Your Shite Room 101

[Bucketeer]

 Contentious maybe but for me it's the E30 3 series. I've owned tons of old toss over the years but I despised my E30 and would have happily exhaust-raped it with a tank cannon.
 I'd rather have a wank with a handful of broken glass than ever again drive the astro-jizzing-normously overrated barrel of bile with its retarded upside down hinged accelerator pedal, inoperable with my clown feet, and its arse decimating seats and hysterical unreliability and brakes made using Jaffa Cakes and belly-button fluff and the general arrogance the fetid little turdbox showed me throughout the whole period of ownership/torture.

 If that was the 'Ultimate Driving Machine' then the BX diesel estate I replaced it with was Thrust SSC, the Batmobile, the Powell Motors' Homer, KITT, Peter Perfects' Turbo Terrific, Concord and the bastard Space Shuttle all rolled into one by comparison.



Maybe it was just mine though.

[Rocket88]

(Don't look, Gary)

 

Fiat 126:

What a pile of wank. Noisy, slow, unreliable to an extreme, absolutely ZILCH build quality, cramped, nasty and fucking rubbish all in one little package. if you haven't had the pleasure* of owning one then just set fire to a few hundred in quid in cash before putting your pile ridden arse into a circular, table mounted chop saw.

Spot on.......my mother had one, it was horrible, one of late ones where the rear hatch could be opened. I borrowed it for a week when I was temporarily without transport, my mum asked me to break it so Dad would get her something else. I duly obliged by putting in second going down a hill at about 50 m.p.h.......several times. The gearbox broke.

[Mr Lobster]

May I add, the Saab 9-5. And i'm disappointed to have to include it here because I like it until the point of actually driving it.

 

Decent spec, looks ok and on paper looked quick. I was seriously thinking of buying one. Until I drove it. 

 

A chassis seemingly made of balsa wood, steering with no tangible connection to the front wheels and in no way a pleasant drive. Rarely have I been so disappointed with a car. All the driving pleasure of one of those trolleys porters push around hospitals.

[Rusty Pelican]

 Contentious maybe but for me it's the E30 3 series. I've owned tons of old toss over the years but I despised my E30 and would have happily exhaust-raped it with a tank cannon.

 I'd rather have a wank with a handful of broken glass than ever again drive the astro-jizzing-normously overrated barrel of bile with its retarded upside down hinged accelerator pedal, inoperable with my clown feet, and its arse decimating seats and hysterical unreliability and brakes made using Jaffa Cakes and belly-button fluff and the general arrogance the fetid little turdbox showed me throughout the whole period of ownership/torture.

 

 If that was the 'Ultimate Driving Machine' then the BX diesel estate I replaced it with was Thrust SSC, the Batmobile, the Powell Motors' Homer, KITT, Peter Perfects' Turbo Terrific, Concord and the bastard Space Shuttle all rolled into one by comparison.

 

 

 

Maybe it was just mine though.

Maybe it was just yours , ive got a 1986  E30 318I 2 door i sploshed 600 notes on 4 years ago ( known as chromies to some  , its been utterly reliable almost to the point of being boring .

Id have another in a heartbeat , hay at least its car shaped unlike modern blobs of plastic which are shit and all look the same

 

+1 on the Nissan Juke , what a piece of ugly shit that is , the mind boggles 

[Bucketeer]

at least its car shaped unlike modern blobs of plastic which are shit and all look the same

 

Completely agree. I just selected from what I've experienced owning and in 20 years I've never bought a car that's cost over 650 quid, luckily avoiding modern soul vacuums.

[londonm]

G Whizz, if you can even call this heap of crap a car. This represents Red Ken and his odious CONgestion charge, and appeals to the sort of clueless yoghurt knitting Islington hippie who thinks they're saving the planet every time they squeeze their family in and risk their lives driving in to the West End in it. Pathetically slow, clearly horrendous if involved in an accident, these cars are a death trap in my opinion. I've seen big houses in London with Range Rovers parked in the drive, and next to them one of these heaps charging up. I think the very people Ken wanted to tax just bought one rather than travel on the tube everywhere or pay £10 a day.

