I Scream. Mind that child.

[Jim Bell]

There is nothing more delicious than a nice fresh Ice Cream, straight from the oven. A true British institution remembered fondly by boys in short trousers and long distance lorry drivers alike.

Sadly, since the influx of dirty Itallians in the1940s, fresh Ice Creams have become less and less popular on these shores.  Take a walk along any promenade or pier these days and you will find it impossible to deny that the  seaside snack market has been comprehensively flooded with cheap frozen continental "Iced snacks". 

 

When flogging sub standard snack products to gormless groups of sticky children is the way you put non-frozen food on the table for your family, a quick getaway can make the difference between profit and getting kicked literally to death.  For this reason and many others, the fastest or most reliable vans in the land have traditionally been converted to vend Cones, Lollies and Screwballs.

 

Let us walk between the vendors and marvel at the wares, the wheels and the tales from inside the Ice Cream trade.

 

 

 

Mini Hustler van. Sergio Luca and Sons est 1978.

 

0-60: 8.8 seconds.

Speciallity: 99s with crushed nuts.

 

 

 

 

 

Landing on these shores in the early 1970s, Sergio "Lucky Jnr" Luca and his four sons carved themselves a living supplying frozen goods to residents and tourists in Seaton Sluice, south west Northumberland.  The Mini Hustler was chosen as the van for the job due to the unique feature sported by the Hustler: twin rear axles.  With two axles, the slimy Itallians could carry TWICE the weight of soft scoop than rivals of the day.  The A Series+ engine (1275) was ideal for laying down 11s if any rival families want go to war over the turf you're holding.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mercedes 210D LWB van.  Claus "Van Helsing" Hocking and Sons. Est 1976.

 

0-60: 26.3 seconds.

Speciallity: Sugar cones with Mr Whippy and BLOOD.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Claus was a well known character on the north east coast as he refused point blank to vend anything without dousing it in thick red syrup (his trademark BLOOD).  The Mercedes long wheel base van was ideal for a vendor on the move, with no solid base of operations.  The agricultural diesel engine provided excellent miles per gallon and even ran on vegetable oil.  There was also room in the back to do sit ups at the quieter times of the day.  Claus's vans were a familiar sight from Eyemouth to Redcar throughout the 1980s, until he was shot to death in the neck by a rival vendor in 1990.

 

 

 

 

 

Suzuki SupperCarry 998cc home conversion. Gwen. Est unknown.

 

0-60: 49 seconds upwards.

Speciality: Hot Dogs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Little facts are known of Gwen.  She lived a solitary life and after the freezer in the back failed, she sold nothing but cheap Hot Dogs.  She and the van smoked heavily right up until expiry in 2001.  Usually seen in Blyth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bedford CF with full coachbuilt rear.  2.3 Vauxhall engine. Edward "Sir" Softee and Sons.  Est 1900.

 

0-60: 17 seconds downhill.

Speaciality: Softee Ice Cream served in your own cup or mug.

 

 

 

 

 

 

After a flood at the lock up in 1989, Edward Softee lost his entire stock of cones.  Not one to give up without a fight, he carried of producing fresh ice cream for the eager day trippers at St Marys Lighthouse, Whitley Bay, dispensing his trademark softee ice cream straight into the coffee cups, mugs, pockets or pint pots of the greedy public.  He was much loved sight in the region right up until his murder by a rival vendor in 1990.  The van can still be found occasionally at Seaham Car Boot Fayre during the winter months in the hands of his eldest son Jed.  Bring your own cup.

 

 

 

 

Mk1 Ford Transit Bullnose (no engine).  Emilio Ciccarelli and sons.  Est 1854.

 

0-60: Impossible.

Speciality: Lollies.

 

 

 

 

 

After years of plying his trade in and around Marsden, Emilo Ciccarelli and his sons paid for their trusty old Mk1 Transit to have an extensive restoration.  The body was welded up and painted.  The drivers seat was reupholstered.  Signwriting and lighting was applied an installed.

