Speed Bumps !!

[billyboy406v6]

I was proceeding along a quiet street in my newly acquired Mercedes, I was moving at a stately 29mph in a 30mph zone, when I encountered a speed bump that smashed the f..k out of myself and said Mercedes. I am not anti speed bumps as I realise there are a few mongs out there who drive cars. Can someone explain why these bumps cannot be designed/engineered to allow progress at the specified rate of knots without sensible motorists losing fillings/ contents of bowels etc ? Cheers, Bill.

[320touring]

there are design specs for them, whether councils follow them is another matter!

 

trick is to slow the car using gears/let off in an auto.

 

avoids the pitching and suspension loading braking gives:)

[castros_bro]

You'll find that there is a speed where the reaction of your cars' suspension is exactly 180 degrees out from the step in the speed bump. At this speed the car will not  react to the speed bump. and you'll think it is a flat bit of tarmac.   For Audi drivers this appears to be 89.5 mph.

[Pillock]

There was a speed bump on either Tomorrow's World or Old Top Gear that had airbags and valves - hit it at low speed and it can deflate in time, you just roll over it flat. Hit it fast and it's like punching a balloon.

[Negative Creep]

There was a speed bump on either Tomorrow's World or Old Top Gear that had airbags and valves - hit it at low speed and it can deflate in time, you just roll over it flat. Hit it fast and it's like punching a balloon.

 

 

I'm guessing they didn't introduce them because most people wouldn't see them in time

[michael1703]

They have them in London, there was one for years off lower Thames street in a cut through called puddledock, it was soft up to 30mph

[Pete-M]

Is your Mercedes a W210? Mine is hopeless at speed bumps, 20 mph is about the maximum it will go over those pillow type bumps without making horrible noises as the under tray bottoms out.

 

I suspect with the 210 that it could be down to weak front shocks, Avantgarde suspension and a long wheelbase pitching the nose that little bit closer to the deck than is advisable.

[billyboy406v6]

It is the E220 estate, but my whinge is about not exceeding the speed limit and still getting slapped on the wrist . Mind you the slower I go the more fuel I am saving !

[HH-R]

Totally obsessed with them round here, and they vary in construction from road to road. We have some sharp edged ones that are a right bitch. The council spends money resurfacing the roads, then digs them up a week later to put Mount Everest Jr in.

 

They aren't even consistent from bump to bump.

 

As you can probably tell, I fuggin hate the things. Have to hit about 20-30 of them a day. Taxis/boy racers still do up to 50 over them anyway, pointless. They introduce tailgating too by morons who can't seem to grasp that you might be slowing down every x amount of yards for them and seem surprised so drive right up your arse.

[twosmoke300]

French car for you then ^^^

[HH-R]

The Kia doesn't like them, it's got the hardest/rattliest suspension I've ever had.

[seth]

They don't normally bother me but the speed I go over them does sometimes seem to bother those behind me.

[STUNO]

This takes me back about 30 years !  There was a bump on the road near a beach, it was tarmac coloured had no markings and no signage. It was also placed in the shade of a tree at the bottom of a long hill. For some reason nobody could see it ! I actually sat and watched the action for an hour or two as cars and trucks did some epic leaps off it

[Pillock]

The new style ones they've started putting in around here are rubber, made of 9 sections that bolt to the road. One square centre one surrounded by slopes.

 

Except, most cars larger than a Fiesta just straddle them and don't need to slow down. Brilliant!

[fordnut]

Some ridiculous ones round here that are extremely high - I've scraped the underside of my front bumper whilst going over them at walking pace.

 

It's a complete waste of money getting it repainted as no doubt it will happen again as soon as the paints dry despite being incredibly cautious in my approach.

[gordonbennet]

Best car i ever had for speed humps or pot holes was the P6 Rover, mind you i used to keep the DeDion serviced and working proper like, there was one particular hump i had to go over to get to work, most cars you'd be down to crawl over it or break something but at 25 mph in the P6 if you shut your eyes you'd never know you'd crossed it.

 

Actually in Kettering and Wellingborough it isn't the humps so much its the number of fuckin second rate pot hole patches and cable bodge ups the twats have done, you need a Landcruiser just to negotiate some of the town roads, but they pale into insignificance if you ever drive in the industrial parts of Park Royal in that there lundun, fuck me if they ever need a new proving ground for the next battle tanks look no further.

[sheffcortinacentre]

try comeing to Sheffield its either stupid size shape ones or dodge the crater.

 

there is a max height of 100mm, i'd be interested to know if theres an angle spec as the ones on my estate seem to cover a range from 10-90*.

[Christine]

What you do is... 50 mph...see the hump ... 6 feet away ,then hard on the brakes , make the front dive to the bumpstops..     2 feet away let off the brakes .. the front rises rapidly ..so rapidly you float over the hump.. then brake a dab..front goes down again ..the arse rises ...and again ..rear wheels floats over the bump .. Hard on the gas to the next one , slam on the brakes..etc 

[dollywobbler]

Citroens are very good at floating over most of them, though the XM struggles - possibly because I think both centre spheres are flat. The XM was absolutely shite at going over the ones heading into Anglesey Circuit. They're those really short, sharp ones. I was having to crawl over them. I reckon a Citroen Ami 6 is probably the best for speedhumps. Proper floaty.

