!

Spot on 11! There's a couple of steels under there so solid enough.

[fordperv]

E110 corolla. She doesn't want anything more modern, she wants mum's car!

That's good then there's hope for her, at least she isn't up to the eyeballs in pcp/finance payments as well as insurance payments like most of them end up

[dozeydustman]

That's good then there's hope for her, at least she isn't up to the eyeballs in pcp/finance payments as well as insurance payments like most of them end up

 

 

Indeed, she's a named driver on the wife's policy; no black box or that gubbins to be installed either, and as she earns a reasonable amount each month with her part time job she's offered to pay 2/3 the monthly premium for her freedom.

 

She may well get a car of her own in a year or so, while she's not doing the car mechanics course anymore she still wants a car to tinker with and keep her hand in.

[Guest Hooli]

The rewound stator came back today, so 90mins later I had a running bike with a working charging system

 

Total cost was 90mins work & £92.25 in parts. Slightly* cheaper than the €500 parts & €300+ labour the dealer in Austria wanted.

[hairnet]

 

What do you call a horse who likes arts and crafts?

 

A hobby horse.

 

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What do you call a pig with three eyes?

 

A piiig!!

 

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Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

 

They say he made a mint.

 

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Three fish are in a tank.

 

One asks the others, “How do you drive this thing?”

 

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What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

 

You're too young to be smoking.

 

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What do you call a three legged donkey?

 

 A wonky

 

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How do you know when you're going to drown in milk?

 

When it's past your eyes.

 

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My aunt's star sign was cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...

 

She was eaten by a giant crab.

 

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A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"

 

"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"

 

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My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die.

 

I said, "Usually an overdose, son."

 

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What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a Rottweiler?

 

Just the Rottweiler.

 

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A man wakes up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouts, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

 

The doctor replies, "I know you can't, I've cut off your arms!"

 

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What's a dentist's favourite musical instrument?

 

A tuba toothpaste.

 

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How do you make anti-freeze?

 

Take away her blanket.

 

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What did the Policeman say to his bellybutton?

 

You're under a vest......

 

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My friend was annoyed with me for messing with her red wine.

 

So I added some fruit and lemonade, now she sangria than ever!

 

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I recently had the privelege of acting in a silent version of "Oliver".

 

It was brilliant, I could not have asked for more.

 

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They scoffed when I told them that I had discovered the secret of invisibility.

 

 If they could just see me now...

 

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My great uncle was a microbiologist during WW2 but he was really unpopular.

 

He was a germ man.

 

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Which US state has the tiniest soft drinks?

Mini-soda!!

 

Where's the best place to buy a football shirt?

New Jersey!

 

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Why shouldn't you marry a tennis player?

 

Love means nothing to them...

 

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Why did the cobbler go to Heaven?

 

Because he had a good sole!

 

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Why did the Koala have to shop on ebay?

 

Because he couldn't find it on Gumtree!

 

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How do you get two whales in a car?

 

You start in England and drive west!

 

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When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.

 

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Can you buy an entire chess set at a pawn shop?

 

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Did you know that an unemployed jester is nobody's fool?

 

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2 astronauts were in the space station making their morning coffee on their first day in space.

 

Astronaut 1: "I can't seem to find any milk up here?"

Astronaut 2: "In space no one can. Here, use cream".

 

FRO. NOW.

[Fumbler]

NUNS! REVERSE!

[Snipes]

I feel sorry for young folks now, they have to pay through the nose for cars that aren't* interesting

 

*To us lot anyway

That's broadly the same as what I paid to insure a MK2 Golf 1.3 back in 2001, adjusted for inflation.

[NorthernMonkey]

Soz cant hear you due to waves lapping at my feet

Bloody hell...has the Accrington sewage treatment works overflowed again?

[hairnet]

Microclimate

[Guest Hooli]

Rode to work today, much better than using a car

[fordperv]

That's broadly the same as what I paid to insure a MK2 Golf 1.3 back in 2001, adjusted for inflation.

Blooming heck I was rocking around in a modified orion 16i ghia mods declared and other higher insurace group cars fully comp for pennies, the most expensive I have ever paid was for an escort cabriolet when I'd been driving for under a year but that was insurance group 17 so I kind of expected it that was around £800

[AMC Rebel]

 

Genuine LOL - who the fuck gets paid to write that?

[Guest Hooli]

A workmate has just told me that a stupid dwarf is not big or clever.

[Wilko220]

 

Guessing that this stock picture of the Irish border used on the BBC News website today is a bit of an old one...

 

 

[SierraMikeHotel]

CX. Phwoar.

[DSdriver]

Another Volvo 940 estate heads north of the border.

The ex-Heidel_Kakao and now ex DSdriver mean green machine is on its way to Inverness area.

Have recommended Autoshite to new owner and left the AS badge on.

[purplebargeken]

Green MGF now has replacement flexi exhaust bit fitted, every nut undid without drama. Also new rear pads fitted. Two studs fitted on the rear O/S as well.

 

Nice to have it back on the road.

 

For flogs if interests.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

One of the absolute joys of my current job is I can have a month off at one...

 

The last time I was allowed to do that was in 2002. I made the most of it and mitched off to Australia. After about a week there, I realised that one month wasn't going to be enough.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

 

Capture.JPG

 

Guessing that this stock picture of the Irish border used on the BBC News website today is a bit of an old one...

CX. Phwoar.

 

Click to enlarge and drink it in:

 

[Guest Hooli]

[bolognasal spray]

Audi wanker comes fucking flying past me going from a 40 into a 30 zone, around the corner is a brand new 18 plate speed camera van.  

 

:D

:D

:D

 

I was getting ludicrously tailgated by an Audi last night (was on motorbike). And I do see a lot of this aggressive piling into 30 limits, and various other shit. Why of all marques does Audi attract such crotch-thrusting muppets. The cars have always struck me as a bit mundane, bar that ace quatro from the '80s.