Worst bodge you've seen

[sierraman]

Those quality German motor cars.

 

A guy I worked with used to wrap electrical tape round worn anti roll bar d bushes to save the £2.38 it was for a new one.

[bunglebus]

Guy I worked with couldnt get the 2 piece head off a Volvo FL7 so he briefly cranked it and they bith popped off. Seemed a bit dodgy to me in case the studs got snapped or something.

 

 I got told to fill a bore with oil and crank it over to release a stuck head. Worked, but the mess!

[Talbot]

"Fill" the bore is probably rather excessive.  Just enough to cover the piston crown is plenty, and it does work rather well.

[Magpie215]

Mmmm

 

Micra rotten scuttle panel made watertight with speed tape and rtv.....holes drilled in passenger footwear for any leaks.....went on for 3 more years like that then oval raced.

 

Caldina...cracked coil over lock ring.. mot due ...long lead time for spares.

Engineers torque laquer hides crack apply to all 4 shocks for believability.

 

 

Not on one of mine but a work colleague had a lada rear brake kept seizing on....rear brake removed brake pipe clamped with mole grips (he is now a licensed aircraft engineer)

 

The usual exhaust repairs bean tins jub clips gum gum etc

 

Cv boot split near small end....cut off small section zip tie in next channel...past test

 

Couldn't get nearside headlamp to work on a micra....so just ran wiring across slam panel from working side.

 

Bits of wood holding up windows when cba fixing.

 

Sure there are many more

[Guest Hooli]

I don't think this qualifies as a bodge exactly, but it's an alarming procedure all the same. I walked into a friend's garage and was startled to see his Reliant Regal hanging from a beam by a piece of chain attached to the seized-on cylinder head. When even this failed to shift it he and his brother resorted to climbing on the front of the poor little bastard and bouncing up and down which lifted the rear wheels completely off the deck. It did eventually come off.

 

I seem to recall that's a standard procedure on a Jag V12.

[jakebullet]

Knackered chrome on land rover series swivel balls? Of course it is. Idiot solution is fill with grease instead of oil. No leaks just wears everything out.

 

Alternative solution: derust, fill in the pits with P40, sand to correct* profile. New oil seal and you can drive around not leaking quite as much as before.

[Ghosty]

That sub £100 1991 Fiesta Quartz I bought off Cobbler's Gran had a bit of improvised bodgery in desperate circumstances one November night!

 

I should have known better than to take it up a mountain in winter with no AA cover - but actually that didn't matter because there was no mobile signal to call them on anyways!

I went wrapped up warm, went for a lovely walk on the fell, and returned to the car at the 4pm sunset. The ignition barrel wouldn't turn, and the steering column lock was therefore stubbornly on! This meant not only that I couldn't get the bastard thing started, but also meant that even the heater wouldn't work so death by Hypothermia was a real possibility - a Corporal Jones moment to say the least! Night was closing in and with nobody around to help and a six mile walk to the nearest farmhouse, I decided that this really was my Bear Grylls moment - "Keep your head and improvise Doubleyeller, for panic and negativity will result in your doom" I told myself!

 

 I unbolted the steering wheel and smashed the teeth off the steering lock with a blunt wood chisel, then ripped off the bottom of the steering column cowling to expose the arse-end of the ignition switch! Without a clue how to hot-wire a car, I simply kept jabbing at the terminals with a flat-blade until the dash lights lit up. next I scrabbled round in the tool bag, found a short length of picture wire, and wrapped it round the two terminals I had identified. So now, how to get it started? Well I thought about how you turn your key and hold it to start the engine, then it springs back once you let go of it. Simples. I held the screwdriver to the picture wire and tried the other terminals, all of a sudden the engine started turning over and I was scrabbling to find the choke, still attached to the piece of steering column cowling I had ripped off earlier, before the battery drained! So I survived. I suppose if all else failed I could have set fire to the car to keep warm and attract attention to my plight!

 

Moral of the story? keep your head in disaster, obviously, but even more importantly: Always carry a toolkit! you might think you're so impractical you can't even bang a nail in, but when the chips are really down and its do-it-or-die, you will utterly astonish yourself at what you can work out and mend! One thing I didn't have though: A working torch. If it had taken me 10 mins longer, it would have been totally dark, and running the interior light would have drained the battery!

 

You do know how steering locks work, right? The key doesn't turn when they're on, you turn the wheel and the key at the same time to release them and start the ignition.

[Talbot]

Knackered chrome on land rover series swivel balls? Of course it is. Idiot solution is fill with grease instead of oil. No leaks just wears everything out.

