What an ad really means?

[sierraman]

The great thinker that I am, I always read into what the description infers...

 

'Loads spent recently' - just spent on a new exhaust then realised the clutch is going

 

'Bereavement forces sale' - want the earth for it, sentimental value etc

 

'Runs ok' - if limping round a car park is ok then I suppose it is.

[reb]

"New discs and pads all round" = cheapest possible parts and they're going to squeal their tits off for the foreseeable future.

 

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[Captain Furious]

"Aircon just needs a regas" - Its fucked mate

[tooSavvy]

I want shot....

 

CaveatEmptor

 

 

TS

[stephen01]

'New car forces sale' -  I'm sure this is going to break and cost hundreds to fix.

 

'Company car forces sale' - this has now become so fugly/ undesirable my company have forced me to buy a new car. 

 

'it is what it is' - It's fucked. 

[Angry Sheep]

"Bodywork needs TLC" - it's rotten.

"Selling on behalf of friend/neighbour/elderly relative" - I'm trying to make a quick profit and haven't got the V5 in my name.

"Future classic" - I'm asking too much money.

"Service history" - it once had a service.

[JeeExEll]

"Needs gone" - duhhh, I'm too stoopid to speek proply so imagen how i survis moi carrs.

[PiperCub]

POA - Officially: Price On Application

 

Reality - "I'm too embarrassed to actually put in writing the stupid, outragous sum of money I want & fully expect for this piece of crap"

[sierraman]

No time wasters. Feel free to waste my time if I don't put this.

 

5 owners... Wow wait while I catch my breath!

[mercrocker]

"Too many other projects...."   There are some others out the back I've fucked up, too...

 

 

"First to see will buy....."    If you don't 'ave it I'll kick yer teeth in

[Cavcraft]

'It is what it is': Actually means its knackered with lots of faults I'm not going to tell you about, and if you buy it and complain I'll just say it's an old car and you should have checked it first.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Fully loaded or high spec- invariably means the most povvo example of a particular model you've ever seen.

The giveaway is when they list electric windows, on a 7 Series or something.

 

"FSH until recently then specialist". Service history for the first 3 years but since 1999 just some KwikFit receipts and handwritten entries in the book to tie in with MOTs( in different coloured biro- obvs )

 

Age related marks- good condition for year- wear and tear commensurate with mileage etc etc - It's Fucked.

[Sloth in a bowl]

"must be gone by Monday" - Mum's already called the scrap man

 

"rare" - about to be 1 car rarer

 

"will sail through MOT..." - ...in Nigeria

[Tamworthbay]

Average condition for year - on a twenty year old car when average condition is presently part of two washing machines and cans for a crate of tizer.

[Sloth in a bowl]

"Long MOT" - the f**king thing has broken down, just after I paid for all that welding. 

 

"has intermittent fault" - I got it home in crawler mode

 

"one of a kind" - I've barried this in ways that you just wouldn't believe

 

"chipped" - burning more oil than petrol

 

"de-cat" - the exhaust fell off

 

"not your usual rust bucket" - this model doesn't usually rust, this example however...

 

"Renault" - Strange electrical maladies

 

"Citroen" - Strange hydraulic maladies

 

"Mercedes" - Very expensive maladies

[sierraman]

5 speed gear box on an ad for a Focus 1.4 CL.

 

'Drives mint' - seller is a dick

 

Reluctant sale' - why are you selling it

 

'New car purchased' - they've offered you nothing on the one you are selling thus I shall wade in with my size 9s to make an offer

 

'Good workhorse' - scruffy

 

'Some history' - some dog eared receipts for some tracking at Kwik Fit in 2008.

 

'Chipped' - thrashed within an inch of its life

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Full electric pack:  Electric windows. Central locking.

 

 

 

 

 

Err...........

[MikeR]

 never let us down ......  and we know when to let it go !

[Kiltox]

"Only selling because I have a new car" - surely the most common reason anyone sells any car so is almost implied!

[HMC]

We need a bigger car.....

The interior is wrecked

 

Intermittent fault with.....

It's never worked since I've had the car

 

Age related wear and tear......

It's been driven into things

[DSdriver]

Quick sale needed as I am leaving the country: Don't bother looking for me when you want your money back.

[timolloyd]

'Headturner' - lurid colour convertible that I wouldn't touch with yours

[timolloyd]

'Cleans up nicely' - totally pogweasled 364 days a year

[mercrocker]

"Bought this for my wife but she now wants a X3/Bini/500"  - in fact she wants anything that didn't make her shit when she braked/steered/failed to start at Morrison's..... 

[rantingYoof]

It is amusing when the number of owners and/or date of recent service/cambelt is included when all this information does is confirm that it's been passed about like a hot potato with each owner handling it for 12 months between MOTs and bunging it on needing a service.

 

'Just five owners, last serviced November 2015 @ [current mileage minus 35k], cambelt June 2011 @ [current mileage minus an entire cambelt interval]'

 

 

 

Yeahno.

[Rusty_Rocket]

I hate it when sellers say 'never bothered me' when describing a fault.  I saw one last week saying 'heating and aircon doesn't work, just needs fuse, NEVA BOVVERED ME'...  well that would certainly bovva me, surely working heating is essential in the winter?  I suppose they say it to make the fault seem insignificant/ not a problem etc.  Sod off, cretin.

 

Just one of the many, many things that would make me avoid the car like the plague, along with all the other things above ^^

[Kiltox]

What kind of car was that?

 

If PSA shite it needs more than a fucking fuse!

[HMC]

Needs a service.........

Not running well, misfire or idling issue +/- HGF, brakes down to the backing plates etc

[Felly Magic]

'Genuine reason for sale', yeah it is more fucked than the local prozzies in Fuckington

[Felly Magic]

New tyres...Onehunglo ditchfinders on to hide a severe tracking fault