Who owns the fastest shite?

[bub2006]

The man has enough balls, if not enough wheels.

I miss that motor. Stupidly quick for engine size and handled surprisingly good to say it had 25% deficiency!

[J-T]

 

I think my alfa books at over 150mph but I've never had it near there. Too scared of inevitable explosion! And I really need to sort the front brakes out as they're a bit seized, so probably best avoided for now!!

 

I did have a Megane R26 up to an indicated 155mph a few years ago. It felt totally rock steady to be fair, but it was only about a year old at the time.

[bub2006]

I once held (an indicated, on the speedos of cars I overtook) 73mph for several miles on a 1979 Honda C90, going along the Norwich southern bypass with a strong (as in Force 7) tailwind. It blew the condenser, but otherwise the old heap didn't seem any the worse for its ordeal.

How the frig did you manage that on a 6v 90??!! Tend to seize about 50 when held pinned for prolonged periods. The 140cc only just makes 70/75

[derskine]

Hill, potential large chap?

[wuvvum]

How the frig did you manage that on a 6v 90??!! Tend to seize about 50 when held pinned for prolonged periods. The 140cc only just makes 70/75

 

It was an indicated 73mph going by a Sierra speedo, so probably a true 66-67.  I'm a skinny fucker and the road was flat (this is Norfolk after all) but I did mean the Force 7 tailwind quite literally.  The valves were pretty much bouncing in 3rd, and it was smelling distinctly hot when I eventually slowed down, but other than the condenser it didn't seem any the worse.  It was a battered old crate to look at but had had a fair bit of engine work done and was mechanically in pretty good fettle.

[warren t claim]

I got cut up on my old Honda Fireblade by former Manchester Utd goalkeeper Fabien Barthez one lunchtime on the M60, needless to say I did the decent thing and pulled up next to his Merc AMG SL600 and twatted his mirror off. This resulted in releasing some of his Gallic rage and he chased me for a good 10 minutes in dense traffic, he was even taking to the hard shoulder at well over 120 mph to try and catch me. 

 

Bike 1

 

French cunt 0

[rml2345]

Everything I've had has been the slow side of ordinary, with possible exceptions being the disiesel 75 that saw an indicated 115 in the brief period in which it worked and 107 from a Yaris 1.3. You need an awful lot of room to get that and a favourable wind... It's also scary as fuck as there's absolutely no feeling or weight to the steering whatsoever. 

* All testing was conducted in the privacy of my own vehicle on a road somewhere in the United Kingdom. 

[Des]

These billy bullshitters who achieve supercar performance from shopping carts once they've swapped the backbox for a lidless pedal bin and stuffed an airfilter shaped like a muffin case behind a headlamp, well there's actually a mental illness going on there. If you encounter a few of them you'll notice quite striking similarities in their mannerisms when they assume Billy Liar mode, one or both corners of the mouth retracts just slightly and their speech slows a little while the voice deepens. Their stories are mostly not contrived by themselves but repeated from another source, and this is the freaky bit, in spite of presenting as somewhat dim, these fuckers can recount their fruity tales exactly word for word like skinbag dictaphones.

I've studied a few of them, the first subject of my research I remember fairly well as I worked with the loser for a few years. He used to get 200 MPH from his fathers tuned Jag which had gold plated wheelnuts and all the rest, strangely the car in question looked awfully like a Fiat Panda that had at best a flash of zinc on the wheelbolts. He would do night time ton ups on a beach in his brothers Merc and burn a tankful between services whilst breaking the land speed record. His brother drove an Escort.

One Friday we all went to a trade evening, load of shit but one of the suppliers gave us a wodge of free beer tokens, the bullshit started a few days beforehand, 'going to go in the Renault Turbo, bring the old boy to drive home so I can have a few', '180MPH!', 'Cobra alarm!' etc.. On the day, up rocks a yellow turbo (19 I think it was), driven by the father in law, well, it was his car. Well maybe. This chap only turns out to be a parallel serial bullshitter, we have dueling bullshitters going on and tonights subject is this FUCKING Renault with it's THREE separate alarm systems fitted as being so wonderful and desirable a car even the most honest man wouldn't be able to resist it, 180MPH! blah, BOOST! blah. Once the beer tokens ran out a few of us left together, found Billy and Billy in law standing in front of an empty parking bay, both on the phone to the police, I laughed until I nearly passed out, too much beer and fresh air had already got me halfway there, composed myself down to a mild giggle, then one of the Billys started explaining to the police in great detail why none of their cars were fast enough to catch the Renault I puked with laughter.