You would not believe the arguments that are had on Series Land-Rover groups over whether the swivels should be filled with EP90, EP80W90, One-shot, Lithium Grease, Moly Grease or a combination of any/all/none of the above. It is absolutely farcical.

 

When I used to run Series LRs as a daily, I did the right thing and JUST PUT NEW BALLS on it. With new seals of course.

 

... and then ran with a semi-fluid mix of 1/3 cheap grease and 2/3 EP80W90. Every time I mention that on a forum/facebook group it's like letting off a hand-grenade. Fricking hillarious to watch the responses!

 

 

Bodge on my Series landie when I was driving a reasonable distance in the pissing rain and starting to get quite wet due to the rain leaking in through the abysmal door-top seals, was to pull into a garage and gaffer-tape the entire door-top to the truck-cab back, roof and windscreen surround, and just get in the passenger side. Worked, but I completely forgot about it when I got home and wondered why I couldn't open the door.

[twosmoke300]

I believe different age landies had oil seals for the bearings in different places so some ran in oil and some were greased . If you put one shot grease in one with wet bearings and didnt grease the bearings then they could run dry I suppose

[Jazoli]

You do know how steering locks work, right? The key doesn't turn when they're on, you turn the wheel and the key at the same time to release them and start the ignition.

 

I do hope for the OP's sake it was genuinely broken

[DodgeRover]

Knackered chrome on land rover series swivel balls? Of course it is. Idiot solution is fill with grease instead of oil. No leaks just wears everything out.

 

I've used the semi fluid grease stuff paddock sell in new swivels, never had a problem, people complaining they have failed probably ran them dry for years.

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

My old mate had an old Landrover, he picked me up in it for the first time and once I got in he handed me some blue BT cord, 'hold that' he says... 'why' i says... 'the door doesn't stay shut' he says...

[solid61]

Id be locked up if told of some of my bodges after many years in the lower end of the car trade.One that ill always remember was a mk 1 renault 5,driving down the m1 on the way to city auctions in deptford on a saturday morning circa 1989 folloing my mate in an ex AA a series ford with a skoda estelle on board doing about 50 mph the renaul started to boil up,steam everywhere,pulled onto hard shoulder,it was still running but knocking its nuts off.Switched off,put water in but it would not turn over,tried to bump it but no good,it had seized up.Eventually got it home later in the day,must have unseized itself when it cooled down and was turning over slow but at least it was turning over,put water in and tried to start it,it started but the bottom end was very very noisy (big ends) and the water was blowing out of the header tank real bad,head gasket gone,big ends gone,how to save the day?.Cur a hole in a hose to let all the water out,pulled hose from the bottom of header tank and plug it with an old bolt,put hose back on fill header tank with nice fresh anti freeze,the block was dry but it didnt pressure the header tank,retarded the timing a lot so as the thing would just about start but not rattle so bad,transported itback to the auction the following week,it struggled to start but sounded ok ish whilst under the hammer,sold and made a profit,caveat emptor.sorry for long winded story.

[Vince70]

Id be locked up if told of some of my bodges after many years in the lower end of the car trade.One that ill always remember was a mk 1 renault 5,driving down the m1 on the way to city auctions in deptford on a saturday morning circa 1989 folloing my mate in an ex AA a series ford with a skoda estelle on board doing about 50 mph the renaul started to boil up,steam everywhere,pulled onto hard shoulder,it was still running but knocking its nuts off.Switched off,put water in but it would not turn over,tried to bump it but no good,it had seized up.Eventually got it home later in the day,must have unseized itself when it cooled down and was turning over slow but at least it was turning over,put water in and tried to start it,it started but the bottom end was very very noisy (big ends) and the water was blowing out of the header tank real bad,head gasket gone,big ends gone,how to save the day?.Cur a hole in a hose to let all the water out,pulled hose from the bottom of header tank and plug it with an old bolt,put hose back on fill header tank with nice fresh anti freeze,the block was dry but it didnt pressure the header tank,retarded the timing a lot so as the thing would just about start but not rattle so bad,transported itback to the auction the following week,it struggled to start but sounded ok ish whilst under the hammer,sold and made a profit,caveat emptor.sorry for long winded story.

Good old Deptford auctions I don’t think I ever saw a decent motor go through a mate of mine would buy stuff in the late eighties from there and everything he bought had an issue or 10.

 

I remember one time my dads mate bought a Renault 18 auto from deptford auctions and it sounded ok but it was only on the drive home he found it only had two gears and it wasn’t worth fixing so he took it back the following week and even made £20 on it.

[D Spares & Tyres]

Haha yep done that on a couple of R8 Rovers!