Upon collection it became clear that the money had run out early and the van lacked an engine and ice cream machine.  Not one to give up without a fight, Emilio and the family now carry the van by trailer to the coast and exclusively sell lollies from a promotional Stella Artois fridge powered by a diesel generator.  The van is also available for TV and Film work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Smiley Transit Diesel.  Stephen Gellcoat Enterprises. Est 1999.

 

0-60: 56 Seconds

Speciality:  Candy Floss, Crisps, Pop, Sweets etc.

 

 

 

 

 

Stephen Gellcoat began his first enterprise selling sweets from his ruck sack during breaktime at Lord Lawson Church of England Primary.  By age 40 he had amassed enough wealth to purchase a 6th hand Transit van and 45 paint aerosols.  He adorned the exterior with slogans and non copyright infringing gaudy characters.  He claimed to stock EVERYTHING and was declared bankrupt 18 months after selling his first Mint Feast.  The versitility of the Transit is unmistakable and the van is now laid up under a tree awaiting conversion to mobile disco limo.  Great for Proms and Hen parties.

[overrun]

The ice cream game is a closely guarded and fiercely fought one, at that.

See the attached factual documentary for a rare, behind sliding glass and stickers insight into this frozen tundra.

 

Be careful, mate.

 

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2fv3y4

[wuvvum]

It makes me happy that somebody has enough time on their hands to take the time to create a thread like this.

[bub2006]

Thats truly fantastic mate! Jolly good reading

[Felly Magic]

With all the weight over the arse end, wheelies weren't uncommon with these old Commers, coming to a full stop however....

 

[Bren]

Ice cream wars everywhere. Even in Widnes and Runcorn. A guy I used to know was warned off on his first day.

[phil_lihp]

Hockings selling sugar cones and whippy ice cream?

 

Wash your mouth out!

[overrun]

Ice cream wars everywhere. Even in Widnes and Runcorn. A guy I used to know was warned off on his first day.

 

"If he comes near me again, I'll bite his fucking nose off!"

[Felly Magic]

I actually saw rivals at each other in my street as a kid, one got a pretty nasty beating. In Leeds, punch ups were fairly common, and even 2 brothers were bitter rivals. 

[overrun]

https://memegenerator.net/instance/72446793

[chaseracer]

[Jim Bell]

Commer Doormobile.  Geordie Di Steffano and sons. Est 1965.

 

0-60: Feasible.

Speciality: Neopolitan.

 

 

 

 

 

Geordie Di Steffano was born into an ice cream empire in Byker early 1971.  Knowing as he did that the folk of his estate only had money for one day a fortnight, he took his van (passed down from his father, via his fathers father and then uncle Kenny after they were killed in opposite order by rival vendors) to pastures new. 

Being a keen follower of soccer, his first pitch was outside of Jarrow Roofing FC (match days only).  Business was initially slow.  Following a spirited cup run and TV coverage an injection of capital meant he was able to upgrade his pitch and moved the van up to Gateshead International Stadium (match days and Diamond League meets only).  More money was made at Gateshead and he eventually promoted the business up to St James's Park, Newcastle Upon Tyne where he was mistaken for a police horse and punched to death in the early 2010s.  The van is currently still on its original tyres and will be taken on when his eldest son comes of age.

[Jim Bell]

Ford Anglia Commercial 1200 4 speed.  Geoff Walls and sons.  Est 1954.

 

0-60:  3 minutes.

Speciality: Single Cigarettes and a match - 50p.

