--

[Magnificent Rustbucket]

M = 5-7years

T = Very poor.

 

Whatever I ask for I'm going to get a Maestro Clubman diesel.

 

 

 

Coincidentally, I own my dad's 1992 company car.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Memo to Head Office Personell Director.

Ref Transport. Copies to Sales Director and MD

 

I'm writing to complain at the tardiness of the new Transport Manager - Hirst, my request for a suitable vehicle was submitted in some hours ago and still nothing.

 

I also have concerns what effect his exotic and flamboyant ( I think you know what I mean) car choices for colleagues might mean for sales.

We are a proud British company,yet Mr Hirst seems to think it's acceptable to issue Fiats,Alfa Romeos and even Nissans to men who are the public face of this firm.

The Montegos we have been using since the sad demise of the Itals have served us well and I think the disloyalty shown to British Leyland could well come back to bite us on the posterior- to coin an American management term.

I'm all for going forward, but let's rember what made this company and this country great, what next , swapping the Board's Jaguars for Toyotas ?

Yours N.weigh esq.

[garethj]

At least my Orion is better than Negative Creep's Escort.  I honestly don't know how he managed to get even that with his sales performance, coincidentally isn't he shagging the MD's wife on the quiet?

 

As for NorfolkNWeigh, they call him "broken arrow".  He doesn't work and you can't fire him.

[anonymous user]

Mr Hirst. You might want to rethink that, Anabelle is quite prepared to tell Daddy that when you took her to lunch you put your hand up her skirt. We all know she's a slag, but he would never believe it. By the way, Mummy has decided to have your office redecorated, you'll have to move all your stuff out into that old caravan in the yard, I know it leaks a bit, but it shouldn't take more than a few months.

[ifc63]

I = 3-4 years

3 = Excellent

 

Wanting to further my promising start in the company, I would like a medium sized estate car to transport plenty of samples up and down to the far-flung corners of these fine isles.

Obviously I would prefer Japanese reliability and economy but a large engine is not important as those multi-valve engines more than make up for lack of cc.

Did I say Please !

[Richard]

8-12 years and very good. I'd prefer something with rear wheel drive, if it must be front wheel drive can I have power steering please?

[NorfolkNWeigh]

I'll have you know ,young fella me lad Garethj,that I was serving this company when you were still in short trousers.

I didn't get the first 1.3 Super Deluxe Marina on the fleet for nothing you know. An Orion is just about your mark, thinks he's better than an Escort but not good enough for a Sierra Saphire Laser, perhaps this young Hirst chap does know what he's doing after all.

[bub2006]

Less than 1 year but excellent reports. I really am not bothered but prefer larger auto motors if you may? Thank you please

[twosmoke300]

A cdx ! Happy with that . Cheers boss .

[fordperv]

You can have a Ford.

 

 

It's a marginally better spec than Angrydicky's one. More as a punishment for him than a gift for you.

I now feel like a winner, good colour choice

[dollywobbler]

I like this thread. 

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Umwelt, fucking UMWELT !!

Do you think I gave the best years of my life to this shithole so some snivelling little cretin can make me drive a Kraut car ?

You my friend are sadly mistaken, I know where a lot of bodies are buried in this company and I'm going home to get my shovel.

And it won't be in your poxy German tinbox , I've still got the keys to one of the Montegos and if it starts I'm off.

[seth]

Look Reg, I've been here a while, we're even on first name terms!  18 years I've been sweating away and I've still got a damn good sales record same as always.

 

Lotus Carlton.

[Angry Sheep]

You've not got off to a great start.

 

 

A poverty-spec Metro is the best I can do.

 

This makes me happy.

 

(Cool thread!)

[outlaw118]

I'm 8-12 years bracket with excellent sales. Fortunately i have simple tastes, so I'd like something medium sized with the biggest engine possible.

 

thanks awfully, get me summat nice and i'll make it worth your while, KNOW WHAT I MEAN (wink wink)

 

 

 

PS GR9 thread!!

[mercrocker]

OK old chap, I have been around here for six years and I know my sales record in moulded plastics is poor so far. However, I am hoping my new red braces will give me the edge around the buying offices. I would ask for a 190E 1.8 with keep-fit windows but a doom blue base Sierra with red piped bumpers to match my new braces would be acceptable, especially before that damned Mondeo comes out with ghastly FWD. Don't write me off yet - I predict that in twenty years time, just before I retire, the ENTIRE world will be made of moulded plastics and will beat a path to our door.