 

Auctions used to be more of a game, these tales were from years ago, I wouldn't do that now.

 

Snipped bonnet cable on a healthy sounding but fucked Golf

 

Clocked a Rover 800 and somehow snapped off the fuel guage needle. Well if you are going to glue it back on then you may as well glue it on half!

 

Bunging the driver of the Mondeo auto that wouldn't disengage drive so that he would knock it into neutral when it stopped. Otherwise it would just judder to a halt.

 

A Polo that used to eat oil and smoke badly until it used up all its oil then it would run fine. Simple. Put through ring with no oil

[solid61]

Haha yep done that on a couple of R8 Rovers!

Auctions used to be more of a game, these tales were from years ago, I wouldn't do that now.

Snipped bonnet cable on a healthy sounding but fucked Golf

Clocked a Rover 800 and somehow snapped off the fuel guage needle. Well if you are going to glue it back on then you may as well glue it on half!

Bunging the driver of the Mondeo auto that wouldn't disengage drive so that he would knock it into neutral when it stopped. Otherwise it would just judder to a halt.

A Polo that used to eat oil and smoke badly until it used up all its oil then it would run fine. Simple. Put through ring with no oil

like your style,to be fair ive done worse im sure but the renault is the one i remember clearlyish,deptford auctions was good for selling the sort of cars you couldnt sell round here,luton/ milton keynes area.lancias,fiats,skodas,citroens used to sell well there and it didnt matter if it had an mot or not,well worth travelling down twice a week to put some old shit in the sale,those were the days.

[Timewaster]

Oh god 80s & 90s auctions.

 

Astras with two head gaskets, Cavaliers with 3 gears, Escorts that had every orifice topped up from a watering can... Oil, brake fluid, screenwash, radiator, battery cells.. All topped up with stagnant water.

Talbots full of wob with the paint still wet. Datsuns with a tide marks like the Queen Mary....

 

I have seen, bought & sold several of these. I don't think I ever made a profit but I did get monoxide poisoning and eat some great greasy rat burgers.

[Split_Pin]

If you could somehow consolidate a hundered or so stories like in the last few posts into one thread, that would definitely win TOFY.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Oh god 80s & 90s auctions.

 

Astras with two head gaskets, Cavaliers with 3 gears, Escorts that had every orifice topped up from a watering can... Oil, brake fluid, screenwash, radiator, battery cells.. All topped up with stagnant water.

Talbots full of wob with the paint still wet. Datsuns with a tide marks like the Queen Mary....

 

I have seen, bought & sold several of these. I don't think I ever made a profit but I did get monoxide poisoning and eat some great greasy rat burgers.

 

And now you have carbon monoxide poisoning, consumption, plague and you're stuck miles from home with nary a Penny in your purse?  Well played sir, well played.

[solid61]

Granada 2.3 knocking bad on 1 big end,melt plug lead on said cylinder to the exhaust manifold,missfires on that cylinder but also stops knocking,punter lifts bonnet sees an easy repair,buys car,changes lead,runs on all cylinders but knocks like hell,oh dear!!.

Alfa sud sprint,rumbly bottom end,loosen off exhaust manifolds just enough to cover up the shagged engine,sounded like manifold gaskets blown but the engine was bolloxed.

Nissan cherry turbo,bought with engine in bits in boot,assemble engine with just enough bolts minus the pistons that were missing, put in car and put in auction as non runner,make sure battery was flat so it couldnt be turned over and bobs your uncle,car was only 3/4 years old at the time.

Didnt always go right,bought what appeared to be a cheap bedford kb pick up from milton keynes auction,drove about 2 miles down the road and it boiled up,looked under bonnet and the rads cooling fins had rotted away,all hoses had gone solid so it was obviously no good,slammed bonnet in anger and started to drive back to the auction to re enter it and loose a few quid,not a problem,caveat emptor,on the way back the bonnet flew up over the roof,busted the screen and bent the bonnet beyond repair,lost around£400.00 on that one.

[iainrcz]

I've zipped tied up exhaust rubbers to stop them bouncing about and making anything clonk the underneath of the car.

 

Sent from my VFD 710 using Tapatalk

[Split_Pin]

A Mercedes 207D dropside that belonged to a regular customer of the garage I worked at came in with a rattling timing chain.

 

Mechanic (not me, I was just the laddie who swept up and greased the lorries!) took the top timing cover off, realised that it would be a massive job to get the bottom cover off and replace the chain and simply raised the idle by a fraction to mask the noise of the chain.

[Split_Pin]

Boot floor on a MK2 Fiesta was holed and rotten so a WHOLE Hadrian replacement was pressed over the top of it and tacked in place.