 

 

 

 

 

This baby blue Ford was a familiar sight near schools in coastal regions of the North throughout the 1980s.  The cut throat business of vending iced products was deemed too dangerous for Geoff Walls, who stopped stocking food of any kind after the heads were kicked off all of the flowers in his front garden by a rival vendor.  Not one to give up without a fight, Walls changed gears and began to stock cigarettes, matches and gas lighters (three for a pound) which were sold to school children and the elderly.  All four gears were employed when parents or police took an unhealthy interest in his trades and the van was often seen barreling round corners with Geoff gripping the wheel firmly.  The fibre glass rear of the van was light but highly un-aerodynamic and his luck ran out when he was eventually caught after a short chase and beaten to death by the parent of a 20 a day seven year old.

[UltraWomble]

Blackburn...

[Negative Creep]

[Jim Bell]

Leyland Sherpa Coupe 2.1. Giuseppe Manfredi and sons. Est 1952.

0-60: 67 seconds.

Speciality: Mint Choc Chip.

 

 

 

Giuseppe Manfredi was a shrewd and ruthless businessman, in the style of the old Sacilians that came before him. He mixed his own Mint Choc Chip ice cream in a cement stirring machine stolen from a tool hire company in Roker, Wearside. His despicable recipe included whatever ice cream was on special offer at the wholesalers, cheap toothpaste and crunched up After Eight Mints. His white Sherpa Coupe was reported present at the scene of many Ice Cream related assaults and murders though police were unable to make any charges stick until he was filmed kicking the heads off flowers in a front garden in 1991. He was convicted of criminal damage and later stabbed to death in HMP Durham by fifteen rival vendors. He was burried in his van as demanded by Sacilian tradition.

The van was later dug up by his eldest son Giuseppe Jnr, who ran a silimar business successfully for a number of years following. The van ticked over 340 thousand miles on its original gearbox before being lost in an arson attack by rival vendors.

[timolloyd]

More murky exchanges between ice cream sales operatives: https://www.facebook.com/LADbible/videos/2731074270273079/?comment_id=663113460508985&comment_tracking=%7B%22tn%22%3A%22R2%22%7D

[Eddie Honda]

I'd rather Clare Grogan serve up the 99 mind

 

[mercrocker]

Truly Ripping Yarn......Excellent!

[overrun]

Commer Doormobile.  Geordie Di Steffano and sons. Est 1965.

 

0-60: Feasible.

Speciality: Neopolitan.

 

 

 

 

 

Geordie Di Steffano was born into an ice cream empire in Byker early 1971.  Knowing as he did that the folk of his estate only had money for one day a fortnight, he took his van (passed down from his father, via his fathers father and then uncle Kenny after they were killed in opposite order by rival vendors) to pastures new. 

Being a keen follower of soccer, his first pitch was outside of Jarrow Roofing FC (match days only).  Business was initially slow.  Following a spirited cup run and TV coverage an injection of capital meant he was able to upgrade his pitch and moved the van up to Gateshead International Stadium (match days and Diamond League meets only).  More money was made at Gateshead and he eventually promoted the business up to St James's Park, Newcastle Upon Tyne where he was mistaken for a police horse and punched to death in the early 2010s.  The van is currently still on its original tyres and will be taken on when his eldest son comes of age.

 

 

Me and me marra keep intending to watch the Roofers in action!

Fuck those South Shields bastards. Especially now they are throwing money around like Northern League Rockafella's!

[Junkman]

Amateurs.

 

[Ghosty]

That smiley Transit is merely a pre-smiley with the later smiley front bolted on to better impress the punters!

[somewhatfoolish]

I'd rather Clare Grogan serve up the 99 mind

 

Great film that, a lost Glasgow from before the arsehole developers bribed the council and build a load of concrete and glass horrors along the river.

[Hendry]

Was just about to say this puts me in mind of the Glasgow Ice Cream wars, selling drugs, stolen goods, ran by gangsters and getting shotguns through the windscreens and so on, then obviously the murders of the Doyle family.