[PhilA]

All on private test tracks of course..

 

1996 Fiat Cinquecento S 0.9- downhill in 4th off the speedo (>100). That was scary, like trying to pilot a fridge through a gale whilst driving on a road made from jelly.

 

1965 Hillman Super Minx 1.6- on the speedo somewhere around 85. It didn't want to go any faster so I didn't try. Poor old barge.

 

1988 Nissan Bluebird 1.6- in a hurry late at night, speedo was reading 135 (it was accurate per GPS to 95 so probably not far off) along the flat with a bit of a tail-wind. Bottled out because it was only just getting onto the second barrel of the carb. Still to this day don't know how it managed that because it's against the laws of physics.

 

1989 Nissan Bluebird ZX Turbo 1.8- Got to 100 and blew the head gasket. Was disappointing.

 

1972 Vauxhall Victor 3.5 (retrofit)- whatever 5200 rpm is on a Borg-Warner 35 with a 3.8:1 rear end and 205/50/R14 tyres. The speedo didn't work at that point. Felt like somewhere near warp 7. Probably closer to 100.

 

2013 Dodge Challenger 5.7- bottled out at 135. It'll do 160. Ran out of road (rather, caught the cars up in front rather too quickly).

 

1984 Ford Transit LWB 2.0 (low compression)- Speedo said 85. Eardrums agreed.

 

 

As a passenger..

 

198x Escort RS Turbo 1.9 (modified)- Don't know how fast we were going but the dash came loose and it was trying to find its' way off the asphalt. Similar effects as in Back To The Future.

 

1984 Austin Metro 1.0- A303 is a fun road. The car actually went faster fully loaded in third than it did in top. Gauging by the steering shimmy and shake somewhere around 80.

 

1990 MG Metro "Studio 4" special edition 1.3- Speedo said 90, the high speed jaunt came to an abrupt halt when the bonnet catch made a bid for freedom.

 

 

Verdict? I haz been shitely fast in shite. Working "the fastest" out as a percentage... given the book speeds of the vehicles were mostly well under a ton.. they tried valiantly but there's no evidence to back up they ever went that quickly*.

 

--Phil

 

 

*thankfully

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Slight deviation here,but I bet everyone remembers the first time they went over 100 mph. Well, the more mature amongst us anyway, when it was still a big deal.

Me? 1974 on the M5 in my dad's 1967 Viscount 3.3 Powerglide, the first car he had that could do more than about 80 . Me and my brother were so excited , my dad had to keep telling us ' Don't tell your mum'

I was gutted a few years later when I read in an old road test that they only did 98 !

[scooters]

have I logged into the MAX POWAH forum by mistake?

[Guest Breadvan72]

100MPH cherry - 1989.  My dad's 1.6 Montego, downhill on the M40 near Thame, about two days after passing my driving test.    Fucken shitfabrains.

[nigel bickle]

100mph - modified Laverda Jota.   Bloody frightening -made a LOT worse as my (then) girlfriend sailing past, serenely on my BMW K100RS. Doah!

[Ratdat]

Definately not the fastest car I've had but probably the the one which provided the most laughs.. my old Prairie...

 

 

Probably the fasted stock shite I've had was my Alfa 166. We had it flat out at 155 in Germany on the way home from Nurburgring...

 

 

I've had a couple of rapid Datsuns too. Here's my old 180B seeing off a Saab Turbo at Santa Pod....

 

[mat_the_cat]

Fastest I've been in anything I own at the moment, is a GPS measured 113 mph in my BX diesel estate. Book top speed is 108 mph, but it does have the 1.9 TD from a Xantia in it, with upped boost and fuelling. Probably would have the power to go a little faster, but not the gearing.

 

This was actually on an autobahn, as we were on a road trip holiday the year before last in France and 3 of us (I was the slowest) decided to pop across the border for a speed test. As an aside, I started panicing somewhat when the magnetic CB aerial left the roof with a bang and clatter whilst at full throttle. 1000 miles from home with no breakdown cover would not have been a good time for the engine to expire.

 

I managed an indicated 130 mph in my Alfa 75 V6 once, on a long straight road near Hereford 10 years ago. It was actually racing a train    I ran out of road and skills before I got any faster, and can quite honestly say that I just don't have the desire to go near that speed any more, even if I had something capable. I get much more of a buzz from quick acceleration nowadays, not that I have anything capably of that really with my bike off the road.

[dieselnutjob]

If you want to travel huge distance in as short as possible time on a crowded Italian motorway then you need a dented Peugeot 806 HDI.