[Justin Case]

After a few days away in Mrs A's newly acquired Toyota Auris, we both realise it is prime Room 101 fodder. The shock absorbers don't, steering it is like stirring a large bowl of treacle, and if you wish to accelerate you need to fill in a form in triplicate and wait for the reply. It is so grim that after less than 20 miles in it, the dog escaped from his cage, opened the window, and tried to make a bid for freedom

[catsinthewelder]

I can't decide which modern car I dislike the looks of most so the short straw will have to go to one that I've driven.

 

I had a brand spanking new Vectra C 1.8 pez rental chariot for a week when somebody drove a Landrover into our 405 and it was crap.  Plenty of power but the steering and suspension were so vague that I would trust a 40 year old VW van more through twisty roads.  The gearchange was shit and it felt cheap inside and this is compairing it the mostly 20 year old French shite that I drive round.

 

Verdict... worse than an LDV

[Pete-M]

It takes a special effort to get a car so gloriously wrong yet manage to get hundreds of thousands of people to buy them. To manage to convince people that something with a massive glaring design flaw is better than the old one.

 

The Vectra. The one with the streamlined mirrors and RDS clock. With the seats possibly cribbed from a Dr Sigmund Rascher design, judging by the backache they inflict, the stupid centre armrest that means you need to be a contortionist to access the handbrake, the 'divining rod' steering and the total lack of rear end suspension control that all but weirdly the facelift SRi estate appear to suffer from.

 

Other than looking slightly newer they were a backward step from the Mk3 Cavalier. They certainly don't drive as well, the Cav in 2.0 CDX form wasn't a bad thing. It was no sports car - although they certainly get a move on in a straight line - but it never tried to be anything other than a comfy family saloon.

 

The Vectra tried to be more, and it got pretty much everything wrong.

 

A few years ago a cruel twist of fate led to me doing nearly 2000 miles in a week, in a T reg 1.8 Vectra Estate. The reason for using it was because it had LPG. It was cheap to run. It was awful for both the suspension wallow and vague steering but also because of lots of other things. My back hurt driving it for more than about an hour, the gearing was daft with an interstellar 5th gear but 2/3/4 all bunched closely together, it'd randomly every few hundred miles throw the EML on and drop to about 60 mph top whack. The stereo would randomly switch on as I walked away from it, and then it'd fail to switch on when I wanted music, the bloody trafficmaster thing would occasionally remind me that it's licence had expired, the front electric windows wouldn't shut properly unless the car was doing under 60, the 'styletastic' door mirrors would fit in Barbie's handbag, the interior mirror was nigh on impossible to get 'right' because it's on this stupid bloody folding arm thing that wouldn't stay in place for more than 10 minutes at a time and the steering wheel rake adjust basically goes from BUS to in your knees in about four stages - none of which is quite right. Oh, the central locking sounds like someone trying to bump-start a chainsaw.

[cort16]

The Mk4 Astra although not bad to drive is so white goods and lacking in any kind of charisma that you could probably own one for 3 years and not notice. The only thing that cheered up the interior on my Bertone Coupe one was that someone had hammerited the centre console brown.

[Split_Pin]

Any car that is popular on the Pistonheads forum, or indeed any other forum too.

 

I just find it fucking annoying, no other reasons offered, legitimate or otherwise.

[John F]

Does that include this forum?

 

I agree. Fucking Tagoras... lol

[406V6]

Into Room 101 go:

 

-Original Mini. Cramped, rust trap, massively over-rated. Should have been replaced in the 60s.

 

- Moggie Minor. Another Issigonis monstrosity. Should have been replaced in 1955.

 

- All Ford Escorts. Crude, noisy, massively over-rated. Even the Allegro was better than a Mk 2.

 

- Ford Sierra. Crude, ugly, drinks fuel, bum-clenching instability in a cross wind. Give me a Cav any day.

[Cavcraft]

Bit of a cop out but...