[vulgalour]

Trojan Chugbox.  Nielson's of Canadia.  Est. 1933
0-60: Optimistic of you
Speciality: Ice cream soup

 

Cpl. Roger Nielson of Canadia didn't really get the way things worked in Blighty, he had thought it would be a lot like home just wetter and with less snow. When he arrived he bought the Trojan Chugbox and declined to have it painted in colours, insisting it would stand out more if it were black and white.  Because it's so cold in Canadia, Cpl. Nielson was entirely unaware he'd need refrigeration and this, combined with the Trojan's glacial performance meant that he unwittingly invented Ice Cream Soup.  This was considered a delicacy in Norfolk until Cpl. Nielson's untimely demise at the hands of a local when he was mistaken for a bear and shot while preparing a batch of Vanilla Toffee Coconut Creme in the autumn of 1982.

 

Of special note is the Dicky Bird Lollies, local slang for the what-the-butler-saw mounted in place of a passenger seat and powered by the starting handle.  Thruppence a go.

[tooSavvy]

I was born a 'sand dancer', two rival Ice cream families lived in my street.

 

The Delgrecos and Minchellas.

 

Never a crossed word or sawnoff seen, to my knowledge.

 

 

TS

[spike60]

I work with one of the Capaldi family from Middlesbrough, in a past life he used to to look after 23 Bedford CF ice cream vans. Sounds a lot, not sure if they were all at the same time!

[Jim Bell]

Land Rover Series 11. Sgnt Antony James Michael Trill esq. Est 1987.

 

0-60: Impossible.

Speciality: Lemon Tops.

 

 

 

Anthony James Michael Trill left the Welsh Gaurds in early 1970 after serving in Northern Ireland and Burma (now Myanmar). Accustomed to guerilla warfare and close range melee combat situations he was highly suited to the Ice Cream trade and he duely invested his military pay out in a van to suit his purposes. Trill was no fool. He knew to survive in the cut throat trade he was entering you needed two things. A unique selling point (or USP) and a willingness to kill. Once he had this ex army surplus Land Rover van converted to sell iced snacks, he knew he had both.

He went where the other vendors dare not go. The estuary. The beaches. The bases of local waterfalls. The top end of VERY muddy fields at farmers markets and county fayres. He sold out where ever he parked the van, sometimes at cambers in excess of 56 degrees. The old Landy may have not been the fastest greyhound out of the traps (top of forth was an indicated 56mph) but he never had to run away from anyone so speed was not his priority. When an old friend sold him four tonnes of lemon sherbert that was meant to go to Ethiopia as aid, he invented the Lemon Top Ice Cream (whippy dipped in sherbert) which ultimately made his fortune. He retired in 1998 and now resides in Guernsey. Whereabouts of this legendary off road Ice Cream Van are unknonwn but do keep your eye out for it if youre ever hill walking in the north and fancy a sweet and sour treat!

[Jim Bell]

Morris Marina Cummins. Cordelia Portabello and sons. 1978-1979.

 

0-60: 5mins 20 seconds.

Speciality: Eventually hand jobs. Presumably.

 

 

 

 

In the swinging sixties with the womens liberation movement in full swing, even women were looking to a life behind the sliding glass. Cordelia Portabello took delivery of this lovely Morris in late 1969 with the intention of making her fortune parked up by the edge of Windermere in the very popular lake district. Keen not to make a loss, she transfered the vehicle purchase and conversion price straight on to the customer. She decided to sell ice creams at the price of £1231-00 each. Resoning that even if she only ever sold one ice cream, she would have covered all of her costs and woukd be able to review prices in the future dependant on demand.

She never sold a single cone.

The van was eventually towed away by the local council after the road tax (as was then) expired.

Miss Portabello was last seen getting into the passenger seat of an articulated lorry at the side of the A68 bound for Leicester. It is thought that she had resorted to working as a long distance tug madam but was never seen again.

[overrun]

I was born a 'sand dancer', two rival Ice cream families lived in my street.

 

The Delgrecos and Minchellas.

 

Never a crossed word or sawnoff seen, to my knowledge.

 

 

TS

 

Well we know who came out on top, there!