 

100mph plus cruising for hours on end

500 miles on a tank

high enough that you can see over cars in front which is necessary to keep the gap between you and the car in front to less than the length of a Fiat Punto.

The dents, age and dirtyness of the vehicle are useful as it sends the message that you really don't give a waz and are quite up for exchanging paint with other people if necessary.

The remote fold in mirrors are also quite useful for sending the message that don't care about the Audi behind flashing it's lights to try to bully me out of the way and gain 20 feet progress on Milan or whatever.

[michael1703]

I've got a zx10r that's supposed to be limited to 186mph,but the speedo isn't connected because its a race bike,doubt I've had it over 170 as most race tracks don't have very long straights but its not classed as shite

 

But..... Who owns the slowest shite? Was thinking bickle with his iron curtain jalopies, but if we're counting bikes, it could be a fizzy,c50,mobylette or something

[Junkman]

I have a Mobylette and it fucking flies!

[Mr Livered]

I can't really play this game, because in general I actually prefer slow shite. I like a car that will waft in style and comfort, or buzz about in a lively fashion, or whatever - but the ability to reach mad speeds doesn't interest me much.

 

The only vaguely quick car I have is a Saab 900 turbo. I don't know what its top speed is because I've never tried to find out. I do however enjoy the sensation of the infamous Saab turbo acceleration. You boot the pedal, wait for what feels like ages for the turbo to join the fun, then you leap forwards, slithering about the road (tons of torque steer), listening to the great sound from the engine and the expensive sound of the front tyres being shredded.

 

It's that feeling of being shoved in the back that I find intoxicating. But I have no idea what the numbers are (0-60, top speed, or bhp).

[Ratdat]

I had a Mobyx X1 which I sold last year. I managed a GPS verified 19mph on it.

[michael1703]

I have a Mobylette and it fucking flies!

BEARD!

[nigel bickle]

I rode a  1967 Raleigh Wisp (outlay £ to work for a week- to prove it could be done. 15 miles, each way. 

 

treated like it was made of cotton wool, 'serviced' every night, it made it through

 

Friday lunchtime the bet was 'won', the  liquid debt settled & I slurred off home,  now wringing its neck.

 

It reached nearly 42 mph (admittedly downhill) with me streamlining over the bars, before the inevitable bang.

 

Lord, that felt fast!

[Ratdat]

Here it is! You can just sense the power it has...

 

 

I sold it to a Danish man wearing a long coat and a pith helmet (him not me). It's now in a museum in Denmark.

[plasticvandan]

97mph two up in a Reliant Rialto is the best ive managed im afraid,it was still going but ran out of road

[mat_the_cat]

It's that feeling of being shoved in the back that I find intoxicating.

 

Exactly the same here. I used to be interested in seeing what any new (to me) car would do flat out, but over the last 5 years or so I just haven't bothered. I'm too busy worrying whether something mechanical will let go, or whether my skills/reactions will let me down. It's almost as if I'm getting sensible as I get older!

[NeXTGen]

Daimler Super V8 here… 400BHP of supercharged lunacy picked up on Christmas eve on a random shite-spedition into Essex… There Junkman, I said it

[Bren]

This thread is not in the true spirit of autoshite and should be locked.

 

"Fastest" in the context of this forum should mean fastest at depreciating, fastest at turning into ferric oxide and fastest in trying to piss you off/ bankrupt you.

 

For my sins I have my early unrestricted hayabusa which should do the double ton. However I am unlikely to go there.

 

I purchased such a machine because I have a small penis and no charisma.

[Partridge]

 

 

"Fastest" in the context of this forum should mean fastest at depreciating, fastest at turning into ferric oxide and fastest in trying to piss you off/ bankrupt you.

 

My old W210 wins hands down in that case.

[NeXTGen]

Fastest falling apart car with the most problems in least time (and most tinworm) that I've ever owned - 1998 Fiat Coupe 20vt.

In 2 months:

Exhaust fell off,

Radiator punctured,

Windscreen wiper arm sheared,

Door hinge split,

Rocker cover gasket,

Cambelt,

Sump rusted through,

Gear lever knob fell apart,

Window regulator broke,

Intercooler hosing split,

Wiring loom caught fire briefly,

Headlamps clouded,

Gearbox oil "fell out",

 

And much much more...

[robinmasters]

I've had an indicated 100 out of my n/a ZX diesel. That actually was downhill, with a tail wind, and it felt like that bit in the Fast and the Furious where the car starts all falling apart. 

 

I followed this today, it could probably out-drag a Nissan Sunny if the badge is to be believed: