Define Autoshite

[pshome]

Scheissauto:

 

[Spiny Norman]

I think they will tons of Korean shite soon. Sonatas, i302736462728245omgGreenMaticValues and the like will rare one day and we'll be allover them.

But how many of us will still be alive then?

 

 

Well, since you're probably only talking about 2018 or so, I'd hope most of us.

 

To me, Autoshite is the belief that a car can be bought outright, insured, taxed and run for a year for less than the first year's depreciation on a new EcoblandmobileTDCDDi.

[gary_davidson]

I think my Kia Rio is guaranteed future shite, it's fairly basic, reliable & cheap to run - the only thing holding it back is they've held their value quite well, I've probably lost about £3k over 4 years since new. When will it be autoshite? when you can pick one up for under £1k

[UmBongo]

My Dad used a Kia Pride as a driving school car in the early 1990s, the one with the whitewall tyres.

It was diabolical.

[UmBongo]

More importantly, OP: have you been drunk in the Congo?

 

Ha!

 

No. Mobutu Sese Seko invited me to come over on Concorde once, but I politely declined.

I was washing my hair that week.

[In The Pit]

One thing about Autoshite is that know one on here is a member of the general public in fact we hate the general public we think they are all South Korean car driving ebay listing chancers who buy their toothbrush on finance.  We only like two types of the general public:

The first can be identified by their house it will be in a quiet middle class area often called Hazel Grove or Cedar Drive, the house will have flaking paint and rotting window frames with dirty glass concealing dead pot plants.  The rusty garden gate is rapped in chicken wire that was put on to stop the owners now long since dead dog escaping (a mongrel of course).  The pigeon shit filled gutters allow the water to pour off the roof like a septic waterfall.  The garden is overgrown with buddleja, sycamore trees and japanese knotweed all of which are putting pressure on the neighbours foundations in a subsidence type of way. The driveway is home to a Commer campervan that has condensation on the inside (even in July), the bodywork is home to over five thousand different species of lichen, and God knows what the interior is like behind the orange and white spotted curtains somehow I feel a crack whores bedroom would be more inviting.  The owner of the property is an Old Holborn donkey jacket wearing sixty year old man with a nicotine yellow Boris Johnson haircut.  He drives an oil burning B reg Sierra that’s just about clutching an MOT  He does his daily drive to Spar then Corals (never leaving third gear) full of smugness for he knows that it is he who is controlling the house prices in his road and keeping them at an all time low he knows his neighbours can’t wait for him to die but they have no idea he has a daughter that’s living in a condemned caravan on the Isle Of Sheppey she has dreadlocks no inhibitions, no teeth and no bra oh and she breeds ferrets.  She’s more than ready to take on her fathers house and will not want to change anything although she may bring her caravan with her and put the Sierra in the garden.

The second type we like are Nissan Bluebird drivers.

[bub2006]

^^^^^ I like that!!

[Junkman]

I don't.

And I seriously hope it's not the definition of Autoshite.

[bub2006]

I just thought it was quiet funny.

[Jim Bell]

I just thought it was quiet funny.

 

Shhhhhhhhh. its quiet funny.

[Jim Bell]

I don't.

And I seriously hope it's not the definition of Autoshite.

 

 

The definition of Autoshite is quite probably "People arguing about what is, and what is not Autoshite."

 

Either that or

 

"The stuff that drops between the Scene cracks, and is rejected by Banger Racers"

[Cavcraft]

A collection of oddball people you wouldn't want to be stuck on long train journey with.

[bub2006]

I wouldn't mind sharing a train journey with some folk here. Some quiet comical chaps. Also very knowledgable.

[trigger]

A collection of oddball people you wouldn't want to be stuck on long train journey with.

 

I wouldn't fancy being stuck in a lift with most of them either. (Mind you if this was some kind of nymphomaniac advice forum for women my reply would be different...).

 

[John F]

You can usually tell whether you drive autoshite by the expression on the faces of normal* people when they find out what you drive.... if it's autoshite you'll see a mixure of surprise, pity, amusement, fascination and horror. They might also offer to buy you a pint as they'll assume you're skint.

[Justin Case]

A car that was once a photocopier salesman's pride and joy, but is now just a cable tie away from the scrapyard.

[Split_Pin]

Autoshite. Nursing the fooked-looking, suspect and outcast lovers of crappy old cars since 2006.

[dieselnutjob]

Anything that cost less than £300 with MOT. Anything made by Volvo or Nissan in the eighties or Citroen/Peugeot in the nineties. Anything made by British Leyland ever.

Not MGBs or Morris Minors or Rover Panything.

Not 205 GTI

A 309 GTI probably is autoshite though, despite being the better car.

I think a 504 probably isn't as they are a sort of accepted/desirablish classic, and 504 coupe/cab isn't shite either.

 

My 604 is very rare and yet worthless.  That's because people that like them are even rarer (I'm pretty sure that they are all on this site).  Therefore it is autoshite.

 

Peugeot 305s were autoshite from new due to off the scale underdog factor (BX and 405).

 

Senator is but Granada isn't.

Mark IV Fiesta is but Mark I isn't.

 

if it's in a classic car magazine price guide then it probably isn't.

 

If other people like a certain car, that means that I don't.  That makes me a total shiteist.

[Bobthebeard]

Autoshite is the unfashionable driving the unfashionable.

 

I recently went out to some friends house. Not seen them for years. Every bit of clothing ( that I could see.. Ahem ) that they wore had a designer name. Even sunglasses perched on their heads, indoors, at 10.00 pm.

New Merc convertible on drive, designer kids in designer bedrooms in designer house.

 

Autoshite is none of this!

Nuff said?

They used to be normal. Dunno what happened!

[trigger]

That seems the norm these days, everyones wearing designer clobber and silly shades, I don't know how they all can afford it.

[Des]

I don't want to see a formal definition of what is Autoshite, the DVLA would just go and use it as a taxation class to stitch us all up, then we'd all be fighting over BINI and VW logbooks for ringing shenanigans. Shites what you make it celebrate it, and one mans shite is another mans Peugeot.

For me shite's anything that doesn't fit into the big dull kill me now sea of grey being driven aimlessly and kak-handedly throughout our nation. Their function being less vehicular but more to establish a place in a weird and contrived pecking order that exists in the collective shut off minds of the masses. These proles are like ants, they are ants, all behave the same, sound the same, boring predictable soulless zombies. Driving shite isn't playing their game, buying a car for yourself rather than what others consider acceptable gets those closed minded twats knickers in a right old twist eventually bunching up into a knot that chafes on their anus causing their distinctively strange facial expression. Similar story with scene taxed stuff, ludicrously overpriced and that's what matters to a sad twat driven by low self worth to obsess over how others will see him. Still a twat BTW.

[Split_Pin]

Ehhhhhhh.....HURRAHH!

[beko1987]

When your colleagues stop referring to your latest shonky purchase in a derogatory fashion, as you have proven they can be quite reliable

 

When you laugh when a colleague goes through insurance or pays a hefty bodyshop bill for damage which you would just leave, as long as the drivers door and window works fine.

 

When you have a perfectly fine XM, and still look at the various ZX's for sale, promising yourself you will own another one one day!

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Snob, individualist,bloody minded,contrary.

If there wasn't a 'dub scene' most shiters would be all over them - rusty,slow,terrible handling,a joke from when they were new. All top drawer shite credentials. Same for Fords, most people on here would get a semi on for a 1972 Opel Kadett but roundly ridicule Mk1 Escort values, Mini's - scene ADO16's-cool shite.

I wonder if French shiters prefer Scorpio's to XM's? In Japan has someone won* their Autoshite by importing a Mk5 Orion?

[alf892]

starting to sound like inverted snobbery..............seeking a definition seems pointless along exactly the same lines as what is a classic.

 

Surely it can't be individualist because once defined it will have common values...........I used to read a bike mag called Back Street Heroes (was good once) and they all reckoned to be 'individuals' but all walked around in the same uniform.........

[brickwall]

Well, I found this place by typing "shit cars" or similar into a search engine.

[Lord Sterling]

You can usually tell whether you drive autoshite by the expression on the faces of normal* people when they find out what you drive.... if it's autoshite you'll see a mixure of surprise, pity, amusement, fascination and horror.

This.

 

I could have made a funny* video of peoples facial expressions when I tell them what I drive. Strangely enough, there are a few 13-plate company/lease car drivers who on finding out that my car is a Rover, immediately say "good cars those" which leaves me with a rather confused expression.

[Sloth in a bowl]

I'm going to add my one liner vague description of autoshite as

 

'Getting the cheapest vehicle that does the job properly'

 

This tends to mean that many cars could be autoshite but the deeply unfashionable ones are autoshite gold, solid metal for bugger all £££.

And if you think that somebody spending £6k on a 1 year old Proton Persona is not autoshite, your wrong. The're ahead of the curve and we stand on the shoulders of these giants.