Shit you see at the side of the road

[TimothyClaypole]

Mostly Trucker's Tizer. 

[Jim Bell]

Picture for illustration porpoises only.

 

Before I drove, I used to see loads of hitchers at the side of the road from the comfort of the passenger chair.

 

Since I've been driving, I've only ever seen one. I was driving a newly purchased Volvo 360 back to Newcastle from Reading, was leaving a southern service area and passed a lad with a backpack and a piece of card with something on it.

 

I thought I'd be a good egg and offer a lift so I applied the breaks.

Then I thought "hang on, he's probably a fucking murderer."

And drove away again.

Then I saw him throw his hands up in the air in the rear view mirror and felt a cold pang of guilt so I stopped again.

I saw him jogging down the slip road in the rear view and thought "He looks even more like a murderer now than he did the first time. AND he's pissed off now."

So I drove away again.

 

Then it started raining.

[chaseracer]

One time I picked up a hitch-hiker, turned out he WAS a murderer, just released after a very long stretch.  THAT was an interesting conversation...

[Pillock]

I've got "pick up a hitchhiker" on my list of things to do one day.

 

I've seen documentaries about it where they turn out to be big-boobed dirty lady nymphomaniacs. I say documentaries, it was on YouPorn.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

On the M1 a couple of weeks ago there were two mountain bikes ,halfway between the hard shoulder and lane 1. It was pretty busy so amazing that no one had hit them,but even more amazing that there was no sign of what they'd fallen off!

Bit of a shock for the Lycra warriors on arrival.

[Tetleysmooth]

When I worked for a large container transport company during the eighties on nights, we used to run from Thurrock to Tilbury taking export containers in, and bringing imports back.

We regularly used to see a geezer taking photos of a naked woman at the side of the road during the journey.

 

We also used to get a geezer cruise up alongside us bashing one out.

We'd throw bulbs at his windscreen.

[Micrashed]

Ive given a few "trade plate" guys lifts, one of them was the smelliest unkempt bloke I have ever met.

The odour of unwashed coat took days to get rid of from the car. Twas quite rank.

 

And \I've had to remove a tramps trousers before today.

[Lacquer Peel]

I gave a hitch-hiking paraglider a lift once, he landed about 10 miles from his car.

[Junkman]

When I still did a lot of driving throughout Europe and the Near East, I always picked up hitchhikers.

Without a single exception, a highly interesting conversation ensued.

I remember that couple from Ireland I picked up near Aachen in the pouring rain, who rode with me all the way to Vienna, where my journey ended. They were members of a theater group in Westport and lived there on a 120ft Schooner.

They invited me to visit them there and join them for a sailing trip to Reykjavik - in Winter! And I did it!

 

I miss hitchhikers. No idea why it suddenly went out of fashion, but my guess is the introduction of those cheap backpacker tickets for railways and planes in the 90s.

[Pillock]

And the wider availability of murder?

[Pillock]

I one found a mountain bike. In lane 2 of the M5 south of Bristol. At 70mph. Thankfully lane 3 was unoccupied, although my pants were completely full at that moment.

[Jim Bell]

 

I miss hitchhikers. No idea why it suddenly went out of fashion,

 

Rapes and murders?

[Junkman]

All men becoming whiny wimps, scared shitless of their own shadows?

[purplebargeken]

Huge pair of bolt cutters - swiftly collected. Rolls Royce hubcap, also swiftly collected. Huge roll of waterproof membrane lying in the road in Hanwell, quickly picked up. 

[Ratdat]

Around here it's normally wreckage seen at the side of the road. It seems Lincolnshire's rural roads are popular places for hurling your car into the scenery. Happened upon this sterling effort between xmas and new year in 2008...

 

 

Not only snapping a substantial tree in half but uprooting it as well. Top marks!

 

[Ratdat]

The Lincolnshire countryside...

 

[Pillock]

Does that integra have a bent roof?! I wonder how far he got with the "yes officer, I was doing 25mph and a nun ran out in front of me....." conversation.

[jakebullet]

Around here it's normally wreckage seen at the side of the road. It seems Lincolnshire's rural roads are popular places for hurling your car into the scenery. Happened upon this sterling effort between xmas and new year in 2008...

 

 

 

Not only snapping a substantial tree in half but uprooting it as well. Top marks!

 

 

VTEC kicked in YO!

[twosmoke300]

Shame , another nice Integra ruined and about to be engine raped for a complete abortion of a split tailgate civic . 

[explosive-cabbage]

The other day I found 2 tins of Red Stripe on a wall between Gargrave and Malham. Proper dented and mucky and one of them had a pin hole in it, but one tin is better than none...

[Angrydicky]

Two huge pieces of timber (about ten feet long) in the inside lane of the M2 near Faversham two weeks ago.

 

An ex London Transport MCW Metrobus crashed into a ditch on a rural road locally in 2004 - the alu front bumper/valance was visible in the ditch for several years after that.

 

Loads of wheeltrims, tyres, the odd bumper and many numberplates, including a pair of matching plates that had been tossed into the undergrowth next to the Fortune of War junction on the A127.

 

In the same location was the petrol tank from an ancient CZ motorcycle and the almost completely overgrown remains of a Rover P4.

[Twiggy]

Shit (dog, horse, human).

 

How do you tell the difference......................... ?

[Sloth in a bowl]

Found a decapitated cow with missing hooves dumped on the side of the road. Farmers do this as they have to pay for them to be disposed at a slaughter house, and this prevents them being ID'd.

It's not that uncommon to find a dead horse by the side of the road in the New Forest. They seem to like standing gormlessly in the middle of the road just over blind crests.

[richardmorris]

How do you tell the difference......................... ?

 

 

May I suggest that if your faeces usually look like horse droppings that you change your diet. Immediately. 

[Sloth in a bowl]

I used to commute between birmingham and Gloucester on a regular basis and noticed that the friday evening pile ups were always on the uphill strech from J5 to J4.

On the uphill mile from J5 you could count over 50 sets of skid marks in the fast lane alone. Given that most cars have ABS, god knows what the road would have looked like if it showed the real number of near miss braking incidents there.

[Bobthebeard]

How do you tell the difference......................... ?

A. Tissue paper draped artistically* indicates human

B. Huge straw content of huge pile indicates equine

C. None of the above indicates possible canine.

D. Or possibly Trucker shit. No rules apply. As may contain the residue of anything even remotely edible, along the lines of owl pellets, but nastier.

[brickwall]

Autoshite...

[Sloth in a bowl]

Autoshite...

Often either oily or strangely sweet on the tongue.

Both are indicators of a wounded beast that may be gently smoking in a nearby layby while waiting for the medical tow wagon.

[chaseracer]

I used to commute between birmingham and Gloucester on a regular basis and noticed that the friday evening pile ups were always on the uphill strech from J5 to J4...

Goes from three lanes to two on the approach to the M42 at 4A. Given that this includes the hill AND a left-hand bend, it confuses the shit out of the gompers...

[richardmorris]

In case you thought I was exagerating. This is what I came across first thing thursday.

 

 

 

 

 

Then this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=sSdUOZKw0Zc