[mercrocker]

Our street has ridiculous "speed tables". They were put in several years ago after a public "consultation" where a councillor knob jockey spoke to me like I was eight. Told the cunt to Fuck Off when he knocked on my door for votes the following May but he stoutly denied having any conversation about these humps. Basically they are wrongly installed. We managed to get one knocked back down after another resident who is cleverer/cooler than me measured it and compared it to official guidelines.

 

Its a 30 mph limit and I can understand the humps restricting cars to 20 mph but its impossible to go over them at 15 mph in the 190E, the VW camper or the Minor. Only my Cowley copes with them at anything close to 20 mph. They are also very badly sited, across junctions and close to bus stops which means people don't give way to oncoming traffic when the road gets congested because it means stopping at an uncomfortable angle. Chavs take absolutely no notice unless they have lowered their cars too much and neither do parcel delivery drivers who are content to smash fuck out of whatever it is they are paid to carry and drive.

 

If I see any official vehicle (council, Police etc) behind me down our street now I make absolutely fucking sure that I never go over the tables at anything over 5 mph. Fuck 'em, I know that makes me small-minded but I am totally sick of these bastard things and the fact that they have achieved nothing in slowing down twats.

[HH-R]

Oh, I forgot about the speed table things, 5 strips of raised bricks set into the road so unless you're literally going 5 MPH, your fillings, bolts and dashboard are all coming out.

 

Got the chicanes in stupid places too, where I used to live there was a give way to oncoming traffic with a junction just past it to the right, and a bus stop. Every day, idiots would follow the bus through blindly (who played the "might is right" card even though they didn't have right of way anyway), which would then stop, leaving them nowhere to go and irate traffic with right of way stuffed. People used to blast out of the junction and look right, but then not left, and try to go through it when someone else already was. I'm surprised they are allowed to be built so close to junctions TBH.

[catsinthewelder]

Some local residents paid to have them installed on a local rat run, then the council charged them to take them back out WIN!

 

That said they don't bother me that much now, I mostly drive rental vans and a Discovery neither of which should ever slow down for little bumps.

 

The HiJet I used to drive was a different matter though, there was an accidental speed bump on a road near work that would launch you out of your seat in it. My hairy bonce was almost touching the ceiling anyway but my short bald workmate nearly knocked himself out when he forgot it was there and hit it at 40.

[vulgalour]

Can't stand the bastarding thing.  Bad for cars, lazy solution to speeding (that doesn't really work on the people it's suppose to anyway), makes a mess of main roads, makes driving a chore, makes bus journeys even more miserable than they already are.  In the mile between our house and the town centre there's at least four different types of speed bumps and a couple of streets peppered with chicanes.  One street has bumps AND chicanes, fuck knows why.

[Matt]

The new style ones they've started putting in around here are rubber, made of 9 sections that bolt to the road. One square centre one surrounded by slopes.

 

Except, most cars larger than a Fiesta just straddle them and don't need to slow down. Brilliant!

 

That reminds me of the wide, slim, rubber ones my council used about fifteen years ago when the whole boy racer cruising scene was in. They lasted about three days before the chavs unbolted most of them before vanishing into the night. They replaced them and they went missing again, this went on about three times at which point the council gave up. Thankfully my local council and constabulary don't really seem to have much of a vendetta against speed; speed bumps are mostly around schools and crossings where lollipop men/women operate, there are no fixed speed cameras, one camera van and only very occasionally can they be bothered to actually stand at the side of the road with a speed gun.

 

Has anyone else had the pleasure of driving over the tables in residential areas of Prestwick? They are like running up and down kerbs. 

[fred]

I have some which are merely raised pimples and others like climbing Winchester Cathedral - The old Forester is good at most of em, but the  A class by fucksticks is like a spine relocation at 20 MPH

And we have Humps - silly roundabout -then hump chicane - hump etc....Like some Twat has been playing the Sims too much here ...

[tinribs]

Ben Nevis in Edinburgh, must stop and be taken in 1st gear or half your car is lost immediately.



On the other end of the street however...

[Split_Pin]

I have to drive through a small village called Castlecary every day. There is a nearby motorway and they shut off, for no reason, a nearby slip road so now all cars travelling towards Glasgow from the rural areas have to drive through this village to get to the next slip road. The Council have tried everything to remedy their stupid schoolboy error and reduce traffic through the village and recently installed 18 speed pillows in a 1/2 mile stretch. Yes, 18. AND there are chicanes.

Everybody soon realised that you can miss the humps by driving up the middle of the road between them though. Fine when it's quiet, but even more risky than the road apparently was before!

[garethj]

Citroën BX FTW!

 

But I agree that it doesn't slow most people down, who cares about mechanical sympathy for the car when it's fixed free under warranty and you hand it back in 2 years

[barefoot]

I practically stop and drive over them in first gear with one wheel dead central on the bump, (no chamfered edge tyre wear crap for me) and the other wheel on the flat of the road. The next one I roll the other wheel over the hump.

They are designed to slow traffic, they certainly slow me. But I'm arsed if I'm breaking my suspension for some fucking council twat.

[fraser.innes.3]

It's not a shiter yet, but my grand voyager does care about speed bump. Must be a combination of bouncy suspension and massive ground clearance.