 

The new bigger version of the BMW Mini. Parked next to one the other day and the passenger door handle was at least half way up my drivers door glass

It's not just that they're big, they're just fucking hateful to look at too, and that shitty white colour they come in looks like an egg cup of water after your kid washed his paint brush in it.

[eddyramrod]

I'm going to have to nominate the X6.  Any X-series, in fact... no sod it, any BMW at all.  Even the discreetly handsome E28 I accidentally owned for four regrettable weeks.

 

As for the PT Cruiser, I enjoyed our first one so much I'm actively looking for another one now to replace this Blazer that I just can't bond with. 

[londonm]

I think the X3 is quite a statement actually, the statement being 'I can't afford a X5'. That's if you consider being behind the wheel of a X5 a statement. I know what it says to me.

[eddyramrod]

My stepdaughter had an X3.  A black one, 2.0 diesel, manual.  From new.  It wasn't even her first BMW.  So much for my parenting skillz.

[scruff]

Spot on.......my mother had one, it was horrible, one of late ones where the rear hatch could be opened. I borrowed it for a week when I was temporarily without transport, my mum asked me to break it so Dad would get her something else. I duly obliged by putting in second going down a hill at about 50 m.p.h.......several times. The gearbox broke.

 

My friend has one of these (an air cooled Polski one), a more unreliable pile of shit I have never encountered, even a 'Solihull shitter' has it licked in the dependable stakes.

[Morgan84]

Subaru Impreza - Looks like a tarted up Hyundai and sounds like a old Vauxhall with a misfire spluttering along usually driven by a 'organ donor'. Spartan inside and naff outside

[Lacquer Peel]

I think the X3 is quite a statement actually, the statement being 'I can't afford a X5'. That's if you consider being behind the wheel of a X5 a statement. I know what it says to me.

What does an X1 say? "I FAIL AT LIFE"?

[EssDeeWon]

Probably anything by Honda, they are so effin boring and such dull arse cars. I used to own an SD1 V8 that often didn't start (shocking I know)! and a guy I knew was Honda mad always going on about how great and reliable they were, I wouldn't be seen in one of those boring no imagination cars that know one ever looks twice at, most of all the Honda Civic.

 

If ever I cant sleep I count them, after saying Civic or Accord about 5 times im usually soundo.

[oman5]

current model corsa. hateful things. a supermini that weighs more than my volvo 240 estate.

[Tonka]

So that's me well and trully stuffed then..........6 of the 9 cars in this household are listed in the previous pages.......................

 

I therefore nominate everything belonging to the "chosen few" on here plus anything French and anything diesel powered simply because I feel as though I am being picked on...........   

 

[EssDeeWon]

Whoops Sorry Tonka   it was a close call with the classic mini and all the annoying 'quirky' owners who drive around waving at each other.

 

My g/f just passed her test and bought a 96 Micra GX Auto, its a GR888 little car

[Tonka]

 No need to apologise I'm used to it

 

When you own a diverse group of vehicles like we do you're bound to fall into one or other of the "p*ss take" categories from time to time...... 

 

 

 

[Rocket88]

Boxster. I don't care how good they are to drive, they're just hideous, and Clarkson's right about Porsche's abject lack of imagination in the styling department

[face]

These things really piss me off, what is the point of them? In fact I hate them more than Liam Gallagher.

 

 

These, fuck me - just look at it. What a bloated mess.

 

BMW must target these crap-wagons at the 'I'm rich and have absolutely no taste and I want everyone to know it' bunch.

 

CUNTWATS

[stormee]

These, fuck me - just look at it. What a bloated mess.

 

BMW must target these crap-wagons at the 'I'm rich and have absolutely no taste and I want everyone to know it' bunch.

 

CUNTWATS

They seem to sell well in the USA and that's what they're made for.  Also valid for the X-series if driven in Europe: 'Look I am a rich, fat wannabe-American and for this I need an easy accessable car entry.'

[cort16]

What does an X1 say? "I FAIL AT LIFE"?

 

Do you even need to ask have you seen one?

[Cavcraft]

Actually to match an earlier comment ref Piston Heads, I'd probably include any car that that cock head Clarkson likes on this thread.