[trigger]

I can live with that. I do have a sunroof after all.

[anonymous user]

At least my Orion is better than Negative Creep's Escort.  I honestly don't know how he managed to get even that with his sales performance, coincidentally isn't he shagging the MD's wife on the quiet?

 

 

I thought she looked happy, I just don't know where she finds the time, she's been shagging Uncle Horace for years. I did say this was a family company

[Parky]

I have only been here a year but have shown great promise and certainly proved my worth in defusing that situation with the Japanese client and those watermelons. Saved us a lot of bother with the regulator didn't it!

 

Anyhow, have always liked French stuff so a well spec'd Renault 19 would be nice.........let me know how you get on

[Asimo]

S 19 years of service

E very good sales results

 

With my long service and good performance, particularly in the Scottish sector, I think a large Volvo would be appropriate.

It would be good for the company's image to appear careful about cash so my preferred model is an economical Diesel, a 740 saloon with no extras at all, in a sober colour such as doom blue or drizzle grey. Important not to look flash around our Northern account customers.

[Formula Autos]

A - 1-2 yrs

S - Very poor

 

Would like a SEAT Ibiza with one of those Porsche engines please.

 

Resigned to something like a Fiat 126.

 

Fingers and toes crossed in anticipation of nice Mr Hirst's generosity.

[Formula Autos]

Stupid phone - obviously my username starts with F.

 

Doesn't alter the score though.

[HH-R]

Buck your ideas up.

 

 

You're lucky to be getting this.

 

Pretty pleased with that! I'll have enough songs high speed dubbed onto a C90 to play on the Clarion tape deck before the end of the week.

 

Funnily enough, my uncle had one just like that, same year/colour/spec in the late 90s (might have been earlier, memory is a bit hazy). He replaced it with an M plate mk3 Cavalier diseasel in ~2000 which had a fair few issues, think it started my Vauxhall hatred after liking the Pug so much.

[Shep Shepherd]

Thanks a lot, Mr. Hurst!

 

Can I have my Rover in White Gold metallic with the optional PAS? Flaps and mats would be nice, too.

[anonymous user]

Well Mummy and I are back from choosing the wallpaper for my new office and she's had a word with Uncle Horace and asked him to have a closer look at Mr Hirst's expense account.

 

I might be an obnoxious little shit with a huge sense of entitlement, but Mr Hirst may not be aware that my Grandmother left me 20% of the company.

 

I don't think sales was for me, I think I'll try personnel next.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Dear Mr Hirst,

After consulting Mrs Weigh,my union rep and the HR dept, I've decided to give you the benefit of the doubt on the lovely VW Golf issue.

As you and the Board are aware,my only wish is to serve the company as a loyal servant and to this end my decision to drive a high quality yet economical Teutonic motorcar on my now expanded patch is going to be a pleasure.

These Golfs really are a cut above the Ford,Vauxhall and French rubbish,you know. I can tell that people within the company are very envious and will all aspire to drive a Golf within a few years.

 

One other thing,you do know that the term Snivelling Cretinwas just a bit of banter don't you? And could I have a radio please,maybe some mats?

[Justin Case]

Dear Mr Hirst, I can wait for your return. Suitably refreshed, I am sure that you can reward my very good sales over 3-4 years with a a Saab 900 Turbo, which will enable me to travel the country so much quicker and so sell even more of your plastic shit.

[sierraman]

Luckily experience counts for a lot in tcelebrate .http:imgur.com/jGPrARc.jpgEnjoy your middling-spec Sierra!

im happy as a sandboy with this. My wife will be so happy we'll have a bottle of liebfraumich to celebrate. Ironically when i actually had a Sierra 1.8 the girlfriend at the time hated it as the heater didnt work, on the occasions it did it smelt of oil.

[Volksy]

19 years and close to being sacked.. I must be on the board or vice chairman. 

 

That or that incident in the stationary cupboard with the lad from stores has got out.....

 

 

Bentley or Daimler Double Six please.

[Lord Sterling]

Length of Time

(L) 5-7 Years

 

Current Sales Report

(G) Good

 

Can I be predictable and ask for a high-spec Rover 800 please?