[Peter C]

http://www.andysautobody.co.uk/mk-1-3000gt-capri-restoration-current-project/#.Wo_LQXCnyEc

 

“Inch of filler on the roof”

 

Amazing the lenghts people go to when bodging cars.

[cms206]

'Someone I know' opened the o/s/r door of a Mk4 Cortina to find non-existent wheel arch. Found 'long vehicle' sign in an HGV garage. Cut (very roughly) to shape, fillered under it, opened door, removed trim, pressed the button down and accidentally* cut through the rod so door couldn't be opened. Took car down lanes, wheel spinned in/out of a few fields and sold it in the dark to someone.

A (now ceased) bus operator I did a spot of work for had a firewall rot out on an MCW Metrobus. It was never the most reliable example of the breed which made the plate used to repair it all the more apt, 'cos when you opened the engine door there was a full size keep right roadsign visible above the gearbox.

 

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[richardthestag]

111122 tractor wheel.PNG

This thicko got nicked for running on 3, but the more cunning knock a wedge under the axle near the pivot to keep the punctured wheel off the ground making the stupidity harder to spot. A skinflint neighbour drove his David Brown on the road for weeks like this rather than fix the puncture.

Trackrod ends were, and probably still are, often neglected on agric vehicles that need no MOT. One farm workshop where I worked routinely welded a bent bit of rod under the cup to bodge failed joints back together rather than replace them. I always give farm vehicle a wide berth when passing them.

 

Fatha Thestags local farmer chum has a fecking huge tractor, the front tyres are 4ft diameter. no idea what it is. Anyway comes along with front bucket fitted to shift some scalpings down the lane for us.

 

Scoops a good bucket load which must have been like getting on for 2 tons of the stuff. hanging out way in front of the front axle.

 

Back wheels came off the road. solution was to raise the bucket so that the back wheels came down again and he could drive out of the field.

 

front tyres were virtually flat.

 

As he turns to drop the load at the other end of the lane my lad noticed something hanging down, and that both front wheels were not turning. Yep track rod ball had fallen out of its cup.

 

he has to dump the load in the road, turn the working steering until the rod was in the right place to relocate the track broken rod, then wrap an old wire coat hanger around the track rod and steering arm on the hub.

 

It is probably still like that

[richardthestag]

You do know how steering locks work, right? The key doesn't turn when they're on, you turn the wheel and the key at the same time to release them and start the ignition.

 

yep BUT

 

if the lock is fucked and the key will not turn from position 0 then no amount of wiggling will release the steering lock.

 

Been there many times now with various crumbly old wrecks

 

solutions. have included wd40 into the lock and wiggle back n forth till the key turns. pencil lead on the key groves is similar.

 

bang a screwdriver into the lock and twist the lock out with a mole grip.

 

once I found that the steering lock itself ( on my stag) was stuck in the column. removed the lower nacelle (lovely word that) used a screw driver and hammer to tap the sheer bolts around that secured the ignition lock to the column and was then able to remove the steering lock plunger, fit a couple of standard bolts and reassemble.

 

it is still like that

[83C]

A (now ceased) bus operator I did a spot of work for had a firewall rot out on an MCW Metrobus. It was never the most reliable example of the breed which made the plate used to repair it all the more apt, 'cos when you opened the engine door there was a full size keep right roadsign visible above the gearbox.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

 

 

Oh god, bus industry bodges. 

 

The supervisor who 'tidied' the sharp edges on a bus with a sledgehammer.

The Mercedes 811D with a shot power door ram - rather than replace it the answer was to fit a hinge half way up the inside and attach a bar across the dash so the driver could push and pull the door.

The bus we bought from Arriva in Liverpool that had emergency hammers made from lengths of steel strip with threaded bar welded across the top.

The coach that had the fuel tanks hung in place with rope because the steel strap had rotted. VOSA missed that on the roadside check they did....

The bus with the drivers seat pop-riveted to the base. I found it by sliding the seat right back and sitting down. The pop rivets at the front gave up instantly.

[MikeR]

just has to be the house /flat  my son rented in Southend .....  they only stayed a short while

 

the wiring was a joke , the outside safety rail was just placed in position and the fire escape went no where !!

 

 

we took plenty of pictures in case the land lord was an arse when it came to leave

 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

http://www.andysautobody.co.uk/mk-1-3000gt-capri-restoration-current-project/#.Wo_LQXCnyEc

 

“Inch of filler on the roof”

 

Amazing the lenghts people go to when bodging cars.

 

I once saw a Mk.2 Golf which had been given the "big bumper" treatment. Turned out that the rear bumper was entirely made out of filler......